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my partner lied about having heptitis c
What would you do?
My partner hid his diagnosis from me for 6 full months - actually he never told me, I found his medical report last month after becoming terribly suspicious that something was wrong, that I had been lied about something. Still don't know what to think about it and whether I want to continue the relationship or not. And while I truly do understand the fear of losing someone you love once the truth is out, I simply cannot grasp the fact that he did not insist on using condoms, this is simply beyond me. I tested negative last week but it is too early to know for sure. I don’t know what I would have done had he told me the truth at the beginning of our relationship or after a month or two, or ever, but I think what he did decide to do was the worst option possible.
He did tell me at the beginning of our relationship that he was a recovering heroin addict and my reaction, being completely out of that world, was maybe too harsh. Now he claims that this reaction kept him from telling me about HCV. In the last 20 days we've been through many discussions most of which end with his conclusion that I don't love him enough, that I don't understand what he's been through and so on. I must admit that I am quite confused about what I want and feel at the moment.
Thank you for your time.
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My thoughts are to dump him. His attitude towards this disease is very caviler. HEP C is a very dangerous disease in which only 50 to 85 percent of those infected are cured. Many may need a liver transplant as the virus that causes HEP C infect mainly the liver.
When someone has a communicable disease such as Hepatitis, HIV/AIDS or STDS and is in a relationship with someone where bodily fluids are going to be exchanged the onus is on them not only to take the proper protection to protect their partner. They should tell their partner beforehand so that the partner can decide for him or herself if proper pretention is enough.
Your partner is making a non valid excuse for not telling you as there is no excuse for not telling you about him having HEP C. Your reaction to him being a recovering drug addict in no way excuses him from telling you about any other disease or illness he may have that could infect you and endanger your life. He is being manipulative. Hand him his walking papers and make sure to get checked again when it is appropriate to do so.
Until then and you have a clean bill of health form your doctor make sure to use a condom when having sex with a new partner. It is also on you to tell any new partner that you have been exposed to HEP C, that you have tested clean one time and have one more test to go before you are 100% out of the woods with this disease.
Maybe until you are in a long term life relationship you should adopt the position women of the 60's and 70's had. Back then the girls had a saying, "no rubber no lover." This was before the pill was available and popular. If a guy wanted sex he had to use a condom as it was the only form of birth control available. Today it still is a good form of birth control and it prevents the transmission of many STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.
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Don't allow him to manipulate you!! Addicts are very good at manipulating people into continuing to enable their bad behavior. You were not too harsh! You can not ever fully trust or love him after what he has done. Do not allow him to create this confusion in you about what you want. You do not want a partner that would do this to you. By "do this" I am not just talking about failing to tell you important things, but also blaming you afterwards by saying that you don't love him enough. Are you kidding me? That's a completely horrible and selfish thing to say to someone that you have just betrayed. He shows absolutely no sign of remorse. If he has, it's genuine. What about what you have been through? He cannot use his past as an excuse for his present bad behavior toward you. What he has done to you cannot be forgiven. He is not a good person. You love your own perception of him, not who he actually turned out to be. He has shown a complete disregard for your health and safety. He does not deserve you and you do not deserve him. The worst thing that you can do is to remain in his life. Not only will he continue attempting to manipulate you because it has worked in the past and it's now how his relationship with you is, so you will suffer, but he will never change or get better so he will suffer as well and will not have a chance to get better. Do not spend another day with him. You cannot help him. By helping him, you are actually really hurting him as well as yourself. It is never the right thing to do to stay with someone because you feel sorry for them or because you love particular memories of them. This next part might be the hardest. You have to report him. He knew he had HCV and either intentionally or certainly recklessly participated in acts with you that could have caused you to become infected. It's very important that you do this. You have to protect other women from him. You know that he would do the same thing to someone else. Not reporting him could mean that you are partly responsible for his future crimes. Not only would this protect you, but it would help him. Yes, he could be punished for it, but if you don't do anything, he's gotten away with something else, manipulated someone else, and is not being held responsible for anything. Until he is held responsible he will continue to blame everyone else and continue down the path of becoming a very bad person. Please do this. For him, for yourself, and especially for the women that he could devastate in the future. No one should go through what you are going through. Wouldn't it feel good to know that you could have saved one other innocent woman? Good luck with everything.
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Dump him.
It's him who doesn't love you enough to keep you safe from a communicable illness. Your previous reaction, no matter how inappropriate it might have been, is no excuse for putting you in physical danger without your consent.
It's like arguing because you got angry at him for admitting to drunk driving, he isn't going to warn you if he is about to hit you with a car. It's moronic and evil. If he thinks his behavoir was defensible, he cannot be trusted. His moral compass is fundementally broken.
Nothing he has been through justifies what he did. It might help explain why he made this mistake, but it does not excuse the mistake. Unless he can take complete responsibility for his horrible lie, he is not someone it is safe to be with.
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