Question Posted Wednesday August 27 2014, 10:47 pm
Ok so I have became and extremely needy girl towards the guy I love we have only been a thing for like 4 months in the beginning everything was good then i took things way too serious i text him all the time and always ask him if we can hang out... he knows he has me whenever he wants so he takes advantage of it..if i back off and stop texting him and let him make the moves will this keep him more intersted?
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? misspiggy answered Tuesday September 2 2014, 5:19 pm: Believe moi, all relationships go through this phase. You need to figure out what compromises you two can make for your relationship. Some people need more space than others. I personally need less space and my frog needs more space, so I understand how you are feeling. It sucks to be the person who needs less space because it makes you feel needy! But don't worry, you are not needy, you are just a person who likes to socialize more than your boyfriend does. Also, if he doesn't want to see you as much as you want to see him, you might begin to feel as though he doesn't care about you as much as you care about him. But, don't worry, he's probably just a person who likes his space.
Talk to to your boyfriend about how much space he needs. Ask him how often he would like to hangout, talk, text, etc. Listen to the answer. Then come to a compromise. If you want to see him every day, but he wants to see you every week, try to see each other a couple of times a week. If you like texting all the time, but he doesn't try to send each other a good morning/good night text and then cool it during the day.
Compromises like this are very important to a good relationship.
Don't invade his space. Likewise, he needs to be more attentive to your need for contact.
AshokLifeCoach answered Saturday August 30 2014, 9:09 pm: I can not tell you if one action or another will keep this guy interested or put him off - nor can anyone on this site. How could we - we don't know you or him at all. Nor can I tell you - based on what you describe - if you actually are acting in a way that will put this guy off or if you are just being paranoid. What I do know is this: You are panicking about loosing this guy and acting in a way that will make that outcome more likely. You have also decided for yourself that you are acting unreasonably hence describing yourself as 'extremely needy' and 'way too serious' - so whether that is true or not it's how you feel you are contributing to the relationship. You clearly have a lot of anxiety about this and I suspect that you feel it would be the worst thing in the world if the relationship ended.
My advice is this:
CALM DOWN! The relationship may well end and if it does you will be fine and you will move on with your life (no matter how you feel - I truly assure you that you will!!) - if the relationship breaks down that's a part of life and you will learn from it and move on. It will be hard and painful for a while but you WILL get over it. On the other hand if all goes perfectly with this relationship then great, no problem, all is well.
This is a case of worrying far too much about what might happen and assuming you wont be able to cope if you get an outcome you don't want. Stop - calm down - enjoy life - take things as they come - don't worry about what might happen - concentrate on your inner self and internal love and happiness - live in the moment.
sizzlinmandolin answered Thursday August 28 2014, 11:34 am: Be careful backing off too quickly. If you all of a sudden stop texting him all the time and asking to hang out, it might concern him. You don't want him thinking that something is wrong, you're cheating on him, or you're not interested in him anymore. It is important for you to give him some space though. Not to keep him interested, but to keep him from getting annoyed. If he's interested, he's interested and if he's not, he's not. By being "needy" you run the risk of annoying him to the point where even if he is interested in you, he won't feel like he can be with you because he doesn't have enough space. What you need to do to get the situation under control is tell him that you feel like you're being needy and you want to try to stop texting him as much as you do. That way, you're backing off like you need to and he knows why. Good luck!! [ sizzlinmandolin's advice column | Ask sizzlinmandolin A Question ]
solidadvice4teens answered Wednesday August 27 2014, 11:02 pm: I can't tell you and nobody can if he will still be interested in you or not. I do know that a real turn off for most people is someone who never lets them alone. Too many texts, calls and invites gives the impression of a pest. Needy if you will. Overly so.
You need to lay off of him. Let him come to you if he's interested. That's the right way. If he isn't you can then move on. He needs a chance to breathe and to figure out what he wants. I can pretty much guarantee it won't be you if you keep up what you have been doing. [ solidadvice4teens's advice column | Ask solidadvice4teens A Question ]
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