|
What can be done?
My father in law (who we live with) will not allow anyone else to work on the house. The house needs paint, new carpet, all around remodel. He sits around and discusses all the plans he has for the doing this. But, I kid you not he has projects around this place that he started 20 years ago, and they aren't done. My poor mother in law deserves to have a nice home like any woman who works like she does. I've asked her why doesn't she just hire people to do the work, and she says that will make him mad. The problem perplexes anyone who sees this house. They can't understand why someone would rather have half primered walls carpet that has come up from the floor because the padding is completely worn away, etc. It's so frustrating to know this man and try to explain him to others. What can this family do? Is there a name of for this problem he has?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
It sounds like you are all hostages, not daring to do anything to make this man mad. I would either have the work done when he's not around, or move out........your mother-in-law too. No one should have to live in a shack. Is your father-in-law violent? If he isn't, I wouldn't let a temper tantrum stand in my way of a better environment................m
]
The offical name for what he has is called, "ownership of the house." It is absolutely none of your business how he and his wife decide to run their home and finances. Your "poor mother in law" chose this man, and can do what she wants. It is not for you to step in. Why you are staying with them, you need to be especially respectful of the way the two of them live, and not try to get inbetween them or even give your opinion. It may seem strange to you, but it has nothing to do with you and your life. Their home and marriage are their business.
]
As the last person has said, it sounds as though he wants his house to be his Kingdom and in such typical fashion, insists that he do all the required work to maintain the Kingdom in good condition. I highly suspect your Mother In Law does all the cooking and cleaning?
You can try talking to him about this but I don't believe the chances of success are very high, as I very much expect your Mother In Law has tried talking to him about it previously and if that hasn't worked so far, it's unlikely to do so now.
Your Mother In Law needs to take a stand about this. At the end of the day, his male pride is getting in the way of resolving bigger problems and if the only way to resolve them is to hire someone professional and risk him getting in a state about it, then so be it. Perhaps getting someone in to finish something he started 20 years ago will kick him into gear and make him realise he can't just leave the work and make your Mother In Law suffer as a consequence.
If she doesn't want to go the whole hog and actually hire someone, it might help if she talks to him and tells him the name of someone she has picked out to do the work because she can't stand living on a building site for 20 odd years. Hopefully, this should do the trick. She just needs to be prepared to deal with the consequences. He may well kick up a fuss about it but he WILL come round when he realises what he has put her through. Living under those conditions is more stressful than he seems to realise. Maybe this way, he will realise and finish everything else.
]
He just wants to feel like he's the man of the house (the guy that can do it all around the house). My advice to you is that you and your mother-in-law should talk together with your father-in-law and nicely talk about all those problems. Tell him what you told us. Tell him that putting in a new carpet will make the place look 10 times better or something like that... I hope it all works out for you and I hope this helped you.
]
More Questions: |