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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)Facts about me:
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advice
F/18. I have been thinking way too much about my old English professor and I think I might have some weird crush on him. I try to avoid anywhere he's at and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Usually when I like someone I tend to be shy and, as mrntioned before, I avoid any contact. I'm doing that even though he doesn't give me class anymore. He's about nine to ten years older than me and he told my class once that he actually had an “unrequited" crush. In case you're wondering, I would never attempt to be in a relationship with a professor even if the age difference wasn't major. Its not that I don't have an open mind, I just feel that it would be... just plain weird. He's a really nice guy - in case you're wondering, he's not a charmer or anything like that. I guess that's what I found attractive; he's considerate, funny, and generally one of those nice people you just can't hate no matter what. That's the problem. I usually look for flaws or reasons to dislike the person I like... but its not working so far. In fact today I saw him out of the corner of my eye and I literally just took a different path simply so I would not pass by him - he still passed by me and I hope to God he doesn't remember me at all. So... anyone have any thoughts? How can I get over this quickly without falling into depression or any crap like that? I already have hypothyroidsm, I have enough hormonal problems to put up with for a crush to be added.
Unfortunately, there's not much that you can do. The feelings will go away with time, but it could take a lot of time, and time away, where you haven't seen him for like a year. I've had weird crushes before and they can be so flippin persistent. Just when you think you're over the person, you just happen to see them one day and your stomach starts back-flipping all over again. One thing that you can do about this is change the way you think about it. Don't see it as a burden, see it as a guiding light. What I mean is, you've found someone that you'd certainly never date, but is a great model in many ways for what you do want in a person. Knowing what you want and what kind of person that you want to be with is very, very valuable. You're lucky, not everyone can see things in this way. This annoying little crush could possibly prevent you from making stupid dating decisions in the future. There's no reason for this to cause you any anxiety. Take charge over your feelings. You've acknowledged what you feel, but you can't move past it until you've accepted it. Try not to take yourself so seriously and try to look at it from a place of humor. Think of it as "funny" how much this is throwing you off. I would imagine that every single person in the world has this same issue. Is there anyone that you can confide in that will laugh with you? It's all in how you handle it that determines whether or not this takes over your life and causes you anxiety or whether you can laugh about how silly you are after you see him and run away. I know you were probably looking for a really specific answer, but there just isn't one. Sorry to say that this is a part of life that has to just go away on its own. In the meantime, try to enjoy it rather than fear it. Good luck!
Should I stay with my boyfriend? I'm 13 and he's 16 but he lives all the way in London. I know some of his friends and that's how I met him. We started back talking a few days ago. I found out that he signed up for the army and he has three years of training. He did it so he wouldn't have to be with me anymore but he wont break up with me and he says that he wants to be with me.
I'm so confused and I need to know if I should break up with him.
It's not a good idea to stay with him. You're 13 and you've got a lot better things to do than sit around online wondering if a guy really cares about you or not. Go out, live your life, and have some fun. If it's meant to be with him, he'll come to you in a few years. In the meantime, just be a teenager and don't worry about some confusing guy that you can't even see. Too often we get stuck in dead-end relationships and waste way too much of our energy and time on something that was just plain silly. Good luck!
Hi.I am in a relationship with my guy for almost 9 months.We have our ups and downs but now adays , we've been having our downs only.It's like , we had sex 4 months ago and now , we just don't have a place where we can have it.I am absolutely okay with it , but he's all horny and devastated.We've been having so much fights lately.It's just so bad!I just love him so much and he does too.We end up leaving each other after every fight but we get back together and have a fight all over again.I cannot live without him.I try to fix the fights and they do get fixed but we have a fight all over again.I don't trust him anymore.He describes how horny he is every single day but I can't do anything about it.We don't even have privacy when we meet , it's just public places.So we can't really do anything.And his ex lives near his place , she always pops up out of no where and that girl is extremely horny aswell , he doesn't talk to her much and all but lately he has been talking about her a lot.I try to keep my cool but she sent him a text asking him to go at her place to go get some songs and shit with using all the winking emoticons.So I was like "So go to her place ;)" and he just went like "yeah" an then I was like "Have some good sex with her maybe" and he went like "If I tell her she will do so" and it pissed me off so much!I expected a different reaction but I was like wow!and then I went like "If you're trying to make me jealous think what would you have done if I told you something like that regarding one of my ex" and he was like "I was just telling you what she said" and so I didn't answer his text anymore and he just sent me another text saying "Just dont talk to me if you can't behave properly!" I mean like what the hell?!And so later we fixed the fight and I told him what I expected from him and he just went like "I am devastated and horny but I keep calm and I didn't expect you to ask me things like that , I was shocked" and so I told him that "That doesn't even make sense , I don't even trust you anymore!" and we ended up having a fight again.
I don't know what to do.I love him.Mom knows about us , my cousins know.I don't want us to end.But I don't see any options either.
You need to be brutally honest with him. It's not like he wants sex and you don't so you're avoiding it. The two of you cannot find a place and time where sex is possible. He knows that.
What you need to tell him is that he needs to quit telling you how horny he is. Tell him that there's nothing that you can do about it and bringing it up all the time accomplishes nothing. It's making you feel like all he wants you for is sex. If he's so horny all he needs to do is masturbate and stop bothering you about it. Once an opportunity arises for sex to take place, he will be the first to know about it and it will happen. Until then, tell him that he needs to stop talking about it because it is destroying your relationship. There is no reason to bring up his horniness again until there is an opportunity for sex.
If he can't do that or doesn't understand your feelings, I'm here to tell you that he's not interested in you as a person or a partner. He's only interested in you as a body. You're much more than that and you can't allow someone to treat you that way. Sure he's said really nice things to you, but anybody can do that. It takes a person that really cares about you to act like they do, not just say it.
You say that you can't live without him. That's an outrageous statement to make. You certainly can. You have before and you will again if things turn out that way. There's no reason to overdramatize your statements. Yes, it would absolutely crush you and it would hurt for a long time, but you'd be okay.
If he can't respect you by abiding by one little request to stop mentioning how horny he is, he is not a good person to be in a relationship with and your fighting will eventually lead to a very painful breakup. Try to get him to understand that his words are hurting and worrying you and that you'd like to talk about something else for once. How awful it is of him to want to talk about himself all the time? What is your relationship even based on now? Endless conversations about hormones? What a dreamy guy! Ugh.
So, to recap - There's a very simple solution to being horny. He needs to just shut up about it, masturbate as much as he needs to, and wait patiently for the opportunity for sex with you. That should be pretty simple. If it isn't simple, it's over. Good luck.
So... I have been having this issue going on for some time now. I have been with my boyfriend for a few years and my mom has not liked him for a while. I first thought that it was a phase. Then, I thought she would grow to like him eventually. But, now it is worse than ever. He was away for a few months for something that he needed to do for school. Those months were pure bliss with my mom. I finally remembered what it was like to love my mom again because we weren't butting heads. We were just friends. I'm 23, by the way. I live with my mom and grandparents at the time because I cannot afford to move out. I live in an expensive city and I'm a teacher, so I don't make very much money. I had a plan to move out, etc. when I had some more money just so that I could have peace of mind. But, it's not happening right now... at least for another couple of months. This summer, like I said, my mom and I re-kindled our relationship.
Upon his return, it was like everything I ever saw in him was different. Things that I took as a joke now seemed serious and rude. For instance, today, I was running late or wanted to slightly change our plans and he told me that my mother was a psycho liar and that I should never believe anything she says. PS, he doesn't know how she feels about him. He was just saying so because she was part of the reason I had to change the plans. Then, I told him that we have all had to sacrifice our plans at one point and I gave him the example about how we both left town on my birthday (to the same place) and didn't see each other because he was with his family and I was with mine. He could have chosen to come with me and I could have chosen to go with his family. But, it was my birthday and I wanted to spend it with my family. I was just using it as an example. I wasn't implying anything about it. This was months ago! And he said that it was my fault that he didn't see me because I decided to go with my family. We were in the same city! He could have certainly made an effort to take a cab or even send some flowers to my hotel... i don't know. I'm not saying something huge. Just an effort to know he was thinking of me. I've excused his behavior since I've met him. Now, I look back and see that it wasn't so nice of a thing to do. And before summer, I would have excused this too and say "he's just frustrated." Now I see how quickly his anger escalates and I don't like it.
There have been other situations that have happened in the past. Like, how he got angry at me because I didn't have cash to pay for parking when he had a wallet full of cash. If we've had a difference in political views, he turns bright red in anger and has pushed me away. One time, he was fighting with someone over politics and I thought they were just talking until I walked through the middle to throw something away. They were at a reasonable distance away from each other so it wasn't like I was cutting through them. He got angry both at me and the other person, but grabbed me and bent my thumb to my wrist. It was throbbing till the next day. I have excused it all. It was like I was under some weird spell. And now, I see how wrong it is.
So, this question is going to be broken down into a few pieces. First of all... I wouldn't even know HOW to end it. I feel like I still care. It's not like I'm a ball of fury. It's just that I think that I deserve to be happy. I want to feel loved. And I have felt loved before, so I know the difference. I don't always want to feel scared that I've offended him. And I can only see this getting worse. Imagine... bending thumbs now... how about when we are married? How about by the time we hit a 20 year anniversary? Do you really think it's going to get better? But, it's just hard. It's like I'm not ready... even though I know this is necessary. How can I get over this? What do I do?
Secondly, I have some issues with my mom that need to be addressed too. She turns into a PSYCHO when he's around. When he's not, she's my best friend. When she's around, she wants to throw me out of the house and tells me that she hopes I know that if I'm with him, she will never be a part of my life and she won't want to meet her grandkids. As much as I love my mom, this is unacceptable behavior from a parent. She is in no way providing a safe environment for me to come to her with real issues that a mother is to help her daughter with. Instead, I feel fear. Then, I burst into anger because I get angry at the fact that at 23, I need to live in fear. And then I feel even angrier because if it weren't for financial issues, I would be able to move out. So, it turns into a whole circle.
I don't want to be deciding this for my mom. I just wish someone can extend a hand and just say: "I think this is what you should do." An objective person. Someone who is not in this situation at all. I am crying out for help. Please answer!
I think that a big part of the issue is that you've defended your boyfriend to your mother for so long that it's almost something that has to work out. Now that it isn't working, you feel as if ending it will be giving in to your mom's inappropriate reaction to him, even though it really wouldn't be. You know you're going to get a lot of "I told you so's" and she's going to be happy when you are heartbroken.
The thing is, you have to take your mom out of this entirely. Separate from your mom, the relationship isn't going well on its own. If you choose to stay in the relationship, it would be more because of your mom than choosing to get out of it. An overcorrection of sorts. Because you don't want your mom to have an influence on your decision so badly, she actually will and you'll stay in a relationship that you probably would have otherwise ended if she hadn't been so against it. It's weird when you switch your logic around, isn't it?
Don't stay with this guy because of how you remember him. How you remember him isn't how he is. Even looking back, you're seeing things now that you failed to see before. There were good times and he's a good guy, but it doesn't seem like you're compatible with him long-term. If things are bugging you now, yes, they will big you more later on. A breakup will hurt more later on, too.
The last thing I want to address is your lack of openness. Why didn't you talk about how your mom feels about him? What makes you think that he doesn't know? Maybe he does. People are more perceptive than you think. If you had talked about it, things could've gotten better. Tactful open communication is important in any relationship. Don't tell him about it now because you may be ending things with him soon so there's no point to make him feel worse for no reason. But, it's something that he should have been aware of and that you should consider in any future relationships.
People break up all the time. There doesn't have to be a major betrayal or catastrophic falling out. If more people were honest and were more concerned about avoiding mistakes than about preserving each others feelings, don't you think there would be fewer divorces? Don't let this get worse over time. It will. End the relationship before it gets bad. It will be hard, but for every day that you wait, it gets harder. It seems like he's ready for it to end too, doesn't it? Good luck.
He has a baby on the way by a girl he got pregnant before we set boundaries and he has had money issues and i helped im with him every night and im happy but i just feel,for myself, i need that commitment especially before the child gets here to feel that security and have that commitment..i deal with a lot dating him and this situation and i feel i deserve at least that...but i dont want to feel im forcing anyone to "be" with me..although im always with him, his family knows about me, etc...do i wait it out or stand my grounds about having his all or nothing...
I could tell you that you need to give up on this relationship, move on with your life and never look back and you might even agree with me, but you'll never listen to my advice, which breaks my heart for you. Attempting to make a life with this guy is the wrong thing to do and you know it, but you'll continue trying because the chemicals in your brain are forcing you to even though it's the worst decision in the world. Take a long hard look at your situation and try to see it from a point of reason. You deserve for him to leave you forever because even though it will hurt for awhile now, you will be much, much happier without him than you ever were with him once some time has passed and you get over it. He got a girl pregnant before you set boundaries? I'm pretty sure you shouldn't need to have a direct conversation with someone about how they shouldn't have unprotected sex with other people if they're genuinely interested in you as more than a fling in the first place. You don't want to be with a guy that's going to be that stupid. There's no way the pregnancy was planned and you do not want to be with someone that makes such bad decisions. Unprotected sex? Are you kidding me? If he's having money issues now, how is he going to ever pay child support? You say "I'm with him every night" like that's some sort of win. Don't you think it's a bit pathetic? You deserve for him to dump you and never talk to you again because that would be the best thing for you. You deserve so much BETTER, like a good man that's going to treat you right and he is not one. You have so much loyalty, but you're giving it to a person who doesn't give it back and won't start. He accepts money from you? What a guy! Get the idea of "love" out of your head and make a good decision for yourself. Every good thing that he does for you, you can find someone that can give the same things, but without the pain. You need to require more for yourself. Again though, you're not going to listen to me, so why am I even saying any of this? Like so many before you, you're going to give in to your desperation to be with him because of how you feel when he's awful for you and you know it. Feelings fade, his bullshit will not. When the next guy could make you feel just as good as he does, never make you feel bad, not have to have discussions where you need to prohibit him from participating in behaviors that if he really cared about you he wouldn't even dream of doing, and not have to give him money, you can't choose this. Get out of it NOW, this minute, today, or YOU might get pregnant, get stuck with this loser forever, and spend the rest of your life dreaming about what your life could've been. You asked for advice and there it is. Do with it what you know you need to do, not what you want because even though he is what you want right now, he is not what you need and once you experience someone that is actually right for you, you'll wonder how you could ever have wanted this. I promise, you'll never look back. Good luck.
My boyfriend had sex with me yesterday and it was my first time doing it he didnt pop my"cherry" and today I feel sick and my stomach was bouncing, what does it mean? And can I still get pregnant if my "cherry" isn't popped?
This "cherry" that you speak of is a bunch of nonsense. There isn't something in you that "pops". You may bleed your first time if your partner isn't cautious because of stretching and tearing, but nothing in that area "pops" open. Your vagina is already open. There is no such thing as a "cherry". If your boyfriend's penis entered your vagina, you have a chance of becoming pregnant.
Sometimes, people are referring to the hymen when they are talking about a cherry. The hymen is a completely different thing though. Some very young girls have a membrane covering most of their vaginal opening. If you've had your period before and blood has come out, your hymen is not completely covering your vaginal opening, which means that your vagina is open and you can become pregnant from sexual contact. The hymen can be torn open a bit larger when you are a child as a result of normal human activities such as running, biking, and horseback riding. Your hymen doesn't pop when you have sex for the first time. If you are healthy and have had your period before, your hymen already has an opening in it, so there is nothing blocking sperm from traveling into your body.
It was very foolish of you to have sex without protection and I'm sure that you know that. Do not allow anyone to convince you to do something unsafe ever again and never just "go with the flow" because you don't want to ruin the mood or hurt someone's feelings. Even if you're a shy or quiet person, you must speak up when it comes to things like this because it's your body and your life that are most at risk. The next time you have a question as important as this, find out the answer before participating in a risky behavior.
Feeling sick and your stomach "bouncing" are probably just a result of you being nervous and over thinking things. We become more aware of ourselves when we think about it. For example, whenever you start to think about breathing, you become very aware of it when just a second ago, it was happening automatically without a conscious thought from you. These things are not related to your sexual encounter.
Ok so I have became and extremely needy girl towards the guy I love we have only been a thing for like 4 months in the beginning everything was good then i took things way too serious i text him all the time and always ask him if we can hang out... he knows he has me whenever he wants so he takes advantage of it..if i back off and stop texting him and let him make the moves will this keep him more intersted?
Be careful backing off too quickly. If you all of a sudden stop texting him all the time and asking to hang out, it might concern him. You don't want him thinking that something is wrong, you're cheating on him, or you're not interested in him anymore. It is important for you to give him some space though. Not to keep him interested, but to keep him from getting annoyed. If he's interested, he's interested and if he's not, he's not. By being "needy" you run the risk of annoying him to the point where even if he is interested in you, he won't feel like he can be with you because he doesn't have enough space. What you need to do to get the situation under control is tell him that you feel like you're being needy and you want to try to stop texting him as much as you do. That way, you're backing off like you need to and he knows why. Good luck!!
High school girl, sophomore and I weigh 253lbs. I'm told all the time that I look far older than I am and that my weight balances out pretty well and that I don't look as big as I actually am. Gym class this last year was torture for me because most of the guys were making fun of me the whole period for being fat. I've been made fun of since kindergarten. No one's really ever liked me. I've been in a new school for two years now and no one here likes me too much. Most guys avoid talking to me at all costs. So I wanna hear it from the guys, does anyone even like big chicks??? In the last three years, I've gone from being outgoing and bubbly to being too afraid to walk to the other end of the cafeteria just to dump my freaking tray because I'm paranoid and feel like everyone is watching me. Just wondering. Thanks in advance!
Yes they do. I know a couple who is your age. The girl is big, but it means nothing to them, to their friends, or to most other people. They are so happy and even though they're young, they're probably my favorite couple ever. The guy is really smart, really sweet, and really good to her. Being your size does make things difficult because there are guys out there who are not okay with it, but don't think of yourself as being much different from anybody else. There are guys out there that don't like small boobs, that don't like brown eyes, that don't like girls who don't wear makeup, that don't like athletic girls, that don't like African American girls...there's something about everyone that they're worried about. It's easy to think that everyone's watching and judging you, but few really are. It may be hard to believe, but many girls your age are going through the exact same thing as you are, even (and perhaps especially) the ones who are thin and dating all the time. Stay confident and positive. You seem like a great person that your future husband is going to be very happy to have. Why waste your time trying to date guys that aren't good enough for you? You'll find someone with an amazing heart that will love everything about you.
The poem below sums up my experience with high school. Nobody wanted to date me and the only guys that seemed interested were really creepy. I thought I was doomed, but then I found someone in college. Some people get lucky early on and some don't. The guys around you will mature eventually and like I said, you could end up with a better one with a better heart if you wait.
“Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.”
So...my 8th grade boyfriend who I haven't spoken to in three years randomly messaged me on Facebook last night. He wasn't even on my friends list. He just popped up in my messages. He wants to hang out on Sunday and said that he wish we never broke up and wants to start over again. Since I've never had a true, genuine relationship before, I don't know what to do. I really like him all over again. What should we do starting Sunday?
I know this may be hard, but try not to get too excited too fast. People can really change in 3 years. Because you've already dated him, you already like him, are already comfortable with him, and already trust him. This is great, but it could be dangerous. If you didn't date him for more than a few months, you may not have gotten to know him too well either. Even if you talked for hours every day, it can take awhile to truly get to know what someone is like and how they'll treat you in a relationship over time. Try to figure out his intentions. Why does he want to see you all of a sudden? Did he just break up with someone? Does he just want to mess around? Has he been thinking about you and miss you? Straight up asking him might not get you the whole truth. His intentions could be good and unselfish, but be mindful that they might not be. My intent is not to discourage you. This is something to be happy about and I'd definitely see where things go with him. Just remember to be careful not to jump in too fast. Good luck, I hope it works out for you!! :)
ok so I realized you gave me advice before..http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=640493
And I would like to say thank you so much for that because your right it has been a long relationship and I do some what feel what your telling me on your advice. I just don't know what to do.. One side of me really likes him but the other really doesn't and his flaws stand out a lot more than his good because I barley see him make his good stand out but deep inside I feel like I have high standards over how perfect I want him to be or act and I am aware he doesn't have to be perfect, maybe I just can't learn to love his flaws like he has told me he's done with me. I can give you examples like going to the bathrooms at wrong times and leaving me there alone and recently it happened at his family's gathering and it made me feel less comfortable around his family. He has no way if figuring out his future he expect people to, there's more but it be too much. To summarize it all he zones out throughout many things, He says all I notice is his flaws not the good in him but I don't know why I wish it wasn't that way I wish I loved him as much as I did in the beginning which I know he wishes that to but he still loves me as much as he did in the beginning
You can keep on asking the same question over and over every few months for the rest of your life, or you can end your relationship with him and see what the rest of the world has to offer. Trust me, you can be much happier than you are right now. What you describe isn't a good relationship. He's a good guy, but he's just not right for you. Nobody's perfect and no relationship is perfect, but it can be perfect for you. This relationship isn't perfect for you. Set out to find one that is. The things that aren't perfect about him bother you. You can find someone whose imperfections are less bothersome to you. It's hard to just end a long relationship, especially when he's a good guy, but it's what you need to do. It will get worse over time. I have a feeling that no matter what I say you're going to continue to stay with him and continue coming on this site asking the same tired questions for years to come. Don't be that loser. Eventually, it will end and you'll have wasted years and years of your life on something that you knew right from the start that it wasn't quite right. Do what you've been doing or take our advice now. There's no use in asking another question about this relationship on this website if you're never going to take the advice you're asking for. End it today or for God sakes quit asking about what to do. There's a saying: "poop or get off the pot". If you're not going to break up with him quit whining about the same issues. If you can't move past these things that continue coming up, it needs to be over. You need to just do it or don't and stand true with your decision rather than continuing to complain about the same problems. Decide for good. If you can't let go of these issues immediately, the decision is made. It's been years and nothing has changed. Good luck.
There are times when he seems very interested and then times when he doesn't.I have his phone number, and we have texted, but his texts always seemed cold.
I am a shy person and I do not want to make the first move.I do like him and am interested, but I'm not gonna go up to him and say "By the way, I like you" :/ That would be odd.
No worries, I figured it out :)
I went with clueless because your main question was along the lines of "does he like me" Based upon the information that you originally provided, OF COURSE HE DOES! With the additional information that you've given to me, you've painted a clearer picture. In your original question, you didn't mention that he sometimes seemed cold. Remember this quote: "We only make a dupe of the friend whose advice we ask, for we never tell him all; and it is usually what we have left unsaid that decides our conduct." You painted the picture that you wanted us to see and the details that you thought were important rather than the whole picture. If your perspective of the situation and the things that you were focusing on were enough, you'd have this problem all figured out on your own.
I'd say that rather than clueless, it's more like you're being very aloof with him. Aloof means that when he does something, you respond in a very reserved way and aren't acting interested. You may think that you are, but to him, it's likely that it's very difficult to tell if you are interested by how you are reacting to his hints. You're worried about making the "first" move, when he's made quite a few already. Because of how you may be coming off as a bit aloof, you're going to have to be somewhat direct, or start hinting back. Don't worry, there are ways to be somewhat direct without coming out and saying "I like you". It's reassuring that you do like him.
It seems like he hints at things all the time. For instance, when he told you about his dream and he said "I told you I loved you and loved working with you, and that you were a hard-worker, and you told me you enjoyed being with me too" he gave you a HUGE opening. All you had to do was say "oh, well is that true?" Just because he's a guy doesn't mean he's not a person just as you are. He doesn't have some magic ability to not fear rejection. It should not be his responsibility to do everything because that's just not fair. He shouldn't have to be 100% direct with you because you're "shy" and don't want to make the first move. Well, why does he have to? Perhaps he's shy too. If you really are interested in him and don't want this to turn out to be nothing more than a brief flirtationship, give him a little help! At least give him 20%!
You've got all the reason in the world to believe that he likes you and is interested in you. What have you given him to make him believe that you're interested in him? Probably not much. "Shy" is not an excuse. It just makes things slightly more challenging. Shy people get married all the time. How did they get to that place? They had to muster up enough of themselves to prove to the person that they liked that they liked them more than their shyness was able to control them. The next time he says or does something odd, say something about it. Ask him directly. "What do you mean by that". If an opportunity doesn't arise, reschedule the lunch date. It's not difficult to say "Remember when we were going to go out to lunch? We should reschedule that."
There's a difference between being shy and not showing much interest. The reason why he sometimes seems very interested and then doesn't seem interested at all is probably because of the mixed signals that you are giving him. Whether you mean to or not or whether you even think that you are, you're probably giving him just as many mixed signals as he's giving you. All you may have to do is overcome your fear for 10 seconds and give him just one clearer signal. Getting that lunch date rescheduled could really help things. Good luck!
Hi! I'm female, senior in high school. Last year (junior year) I had this friend, and I started talking to this guy and dating him and then found out they had slept together. Not durin our relationship, like way before. Well she would always get really mad about us hanging out and she even had another boyfriend! The guy and I were sleeping with eAchother and had been for about two months. We could never let her find out because she would go insane. Eventually, she started hanging out with him again, and now he's totally ditched me for her! We still talk but not often, and he won't really hang out with me! I know we're just friends, and I even told him I wanted to hang out as friends and we still never have. See with their relationship he cheats on her, and she totally blows up on him about every little thing. Why is it he won't hang out with me, and what do I do to win his affection back over? I really do love this guy!
Your worth as a person is not tied to his attention. Winning his affection would not be a win for you. If he is not interested, that's his problem and has nothing to do with your worth. You've not "lost" to this other girl. She isn't better than you. You should not want this guy's affection anymore. What he is doing is completely ridiculous. After how she treated the two of you, he's hanging out with her? You don't want to be with a person who would do that. He clearly has not been honest with you about what he thinks of her. You don't love this guy. What you love are your memories of what you thought he was. His actions are not lovable. It can be difficult to get over feeling love for a person who is not deserving of your love anymore, but you cannot attribute the love that you feel to the person. You have to attribute it to your own mind. Your mind has developed feelings based upon experiences that you've had with him. The love you feel for him comes from your own mind, not from some magical force within him. Therefore, love is not an excuse to stay with a guy that would be so dishonest with you and would treat you this way. It's not worth the trouble and the pain to try to get him to pay attention to you. He's lost interest and that's his loss, really. Move on with your life now and it will be much easier. You're young. Don't waste another minute considering how to get a guy back who is way beneath you. It will be time lost. You'll find someone new that will not do this crap to you and you won't remember how you could have ever been happy with this loser. Good luck.
20 Female
So I met this guy on twitter and after a few months we started flirting. He wanted a good full out blown flirtationship so we did that. At first we would just flirt but slowly he started sexting me and soon I developed feelings for him. I told him I liked him and he told me, "I think you're so perfect for me, I wish I could make myself love you." A few months later he got a girlfriend but kept on lying to me that they are "just friends" so that I will continue sexting him! I found out and we had a fight and he said he didn't want to "hurt me" so he didn't say anything. I stopped talking to him and I took me about 3-4 months to get over him. A couple days ago he started texting me back and we were just talking as friends when he said, " if I ever end up meeting you, we're gonna be really busy because no matter what I do, the attraction we have between us will never ease up!" He later on told me that he doesn't feel sexually aroused with a woman like he does with me! First I was so happy because somewhere I still loved him but then I lied that I had to go somewhere. He's planing on having a mutual sexting session tomorrow and I'm scared...i don't know if it's because I think I'll fall in love with him again or the fact that I'm bisexual and I have a crush on a girl. The reason why I lied was because I remembered he has a gf, but honestly I could careless because it's not like I'm actually sleeping with him! Another words, him being in a relationship isn't the point! Idk what to do! Or how to politely tell him that I can't decide the reason as to why I'm scared to sext you! Because I just told him it wasn't awkward at all.
You should care. If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you. This guy has no respect for women. Sexual feelings and sexual attention can be very powerful, but do not let them blur your vision from seeing that this guy is a pretty crappy person that you don't want anything to do with. You are under his spell just because he is saying that he wants you sexually. This sort of "relationship" is dangerous and is not the way to allow yourself to be treated. As good as it feels, it's not going to give you what you're seeking. His bad behavior is actually turning you into a bad person as well. How could you say that you don't care about him being in a relationship at this point? That's kind of awful of you. Wouldn't you want someone to respect you enough to tell you if the person you were with was doing this? His disrespect for women is causing you to disrespect women as well. Do not be polite to him. If you're polite in rejecting him, he will not take you seriously. Not that he takes you very seriously anyway. It's not about being scared to participate in a planned sexting session (which is completely tacky and ridiculous), it's your own dignity, self-worth, and integrity that's at stake here. You do not want to be the kind of person that he's turning you into. He doesn't ever really want to meet you. Things are too good the way they are. He's just saying that to get back the easy girl that he lost. Tell him that you're not interested in a relationship with him anymore on any level. That's all you have to say. You don't owe him a drawn out explanation. You don't owe it to him to make him understand why you don't want to do something. He isn't going to agree with you and will only try to make you change your mind, so giving him a reason would be pointless. Just say no, do not engage in a drawn-out back and forth conversation with him about why you said no, block him, and move on with your life. You made the right choice before. Do not allow him to manipulate you into making the wrong choice now just because you like the attention that he gives you. You're better than that. Good luck.
Well am a 15 year old boy with not much of a social life. When i get lonely which is most of the time, i tend to watch porn. Recently, i decided to try watching gay porn and i liked it very much. I even cum faster when i watch Gay Porn than when i watch Straight Porn. Could it mean that am gay?
Please help me.
Not necessarily. Sexuality isn't something that you can define easily like everyone tries to make it. People have created all of these categories and the truth of the matter is, who really cares? Live your life and do what feels right. If you find yourself interested in another boy, awesome. If you find yourself interested in a girl, that's great too. Something like this, unfortunately, could confuse people though so be careful. For example, lets say that you're dating a girl who you really like and are sexually attracted to, but she finds out that you watch gay porn. It may be hard for her to understand. This doesn't mean that you should stop or that you should just be gay, it's just something to think about and have a good answer for. I wish you the very best of luck and remember, your sexuality is whatever feels right to you. Unless it's illegal! :)
What would you do?
My partner hid his diagnosis from me for 6 full months - actually he never told me, I found his medical report last month after becoming terribly suspicious that something was wrong, that I had been lied about something. Still don't know what to think about it and whether I want to continue the relationship or not. And while I truly do understand the fear of losing someone you love once the truth is out, I simply cannot grasp the fact that he did not insist on using condoms, this is simply beyond me. I tested negative last week but it is too early to know for sure. I don’t know what I would have done had he told me the truth at the beginning of our relationship or after a month or two, or ever, but I think what he did decide to do was the worst option possible.
He did tell me at the beginning of our relationship that he was a recovering heroin addict and my reaction, being completely out of that world, was maybe too harsh. Now he claims that this reaction kept him from telling me about HCV. In the last 20 days we've been through many discussions most of which end with his conclusion that I don't love him enough, that I don't understand what he's been through and so on. I must admit that I am quite confused about what I want and feel at the moment.
Thank you for your time.
Don't allow him to manipulate you!! Addicts are very good at manipulating people into continuing to enable their bad behavior. You were not too harsh! You can not ever fully trust or love him after what he has done. Do not allow him to create this confusion in you about what you want. You do not want a partner that would do this to you. By "do this" I am not just talking about failing to tell you important things, but also blaming you afterwards by saying that you don't love him enough. Are you kidding me? That's a completely horrible and selfish thing to say to someone that you have just betrayed. He shows absolutely no sign of remorse. If he has, it's genuine. What about what you have been through? He cannot use his past as an excuse for his present bad behavior toward you. What he has done to you cannot be forgiven. He is not a good person. You love your own perception of him, not who he actually turned out to be. He has shown a complete disregard for your health and safety. He does not deserve you and you do not deserve him. The worst thing that you can do is to remain in his life. Not only will he continue attempting to manipulate you because it has worked in the past and it's now how his relationship with you is, so you will suffer, but he will never change or get better so he will suffer as well and will not have a chance to get better. Do not spend another day with him. You cannot help him. By helping him, you are actually really hurting him as well as yourself. It is never the right thing to do to stay with someone because you feel sorry for them or because you love particular memories of them. This next part might be the hardest. You have to report him. He knew he had HCV and either intentionally or certainly recklessly participated in acts with you that could have caused you to become infected. It's very important that you do this. You have to protect other women from him. You know that he would do the same thing to someone else. Not reporting him could mean that you are partly responsible for his future crimes. Not only would this protect you, but it would help him. Yes, he could be punished for it, but if you don't do anything, he's gotten away with something else, manipulated someone else, and is not being held responsible for anything. Until he is held responsible he will continue to blame everyone else and continue down the path of becoming a very bad person. Please do this. For him, for yourself, and especially for the women that he could devastate in the future. No one should go through what you are going through. Wouldn't it feel good to know that you could have saved one other innocent woman? Good luck with everything.
I'm 21/f and he is 24/m
We have been together for 3 months. Well, for the first time in years, I was finally happy. I was with a man i never argued with, and someone who seemed they appreciated me. Well Sunday, July 20th- I heard from his cousin he was talking to his ex before me. I asked the ex, she confirmed. When I confronted him, he lied about it but soon confessed and said that he may have gave her reasons to think he wanted her back, blah blah blah, but that he didn't mean it and only spoke to her because he thought he was going to lose me although I gave him no reason to think so. He promised me he wouldn't talk to her, but I wasn't fooled. Three days after, things were good. He wasn't talking to her. Well Thursday was the last day i have seen him. Friday he was acting very weird. Very distant, not texting the same. Taking hours to text me back. But yet was in the phone with his ex till midnight.. Wouldn't answer his phone calls. Well he continued to act weird so i straight out said "if this isn't what you want anymore, just tell me and I'll back off. I just want you happy" and his reply was "I do want this baby. You make me happy" Today he told me I'd get to see him and about 15 minuted before i was to go get him, he said "I can't stop throwing up. I'm so sick". Something to me wasn't right. I asked his cousin and she said he didn't throw up at all and that he just left the house walking and no one knew where he went. His mom thought he was with me and wasn't. That was at 5 that evening. I texted him multiple times and he received the texts but never read them.. (We have att iPhones) well my friend texted him around 10 that night and my "bf" replied back quickly. But yet my messages were never read.
Well a friend of ours made a status about honesty and I commented taking about liars, and my "bf" liked my comment but had yet to reply to my messages. I told him I was done and couldn't do this anymore and NOTHING.
I'm just confused. Idk what happened. Everything was great until I confronted him about his ex last Sunday. And I've made sure not to do anything to push him away. I'm just more hurt trying it figure out what happened then us being done.
Any ideas?? Any tips??
He said I was everything he's ever wanted. That he was in love with me and wanted to carry a long lasting journey together. We never fought. Spent every day together which was his idea; and always laughed and affectionate. Luckily we were never sexually active with one another.
Please help!
You talk about how wonderful the things that he has said to you have been. People can say anything. You can learn the script. How many people are fooled by scammers online who tell them exactly what they want to hear? What has this guy actually done to show you that what he says is true? He's gone and betrayed you, that's what. Be careful not to resort to childish name-calling and public shaming. You're better than that. It's possible that he truly did believe the things that he said to you. A person can believe what they're saying at the time that they're saying it, but not believe it over time. The problem I have with this situation is your ages. I read your question, then went back to remind myself of how old the two of you were. You sound like you're 17. There is no way that he should be behaving like this at the age of 24. What he's doing is teenager crap. Calling him a "man" is an insult to real men when he's behaving like a boy. It's okay to have doubts, but someone his age should be able to handle it maturely and honestly. You say that your relationship has been just short of perfect up until now when really, 3 months isn't that long. The problems didn't just start, you've just been made aware of them so it wasn't really that perfect after all. It's time for you to turn the tables on him. You need to value yourself enough to be totally unaccepting of this behavior. Tell him it's over and stop talking to him. Do not participate in any social media bashing/whining/complaining about him. Then you'd be acting like you're 17 too. You're 21 years old and you're more mature than that. Keep this situation as private as possible. I'm not saying that you can't talk to your friends privately about what you're going through, but don't give him and the rest of the world a free look into what you're going through. It will cause additional drama and pain. End the relationship now and don't take it too personally. He's got issues that you have no control over and that have nothing to do with you. Even though this has been your first good relationship, it won't be your last. The good thing is that you weren't with him for a long time so it shouldn't take too long to recover. Spending one extra minute with this "man" could be one less minute that you will spend with someone who is actually right for you. Kick him to the curb like the boy he is and get out there in search of real love. You will find it! Just remember this: if you're looking for your keys, you're not going to look in the same place more than like, two times. Don't keep looking to this guy for love. It's not there. Good luck.
If you have a best friend who you can be sure you love, and is really a good person to you, and have been in a relationship with over a year, and then gets you pregnant but cheated before and during your first pregnancy, Do you think its worth and possible for that person to change and continue to try to work the relationship out as long as the male wants to?
I have been so confused, I feel like I am the only one going through this. My partner has always, always, been there for me. Always had respect for me and for my family. I always made him feel like he was the best person for me and our relationship was powerful and very bright. I gave him all the trust and benifit of the doubt a person deserves. But he abused it 100% because he was seeing someone else before I got pregnant and I found out during my pregnancy. He made everything fall apart. We were In the process of moving into a home together to make things easier when the baby gets here. He helps me financially but I have a strong grudge against him because he was with someone else who even lived close to me which I never heard about in my life. Social media is used so much now. He had many accounts to communicate with this other girl and would uninstall them from his phone every time we saw each other so he wouldn't recieve any notifications from her. And the girl was in my opinion very very naive for so long because he would only see her during the week after work (telling me he got home and slept because he was tired or went to the gym) and would only see her for maximum 3 hours. Never on weekends because he lied to her saying he worked ALL DAY, (I lived with him on weekends) so I would wake up and sleep next to him and spend all day with him. This other girl was someone on the side but he made her think he really cared about her just for the sex. But I don't know if he really did care for her and did not want to leave her. If that is so, does that mean he didn't love me?
Many things went down hill. He says he has lost all communication with her and has not tried to contact her at all. But he lied to me so much its honestly unbelievable now. He wants me and wants to have our baby together and live together and act as if none of this happened. I feel like it is selfish of him but I feel so confused and lost because I love this person but what he did was cruel. He didnt feel the need to stop, not even when we found out I was pregnant. I am due next month and I need advice but I can't ask any of my friends cause they take my side because they feel bad for me and my family also. His family might take his side so I can't ask them so much either. I think about this every night. I was my best for this person, changed a lot of my bad habits and I felt like I showed him how good life can be when your partner is your best friend. And I received it also, until I found out. The other girl told me she had no idea who I was until he started to act too suspicious. But I don't think I should believe her because she would go to his house, and when I told her to prove to me and tell me the address, she said she didn't remember the streets but that it was far. She also never had his real cell phone numbers. He ways used an app to text her, or would use snapchat, kik, or instagram. I had none of those besides a Facebook, so he blocked her from it. And I had no idea because I never felt the need to go through his things that deep.
We are all teenagers. Please don't think of me as just a little girl who needs to get over this. It feels horrible when people say that because I have been in many relationships and it doesn't mean I have slept with all those men. But I did comunicate a lot and really met people to see who would and would not be my type. Who its safe and unsafe to be around. Who is worth making an effort and who is not.. Etc. But I am not perfect. This is just very hard because a child is involved and someone I have yo spend the rest of my life knowing.
I am 19. He is 20. I hope I can revieve any type of advice. Please and thank you.
It's very important to make sure that you put his name on the birth certificate. If the relationship doesn't work out, this establishes him as the father and it's much, much easier to get things like child support later on.
He needs to understand that he has hurt you very deeply. By wanting to act as if nothing happened, he is showing that he does not or has not come to terms with this. That's not to say that it's necessarily selfish. You have a child to think about now, not just yourself. It would be best for the child to have 2 parents who were together and not focused on or consumed by their own problems. You need to muster all of your strength to try to sort this out for the sake of your child.
Ignoring what happened and going on with your lives is not an option. He cannot be given a free pass on this. Doing so would be a way of accepting/allowing what he did and giving him no reason not to do it again. He needs to know that what he did was completely unacceptable, deplorable, and unforgivable. He needs to know that if he does it again, that's it. The two of you need to seek help immediately in the form of a relationship counselor. In order to provide a good home for your child, you will need to forgive him (even though his actions are "unforgivable"). You're not ready for forgiveness and don't have the tools that you need to even begin thinking about something like that. This is why it is crucial for you to seek help over this today. Once the baby arrives, it will be difficult to find the time or energy to deal with this problem and it cannot go un-dealt with. Good luck.
Ok um a virgin my bf cam outside my virgina can i still be pregnet ?? But he dident put it in me :(
It is very rare for a pregnancy to occur without penetration, but it can happen. Chances are that you're not pregnant, but crazier things have happened. It's definitely something to worry about. You're going to be kind of freaking out until you get your period. Hopefully it's due to come soon. Let this anxiety be a lesson to you to never again allow yourself to use your inexperience as an excuse not to act responsibly in sexual situations. This is a question that you should have asked yourself before you participated in the behavior or certainly while the behavior was happening. Put a stop to anything that does not feel right or that you're not sure about. There is too much at stake for you to be okay with acting meekly and just going with the flow. Sparing your boyfriend's feelings for a few minutes is not worth risking a pregnancy that would result in a child taking up his and your feelings/time/money/everything for [at least] 18 years. Do some research now so that next time you're ready. Until you know the answers to all of your questions, you are not ready to participate in sexual activity. Educate yourself now. My advice to you would be to refuse to participate in any sexual activity with him unless he is wearing a condom. It's just too risky otherwise especially with your and his inexperience and lack of knowledge. Good luck.
so I need advice about my boyfriend. He's 21m and I'm 19f. We both have been dating for two years. I love him and like who he is but I have a problem. I don't really think he takes me seriously when I told him to wait on have sex. He's nice and acts like he'll wait but when all of a sudden something seems sexual in the conversation he make it into one not intended to be one and says he was joking about it. He knows that I still get embarrassed about sexual stuff he says to me. Another thing he gets confused about things easily. He irritates me but I keep it to myself because I have no friends sometimes and he proves he's there for me. I feel like I always have to guide him because he doesn't have any idea on how to do many things, I like being there to help him but he has to have mind of his own right?. I feel bad talking like that about him he's nice but his actions speak louder. I need any advice I can get thanks!
Go back and look at all of the questions that you've asked on this site before. Do you see a pattern? It can be powerful to see all of the words that you've written over the course of several years all at once. It seems like you've been trying to talk yourself out of being with this guy for a long time. Sex has always been an issue with him. Not knowing what you're feeling or if you're really invested in the relationship has been an issue for a long time too. He is not the guy for you. It has never felt right and it never will. You're not compatible. It seems like you're just staying with him because you'd rather be with him than not and because he's "nice". This isn't good for you and it isn't good for him either. It's time to break up with him. The longer you stay with him, the longer you will be away from the guy who is actually right for you. It's going to be a hard thing to do because you've held on for no reason for so long. You can do this. Gather your courage and finally do the right thing.
Lately, I have been having a gut feeling that my husband may be big curious or even gay. In the very beginning of our relationship (been married almost three years together almost 4yrs.) He admitted that when he was younger a friend and him were playing around and the friend ended up giving him a Blow***. I asked him then if he was gay or if he would do it again. He said no. Keep that in mind. A few months back my husband his friend and I started going to the gym. My husband is a man who is in and out of the shower, 7 minutes top! Every time the two went in there they would take ATLEAST 30 mins. I take long showers I would take one myself in the girls room and would still have to wait. I have asked my husband and he said he would just wait for him. Now his friend on the other hand, let's just say if you met him you would think he had sugar in his tank. I live in a small country town and my female friend said her husband had sex with a man before. People in this town including his family say he may be gay or curious as well. For a week now my husband and I are not talking, because I feel like I am being lied too when I ask him if he is gay or bisexual. I can work with bisexual, I just want to know so we can both have safe sex. He still says NO. I don't want to think that I am over thinking everything but I don't want to end up like my husbands mother, lied to and turn out that my husband is bisexual or gay. IDC what he is, I just want to know. I have told him how I felt and how its okay to like other men. I just don't know anymore. I won't let my husband touch me nor look at me because I feel like I am being lied too. I even talked to his friend and asked in a mature matter. I was not disrespectful nor did I just pop the question are you gay? Or what's going on with my husband and you. I explained my reasons first then asked. His friend says he's not gay.
Take a minute and breathe. Think about this: what if he is completely 100% straight? Think of it from his perspective. He can only tell you so many times before becoming frustrated. If he really isn't gay, you are completely destroying your marriage out of fear, which is coming from what happened to your in-laws. What if he hasn't done anything wrong and it's all you? You have to consider this as a possibility. Flip the switch for a second. Imagine your husband accused you of cheating on him and you hadn't, but nothing you could say would make him believe you. You fought over it every day and your relationship began to deteriorate. What would you do? Would you start to think that he'd never give up on getting you to "admit" something that you never did? When you say "I just want to know" to him, it really means that the only thing that he can do to help the situation is tell you that he is gay whether that's the truth or not. That's what you want to hear (even though it isn't what you want to be true). That might not make sense, but think about it. What can he do to make you believe him if he really is straight? Would you believe him or have you already decided?
Here's what you need to do. Look for concrete evidence. Talk to your husband's friend that he goes to the gym with. It is very possible that you're right, but at this moment, you're rampaging like a madwoman with no reason to do so. If you can't find any evidence, you have to believe him when he says he's straight. If you can't believe him, you need to speak to a counselor to help you resolve your issues. What happened with your in-laws is very much affecting how you are relating to your husband and it shouldn't. He is not his father and your relationship is not their relationship. You need to follow your gut and not completely drop this because you could be right, but start going about it in a more constructive and less anxiety-filled way. Trade in your fear for self-reflection, realism, and logic. Good luck.