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Everything was great and now he's indirectly done..
I'm 21/f and he is 24/m
We have been together for 3 months. Well, for the first time in years, I was finally happy. I was with a man i never argued with, and someone who seemed they appreciated me. Well Sunday, July 20th- I heard from his cousin he was talking to his ex before me. I asked the ex, she confirmed. When I confronted him, he lied about it but soon confessed and said that he may have gave her reasons to think he wanted her back, blah blah blah, but that he didn't mean it and only spoke to her because he thought he was going to lose me although I gave him no reason to think so. He promised me he wouldn't talk to her, but I wasn't fooled. Three days after, things were good. He wasn't talking to her. Well Thursday was the last day i have seen him. Friday he was acting very weird. Very distant, not texting the same. Taking hours to text me back. But yet was in the phone with his ex till midnight.. Wouldn't answer his phone calls. Well he continued to act weird so i straight out said "if this isn't what you want anymore, just tell me and I'll back off. I just want you happy" and his reply was "I do want this baby. You make me happy" Today he told me I'd get to see him and about 15 minuted before i was to go get him, he said "I can't stop throwing up. I'm so sick". Something to me wasn't right. I asked his cousin and she said he didn't throw up at all and that he just left the house walking and no one knew where he went. His mom thought he was with me and wasn't. That was at 5 that evening. I texted him multiple times and he received the texts but never read them.. (We have att iPhones) well my friend texted him around 10 that night and my "bf" replied back quickly. But yet my messages were never read.
Well a friend of ours made a status about honesty and I commented taking about liars, and my "bf" liked my comment but had yet to reply to my messages. I told him I was done and couldn't do this anymore and NOTHING.
I'm just confused. Idk what happened. Everything was great until I confronted him about his ex last Sunday. And I've made sure not to do anything to push him away. I'm just more hurt trying it figure out what happened then us being done.
Any ideas?? Any tips??
He said I was everything he's ever wanted. That he was in love with me and wanted to carry a long lasting journey together. We never fought. Spent every day together which was his idea; and always laughed and affectionate. Luckily we were never sexually active with one another.
Please help!
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You talk about how wonderful the things that he has said to you have been. People can say anything. You can learn the script. How many people are fooled by scammers online who tell them exactly what they want to hear? What has this guy actually done to show you that what he says is true? He's gone and betrayed you, that's what. Be careful not to resort to childish name-calling and public shaming. You're better than that. It's possible that he truly did believe the things that he said to you. A person can believe what they're saying at the time that they're saying it, but not believe it over time. The problem I have with this situation is your ages. I read your question, then went back to remind myself of how old the two of you were. You sound like you're 17. There is no way that he should be behaving like this at the age of 24. What he's doing is teenager crap. Calling him a "man" is an insult to real men when he's behaving like a boy. It's okay to have doubts, but someone his age should be able to handle it maturely and honestly. You say that your relationship has been just short of perfect up until now when really, 3 months isn't that long. The problems didn't just start, you've just been made aware of them so it wasn't really that perfect after all. It's time for you to turn the tables on him. You need to value yourself enough to be totally unaccepting of this behavior. Tell him it's over and stop talking to him. Do not participate in any social media bashing/whining/complaining about him. Then you'd be acting like you're 17 too. You're 21 years old and you're more mature than that. Keep this situation as private as possible. I'm not saying that you can't talk to your friends privately about what you're going through, but don't give him and the rest of the world a free look into what you're going through. It will cause additional drama and pain. End the relationship now and don't take it too personally. He's got issues that you have no control over and that have nothing to do with you. Even though this has been your first good relationship, it won't be your last. The good thing is that you weren't with him for a long time so it shouldn't take too long to recover. Spending one extra minute with this "man" could be one less minute that you will spend with someone who is actually right for you. Kick him to the curb like the boy he is and get out there in search of real love. You will find it! Just remember this: if you're looking for your keys, you're not going to look in the same place more than like, two times. Don't keep looking to this guy for love. It's not there. Good luck.
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People can say just about anything to another and can even learn how to lie to themselves and trick themselves into believing something.
Beside's speaking these following words: that he loves you and you're everything he's ever wanted. That he was in love with you and wanted to carry a long lasting journey together, what did you see in his actions that backed that up. It is in a person's actions, how they consistantly treat another that you can know whether to believe them or not. From the little you've shared here, it sounds like you can not trust him to be a man of his word. That his words mean nothing.
When two people meet, its common to be on ones best behavior to catch their interest. Hiding all ones faults and such behind a mask of falsehood.
Once a person thinks they have caught the other person, they begin to relax and let the mask slip, because it takes a lot of personal energy to maintain a false persona. Eventually everyone lets their true self show. It doesnt take long, for many its after the 3rd date, after a handful of months and rare that someone can fool someone and not show their real self until almost a year later. Either your guy was like this before you dated and due to rose colored glasses of love and new relationship energy, you just didnt notice it, OR he was acting one way for you and being his real self when not with you and you finally saw it.
No, there is nothing you have done or done wrong to cause this behavior in him or the relationship. That was always there in him. Perhaps he hasn't figured out what he wants yet and likes enough different things about a few different girls, but unless both parties believe in polygamy or polyamory, it is not going to work. Polyamory is both the male and female having multiple partners they are in love with, polygamy is one man with many wives but the wives can't have other men.
You mentioned you never had sex. Is it possible he was trying to win your heart and trust so that you Would feel comfortable eventually having sex with him when its all a game to him and he is not currently interested in any love relationships?
Certainly, cut it off with him if you haven't truly made a clean break. Learn from this experience. Thats what dating is about, not instant love and devotion with the first one or two. Make a list of what things you did like, what you do not like and make sure to avoid the dislikes as soon as you see them in the next guy. Do not rationlize or give the next guy a second chance. You know what the bad behavior looks like and sounds like. I left a verbally abusive ex. When dating, it took til the 3rd date with one guy I was really liking for his mask to fall. He said he place was a mess/it wasn't, and began to blame the maid he hires weekly to clean but the verbal assault he gave about her told me, he was just like my ex. Did he verbally abuse me in that situation? No. But he was doing it concerning someone else. When a person has a bad habit, they are not selective who they do it to and who they don't. You can't be the only one he never treats that way...its only a matter of time. And so I knew if I hung around long enough, I would eventually see him treat me like that. I split up with him that day. Know what you really want, and if a guy doesn't match that, don't settle for less. You have to meet and sort thru a lot of toads before you find your prince dear. I found that out in dating before I met my 2nd husband. I had just about given up ever finding a good man who I also had the chase, until he has a string of girls hethings in common, beliefs in common, etc. So trust and believe that the right guy is out there somewhere, it can just be a long road to find him. Dont give up, and dont give this old boyfriend another thought.
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It's over. sounds like he is up to no good.
He was trying to hide his ex and you found out, this is a lost cause and you should let it go. The way he is acting clearly shows he no longer wants you around sadly, from what I read he doesn't seem to be good relationship material, just be happy it wasnt longer down the road.
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