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Help with my 15 y.o. son
I am divorced and my son spends most of his time with his mother. I asked my son if he wanted to go to a Mets game with me (we both love baseball). At first he said yes, then a few days later he asked me if one of his friends could come along. My problem: I don't get to spend a lot of time with my son, and I was looking forward to the game as a chance for us to spend time together. I know that if his friend comes along I will feel like a "fifth wheel". My son spends a lot of time with his friends, and I don't think it is necessary for him to bring his friend along. What should I do?
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From a kids point of view, parents can be fun but it's always more fun with a friend. I ask my parents all the time if I can bring a friend along. [my parents are divorced]. Just let him have fun & bring his friend. If he had a good time maybe he will want to go alone with you the next time.
Or, the next time, you can just say no & tell him that you want to spend quality time with him. He might be mad at first, but don't back down. Just bring him along & make sure to be cool & fun. Good luck
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Hi, maybe you should just be upfront with him and tell him that you would like some time alone with him. Just the two of you. He might spend less time with you these days because hes got friends and is dealing with puberty. Just let him know that you are there for him when he needs you. Honesty is the best answer, however you must respect him for doing more things with his friends. Hes growing up and he's at his stage of life were he might get a girlfriend and spend time with her alot. Just let him know how you feel. Daniel.
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I personally think it's really great that you cherish the time you have with your son the way you do, and he is going to be a much better person for it.
I can understand that you might be afraid that he'll think you're being a downer if you tell him his friend can't come, but you're right... if his friend is there you'll be the 5th wheel unless you can somehow make yourself one of the boys for the day.
You know you're going to feel put-out if his friend is there, so I would suggest you talk to your son. Tell him that you've been really looking forward to this time with him and that you'd rather have the Mets game just be the two of you. Then suggest an alternative outing that the friend can join you guys on, so it doesn't seem like you're being unreasonable. Your son should be able to understand your feelings and will hopefully reassure you that it'll just be the two of you for the game.
Go Mets!
Carollani
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www.queries4carollani.blogspot.com
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I understand your position. If you don't get to spend much time with him, the little time you have is precious. It's not that you want to stop him from seeing his friends, it's more that this is your quality time together that is being encroached on.
To be honest with you, although all children need to understand they can't always have their way, this might be one occasion where you will need to say yes. I know it's the unfavourable option but my reasoning behind it is simple. Children are always selfish until they reach a certain age. I say that with no disrespect to your son but the way he has thought about this is "Great! Dad's taking me to a ball game! I wonder if .... can come too?!" The very idea that you might have wanted to spend the time with him alone probably has never even occurred to him.
The problem with this is that there is really no way to approach this subject with him and say that his friend can't come without ending up the bad guy. There are too many times in life where this happens to the parents so you need to minimise them and pick your battles wisely so that when a bigger issue comes along (dating/breaking curfew/etc), you can look like the bad guy without such a risk of any permanent damage being done to the relationship.
So my suggestion is simple. Let him bring his friend to the ball game and try to have fun. Yes, I do realise this means your time with him is compromised but look at it this way. You show him you are happy for him to have his friends round, his friend thinks you're a great guy for letting him come and your son has more desire to see you and spend time with you as a result. That gives you the perfect opportunity to slip in a day together where you can make a firm point of the words "Just you and me". Perhaps you can even negotiate with his Mother and see if you can go on a short trip together.
You should always make the most of your time together but also realise that he has friends he wants to see all the time and unfortunately, that will sometimes get in the way of his spending time with you. The chances are that some day, he will thank you for all the sacrifices you have made.
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As a parent, you should never be greedy --even if you want to!
Tough as it is, that's part of growing up. After the game drop his friend off and you two go do something else.
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You need to explain it to him how you feel..hopefully he will understand how you feel! i agree with you 100%!! tell him this time you just want to be you and him..then maybe make a comprimise that next time you two go somewhere (maybe not as huge as a met game) he can bring a friend along for part of the day .
try that..let me know how it goes!
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You're right, you DO need some one on one time with your son, but at his age he isn't thinking about quality relationships with family members. He is thinking about the awesome time he could have with his friend. Tell him that you really want this to be about the two of you, and tell him why. All kids want reassurence that Dad loves them, is proud, and thinks they are cool. You could always suggest another activity that his friend could join in on next time.
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Tell him you'd like it to just be a father and son day because you don't get to see him much.
It's really that simple and I doubt your son will take it too hard. At his age he might have a bit of trouble realizing that his father has feelings too and just a need a little reminder.
If this does upset him for some reason you'll need to figure out why that is. But I would bet him asking to bring a friend was just a moment of teenage self-involvement. Mentioning that it is something that is important to you too will probably make him understand.
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As much as you want to be alone with him teens, including myself, find it hard to have a conversation with a parent.
I think he's afraid to be around you alone , no offence, but maybe he'd rather have his friend and ya'll could talk...not alone with u in a dense conversation.
maybe after the game you could drop his friend home and yoou and your son go to dinner or burgers.
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