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I'm being cheated on
23 Male
I got a phone call tonight. Old friend I used to talk to a few years ago. He wanted to talk to me about a friend he has; in particular, his own girlfriend. I like to help out my friends, so I said I would help.
He mentions a name to me. It rings a bell, because it happens to be the same name of my girlfriend, but I don't tell him that. A few minutes into the conversation I find out it is the same exact person we are talking about. I keep my big mouth shut.
They've been dating for a few months. I feel a deep hurt on the inside: we've been dating a few years. I find out the problem he is having and do the best I can to help him as a friend. I act as if I know her just as a friend and nothing more. This leads him to tell me more and more about them. I'm not reeling it out of him, he's just letting it all out. Should I confront her about this? She avoids the topic when I ask about him and my friend asks about their future. What is going on here, why does she avoid things, and do I need to tell her and possibly break things off?
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wow. she really has deceived you. you guys have been together for a few years and this is the communication? lies..cheats?? no good.you desserve a lot better. i suggest you dump her immediately..talk to your friend about whhats going on..so he doesnt get hurt too. tell him you didnt want to tell him at first because you were so confused and hurt about the whole situation. he should understand.
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You already have your answer about who your girlfriend is......the issue here is, now that you have the information, what will you do with it? You know she has decieved you, is capable of using you, and doesn't deeply care about you. The hard part is acting on what you now know. If this was happening to your kid brother, would you be angry at his girlfriend? What would you tell your brother to do? Trust your instincts, and make yourself get away from this toxic, selfish, girl...........good luck.........m
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I would send her packing. You have been dating for a few YEARS and that is all the better she respects you? I wonder, is this the first time she has done this to you? I am sure this is the first time she was CAUGHT.
Yes, I would confront her, and then I would tell her to piss up a rope. I know you probably want to keep her around since you have been together for so long, but is she really worth giving up all of your trust? No. Is she really being allowed to use you as a rug to wipe her feet on? No. Is she really worth losing your heart? No. Do you deserve to be treated SO MUCH better? Yes. Do you deserve respect out of the woman you love? Yes.
Move on, get over her, then find the woman out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
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How is her relationship with her father? Forgive me for sounding like a female imitation of Frued... But after suffering through years of depression and failed relationships, I can speak from experience.
Your girlfriend might have what I refer to as "The Daddy Complex." In short, the TDC develops during early childhood if a girl feels abandoned, abused, neglected, or rejected by her father. And... Since her father is the first man that she develops a relationship with, her interaction with the opposite sex will be drasticly affected by this one, crucial relationship, for better or worse... Unless she can learn to look in the mirror and tell herself, "I love you."
But that's hard for anyone to do, especially in our emotionally constipated society... Where we teach children how to solve mathimatical equations but never teach them how to recognize and handle their own emotions. Instead, we toss them in the wilderness to let them fend for themselves, and say, "Golly... I hope they'll be okay."
ANYWAY... When a girl grows into a woman and the TDC is still raging in her subconcious... She'll do all sorts of crazy things. But as irrational (and hurtful) as her actions may be... Rest assured that she has her reasons, even if she isn't too sure what those reasons are. I have been there, I have done that, I own the t-shirt and occassionally lend it to my girlfriends. She may push every man away, in an attempt to protect her bruised heart from further beatings. She may constantly seek the attention of numerous men, mistakenly believing that the approval of the male members of our species will somehow provide the validation that she craves. She may only date emotionally unavailable men, thinking that if she can conquer such a challenge she will redeem herself. She may only date emotional losers, because she thinks she is unworthy of a healthy relationship. Or... She may do all of the above at one point or another, or even simultenously.
Maybe your girlfriend has "The Daddy Complex." Maybe she doesn't. Maybe she felt like the relationship that the two of you have built is either deficient in some way... Or perhaps she can envision a dead-end somewhere down the path that you both share and travel. Maybe she is ready to end the relationship, but too afraid of hurting your feelings to be honest and tell you the truth.
Maybe she will tell you why she did what she did. Maybe you will never know. At this point, I think the WHY is rather irrelevant. (Though WHY may be the question that haunts you.) What is relevant, at least in my opinion, is what YOU are going to do next.
Confront her. If you don't... What will happen? Will the two of you continue to carry on this charade? Will you pretend to be ignorant and happy while hurt and resentment fester inside you? Do that... And I promise you that it won't end well. One day, you will break, and every thought you have ever had regarding her, will spill out of your mouth. Or you'll gain vindication by sinking to her level... Leading a secret life, loving another... Feeling deceitful and ashamed for your own behavior, unable to confront her regarding HER behavior, and feeling generally miserable.
So... Tell her the truth. Be honest. Doesn't mean you have to shout or act cruelly. Can't tell you how she will react... And maybe her reaction isn't important.
Maybe her reaction isn't important because we are talking about YOU and YOUR life. After dating for several years, I'm sure you have many deep feelings for this young woman. But she's broken your trust. A healthy relationship can not exist without truth, and can not exist without trust. She has lied to you, she has betrayed you...
And while maybe... Just maybe... The two of you could overcome this obstacle... I have to ask... WHY? You're 23. This is the time of your life to discover yourself, the world, what you want and pursue it. Maybe you shouldn't be tied down. And while I wouldn't suggest dating anytime soon... You need to play the field.
"Playing the field" isn't just for fun and games. Meeting different people is an important part of figuring out what type of person you want to be in a relationship with, and what you want your relationship to be like. Meeting different people will not only provide you with a wide range of life experiences, but will also help you select a potential life partner. You'll meet a girl, and maybe it doesn't work out because there is something you don't like about her, or you want something else. But you'll learn something. By being able to say, "Well I really liked ___ about ___ , and I really disliked ___ about ___ ," will help you set realistic standards that will benefit you. And then you'll know WHAT you're looking for in that special someone.
So... Bottom line: My advise is to confront your girlfriend. I also advise you not to settle for less than you deserve. (And I think that deceit and betrayal is definitely LESS than you deserve.)
BTW, if you're thinking that you can help her overcome her "Daddy Complex" or whatever... Don't. No one can help her. Except for herself. And helping her is not your responsibility. Your only responsibility is to seek your own happiness. Whatever that means.
And if you are worried about telling your friend that you've both been dating the same woman... In my opinion, it is not your responsibility to tell him the truth about HIS relationships. The only person responsible for telling the truth in this situation is your girlfriend. Not only does she owe the both of you the truth, but she also owes the both of you an apology. And I think that when you confront her, you should let her know that.
Once again... I have written a thesis by accident. I'm sorry this was so long... And I'm even more sorry that you have to experience this situation. Just remember... No matter how much you hurt right now... You are going to be okay. Promise. ;)
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wow thats REALLY messed up.hmm...well it all really depends on how much you like this girl.its really not fare to you that you have to share your girlfriend.i think you should start off by telling your friend about you two.Then maybe you can try three way calling her so if she lies then she will be caught in the act.If you cant do that then you should both confront her at the sane time,or if you can handle it different times.but deffinity tell him .becuse who really want to hear a guy talking about his girlfriend?I would say that anyone can do better then a cheater.
let me know how it all works out
lots of love,lizzie
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Possibly break things off? You are unbelivable. Of course brakes things off. You should toss her in the worst possible way. Do you wanna know what a real man would do?
He d take her out to eat in a really expensive restaurant. Order the most expensive stuff on the menu, lobster and shrimps and clams and salats. Order an expensive bottle of wine, or champaign. After all order some desert, like a strawberry chocolate fondu. Then he d excuse himself to the bathroom or answer an emergency phone call and...vanish. After 15 minutes of waiting the girl calls, and he d have her blocked, so this faceless message would apear on her cellphone. She d have to pay for the dinner and ride home alone. That d teach her not to fuck with peoples hearts.
But if the world is full of people that give you space, then people are going to take advantage of the space that is given to them. You sould like a person who gives space to her.
Break things off...
well...
DUH!!!
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The girl you love is cheating on you with an old friend, and has been for months. Why would you stay with her? Everyone deserves a second chance, but she's had a complete double life during your relationship. She can't be trusted, and if you give her a second chance, she'll probably just do it again.
Confront her, if she says nothing, tell her what you found out, & break up with her. If she can't be honest & faithful, then you can't be her boyfriend. Simple as that.
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You need to confront this girl-immediately. No matter what happens now, no good will come out of it. She made a bad decision that is going to hurt you and your friend.
(Calmly) talk to this girl. Tell her you know for a fact that she is cheating on you, and ask for any type of explanation. Tell her exactly how hurt you feel, how much you love her, and how much it pains you to see her hurt one of your friends. Ask what she plans on doing. Let her know you will not be apart of it if she plans to hurt both you and your friend. Make it clear that you cannot have a good relationship based on lies, and that if she isnt completely honest with you and your friend, you will be.
Decide wether this girl is worth it. Do you really love her? Does she love you? Is it worth your time, effort, and heart to fix things with her if she decides to stay with you? Is it worth jeoperdizing the relationship you have with your friend? Once you make a desicion, you'll need to talk to your friend as well.
Whatever happens, don't stay quiet about it. Though it sounds cliche, communication is key, and if you want to stay with these people, thats exactly what you need. Hiding this will just sting more when it comes out in the end.
I wish you the best of luck,
-Abby
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She avoids things because she thinks she can get away with it.
Don't let her. What she is doing is cheat and being completely unfair to you and the other guy.
I would first talk to her, let her know that you don't appreciate this type of relationship and you need to take some personal space.
I would also let your friend know that she has also been cheating with him too.
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