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Divorce
My mom told my dad three days ago that she wants a divorce. My mom is unhappy and our family is nothing but fighting. My mom told my little brother who is 13 about this today. he is taking it pretty hard. He is also blaming me when i have nothing to do with it. it rally upets me because my brother is saying this whole thing is my fault. well my dad wants to do counsling. he thinks he can change everything but he cant. my mom doesnt want to live like this. so im supose to move out with my mom and my brothers supose to move out with my dad. Im not sure what the question in this is but ive never moved before. my dad mentioned couple years ago that he was going to leave and me my mom and my older brother cried about it. my little brother was to young to understand. im just looking for advice please help
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first of all take a breath ...breath in...and out ....okay,now you know what it is not you or your brothers fault .so you try siting your brother down and calmly explaining that this is between your mom and dad .everyone goes through this its not just your family,and you know counciling dosnt have to be the worst thing ever.maybe you could do it for your brother it will give you tips on how to talk to him and explauin that to im.
let me know how it all works out and if you need a friend im here
lots of love,lizzie
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ok from the top i think you should just chill for a sec... ok.. now it's not your fault it's not your brothers fault. your brother is just exajerating because he's upset.so.. dont worry you'll be fine i promise you. ne wayz it would be better for you and your bro cuz you won't hav to deal with thier fighting.i've dealed with this before and it's hard ,but i learned to look at the bright side so.. try to do that and i hope you'll be ok.. byee....;
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I think that you and your brother should move in with your mom and since you said what your dad had a couple of years then he's not setting a good example for the both of you.Plus on top of what your mother went through,now with if she has to be separated from her son she's going to go through an even painful time,and I don't think it's fair for your mom.Moving to another place is like starting a new life or journey you may call it,I went through that years ago believe me I didn't want to move but then I got used to it I was very young at that time, and I know if I was able to go through change so can you.
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You poor thing. Divorce is always a very difficult situation and a lot of people understimate the effect it actually has on the children in the family.
Your brother isn't really mad at you. My guess is that he is concerned in some way that he might be to blame for the split and because he doesn't want to admit to this, he is projecting his anger on to you and trying to make you feel the guilt he currently feels.
I know this is an awful time for you all but you need to speak to your brother about this. You haven't mentioned whether your Mother told him that your Father had an affair but if she feels he's old enough to cope with it then I really think she should tell him. The fact is that this is affecting him very badly and he needs to know the reason it is all happening so that he doesn't keep blaming himself.
Even though things are difficult now, please try to keep thinking of the future. I'm not sure whether you are ready to think of the idea of your parents meeting other people and I don't want you to think about that yet if you aren't ready. However, try to think of the divorce as a way for them both to find some of the happiness that has gone frm their marriage. Yes, marriage is supposed to be a holy union but there are so many reasons why it may break down and the fact is that couples who used to be happy together sometimes don't work out. It's awful and terrible and heartbreaking but it happens and although it's a devestating event, the thing is that in going their separate ways, your parents won't be fighting any more, there won't be more of the hatred and anger all the time. Who knows? Maybe in the future you will be able to do things as a family again.
Most importantly, please bear in mind that a divorce does NOT mean that you are no longer a family. You all have shared that family bond and you will ALWAYS be a family. Just make sure you remember that if someone new comes into your parents' lives. Your family won't be changing, it will just be getting bigger.
However tough it is, try talking to your brother because he's probably bottling up some pretty strong emotions right now and at 13, he probably feels he can't show it. Give him a chance to show it to you and let him know you won't tell anyone what he says. It's okay to be upset and hurt and angry right now. Just try to stick together because you will get through it and there are happier times ahead.
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It's very natural for your brother to blame the wrong person. As you said, he's taking it hard. People often ***displace*** their anger when dealing with extream emotions. He'll realise it's not your fault later.
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DISPLACEMENT
When things that would directly satisfy the id are not available or if they include unpleasantness, we may shift out emphasis. It can result in intense longing, fantasies. Displacement occurs when an instinctual impulse is redirected from a more threatening activity, person or object to a less threatening one. ( e.g. Angry at a person you can't yell at, yell at little brother)
The innocent becomes the victim.
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I'd see a counselor for sure. What's the worst that could happen. Even if you don't need it, it might help your little brother for you to be there.
Your dad should move somewhere close by. It's very, very, very selfish for a parent to move away in the event of a divorce.
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Hey there. Keep up hope. It's about the only thing you can do in a situation like this. Counseling does work though. I am a peer mediator at a local school, I work on friendships/boyfriend|girlfriend relationships/family fueds/enemies. It really does work, so give it a shot. Things will eventually work out. It maybe confusing to you now, but you just have to wait it out. Don't worry.
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