Member Since: February 20, 2007
Answers: 11
Last Update: March 10, 2007
Visitors: 1097
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My Mom and Father were divorced when I was 3 yrs. I have 3 other siblings. We never revieved any contact throught our growing up years from out
Father. And just out of the blue he contact each of us and wants to have a relationship. I am hesitent. My Mother pass away 4 years ago. Each of us have had a brief phone conversation with he and to my sister and I he asked us to call him DAD... I was polite and said that I would stick with Sir for now. He has 1 other child that is in his 30's and is on drugs is not in contact with him. My Father has just recently retired at the age of 67. He did say the he was sorry to hear about Mom's death. I have mixed feelings and thats what I need help with. (link)
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Your father needs to earn the title "dad", so I agree with you on calling him "sir". If you want to go at your own pace and get to know him, I think that would be ok, but trust your instincts, and don't jump into anything. He is a stranger, and until you know him better, you should protect your feelings. Trust is earned over time, so don't let him rush you. He should be an "open-book", and you should be able to ask anything, and get a truthful answer. He needs to explain why he wasn't there for you, and you should be able to ask until you feel satisfied. If he gets impatient with your questions, watch out! Never go anywhere alone with him....always have someone with you, and a cell phone. Be careful..........................m
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34/f
I have a friend who is divorcing her husband. We became friends through church, while the two were still together. They have two children together who are my child's closest friends.
Before they separated, 'Renee' showed me a lot of stuff, asking what she should do. They included e-mails her husband, 'Sam,' had sent on their joint computer, trying to entice women from other states to come have sex with him. He wrote
very detailed, intimate fantasies and sent naked pictures of himself. This wasn't the first time.
Back to the story, they are separated, but they share the custody of their girls. Because our girls are friends, I still see Sam occasionally.
When I do, he makes icky comments and does things like taking pictures of me without asking. I feel uncomfortable around him. Mike (my hubby) can't stand him either. The most explicit thing he's ever said to me, I think, is asking, in regards to the movie The Secretary, which I told him I had never seen, whether I was "into that sort of thing." It's a movie about an S&M relationship between a boss and his secretary.
He often e-mails, calls, or mentions when we see him (last was Christmas) that he wants to get together with us sometime when he has the girls. He suggests dinner at his house or outings to
the science museum, etc. We always politely decline. Either we have other plans or we're not able to commit to a date. He keeps trying. They've been separated for 9 months now and we've been trying to avoid him longer than that.
So, do you think we're going to need to tell this dude to buzz off in no uncertain terms? I don't want to make it Renee's problem. She has enough on her mind. I don't want to be mean, but he should know that I see her probably every week
and we get the girls together about every 2 weeks. We never invite him along. What do you think? Would it be less cruel to explain to Sam that I'm Renee's friend and don't wish to hang out with him? Think he'll get the hint eventually?
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Sounds like this guy bullies his way into what he wants, so I wouldn't worry about HIS feeliigs. Take care of yourself and your friend, and tell him your loyalty is with her, and you're not available to socialize with him. He'll move on and find someone else to manipulate.
Good luck!!....................m
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I am 29 yrs old. I dont have any friends.I have a wonderful boyfriend who is very outgoing and confident.Every now and then he says I need to make some friends. I cant. What do I do, call some girl up and say will you be my friend?? How cheesy. I go out with him where his friends hang out but no one engages conversation with me.They do for a minute then go. I am an attractive person that is not the problem. But how does someone who was abused as a child, not allowed to have friends, phonecalls or sleepovers, and a 10 year marriage where I was not allowed to work or have friends, change and get friendships. It seems so out of reach for me.Help!!! (link)
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Take baby steps, and try not to get overwhelmed with the task of being social. Pick up a copy of "How to win friends and influence people"....I read it in 8th grade when I changed schools and it was a lifesaver. The simplist and painless thing you can start with is just to greet people with a smile, and say hello. See what happens. After you have mastered that, add "how are you?" to your greeting. Practice with store clerks, and people you work with. You will be amazed at the reaction. After that use some basics like asking people about THEMSELVES....people love to talk about themselves....an example; "how was your weekend? How is your family?" Also, read the news so you will have topics to talk about.
Give eye contact when you talk to people and be a good listener. You'll be nervous at first but don't worry.....it will get easier! Good luck!!!
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i want to lose 20 pounds in the next 3 months and i don't know how. i don't want to starve myself so is there any way to lose that much with out starving myself or using products like slim fast?
please help! thanks!
f/15 (link)
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The easiest way I think to lose weight is to stay away from anything white.......sugar, flour, rice, pasta, bread, chips....Eat lean meats, eggs, cheese, vegetables, some fruits. Look for a book that explains low carb eating. It keeps the cravings ib check, and you feel satisfied longer eating this way............m
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I am now living with a man I consider worthy. He is a divorced man of 18 years who discovered the internet when he had his heart attack 4 years ago. The internet provided "company" for him and he got involved with "cybering" with women. When I came into the picture a year and a half ago he was fighting with a women he was involved with ONLY thru the internet. He never met her in person but, fell in love with her on-line. Finally he realized how different a relationship was in person and he discontinued his on-line affair. He still cybered with women till I caught him one day. We had a discussion and I thought he quit. Now he says he just "chats" with women and swears there is no cybering, but I am leary because he sends his picture and receives pictures from women. I am going nuts! He says I accuse him and I do, but I am untrusting because he did this to me before and it upset me, so I question his love. The intimacy dwindled and he claims it's because of past issues that has nothing to do with me. I can't even bring it up because he clams up on me. He asked me to marry him and gave me a ring, but I said...I need ALOT more time as I fear of being controlled. I asked if that made a difference he said he understood and he still wants to be with me and for me to wear the ring. I need to find a way of talking to him gently, without malice, but each day I find pictures of women he talks to on AOL and I get more and more depressed.It just seems that I can't get him to make love to me. I told him to please be honest with me and tell me if I am unattractive to him, but he says he doesn't know what is wrong. I think he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings..but I would rather be told the truth than feel like he is cheating. (link)
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You have the truth in front of you, but you just won't look at it. This man is NOT devoted to you, nor is he a safe bet for marriage. He is a train wreck. I wouldn't bother trying to get a reason or excuse out of him as to why he can't give you WHAT ANY WOMAN WOULD WANT....picture yourself with someone wonderful, that you can be proud of how he treats you. Don't try and rehab this loser......be selfish with your precious time on this earth, and don't let anyone get in your way of a wonderful, fulfilling life. You are not a hostage in this, so you're choosing this if you stay...........think about it.......m
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I am 40/f and own my own home. Because he's just never got his act together I've had my brother and fiancee living with me since june 2005. They are paying rent, but i really want my space back! I've lived alone for almost 12 years (after being widowed at 29). They are getting married tomorrow.... how can i gracefully ask when they will be moving on? I've kinda put my mom up to saying... so, are you two planning on buying a house or what? but she's been ill and hasn't had the opportunity. Appreciate your advice! (link)
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You can't wish and hope, or be graceful. You have to sit them down, and be direct about what you need, and expect of them. Tell them you're giving them 30 days to find their own place. It's not your fault your brother is a slacker. They are grown-ups now, and they need their own place like other adults. Don't waiver on what you need to take care of yourself, or you will be miserable!................m
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My father in law (who we live with) will not allow anyone else to work on the house. The house needs paint, new carpet, all around remodel. He sits around and discusses all the plans he has for the doing this. But, I kid you not he has projects around this place that he started 20 years ago, and they aren't done. My poor mother in law deserves to have a nice home like any woman who works like she does. I've asked her why doesn't she just hire people to do the work, and she says that will make him mad. The problem perplexes anyone who sees this house. They can't understand why someone would rather have half primered walls carpet that has come up from the floor because the padding is completely worn away, etc. It's so frustrating to know this man and try to explain him to others. What can this family do? Is there a name of for this problem he has? (link)
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It sounds like you are all hostages, not daring to do anything to make this man mad. I would either have the work done when he's not around, or move out........your mother-in-law too. No one should have to live in a shack. Is your father-in-law violent? If he isn't, I wouldn't let a temper tantrum stand in my way of a better environment................m
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i just started dating this guy about 6 days ago and i dont like him anymore. the truth is i dont like him because hes like really fat and ugly. plus we never get to see eachother beacuse he lives about 45 minutes away from me. i want to break up with him but im not a mean person at all (although it does seem like it cus of the reason i sont like him) i dont know why i went out with him in the 1at place. ive only seem him once and i dont know when im gonna see him again. but i just need good reasons to break up with him without being mean. i need more than just we dont get to see eachother much but... i do feel bad by saying that so please dont make comments that are mean to me.. im not a mean person at all. (link)
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Tell him you won't be able to follow through with this relationship, because you have family and/or personal obligations that need your attention right now........m
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I have recently broke up with my bf after like a year, and I dunno how to feel. Sometimes I am really good, others I am so depressed I cant stop crying, I keep on seeing things that remind me of him, or hear songs or certain places that wind me up. I try to go out and get my head of things,but itsnot happening.
He had self-harm issues. There where a few occasions when he never got his way (For example, if I talked flirtaciously with a friend of mine, refused to speak to him because we where argueing) that he would cut, bite or hurt himself. Sometimes he even performed these things infront of me, and at times threatened to kill himself.
He was also rather violent towards me. He spat in my face a few times, grabbed my side so hard that it bruised entirely, punched me because he was being cheeky, so I was cheeky back,we knocked the hell outta each other twice (the first time I wanted to go home, he pushed me, screamed in my ear, shook me and wouldnt let me go, so I defended myself, the second I ended up in hospital with a black eye, it started becasue he punched me. I hit him back, AND HE PHONED THE POLICE), He full scale booted me infront off his best mate when we went camping, becasue I spoke to his friend and not to him cus where argueing, threatned to smash a mirror over my face and tried to burn my face with GHD straighteners, again,becasue I wanted to go home as things where getting too much. He also pushed me oncewhen I touched his facewith wax byaccident and I fellout the door. He hated me going out by myself without him, and mademe feel guiltyall the time, and unless I texted him throughout the night, would start an arguemtn the day after. He also went nuts at me for watching on porn my computer, but doesnt everyone, lol? He put me down an awful lot, calling my stupied or pathetic, even typing the words hurts.
He blamed me for his actions, casue I drove him crazy etc. He has trust issues. I didnt tell him bout talking to my ex, as he would get the wrong end of the stick, and told him it was weird seeing him with anohter person (when I saw him for the first time after the split), but we did talk, not bout us, just bout the youth club we both attended. I made up a few wee fibs, bout sleeping with someone he used to like and I didnt tell him my true a level grades, casue he was so smart and I felt daft on our first date.But helied bout weesilly things too and they didnt annoy me. The first time he grabbed meand hurt me was when I was honest to him bout not sleeping with the guy and talking to Andi. But after that, its hard to turst anyone who hurts you, took me a few days to realise what he did to me was wrong. I confided in my friends about some of the things that happened and he went MAD at me,but you need to talk, and he washard to talk with with that temper.
But we are broke up now and things are hard. He did treat me bad. But its hard for me. I wanted to help himin the way I couldnt my brother (who commitedsuicide a few years ago). And now I have to go out each week and face him in the one gay bar that we have, its so hard. How doya get over something like this, I miss him so much at times it hurts. And hes always in town as well wheich makesit harder,.
ADVICE!!!!!!
P.S...I am gay btw! (link)
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Advice? You are addicted to drama and violence, or else you would not pick a person like this to be with. If you were uncomfortable with a person like this, you would go nowhere near him. Ask yourself if you could introduce him to your family and friends and be proud. There is something in you that is drawn to an unhealthy, dangerous, disfunctional situation. I would forget him, and reinvent my life with positive people and goals. Your feelings (or cravings) will subside if you stay strong, and believe you can have a better life. It's up to YOU to give that to yourself.
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23 Male
I got a phone call tonight. Old friend I used to talk to a few years ago. He wanted to talk to me about a friend he has; in particular, his own girlfriend. I like to help out my friends, so I said I would help.
He mentions a name to me. It rings a bell, because it happens to be the same name of my girlfriend, but I don't tell him that. A few minutes into the conversation I find out it is the same exact person we are talking about. I keep my big mouth shut.
They've been dating for a few months. I feel a deep hurt on the inside: we've been dating a few years. I find out the problem he is having and do the best I can to help him as a friend. I act as if I know her just as a friend and nothing more. This leads him to tell me more and more about them. I'm not reeling it out of him, he's just letting it all out. Should I confront her about this? She avoids the topic when I ask about him and my friend asks about their future. What is going on here, why does she avoid things, and do I need to tell her and possibly break things off? (link)
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You already have your answer about who your girlfriend is......the issue here is, now that you have the information, what will you do with it? You know she has decieved you, is capable of using you, and doesn't deeply care about you. The hard part is acting on what you now know. If this was happening to your kid brother, would you be angry at his girlfriend? What would you tell your brother to do? Trust your instincts, and make yourself get away from this toxic, selfish, girl...........good luck.........m
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now. Everything is going really well, but I have one concern: he's a Republican and I'm a die-hard liberal. Because I have this knowledge, I avoid any type of politial discussion with him. My friends are convinced that this will lead to our demise, but I don't know. I love him very much, we get along so well, and he makes me very happy, but I sometimes feel like I'm hiding my feelings about certain subjects from him. This is not like me at all; I'm a very opinionated!
I'm wondering if I should end it before we get in too deep because of this, or if I should just stay with him and allow whatever happens to happen.
Thank you all in advance! (link)
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First of all, how old are you? Have you had enough experience to know that he won't change, and you will have to accept his views,(not agree, just accept) if you want to spend your life with him? Are you a political major, or do you work in the field? Some people feel politics are a sort of a value system, and if this is true with you, ask yourself if you want to be with someone who doesn't share the same values as you.............good luck...........m
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