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My ex is now engaged to his ex before me Am i wrong for being mad?
We just broke up barely 6 months ago. We were together for 9 months and recently started seeing each other again for a few months.after brake up. He never mentioned seeing anyone else at all. We were together last Wed. and he proposed to her on Saturday? He told me in the beginning of the relationship he was over her as she had left town to be with someone else.I confronted him about being engaged and he was really cruel and cold and nonchalant about it! I feel I'm going crazy because I feel it's wrong to sleep with someone you know has feelings for you, and then a few days later ask another person to marry you? He feels he did nothing wrong because he didn't promise me a relationship but he also didn't make it clearly that he wasn't interested in working things out either.
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You could drive yourself crazy with this - thinking about it over and over and getting madder and madder - indeed you have started on this path already. Alternative is cut him adrift, shake yourself off, accept the past as is and leave it behind. Concentrate on your future. This is not a guy you want to be with or should be wasting your time on. You can think endlessly about him and the injustice of it all and feel sorry for yourself or move on with your life and get over this. The choice really is yours, you have the power.
Leave this guy and period of your life behind and concentrate on your future.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok
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Fact is you got used by him. Yes it was cold of him to do so and I really can't explain why he would sleep with you one night and then 2 nights later propose to another woman. The only thing that makes sense is he slept with you to help him make up his mind and that is cold and you have every right to be mad.
Women are not the only ones to be used in this manner. I had a similar situation with a woman I was dating. We were out on a date, had a nice diner and as I was paying the check she said to me. "I have something to tell you." "I'm engaged, it happened last night and I didn't want to break our date and tell you over the phone." Well that was nice but I'm out $80 plus for a nice diner. To add insult to injury she then reaches into her purse and takes out the engagement ring to show me and slip it on her finger.
It is hard to say if either of us learned anything from this. I met and married a very nice woman and we have one son. We just celebrated our 43 wedding anniversary last month. For my part I had just returned from 18 months in South East Asia and was somewhat shy around round eyed women. The woman I married help bring me out of that shell. The woman who took me for a last dinner never really got close to me.
What did we learn from these experiences? I could have been scarred for life had I not met my wife. During my 18 months in South East Asia it was during the Vietnam conflict and you soon learned not to trust the women. Then I came home and I'm hurt by a round eyed woman who I thought were trust worthy.
You put your trust in an ex-boyfriend who you thought wanted to work things out. You thought she was out of the picture. Ex's come back for two reasons. They have struck out with the new love of their life or they want to compare you to the other, most of the time.
Before you give your heart away and take a man to your bed make him earn it. Make sure he is not looking at you as just another notch on his belt or roll in the hay; your worth more than that. The two most important things in life are respect and trust. Both of these have to be earned. A certain amount of trust comes with agreeing to date him. That trust does not earn him the privilege of sleeping with you. That has to be earned by earning your respect and further trust.
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i agree with dragon, that this will definitely help you to be able to detect what to avoid this happening to you again, but bottom line what it sounds like here it you got used by this guy and in the worst way.
i cant totally understand your anger in this because what it sounds like is that he actually had feelings for someone else and made THAT person his wife when you were basically his side dish and nothing more. the only thing you can do now is learn from this and be able to recognize later down the road should someone else come along and try this with you.
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Okay, so based on what happened, what have you learned?
Obviously you still want to find your own prince charming to wed some day. In this guy, you saw a lot of things you don't like. Do you think you could recognize the warning signs of a guy who can't be trusted or taken at his words, hides things, isn't considerate of your feelings, etc...?
This is one of life's hard and painful lessons we have to learn before we can find our prince. I had to go through it too. The majority of us have to go through experiencing the terrible things about a guy first so we can recognize it and decide to make an improvement on the next guy we date.
Now that you know what the personality/character traits of an undesirable man look like, keep that in mind to avoid the moment you see it. Dont let this stop you from looking for the right guy. Lots of young guys havent a clue yet and havent grown up. But there are a few mature guys out there looking for that girl to love and cherish.
Make a list also of all the things you want in a guy too and keep looking for that.
Initially when meeting a guy, he'll be on best behavior so if he's one of the undesirable ones, he'll be putting on a fake personality. But that is tiring to do 24/7 so after a few times meeting him, maybe a couple weeks, but surely after one month if you're seeing each other alot,,,, you will have seen the mask slip and see his true character. And yes, it may look like a bunch of little things easily ignored or explained away. Nothing too serious. Thats like saying that a crack in a dam is not too serious, even when a little water is seen leaking out at times. Its justa a matter of time before that dam will break and in a relationship, its a flood of hurtful treatment behavior, in consistancis, etc...
The moment you see this stuff next time, it may be a sign that something untrustworthy is hiding, ready to pop out at any time. Maybe not, but in my life 9 times out of 10, those seemingly insignificant actions or words of the guy were clue that things were only going to get worse. I wish I knew that when I was young. But I got to put to work what I learned in finding my prince charming the 2nd time around in marriage.
good luck to you dear.
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