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moving out
I am 40/f and own my own home. Because he's just never got his act together I've had my brother and fiancee living with me since june 2005. They are paying rent, but i really want my space back! I've lived alone for almost 12 years (after being widowed at 29). They are getting married tomorrow.... how can i gracefully ask when they will be moving on? I've kinda put my mom up to saying... so, are you two planning on buying a house or what? but she's been ill and hasn't had the opportunity. Appreciate your advice!
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You can't wish and hope, or be graceful. You have to sit them down, and be direct about what you need, and expect of them. Tell them you're giving them 30 days to find their own place. It's not your fault your brother is a slacker. They are grown-ups now, and they need their own place like other adults. Don't waiver on what you need to take care of yourself, or you will be miserable!................m
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I don't blame you for wanting your own space.and it's perfectly normal for you to ask them to get their own place. seeing as by now they are probably married and on their honey moon you might could do them a favor and look through some ads in the paper or call around to see what's available. when they come back, just explain your situation calmly, telling them that you love them dearly and all, but now that they are married they will eventually have an expanding family and that not all of them, and you will be able to fit in your house. show them the ads you've found that you think they'll like and if that doesn't work, even though it isn't nice, and sometimes starts a small fight in the family, you can always evict them. if they are paying rent, you can always just kick them out of your house.
I hope it helps, at least a little. And congrats, on the marriage.
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with these exact words:
GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HOUSE YOU LAZY BASTARD!!!!
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You sure are a nice person for helping your brother, but you have every right to feel the way you do. When you ask them if they are moving on, this may give them an opportunity to say "No" or "Later" and then you will still be in the same boat. If you have been wanting to be alone for quite some time you have probably been dropping hints already, and they aren't picking up on them or they realize they have it easy where they are.
You can be direct, but graceful at the same time. Tell them you respect their marriage enough to understand that they need their privacy. Tell them that you got used to being alone and would really enjoy that once again. Since you are a nice person tell them of course you are not going to kick them out on the street, but that they need to be out in 30 or 60 days...whatever you decide.
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Your mom shouldn't be the one to tell them that. YOU should. Just bring it up casually one night while you two are having dinner or something and say, "So? When are you two planning on getting a new house?" They can't expect you to keep having them there while they are married.
♥ Kendall
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If they are old enough and stable enough to get married, then they are old enough, and stable enough to live on their own, wether it be an apartment or their own house. As long as you allow them to live there, they will take advantage of it. It's easier for them.
I think you should tell them that since they are getting married, it's about time they found their own place. I'm sure they know the bennifits, but it doesn't hurt to remind them that they'll get to decorate how they like, and they will get much more privacy.
They might not like they idea, they might like it. But you could help them out with it as well by doing some research for them of places that are for rent or sale. If they are paying rent with you, it won't be that difficult for them to pay rent for an apartment either.
Of course, with them getting married so soon, I suggest you wait a while, perhaps a week or so before you suggest this. They'll need 'honeymoon' time, and time to bask in the glory of their marriage.
I hope everything works out.
Tipsy Gypsy
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my god they're getting married TOMORROW?! dont they see theres something wrong with that picture?
just let them know that you want your space back, and that as a 40 year old you have that right. Im not sure how old youre brother is but if hes getting MARRIED he can surely go out and rent an appartment.
i mean hes payin you rent anyway. besides... would HE want to have his own place with his wife??
im sure theyll understand seeing as how you've given them shelter for almost a full year now
hopee i helped
Rae <3
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You should just tell them the basics they are married now and should have there own home and privacy as you should yours.
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You know what? They are going to stay as long as you allow it.
Don't ask them when they are moving. Tell them when they are moving.
Any adult old enough to play house and get married should be responsible enough to live on their own. Since they have both been living with you you cn't really just say OK, I just assume since your getting married you will be moving.
Instead say, since you are getting married, I think you should start off right by getting your own home. Then give them a move out date. Don't make it a long time, they will stay the limit. :)
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