I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
Visitors: 64990
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My brother is 18 years old and works at the same place as i do. (I'm 16). Long story, very short, he and his friends easily steal money. My bosses have no clue, have no cameras, and are not very on the ball. I'm talking grand theft. He's stolen approximately 5,000 dollars I'd say. It's extremely horrible. I've SEEN him steal some money, and I've heard from a couple of his friends that he confides in tell me that he does this. My brother is basically a straight A, seemingly nice kid, and my parents are too stupid to piece together that he's a thief. He bought half of a 15, 000 dollar car, and my parents thought nothing of it. They were pleased with his "savings and hard work ethic". I work the same damn job as he does and I've saved up maybe 1500 dollars, if that. My grandma asked me how he got such a nice car, and I was THIS close from telling her about everything. I don't know what to do. (link)
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Unfortunately, I need to give you some advice that you will not want to hear but you need to hear me out.
I strongly recommend that you tell your boss and/or call the police. I know how horrible it sounds but believe me, it is the right thing to do. What your brother is doing is illegal and the only way he is going to truly learn what he is doing is not without consequence is to turn him in.
You can do this anonymously (leave your boss a note or don't give the police your name) if you don't want your brother to know it was you that did it (although you might want to tell your brother you knew he was doing it when it comes out).
The main thing you have to remember here is that it will teach him an invaluable lesson and there is a very good chance that being caught once will shock him out of ever doing it again. Turning him is not in this case an act of betrayal. Getting caught for this now means putting a stop to it before it gets even worse.
I really hope that this helps. Obviously, the ultimate choice is up to you but if you want to talk about it any more, please feel free to send me a message.
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hey i have been with a guy for 2 years and my parents say they trust me and they know him well but they will not let us hang out alone. and we arent even going to 3rd yet so i dont know if they think we are worse than we are but what are some things i can say to them to make them allow us to hang out alone?
15/f (link)
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In all honesty, there might not be anything you can say to them to make them let you be alone together. The truth is, it has nothing to do with you as a person or your boyfriend as a person. It's more to do with raging hormones and the two year-long relationship.
The problem is that you are now in that nice stage of your relationship where you will be very comfortable with each other and with hormones kicking in, you could very easily get carried away. This is no reflection on you as a person, but more an objective point about most people of either gender between the ages of around 15 and 19. It is extremely easy to get carried away and end up doing something your parents will regret!! It's not that they want to ruin your fun. It's just that with the very high teen pregnancy rates and with any potential you currently have for a future, they want to protect you against making a mistake that could potentially take your bright future away from you.
I know it might not seem this way, and you might think this very bad advice, but the best thing you can do for the moment is to tell your Mum (if you feel comfortable) that you are not having sex and do not intend to for a while yet, and until you turn 16 at least, do as your parents say. Ultimately, they will eventually give you some freedom if you hold off until you are of legal consenting age.
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I am a single guy just turned 33, on a visit overseas staying with my elder brother (Mid 40s), his wife (mid 40s)and 4 kids (oldest bening 16 year old girl, youngest being 4 year old boy) I have been staying with them for almost 3 months now, have made a few girlfriends who want to know my house and certainly would want to get physical, but I dont know if it is all right to bring girls to the house and in my room, my room not even having a key, even though i stay alone there and the younger kids have the habit of barging in. Kind of funny problem, right? And by the way, we are black Africans. Whites tend to be more liberal about this kind of things than blacks. Just wanna know what u guys think before I make a decision. Thanks as always, guys (link)
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I guess in my opinion it really depends on the feelings of those you are staying with.
I know it's an awkward situation but I think you need to sit down with your brother and his wife and discuss the situation. Explain to them how great they have been letting you stay with them but that you don't know how to handle the situation where girlfriends are concerned because you don't know if it would be okay for them to come home with you.
If they don't seem to have a problem with it then there is no reason you couldn't have a lock put on your door, to keep out the innocent eyes of their children and allow you some privacy.
If they don't like the idea, at least you know there is nothing you can do about it and you will have to either remain celibate until you have a place of your own or return to the homes of your girlfriends at the end of the evening.
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OK
here's my problem:
I'm one of the youngest cousins on one side of my family and it's getting depressing for me to watch them all leave for college. 2 of them I don't even know! Part of the reason being that I have 10 other cousins besides them and a second cousin. I miss them so much and they don't even know it! I used to like one of my cousins when I was little before I knew he was my cousin, and I'm pretty sure he found out. I don't know what to do because now he might still think I do, but that was 7 years ago, everyone says I should tell him before he leaves for college too, but isn't there an easier way? (link)
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The best thing as far as the cousin you used to have feelings for go is to not say anything. All kids get little crushes from time to time and then grow out of them. You don't need to explain anything about your past to them because you have nothing to explain. After seven years, I'm sure he will have realised your feelings have changed and I doubt he's worried about this. However, bring it up and it might worry him.
As for missing your cousins, it's always difficult to watch people go off and leave you but why let them leaving be the end of everything? You should try contacting your Aunties and Uncles and getting addresses or telephone numbers for the cousins that are leaving or have left. Write to them letting them know you feel bad for not having made more of an effort to stay in contact and ask them what college is like. Tell them what your life is like. The only reason to truly miss someone is if they are in no way in your life. Once you manage to communicate them, you will have no reason to miss them.
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My father in law (who we live with) will not allow anyone else to work on the house. The house needs paint, new carpet, all around remodel. He sits around and discusses all the plans he has for the doing this. But, I kid you not he has projects around this place that he started 20 years ago, and they aren't done. My poor mother in law deserves to have a nice home like any woman who works like she does. I've asked her why doesn't she just hire people to do the work, and she says that will make him mad. The problem perplexes anyone who sees this house. They can't understand why someone would rather have half primered walls carpet that has come up from the floor because the padding is completely worn away, etc. It's so frustrating to know this man and try to explain him to others. What can this family do? Is there a name of for this problem he has? (link)
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As the last person has said, it sounds as though he wants his house to be his Kingdom and in such typical fashion, insists that he do all the required work to maintain the Kingdom in good condition. I highly suspect your Mother In Law does all the cooking and cleaning?
You can try talking to him about this but I don't believe the chances of success are very high, as I very much expect your Mother In Law has tried talking to him about it previously and if that hasn't worked so far, it's unlikely to do so now.
Your Mother In Law needs to take a stand about this. At the end of the day, his male pride is getting in the way of resolving bigger problems and if the only way to resolve them is to hire someone professional and risk him getting in a state about it, then so be it. Perhaps getting someone in to finish something he started 20 years ago will kick him into gear and make him realise he can't just leave the work and make your Mother In Law suffer as a consequence.
If she doesn't want to go the whole hog and actually hire someone, it might help if she talks to him and tells him the name of someone she has picked out to do the work because she can't stand living on a building site for 20 odd years. Hopefully, this should do the trick. She just needs to be prepared to deal with the consequences. He may well kick up a fuss about it but he WILL come round when he realises what he has put her through. Living under those conditions is more stressful than he seems to realise. Maybe this way, he will realise and finish everything else.
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my brother has this thing that he has to be better than me in everything i do. for example we were in a arcade and they had that basketball game where u shoot the balls and i got a higher score than he did and he didnt show it but i knew that it bothered him that i beat him in basketball.. even hate home when we are playin like horse or something he gets mad when i keep gettin them in and he keeps missing also i have been hip hop dancing for 6 years and my bro always has to try and show off dance moves in front of me even tho he cant dance that good and he's like ha i bet you cant do that and i just play dumb and say no i cant do that.. i mean its soo annoying that he has to compete in everything i can do... what should i do i mean its so dumb for a 19 year old to compete with me and im only 14 its kinda pathetic
so what should i do about it??? (link)
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Rivalry like this is extremely common in siblings, particularly when they are younger. Admittedly, at 19 years old, he should have learnt how to deal with jealousy.
That's really what it is. He is jealous that you are so talented and because all jealousy is rooted in low self esteem and self consciousness, he feels bad about himself when he compares himself to you. The only way, in his mind, he will be successful is to triumph over you at something that you are known to be good at. However small the win may be, it will be very important to him.
Unfortunately, there will be very little you can do about this, as the problem is with him, rather than with you and he needs to realise in his own time that he shouldn't be comparing himself to his sister and that by wasting his time trying to compete with you for attention and admiration through what you are good at, he is missing the opportunity to find something he is equally good at.
For now, the only thing you can do is to let him have his little attempts at grabbing some of the limelight until he realises he needs to find his own thing. That, or you could help him try to find something he is good at. However, I will warn you that broaching a conversation like this with him will possibly spark a heated argument because he will object to being guided by his younger sister. He won't like that, no matter how well-meaning you are.
In the meantime, grin and bear it. The good news is that as he is older, he is closer to the time where he will be moving out and will have more of an opportunity to find something he is good at. When he's found it, he will completely ease off trying to steal the limelight from you. Just let him have the odd victory now and then.
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my mom keeps walking into the computer room and just "looking around". its really bugging me. every time she comes in, i have to close everything except itunes because im looking up anorexic stuff and i dont want her to think im anorexic [im not]. i even had to log off for 10 minutes because she told me to do my laundry so that she would get on and see what i was doing, but i logged off. is there nething i can do? (link)
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I think that every single person out there can relate to your problem in some way or other. Everyone's parents wants to know what they're up to...but here's the thing. She does it because she's worried about you. Perhaps she feels shut out and that this is the only way she can find out what is going on with her daughter.
The other possibility that sprung to my mind is that she already looked at your PC at some point, saw you were looking at sites about anorexia and is scared that you might be heading in that direction. If this is the case, although she should not have been snooping, she has every right to be concerned if she is unsure what is going on.
The thing you need to bear in mind is that ALL teenagers shut out their parents while striving for their independence and that act of shutting them out makes parents more inclined to snoop, spy and generally play detective because they're concerned about WHY they are being shut out.
The answer here is simple. Let her in. You don't need to let her know anything because you do deserve some privacy. But tell her that you know she's concerned about you and that yes, you have been looking at anorexia sites, but that you have no problems with eating at all so she doesn't need to worry. Then explain to her that if she wants to know something about you in the future, then as long as she asks you straight out, you will always give her a straight and truthful answer. As long as you make good on this agreement, the privacy issue should no longer be a problem. She gets the comfort of knowing her daughter will talk to her openly and honestly when needed and you get the security of knowing your Mum won't be spying on you.
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Okay, I dont need help coping,
I just need to know if I'm alright.
I mean my grandma died when i was in 5th grade,
I'm going into 10th now, and I was closer to her,
more close than the usual grandchild grandma bond.
I mean ever since I was born I came over to my grandparents house EVERDAY after school,
and I stayed there a lot. And I still cry over her, and how I miss her.
I mean when it happened, sure I was sad, and I understood she was gone, but today I understand more, and it just makes me wish she was here.
Especially since I'm volunteering at a nursing home, for some reason I get weird notions that my grandma is stuck somewhere in there, since she said she woudl hate to be there ever. And that I just cant find her, and shes miserable.
And this month, august, is the month she died,
on the twenty eigth actually, and it was a tuesday. and i cant take it, i don tknow what to do, and if i'm going to be okay? Is it usual to still beupst about things like this even if it happened a long time ago?
(link)
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You know, you remind me of my sister. We lost our beloved Nan when we were 15 and 6 years on, she still hasn't quite come to terms with it because, like you, she had a close bond with her.
I don't truly believe you ever get over the death of someone you were close to and eventually you just have to learn to cope with the day to day grief that you suffer.
However, if it has been 5 years since her death and you still feel this bad about it, then it might be a good idea to look into Bereavement Counselling. Often when we lose loved ones, it's difficult to accept their passing and this form of counselling can really help you learn to live with your grief.
The thing which is hard to accept but MUST be realised is that yes, your Grandma is gone, but you are still here and she wouldn't want for you to spend so much time grieving over her, especially when she has most likely gone to a much happier place. She would want to see the Grandaughter she cared so much about enjoying herself, making the most of the life she no longer has and loving every second of it. Life is precious and you should never forget to experience it, even if the people you love are no longer around. Easier said than done, yes but there is so much out there to see and do and taste and smell and your Grandma wouldn't want you to miss out on anything, I'm sure.
So maybe look into Bereavement Counselling and in the meantime, I think it might do you some good to write letters to her. You don't have to post them, you don't have to do anything with them. You can even throw them in the bin or burn them when you're done but it could help you if you write to her everything you want to say and everything you feel when things get too on top of you.
Please don't give up. It will get easier.
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My mom told my dad three days ago that she wants a divorce. My mom is unhappy and our family is nothing but fighting. My mom told my little brother who is 13 about this today. he is taking it pretty hard. He is also blaming me when i have nothing to do with it. it rally upets me because my brother is saying this whole thing is my fault. well my dad wants to do counsling. he thinks he can change everything but he cant. my mom doesnt want to live like this. so im supose to move out with my mom and my brothers supose to move out with my dad. Im not sure what the question in this is but ive never moved before. my dad mentioned couple years ago that he was going to leave and me my mom and my older brother cried about it. my little brother was to young to understand. im just looking for advice please help (link)
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You poor thing. Divorce is always a very difficult situation and a lot of people understimate the effect it actually has on the children in the family.
Your brother isn't really mad at you. My guess is that he is concerned in some way that he might be to blame for the split and because he doesn't want to admit to this, he is projecting his anger on to you and trying to make you feel the guilt he currently feels.
I know this is an awful time for you all but you need to speak to your brother about this. You haven't mentioned whether your Mother told him that your Father had an affair but if she feels he's old enough to cope with it then I really think she should tell him. The fact is that this is affecting him very badly and he needs to know the reason it is all happening so that he doesn't keep blaming himself.
Even though things are difficult now, please try to keep thinking of the future. I'm not sure whether you are ready to think of the idea of your parents meeting other people and I don't want you to think about that yet if you aren't ready. However, try to think of the divorce as a way for them both to find some of the happiness that has gone frm their marriage. Yes, marriage is supposed to be a holy union but there are so many reasons why it may break down and the fact is that couples who used to be happy together sometimes don't work out. It's awful and terrible and heartbreaking but it happens and although it's a devestating event, the thing is that in going their separate ways, your parents won't be fighting any more, there won't be more of the hatred and anger all the time. Who knows? Maybe in the future you will be able to do things as a family again.
Most importantly, please bear in mind that a divorce does NOT mean that you are no longer a family. You all have shared that family bond and you will ALWAYS be a family. Just make sure you remember that if someone new comes into your parents' lives. Your family won't be changing, it will just be getting bigger.
However tough it is, try talking to your brother because he's probably bottling up some pretty strong emotions right now and at 13, he probably feels he can't show it. Give him a chance to show it to you and let him know you won't tell anyone what he says. It's okay to be upset and hurt and angry right now. Just try to stick together because you will get through it and there are happier times ahead.
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14/f
Ok, before I give you the actual question, I'm going ot give you the background.
Here it goes,
It started yesterday, it was my dad and I, watching Jeapordy, and he was making fun of all the contestants, so I hit him in the arm, but then he hit me back, I don't think he realized how hard he hits, but it's very hard. So I hit him back again, and so on, and so on. But at one point he slapped/hit my leg so hard that it left a huge hand print, and I got so mad. My mom wasn't home at the time, I tried contacting her, but she didn't answer. So I took a picture of the mark. It was ok, after that, seeing how I got out of the house for a couple of hours with my friends.Then he and my brother, came to pick me up, we decided to go rent a movie. After that was over, this is going to sound childish, but we were arguing over who got the front seat. And my dad always takes his side, so I was frustrated, so frustrated, that when I got in the back, I said "I hate you both". My dad went "Hate is an awfuly strong word." Then I went "Fine I loathe you, I despise both of you." And it was a quiet car ride after that. When we got home, I had a serious attitude, and my mom wanted to know why. That's when I showed her the picture of my leg[from earlier]. She got really mad, and started hitting my dad. Since I was just as mad, I went upstairs to cool off, and watch the movie I had chosen. When it was over, I wasn't quite as mad, and we[my brother, dad and I] watched the other movie. That was fine.
But, when I woke up this morning, I woke up an hour late, so I jumped in the shower, and while I was in there, my dad comes in and goes "Your too late, Your too late." I have no idea why, but it irritated me. So I snapped back at him; "I can still take a shower!". After I got out, my mom came in and started telling me, that she was going to leave my dad, that we don't get along, and she's leaving us both behind. She asked if I deserved the hit on the leg. Then she goes that stunt you pulled, really screwwed things up.[Refering to showing her the picture, to get my dad in trouble.] And I wasn't allowed to go, where I had planned on going. So I slept. When I woke up, my dad was leaving for work, and he said "Bye." I said "Bye." And he goes, "I hope your happy." And as I sit here now, I can't help, but believe that I was responsible for my family falling apart. My parents have been otgether since they were 14, and I feel as though I ruined it all. That I was some sort of mistake. And I don't know what to do. Does anyone know how I can fix things? I'm feeling very depressed right now,and I have no idea what I'm going to do.
Thanks for anyone who tries. (link)
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Oh, I feel so bad for you. Not only are your parents considering a separation but they are actually having the nerve to blame you for it!!
Let me tell you something, if they can honestly blame that little incident for their separation, there were quite clearly huge rifts between them in the first place.
I know you're upset right now and worried that this is all somehow your fault. It isn't and I really hope that you will understand that in the long run. Let's face it, if you are madly in love with someone, finding out that they got in a fight with your child in which they (hopefully) accidentally hit a bit too hard wouldn't be enough to split the whole relationship in half.
I really think you need to speak to your parents about this. I would suggest whichever parent you get on with best but bearing in mind it was your Mother who first basically told you it was because of you, I would recommend speaking to her first and just ask her if it really was your fault. Wait until things have calmed down a little before you ask because in the heat of the moment, people can say things they don't mean.
Whatever happens, please don't let them make you feel guilty over this. You might have upset your Mother by letting her know your Father had hit you too hard but that alone would NEVER be the only reason for a happily married couple to separate.
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Ok well me and my mom have not been getting along at all lately. i mean she drinks constantly and i cant talk to someone when they are drunk. plus i dont want to go to that schoool. i really want to move in with my father. but i dont no what to tell her. for like a couple weeks now shes been threatnig to send me there and when i say i wanna go there supossedly "a problem"
How do i tell her i wanna live with my dad without making her feel bad? is she gunna feel bad no matter what?
i will rate high!!!!thanks in advance... (link)
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You have my sympathies. It's very difficult to choose between one parent and another, especially when you know that one of them has a problem.
What you need to do first of all is speak to your Father and let him know the situation. Tell him you're worried because your Mum drinks more than you believe she should and tell him you aren't happy there. He might ask you if you want him to speak to her for you. It's up to you whether you want to go down this route but I would advise against it if the split between her and your Father was a tough one.
If you really want to live with your Father, make sure first of all that he can have you. I can't think there would be a problem with this but it's always a good idea to ensure there aren't any problems first.
Then you need to sort it out with your Mother. The chances are the reason she says there is a 'problem' is because you mean so much to her. If she has turned to alcohol because of whatever it is in her life that she's having trouble coping with, she is likely to cling to you as much as she can. That being said, she needs to know that her habit is driving you away.
No matter how you do it, it will make her feel bad and I hate saying that because I don't want to make you feel like you have to stay. The fact is, if you have options, you need to make the choice that is best for you. Your Mum needs help with breaking her drinking habit but in the meantime, you have to take care of yourself. You're only young and you deserve the best chance at life possible. Let her know that you love her and you will always be there for her but as long as she is drinking, you can't live with her. She needs to learn to look after herself properly before she can be responsible for you. It sounds harsh but if her drinking is that bad then it is the bottom line.
After that, go to your Father's. Make sure you call her as often as possible, even if that means every day, so you know that she is okay and so that she doesn't feel forgotten by you. It's difficult for any Mother when a child leaves home but when they know it's because of their behaviour, it will be harder so you need to reassure her that you love her and want to help her. Maybe you could find the number for a group nearby that might be able to offer her some support?
Other than that, there's not a lot else I can suggest. Please, please, don't allow yourself to be guilt-tripped into staying. You need to get away because it is one thing for your Mother to put herself through the hell she is going through but she can't put you through it. If you go, tell her that you will help her if you can but you can't live with her while she drinks.
Good luck.
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My cousin had a friend over. They asked if I wanted to see a movie with them at home. I said okay. I went. My cousin's mom told me that I couldn't go because my cousin never asked her. So I had to go home. My cousin never apologized. I got a phonecall. It was my cousin's friend, who asked, "Hey, do you have any money?" I said no. My cousin's friend asked, "Well, I have a proposition for you. I heard that you like me, so if you go to the movies with us and pay for me to go, then I'll call it a date." I said that I don't even know my cousin's friend and won't be used like that.
Should I be offended? My cousin is one of my best friends. (link)
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I'd be offended and horrified if I were you! Firstly your cousin invites you over and doesn't even bother to ask so you get kicked out before you make it past the front door. Then your cousin actually appears to have given your number to his friend, who not only tries to scrounge money off you (a complete stranger to him) but also has the audasity to say if you pay, he'll call it a date!!!!!!
Frankly, I think you need to talk to your cousin about this and find out if he knew he was calling you up to ask for money. If he did know or, worse, agreed to him making the call on these grounds, you need to seriously reconsider your friendship with your cousin.
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Ok,I'm 18/F and the other day I caught my brother he's 16 dressed in my clothes,I mean everything bra,panties,mini-skirt the works when he saw me he started crying,,,,too make a long story short he told me he has been wearing my clothes for a while and that he wants to be a girl. He said that he's sick of pretending and asked if I would help him shop and teach him about makeup,I love my brother an told him I would but I find this very weird. What should I do ????? (link)
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The best thing you can do right now is to support your brother in every way possible. He's obviously feeling very vulnerable about this right now and it is quite a big issue. That being said, it's not at all uncommon, as I for one have come across a lot of stories from women feeling they should have been born men or men feeling they should have been born women.
The most important thing you need to bear in mind is that he's been keeping this secret a long time now, feeling it is something to be ashamed of and you are the person he has come to about it, which means he must really trust you.
First thing is I really think you both need to break this to your parents. Gently, because it might be really difficult for them to handle. Let him do the talking but stand by him and let him know that whatever they say, you will be there for him.
After this point, it is really up to him how far this goes. You can accept his lifestyle and help him wear women's clothes and make up and so on but he needs to be prepared for the fact that the general public tend to be very cruel about cross-dressing, rather than understanding. If he wants to go out in public dressed like this, there's nothing wrong with it but some people will insist on making life hard for him. However, if he is happy to push ahead with it then help him as much as you feel comfortable with. Teach him about make up and clothes so that he knows what he can and cannot wear to make himself feel beautiful.
As time goes on, he may decide that he wants to physically become a woman. Sex change operations do not come cheaply and it is a long and gruelling process, as he will need to take hormone medication, which will make his body change. They have made medical advances now as far as this goes that means he can have real female 'parts' put in and I have heard of cases where men have had their voice boxes operated on to give them a more feminine voice.
Whatever he decides to do, the best thing you can do is to let him know you will be there for him every step of the way. It's okay to tell him that you find it weird. There may not be anything wrong with the way he feels but that doesn't mean that it is not unusual at all so feel free to let him know how you feel about this. It's better that you tell him straight out than to let him worry that you might feel it and not tell him.
Finally, please don't worry about whether or not you are handling it correctly. There's no manual on how to cope with a close relative or friend that suddenly reveals they are a cross dresser (especially when they also reveal they were cross dressing in your clothes!) but you must be doing something right or he wouldn't have told you about it in the first place.
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i really need your help. im having really hard time in my life right now and i need answers quick. is there anyway that i can instant messenge you? i have aim -tiredxofxurLies and i have yahooinstantmessenger-cctrackcc
please get back to me asap! (link)
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Hi there,
I don't have yahoo but you might be able to add me from there as I do have a friend who uses yahoo and speaks to me over msn...
hottchickie@hotmail.com
If you can't instant message, feel free to e-mail.
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i need help my brother and i we dont get along at all i mean he can be a push over and a control freak. And like he is one of those people that love talking bout killing and weapons like he keeps knifes in his room and he will threaten me with them sometimes when he gets really angry with me. And he hits me almost every single day and what ever i say to him it just makes it worse and we get into arguements every single day. And every knows bout him hitting me and my parents to but just talking to him does nothing.I am the middle child and sometimes i think that he takes advantage of me.
i am 15 yrs old and i am his younger sister and he is 17.
What can i do?
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Okay you really need to do something about this now because he cannot be allowed to get away with this behaviour.
If you have tried talking seriously to your parents about this (and by that I mean sitting them down when your brother is nowhere around and calmly telling them he is threatening you with these knives and you want it to stop) and they have still done nothing then you really need to speak to someone else.
The first port of call that I would recommend is your school guidance counsellor. As much as I would like to think that my advice would be adequate, the circumstances of your problem will require someone who is in a position to take things further if necessary and can provide further information that I will not be able to. If you don't have a guidance counsellor at your school, speak to a parent that you can trust. Stress that you just want to know what you should do because you don't believe your parents are handling the situation in an adequate or sensitive manner. (I would like to make the point it might be that with his aggression and use of knives they are probably just as scared of him as you are).
The guidance counsellor/teacher may wish to meet with your parents and discuss this. I would recommend you go along with this as realising that they are not really dealing with this as they should be might just give them the boost they need.
However, at the same time, here is what I would like to recommend. Keep a record of what could be classed as threatening or abusive behaviour by your bother. In other words, times when he has threatened you with knives or made threats about using them on you at any time. Record when he hits you and ensure that while doing this, you do NOTHING back to him. You don't threaten him or hit back, you just let him get on with it. I know that sound unpleasent but you need to be as blameless as possible.
If, after speaking with the guidance counsellor/teacher and/or parents things don't improve at all, I would suggest you refer the matter to the police. It probably sounds very dramatic but you may need to do something like this to make your parents realise what is going on. The fact is that your own flesh and blood is keeping weapons in his bedroom and using them against you and the people who are meant to protect you from such behaviour aren't doing it. So get in someone who will. Go to the police station if you can one day after school or get a friend to go with you on a weekend. Show them the record you have kept of what he has done to you and when and tell them that you're scared and need to know what to do. Explain you don't necessarily want to do anything specific about it but you need advice. I really think they would be happy to help you with this.
I'm really sorry you're in this situation but you have to do what is best to protect yourself and your parents. Your brother really sounds like he needs help but probably isn't about to accept it. Just hold in there for now and try to let it all blow over. Stay out of his way and keep the records. Everything will pan out and he will probably calm down but for now, if you need any further advice or just want someone to talk to, I'm right here so please don't be afraid to drop in a message or two.
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I am divorced and my son spends most of his time with his mother. I asked my son if he wanted to go to a Mets game with me (we both love baseball). At first he said yes, then a few days later he asked me if one of his friends could come along. My problem: I don't get to spend a lot of time with my son, and I was looking forward to the game as a chance for us to spend time together. I know that if his friend comes along I will feel like a "fifth wheel". My son spends a lot of time with his friends, and I don't think it is necessary for him to bring his friend along. What should I do? (link)
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I understand your position. If you don't get to spend much time with him, the little time you have is precious. It's not that you want to stop him from seeing his friends, it's more that this is your quality time together that is being encroached on.
To be honest with you, although all children need to understand they can't always have their way, this might be one occasion where you will need to say yes. I know it's the unfavourable option but my reasoning behind it is simple. Children are always selfish until they reach a certain age. I say that with no disrespect to your son but the way he has thought about this is "Great! Dad's taking me to a ball game! I wonder if .... can come too?!" The very idea that you might have wanted to spend the time with him alone probably has never even occurred to him.
The problem with this is that there is really no way to approach this subject with him and say that his friend can't come without ending up the bad guy. There are too many times in life where this happens to the parents so you need to minimise them and pick your battles wisely so that when a bigger issue comes along (dating/breaking curfew/etc), you can look like the bad guy without such a risk of any permanent damage being done to the relationship.
So my suggestion is simple. Let him bring his friend to the ball game and try to have fun. Yes, I do realise this means your time with him is compromised but look at it this way. You show him you are happy for him to have his friends round, his friend thinks you're a great guy for letting him come and your son has more desire to see you and spend time with you as a result. That gives you the perfect opportunity to slip in a day together where you can make a firm point of the words "Just you and me". Perhaps you can even negotiate with his Mother and see if you can go on a short trip together.
You should always make the most of your time together but also realise that he has friends he wants to see all the time and unfortunately, that will sometimes get in the way of his spending time with you. The chances are that some day, he will thank you for all the sacrifices you have made.
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i'm going to be 19 soon and so far i've had a lot of life experience, but about 10 years ago my parents got divorced which i understand happens my dad was an alcoholic and my mother didn't think that i was a good environment for me and my brothers to be raised in. for about two years me and my brothers would spend every other weekend with him, but once i started middle school and started hanging out with a lot of friends i didn't go see him as much because i'd be busy...on my 14th birthday i waited all day for him to call me, i checked the mail everyday for a week for a card and i got nothing. it really bummed me out, i asked my mom when the next time i'd get to go to his house to see him and after she called him to find out when we would get to see him, he said that he couldn't for a while because of work, i didn't see or hear from him for two years after that. then on my sweet 16 i went to dinner with my grandmother and my then boyfriend, i was talking to her about the job that i wanted when my old bf asked about my dad, i don't think that my grandmother was thinking when she said this but she accidently slipped out that before i was born that my father wanted my mother to abort me when he knew that it was going to be a girl, after that i just broke down i spent two weeks without talking to anyone, i tried to stop thinking about it, it got toward the end of high school and i was preping for my graduation, without telling me, my older brother sent my dad an invite to the graduation ceremony. i started to panic while i was waiting to walk because i was afraid that he wasn't going to show i even started crying until i saw him walking down the hall towards me, HE SHOWED, i thought "oh well he wants to be in my life again" after he left to go back home (he lives two hours away) i stopped hearing from him again, it really sucks because i get really jealous of all my friends because i'm the only person in my whole circle of friends who's parents aren't together, i have maybe one friend who's parents aren't together but he still sees them both, why would a parent just abandon his kids like that? i have to spend three weeks in the same town that he lives in to do training for work and i leave for there on my birthday, i'm really afraid that if i see him he'll just act like everything's ok or even ignor me completely, is it just that he doesn't care about me or could it be something else? i know he doesn't have a job right now because he's been dating this stupid bitch of a woman since my parent's split and she hates me and my brothers so it's hard to tell if it's him or her that's stopping the connection HELP!
shay (link)
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. It must have been particularly hard the last few years to cope with a Father who is so distant from you.
I know that you desperately want a Father figure in your life but it seems that he just isn't prepared for Fatherhood at this point. It may be that initially the alcoholism kept him away and since then it has been shame or fear of rejection. The fact that he came to your Graduation would suggest to me that he is interested in your achievements and so on but that there is something stopping him from being there as much as he should be. Unfortunately, I can't say for sure what this is.
Personally, I really think it might be a good idea to confront him about this. Ask him to meet you for lunch or dinner and ask him staight out "Why have you never been there for me?" You should be able to get some straight answers. However, if you decide to do this, you hve to be ready to cope with any answer you might get. Whether it is simply that he was too ashamed to see you after some time had passed or whether it was just he didn't want anything to do with his children.
Whatever happens, Shay, please try not to dwell on this too much. I know it hurts so badly sometimes but some people just aren't cut out to be good parents. You have every right to be upset and feel as though you have missed out on something but the alternative would have been being raised by an alcoholic Father, which would most probably have been worse.
If you think you are ready, try to talk to him about it because it is the only way you will get real answers and be able to set your mind at rest. After this point, try to accept that you might be better off without this man in your life and try to get on with your life. He may not be there for you as you would like but there are plenty of people who love you and care about you and that is what you need to focus on.
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I spilled soda on my phone yesterday and it broke and now I'm afraid to tell my parents. It was an accident, the soda leaked in my purse, it wasnt out of carelessness or anything, but I dont know how to approach telling my parents!! (link)
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The best thing you can do is to tell them about it SOON!! Explain that you are very sorry but that it happened and you will either buy them a new phone or pay them back the cost of a new phone. Tell them (most importantly) that you are very sorry you didn't tell them soon but you were scared and although it's no excuse, you just panicked and couldn't tell them.
The fact that you are apologising for not telling them sooner means they will understand you knew you made a mistake here and that is one less thing for them to have to deal with. Offering to pay the cost of a new phone shows a great deal of maturity and responsibility and telling them what happened rather than lying shows courage.
You may still get in trouble but this is very much damage limitation now. Whatever you do, just don't shout back at them if they get mad. It will be a bit of a shock and they are entitled to be upset so if they shout, stay quiet and just tell them you are sorry.
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16/f
So, I work as a receptionist for a car dealership. Last week my own aunt, who's also my boss fired me. We havent been selling that many cars latley so she was already annoyed...but she saw me online and she was like "What are you doing?". I told her I was just playing around and she got mad at me. She said I had work to do, but I didn't...I checked everything and there was nothing to do. When I tried to explain that there was nothing else to do, she said I "was talking back". So she told my mom that she doesn't want me working anymore...so I cried. I just got fired from my first job! I get $8 a hour (Minimum here is 6.75), it's great pay and I barley do anything so the job is great. So she's my aunt, what do I do? I'm SO mad at her. Should I let it go and act like nothing happened? Should I be mad at her the rest of my life or ask for the job back? She is my aunt so maybe she'll let it go...?
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I'm sorry that you got fired but I'm afraid to say that she was within her rights to do so. I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear right now but it's true.
She may be your Aunt, but as long as you are working for her, she is your Boss first, not your Aunt and if you slack off on the job, your Boss will fire you. After all, they can't afford to pay an employee to use their internet when they aren't doing very well at the time anyway.
Ideally, you should have spoken to her when you realised there was no work to do. Using your initiative like this is something that is greatly admired in the workplace. If you had advised her you had nothing to do, she would have pointed you in the right direction and you would have earnt brownie points for asking in the first place.
Unfortunately, as you get older, you will realise that well paid jobs come at a price and that price is that you have to knuckle down and earn that money. You don't get what you don't deserve and if you barely do anything, why should you get so much money? You have to see it from a business perspective, rather than your own.
There's really nothing you can do but use this experience as a learning curve and realise that if you slack off on the job, you won't get away with it. It's a good thing you learnt it now, while working for your Aunt than when you get older and work for a company who will give you bad references for your behaviour. Go out and look for a new job and apologise to your Aunt for not doing the job she employed you to do.
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My mom smokes and it really grosses me out because I had the smell of cigarettes. I'm also worried about her health. What should I do? (link)
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This is a common problem posed by children of smokers and it's always very difficult because there are lots of ways you can try to convince them to quit but they will never actually do it unless they truly want to.
Try obtaining some information from your local pharmacy or doctor's surgery or other health centre about smoking and the dangers of passive smoking. Perhaps realising how much danger she is placing you in you will give her the motivation that she needs to do something about it. Tell her that you really want her to always be around for you when you are older and know her Grandchildren and she might not be able to do that if she doesn't quit.
You could also try buying her some Nicorette (or other such company's) gum, patches and so on, so that she can't say there's no way she could try.
If that doesn't work, find her cigarette and flush them down the loo! My Gran did that to my Grandfer and he realised how much his smoking upset her after that and made a real effort to quit.
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