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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Okay, so I have a crush on this guy, but I don't know if he likes me. Tomorrow I'll be driving around with him and his family, and I just want to know. What should I do?

If you are invited to come along with him and his family, I'd say that chances are high that he likes you and his parents like you. Otherwise, you wouldn't be invited to come along.

Being young and wanting to experience romantic interest from a male, we often tend to read into things, and imagine there is more to any actions and words than there really is. Its called wishful thinking.
He may "like' you as a friend. This is a good place to start when first interested in someone. Sometimes, over time as the friendship goes on, both may grow to actually love each other and become a couple. But if it's only one person that happens to, then its not happening and theres nothing you can do to "make it happen'.
I am sure you really want to know if he likes you as more than a friend. If he does, and he is very comfortable with you and has spent lots of times hanging out with you, getting to know each other well, learning to trust each other, then in the future, IF he is interested in the way you hope he is, then eventually it will naturally happen that he lets you know. IN the meanwhile, enjoy his friendship and spend time getting to know each other. If there are no other females your age hanging out with him and his family, then I'd say you're in a good place. Don't mess it up by pressuring him and putting him in an awkward spot by confessing your feelings to him and don't ask if he likes you as a girlfriend or if he loves you. Save that for much later after you've spent a year or couple years as just friends. If anything more is meant to be, it will happen naturally and you won't have to force or manipulate a single thing.

A few years ago (around 2012), I started watching a TV show called Modern Family. However, during one episode, one of the characters was only seen in their underwear, and my parents walked in the room and thought I was watching a porn channel and banned me from watching this show (they had heard me talk about it but only saw 1 episode before this themselves).Around August or September time this year, I realised the first 5 seasons were on demand. Feeling nostalgic, I downloaded some of the episodes and became a big fan of it, but my parents didn't know as they weren't in the room at that time. I decided to carry on watching this show in secret by only watching it on Fridays or Saturdays or both, since my parents are usually watching stuff in the back room on these days (The room I watch this show in is the front room)However, around late October, my dad started doing some stuff for work on his laptop in the front room. Luckily, he wasn't working in there on Saturdays, but he was on Fridays. Which meant I had to watch 4 episodes every Saturday rather than 2 on Friday and 2 on Saturday. I carried this on through November but I ended up staying up later than my parents sometimes. Then, in December I discovered a website with every episode on it so I watched a few episodes on the website, and then I got a media centre app called Kodi for Christmas, and watched some episodes on that. In January, my dad didn't work in the front room on any day, which meant I could watch as many episodes as I wanted. however since I only had two episodes, to watch until I got to the season 3 finale I watched one episode on the Friday, and one on the Saturday. I decided to wait until the next Friday to watch the finale, only to discover that my sister had broken the TV. I would have watched it on the website or on Kodi, but because it was the season finale, I wanted to watch it in the front room. Then, last week, when I asked my mom when she'd fix the TV, she said she'd have it fixed by the end of February. The only issue is that the week before that she'd moved the table in the front room to the other side of the room . The problem is part of the door of the front room is see through, and now you can see the Tv through the door , whereas previously you couldn't so now when the tv is fixed, I won't be able to watch this show anymore, because my parents will be annoyed. Plus, the way the table was before, I liked sitting on a chair and then putting my feet on the radiator, but the position it is in now, makes it impossible for me to reach my feet to the radiator.
Anyway, back to the point. How can I get my mom to fix the TV quicker?, and When the TV is fixed, how can I carry on watching the show in secret with the position of the table?
And also my mom is getting more strict with homework lately, so I might not have a chance to watch the show at all. Plus, even if my mom does realise it's an innocent show, or I tell her it's an innocent show, I'd still prefer to watch it in secret.
By 15 yr old male

when it comes to ones parents and you are not yet an adult of 18 or older, it is best to not going around doing things in secret.
I took a parenting class long ago and one of the things taught was how to teach your older kids to teens how to 'appeal' to the parents. Parents often pass a judgement without having all the facts. I've been there, done that. But in wanting to be a better parent and also teach my kids some handy communicating skills, I taught them to ask if they could appeal a decision I or dad made. They had to provide us with more information so I could review my earlier decision and either change it or still keep it.

It is a good thing that they wanted to keep you from watching porn. If that is the only concern with this show and there is no other valid concerns on their part, you might want to appeal to them. After all, when you think of all the anxiety this is causing you to try to continue watching in secret, why torture yourself unnecessarily if they might give you the approval to watch it all you want, provided homework is done first as it should be.
I do not know what is the status of the household budget, and perhaps the tv is of a less importance to them or there just isn't money to repair it, or some other reason why. If these are the reasons the TV is not fixed, there really won't be any easy way to convince them to get it fixed or replaced sooner than later.
I am sure you only wanted to know how to keep this a secret but as a parent myself, I wouldn't recommend this. If you want them to give you lots of trust in the future, then being open and honest and handling this with them like an "adult" will get more positive results. As a teen, I gained my parents trust by being responsible and communicating with them well and so whenever I wanted to go hang out with friends or the church youth group events, I could take off and didn't have to check in by a certain time. We didnt have cells back then so calling parents wasn't always a possibility.

Lastly hon, even if you are in the right about the type of show this is, trying to watch it in secret without trying to discuss this further with them and getting them to randomly tune in to any past episodes to check it for themselves, is only going to come across badly to them. All they will think about is not that the show is okay afterall but that you went secretly behind their backs to watch it. And that is not the way to earn and build trust with your parents.

so i'm in a long distance relationship from couple of months everything was going good until a little problem started in her life

and now the problem is almost over but she thinks that she doesn't love me anymore

she wanted to marry and have kids with me that's how much she loved me and now she think's that she doesn't love me because when i move to her country it will be the first time that we both are gonna meet and she thinks that she won't be able to love with me

she says that she wants to be alone and doesn't wanna worry about a boyfriend who she has to think about and text....
i think that she's watching too many American Movies about love xD
but it really hurts me to hear her say all these....

i ask her if she doesn't love me anymore she doesn't reply to it...
she loves me but she is always thinking about things that's gonna cause a problem in our love and this constant thinking of her's has led us to breakup
she didn't even talk to me for a couple of weeks...she said that she was thinking but now i see all she was thinking was negative...

love is something that we can't get easily..
we have to fight for our love...
that's what i believe

but she is failing to understand that point
and i'm trying to explain all this to her...
i'm asking her to look at the bright side but she just doesn't get the point....

i really don't know what to do and i'm trying so hard to save our love
i don't wanna give up so easily

LDR's, long distance relationships, are not the best way to date a person and fall in love. The internet is a good tool to use in finding a person, coming to know of their existance and if they sound interesting, then taking the step to meet in the real world as soon as possible, in a week or two, or a month at the longest.

I used dating sites on the internet which involves then chatting via the internet daily or often with the other person. I found that even if it was only a week, my mind began to fill in the blanks, the spacdes of things I did not know and too often, using the impression they gave by their words mixed with a lot of my imaginings did not in the end measure up when we met in person, usually at a safe public location like a coffee shop.

I had high hopes on a couple guys but when we met in person, the chemistry was not there, and either one or both of us did not feel the romantic attraction and chemistry needed to make the relationship ever work. Also, in the beginning, people tend to want to impress and so will often try to cover up their flaws and pretend to be something better than they are. For example, it is easy to hide the fact that one is a messy house keeper if your date has never seen your place. I know of several people who said they were told one thing but found out in the end they were lied to once they finally met in person. SO another bad thing is that it is hard or almost impossible to learn to trust the other person without being there in person to really observe them or check out if what they say about themselves is really true.
So I find it natural that she may want to marry and have kids but not be 100% sure that the person she wants to do that with is you.

SO my advice is to meet in person several times and if you both are still interested in spending time together and growing your relationship to a more solid love, then either stick with local people, OR, if you choose to use the internet, then try to put a high priority on interacting only with those who live close enough for it to be reasonable for you or her to meet in person and visit each other.

Hello there, we've been friends for a while. we kid around. I don't flirt with him but I think he flirts with quite a lot sarcastically more likely he's teases me tons by saying, oh, look at those moody grumpy eyes and he laughs slightly afterwards. he asked me to do few tasks but I kept forgetting and I said, ''next time you remind me just hit me in the head, ok' and he laughed and said (mentions my name) NO, I like you too much to hit you on your head.'' what does he mean? does he likes me or just goofing around?? we have a lot of eye contact but we both are never shy well he's not, we just carry on chatting but more likely he does teases me over tiny stuff and I just say,'you're horrible' and he just sits there and smiles looking at me. If possible Men point of view please but all answers are appreciated. Many thanks!

It's hard to know what another person means by the words they choose to communicate by unless you are a mind reader. The next best thing is to study and learn about body language. There are many you tube videos that I've seen that show what people do when interested as more than friends, what females specifically do and what males do. you may want to study up on that so in case you see positive signs, you will feel more comfortable taking the next step.

The question here is whether you have any romantic hopes or interests in him. If not, just enjoy the friendship and don't question it. If you are interested that way, then next time either paraphrase him or ask what he meant.
Paraphrasing is a good way to go. All you do is to say for example using what he said here:

Him: "No I like you too much to hit you on your head."
You: When you said that, did you mean that if you liked me any less, that you would hit me? And did you mean that you may have interest in me as more than friends and wouldn't dare hit me for fear of making me upset or angry at you?

Just put into words exactly how the words hit you, so the other person can confirm or explain or say no.
There is flirting and there is body language. In many cases, you can't rely on flirting because some of the more outgoing, extroverts are like that with everyone, its just part of their personality. I talk with my hands for instance and often will touch a persons shoulder or arm or give a pat on the back when complimenting, etc. and I have to watch carefully the expressions on the face if it happens to be a male so if it looks like he is questioning my gesture, I can explain I am not hitting up on him, its just how I am with everyone. If you have observed him never doing his brand of flirting with anyone else when in a group, then perhaps it does mean something. But the only way to be sure if to have a heart to heart chat about the subject. What does not lie is a persons body language and facial expressions. For example, a person can tell you something they think you want to hear but be lying through their teeth and the only way to know if it was true or not is where their eyes were focused when answering as in looking up to left, right or looking down to the left or the right. All of this information can be found on the web but I enjoy most the visuals to watch and learn in you tube videos. If you decide to do this research, and can't find what you want, let me know and I will look for some examples for you.

I own a pug who is 5 years old healthy. My mom wants to give him away as she doesn't like him and prefers her home to b the same as before. Things change when u get a dog. I study out of town and visit home every other weekend but that's not enough for her and my dog. My brother is busy with his own studies and hardly pays attention to our dog. Mom is right on her part but my dog is my only friend. He is the reason I'm still alive. He is the reason I visit home. And mom doesn't realizes that giving my dog away would be giving my soul away. I don't know where to give him. What to do. How to do this?

Since you are away at college, you are unable to take on 90% of the responsibility for taking care of your dog. Lots of college students face the same dilemna when they go off to college and the pets stay at home with parents taking full care of the pet. It's a hard thing because Mom and Dad are then like a free boarding kennel for a pet. If they happen to like pets, no problem but if they don't, imposing on them can cause bad blood between you and them. So since you realize Mom is right, its time that you search outside the family to find someone who loves animals, has a dog or two of their own and wouldn't mind adding yours for the duration of your college days. If you go this route, it would be wise to offer to give them money for at least your pets food if you are able. Don't choose a person who loves dogs but has none as they may fall in love with your dog and then have to go thru heart break returning pug to you, or they may not be willing to give him up.

Try other friends at college asking if their family has dogs and would they be willing to take on yours. If you attend a church, I'd have them announce it in the program. Its best to go with someone you know.
I understand why its so important to you, having the dog in your life cus it does something positive for you. But you also need to think about what is best for your dog at this time period and it needs to be loved, played with besides regular care stuff. So if your dog is not getting that, what might be best as a last resort is finding a new home for your dog.

Does a woman with irregular period will easily get pregnant in dry humping? Without clothes ?

With irregular periods it is even harder to know when the female is ovulating. And ovulation is the time when she can get pregnant. It is best to not take any chances and use a good birth control or you may find one day that you are going to be a Father.

Hi I'm 18 F .. The guy I like is 23. We know each other about a month now. We met each other at my birthday party and after that we just started talking. I like him but I'm not inlove with him. He told me he likes me and after that he just wants to be friends. But he is the first one to say hi and sometimes he complements me and so on. He keeps telling me that he just wants to be friends and although I'm not inlove with him it still hurts.

Do you believe there is only one kind of "Like"?

There are two that I know of, Like as in stating a preference for something or appreciation for something as in "I like chocolate chip mint icecream" (cus its a favorite) or "I like the way my grandma cooks pot roast because I am a picky eater."

The other "Like" is what people state when they are interested in someone, attracted to them and want to start hanging out and progress towards dating or start dating right away.

So when he said he likes you, he may appreciate some things about you as a person and enjoy you as a friend but may not at this point or maybe not ever develop deeper feelings like Love.

Guys don't toss around the word "Love" right at the beginning of meeting a girl unless they are a very needy person or if they are trying to trick her to just get into her pants. Yes, I know theres such a thing as Love at first sight but it is so very rare and very unlikely so don't get hopes up.

If you are not in love with him, then do you at least value him as a friend? If so, there really isn't a problem unless he decides in the future to tell you he's in love with you and you need to convey that you don't feel the same.

There are no mixed signals just by the words you say were spoken. But then I wasn't there to watch for any body language that would reveal much more than just words can. Body language will tell the truth even if a person is lying or not speaking at all.

I think the real issue here to focus on is WHy it hurts you that he just wants to be friends? I don't mean to hurt you but there may be something you need to deal with so that you are no longer affected by a situation like this.
To show the big difference that self confidence can make, when I was on a dating site, (how I met my 2nd husband) I was in my 40's, so no spring chicken any longer and I learned from a bad first marriage what I would not tolerate in the next guy. So I was very specific, spelling out what I was looking for and shared everything about myself, the good and the areas I needed to work on, and told the guys, they could ask anything, and nothing would offend me, I'd be an open book and answer whatever they wanted to know. But it wasn't their approval I was looking for and said that I would rather let them see and know everything they wanted right off the bat so if they didn't like what they discovered, they could walk away and it wouldn't hurt my feelings. And it didn't. I did not want to be hooked up with a guy who only felt so-so about me. I'd already had even worse. You are 18 and just starting the dating circuit. Don't wait for a guy to come after you cus he likes the way you look but he may not be right for you. Don't accept an invite to become just any guys girlfriend because you want a boyfriend or future husband so badly. Thats the wrong reason for going with a guy. Its much better if like myself, you write a list of what you are looking for in a guy. LIsten to your girlfriends when they complain about their boyfriends. Do you really want someone who is indifferent, doesnt talk much if you do, never does anything special for you, doesn't support and encourage you and compliment, etc..... Make a list and keep adding to it. Must haves on the list are things you absolutely won't settle for less on, or it is a deal breaker and you won't date him. A column of prefences is good too but these would not be deal breakers, such as my liking a guy with long hair. If I met the right guy and he didn't have long hair, I'd still go with him. But I did by chance find the right guy and he has long hair.

Hi, this guy friend sends x sign in rectangular box at the end of every text with smily face or thumbs up. What does that symbol mean? Any meaning at all? Cheers!

I believe the other advice giver is likely correct. Even when I write answers on here or other sites on the web, when I see what I have written, the commas, periods, and quote marks are replaced by strange symbols I know I didn't type. You could always ask him what he put at the end of his text and tell him what actually showed up on your end.

Hello,

I am 25 year old male.. During the past 5-6 years I found it very hard to hang onto a job. Anyway.. I find that when I start a job I cannot focus on much anything else other than that ONE job! I become completely FOCUSED on my job and everything else takes a backseat. Currently I am a fitness instructor and teach 2 times a week 2 hours a week. My whole focus is on this.. I love doing it.. but isn't that problematic that with all my jobs I HAVE TO just be focused on that, the job and I cannot do anything else after but mentally prepare for my next shift.. I do have ADHD and treatment for anxiety but still...??? Working shouldn't be my whole life??

Not sure if you are saying that you juggle several different jobs at same time for different employers or whether you meant focusing on just one "task", one part of your job, but not focusing on all the other stuff you need to do for the same job, or whether you meant something else entirely.

Either way, ADHD would definitely affect your performance in a job as well as all other areas in your life. Just because you earn money from a job doesn't make it any more important than everything else in your life, including handling a budget carefully and paying bills, taking good care of a girlfriend or even a pet, etc.

I have heard of people with attention deficit issues, finding improvement when cutting sugar out of their diet as much as possible. I know a couple whose daughter went to a special Montessori school where the kids were not allowed to attend if they had taken in any sugar and the teachers could tell by their performance in class the following day. They cited tests that had been done and the real proof was when parents visited grade school classes even first grade where all the children were focused and acting more like college students as they studied. Thats a vast difference from the kind of kids I went to school with. So give it a try.
As for your anxiety, I understand you are on meds but not all people I know who are on meds are really helped by them. You may want to read a book titled "When Anxiety Attacks" by David D. Burns. I used to have severe social anxiety when younger but no longer. I followed the same advice this Dr. has written in his book. It may be hard to self diagnose exactly what angle to try in treatment exercises, so if you decide to seek a professional who can help you with a non drug treatment of simply working with you to rewire how you think, then seek a Dr. who offers CBT methods of treatment,(Cognitive behavioral therapy)

Hi there, just wondering if the guy friend says, 'you need to take me out for a meal in that restaurant coz that's my favourite place' he says with smile, and I told him ok, may be, one day I might. Also, he says, 'u wouldn't have met me if you didn't come work with us and laughs, like a nervous laugh' Now, does he mean something? Why is he suggesting that? We do joke now and then. I do feel he fancies me, not entirely sure. He sings and hums using my name. Calls me with my shortened name. So please guys, any advice at all? What exactly is he implying? Thank u all!

Be brave girl...and just ask him questions or make some kind of statements that might in a round about way get you some answers.
I don't mean to ask point blank "Do you like me" as you may not get a truthful answer no matter if he does or doesn't. Guys panic when they think saying No, means you might cry and that freaks out lots of guys. Or if he does like you, he may be too embarrassed to confess on the spot.
Here's how I would have spoken if a guy said the same things to me.

Him: You need to take me out for a meal in that restaurant...."

Me: Really, that's your favorite place? I have a favorite place too, but its not that place, not that I wouldn't mind going there.
(This is the perfect thing to say to see if he really cares about you because if you don't mention what your favorite place is, he should want to know to at least learn something more about you if not to be able to take you out there some day. So if he doesn't ask, He's not all that serious or if he is, he's gonna need a heck of a lot of training from you or some other female to become a great candidate for boyfriend.
This is not a stranger talking to you and saying these things, he is already a friend and you should be able to ask a friend what they mean by what they said, however you may feel more comfortable taking this route I mentioned.

Him: You wouldn't have met me if you didn't come work with us.

Me: Well that is stating the obvious. I also wouldn't have met all my other co-workers. So what are you trying to say because if I decided to state the obvious with you, I could say "You are wearing a black shirt and blue jeans today." (or whatever he was wearing at the time of his comment) and that kind of talk doesn't make for interesting conversation. Come on, we're friends, right? So you can really say anything to me unless you don't trust me with your innermost thoughts."

I can't say what he is implying if anything. He may not actually be a close friend but just a friendly aquaintance at work and if so, there certainly won't be the kind of trust as good friends would have. If this is someone you only know at work but haven't spent time with away from work, he may just be teasing, or flirting for fun but not for serious intentions and unlike with closer friends, you two wouldn't have had spent enough time hanging out to learn to trust each other. I think if you like him as a coworker but don't like the idea of him as a boyfriend, then don't ask and encourage his advances.
If you really like him and would like to date to get to know him better, then forget asking him anything or even learning what he meant, just ask him out on a date but say you are going 'dutch' as just friends, because you aren't dating each other. That way you don't end up having to pay for his dinner. A real gentleman would offer to pay for their dates meal, not the other way around, but maybe thats what the younger guys are like these days, not gentlemen. I come from another era and even there, you had to search hard for gentlemen but at least they did exist.

So i am 18 years and I met a guy who is 21 years online. At first I saw his pic and I was not interested. But I added him and eventually we began video chatting a lot and I found he looks better on the camera. I didn't know he liked me until we did a can call... And well the way he kept looking at me... So I asked him and he said he do like me. The big problem is he won't date me because he doesn't like online dating... Oh and well he is an atheist... And I have realized that he rarely or never messages first... Should I just continue messaging first? because I font want to screw this up... Since my experience always said I never message first.... I know this is just online but contrary to my last online date this one actually introduces me to his family and friends and he tells them he likes me...

Hon, You've grown up in a generation that uses cells and texting to talk to a person instead of face to face as it was when I was your age. Your generation is slowly forgetting how to even hold a conversation or act with someone in person rather than over the internet. I have seen that some colleges are now offering classes to teach students how to have a conversation or real in life friendship, not on line. That is very sad. If you really prefer to always date on line, remember that it is a poor facsimile to the real thing. It is virtually impossible to build trust on line. If one is gullible and will believe anything the other says without being able to be on site and see for yourself if this person is consistantly who they say they are, then there is no way to know for sure. In wanting to impress, a person can fake alot online. Another issue is not being able to know what it feels like to hold hands, kiss, etc. And I don't know of any woman who wants to have kids who can get pregnant via the internet. YOu really need the real live person for that. So I can understand him not wanting on line dating. He is very intelligent to know it is a far cry from the real thing. There is interest and he likes you but that doesn't make a sturdy relationship. Nows the time to meet in person and take it from there in person. The longer one stays in the internet, the more you risk mentally imagining and filling in the spaces with what sounds good to you but may not be anything like that person. I have only used the internet as a tool to learn of the existance of someone, used dating sites and choose to screen it for meeting those no further than a hours drive away. That way if I meet someone promising on line, i can find out more about them pretty easily in person.
For many people, the interest level is not the same as being in person with someone so it is reasonable they may not message first. It just holds no interest.
If you decide you prefer only having relationships on line for the rest of your life, thats your choice dear, but it will be a lonely one. I prefer having a warm body to cuddle up to on winter nights, not my computer. Therefore, I can't really say whether you should keep messaging first. Maybe he is ready to meet in person if possible. If not and he lives in another country then I wouldn't consider this a possibility that will go anywhere. If he lives across the country or another state, that still makes it hard but perhaps one of you can make a trip to visit and then decide if you want to keep up an on line romance.
In reality, the only on liners I know that worked, was couples who knew each other already, like a couple where one is in military and is out on missiions and only way to stay in touch is the web. The other is couples who end up going to different colleges in different states and must do the same. But these are people who already had an established relationship in person that worked because they had to chance to cement that relationship.
The atheist part need not be an issue. Most atheists I know of will not try to convince others to be atheist and will allow friends or partners to believe their own way, as long as their religious beleifs are not crammed down their throat. That will kill their interest quickly. So if you can stand that and not let the fact he is atheist bother you, then thats the least of the issues.

I talk to this guyon the phone but i feel like ive gotten boring. How can i be more fun to talk to and maybe get him interested in me? Please help

Not sure of your exact situation by the words you used to explain. To say you have gotten boring recently would mean you used to not be. People who have trouble with talking to others, or have social anxiety, are shy, quiet private types, or speak in a monotone, yes conversation can be challenging. Wondering if that is something thats always been there because people who have no problem with speaking to others don't all of a sudden go backwards and find they don't know what to talk about.
So my guess is that conversation doesn't flow well, that when he or you speak, the other can't think of a comment to make or story to tell, and it feels more like you both have to drag words and conversation out of each other. If he is not complaining, then you need to look at why you may feel this way. I do know from experience that the guys I tried meeting or dating where conversation did not naturally flow meant the relationship was already doomed. I am not a quiet person but enjoy lots of talking so I had to have a guy with whom there was enough chemistry that conversation kept going and going and never was a concern. Don't mean to scare you if you're just starting out but chemistry could be an issue.
If this is a fairly new friend, then there is actually lots to learn about each other. It helps having a couple things in common. But I can say that people are funny and think a person is a wonderful conversationalist if said person is asking the other lots of questions about themselves and showing interest and listening lots. Wondering if you have tried that.

If you feel you need to learn more speaking skills in chatting with others, here is something I do.
I start with a compliment to the other. Its a good example of your keen interest in the other person when you notice and comment on what you like about them and gives them a great clue that you are interested in them. Theres nothing else you need to do to get someone interested in you. Either there is enough chemistry and attraction on both ends or there isn't. No matter how strong you may feel about this person, that is no guarantee the other will feel the same...its part of life and it happens a lot. The best thing is to be yourself and not give off any false pretentions of who you are. You want a person to fall for the real you, not a false persona.

So after the compliment, ask a question. When listening to their answer, always look for a word or something in their responses on which to make a comment or tell a story. Ask questions that can't be answered yes or no because once the answer is given, the convo stops again.

I will post an example of what I am talking about and hopefully this will help you.

You: You know Ken, I really like the way you think and appreciate how friendly and caring you are.
Him: Thankyou, that's just how I am, friendly and caring. But thanks for noticing.
(now picking up on something he said, the word 'noticing' as in being observant is the spring board for your next comment, one about yourself.
You: I am working at noticing more and being more observant. (NOw you can make up the next part if needed) That was my New Years resolution, to become more observant in life, especially with people. (Now using your own made up confession of new years resolution you can ask "Did you make a New Years resolution?
Him: I don't tend to do it just at New Years, I strive to be a better person and make needed changes throughout the year.
You: compliment again using what he said) You know Ken, I think you have it right, not trying to make a one time big change but making it a part of your life all year around to do better. Would you mind sharing a few examples? (This helps the person to open up and have to trust you not to hurt them, disregard, or ridicule what they share)
Him: Well I grew up with perfectionist parents and it rubbed off on me but i didn't want to be that way so I work on that one all the time. I've gotten better but have a long way to go. I have also changed my eating and excercise habits to become healthier.
You: Do you mean diet to lose weight or are you one of those sensitive and allergic to certain things like gluten and such?
Him: (here he picks up on the word gluten you mentioned) Actually my sister is a health nut and had to switch to gluten free diet and is now much healthier. I've seen the differences in her with other things she is avoiding in foods now so I have started doing the same.

I hope you see how easy it can be for conversation to naturally flow. It's not about saying something cute to keep a person entertained. This is more about sharing information back and forth in effort to come to understand the other person or task at hand better. Good luck.

I have been dating an amazing man for a little over a year now. We are both in college and this past semester has been difficult for us. He had to do a fifth year which he was really unhappy about and has felt really lonely and like he doesn't really have a purpose here on campus. It is my senior year and he is adamant about not interfering with all of the fun he wants me to have. You would think that he would be overbearing and want to see me all of the time because he doesn't have any friends of his own here, but its the complete opposite.

He is frustrated with me because I always want more. I want more time with him, I want more of him... I feel like I'm not getting enough. He doesn't really take initiative to ask to hang out or ask to go on dates and he says its because I never give him the chance but I feel like if I don't ask, he never will... We have had a lot of fights about this. They go the same way: I express that I feel like he doesn't want to put in effort and he assures me that he loves me and wants to spend his life with me but that he just feels down all of the time at school. I have noticed that when we go off campus either for a date or to visit our families everything is amazing. He immediately perks up and it feels like he is a different person. I want to be understanding and stick it out with him like he's asked but I hate feeling so low most of the time. When he is down all he wants to do is be alone and play video games. He gets angry when I suggest we do anything else. He says if I'm bored I can leave. It's hurtful.

The other night I went a little crazy... I was drunk to the point where I did not remember doing this but I left the bar and was trying to find him. I texted him a dozen times, called him literally 25 times, and showed up at his apartment and then the only other place I knew he would be, which is his only friend still left on campus's apartment. He took me outside and said I was acting cray and he wasn't answering because he didn't want to deal with it. We fought for a few minutes and he finally just hugged me and said he loved me and we'd figure it out. I went home and fell asleep. I saw him the next morning and apologized profusely and he said he was already over it. I have done this a few times though. Never to that level, but I have a tendency of texting him numerous times in a row when I have felt like he was ignoring me. I'm not proud of it. But I feel so desperate in those times. It's not who I am. I have never been a crazy girlfriend.

I'm just stuck. I want more than anything to be with this person. I want to make it work. But last night we got into another fight and he started going off on me saying he was still mad about the night I showed up at his friend's. That he had pent up frustration and needed to think about our relationship. Today he told me he didn't mean that. That he didn't need to think about it, but now he isn't responding to me. I'm so tired of this and I don't know what to do. I know I deserve better and I know that he can give it to me... we only have one semester left and our plans after college leave us about a six hour drive apart. I want more than anything to work through this but I can't be the only one working. How do you know when its time to give up???

There is truth in what Danicus and Rainhorse have told you. However I see another potential issue here. If I am right, then the solution here will rest with your guy and his actions or in-actions.

Here is a telling statement that jumped out at me.

"... he just feels down all of the time at school. I have noticed that when we go off campus either for a date or to visit our families everything is amazing. He immediately perks up and it feels like he is a different person."
Plus right at the start of your story you mention him discovering he needs to do a 5th year and is really unhappy about it. The fact that he perks up and becomes his good old self, the man that you fell in love with, tells me that school is the issue. I can't say its only the 5th year, but perhaps after all this time, he has decided he isn't happy with the degree he's going after and doesn't want to change at this point, or he's going to school for a degree his parents wanted him to do, not what he really wants. Or perhaps they are the ones footing the bill for college so he has the added stress of not wanting to disappoint them with his frustrations at school so he keeps this all locked up inside him. That makes for a pressure cooker situation.
A person who keeps wishing for their real wants and dreams but stuffing their unhappiness with their life as it currently is, will eventually stuff too much negative emotion and eventually a person like that will just explode....thus the fights you are having. An unfortunate thing in life is that when stressed or upset, people tend to realease and dump on the ones closest to them. This is not a good thing for relationships and will need to change if he is a stuffer and not honest with himself and his wants and needs. You wanting more time with him is understandable. But it sounds like he tried to push you away at least temporarily to protect you from his current moodiness and other issues by being "adament that he doesn't interfere with your fun" and he darn well knows this much, that he is not in a good place and until he is willing to look at whats going on inside him, see a counselor perhaps, he will continue to be like this which spells death for a relationship. His pushing you away for what he thinks is a good reason has made you feel more desperate, a cycle he started. Your reactions are not helping him either. He is willing to place lots of the blame at your feet but he has started this all. You need to haave a heart to heart talk, and see if you can find out what is really the problem. If school or his degree or whatever his school issue is, is the real issue and he's forcing himself to do something he doesnt want, hopefully he is willing to see a school counselor at least. If things don't improve, you may have to give an ultimatum, that he get professional help to get past his issues, or he will lose you. Hopefully that helps wake him up to how serious this is. If not, you may have to leave him. Even under pressure, if someone really loves their mate, they should never dump on and treat the mate as the enemy but find solace in their arms, no matter how angry other things make them.

Hi,

I might be a bit old for this site. I don't know. I use to come here in my childhood.

I have a personal question and need advice.

I grew up a foster child and from a dysfunctional family.

From the three families, I think I was raised well over all and turned out pretty decent. I'm an introvert so I'd say I'm good at reading people and have a good gauge for what people think.

Throughout my years since childhood I've made friends and lost those friends. Not entire loss for some; some just have grown apart.

I had in my opinion some very close connections. Some of those people wouldn't as much have me as a Facebook friend now.

How could I have been so close at one point in my life and they not care or wonder about me now?

How do you have close connections with people and not want to maintain them later on like family?

Was their interpretation of the friendship lacking love?

I sincerely don't get it.

I loved my friends. Genuinely did and do. My heart doesn't change in that regard. I don't believe in superficial relationships.

Maybe I don't do friendship right?

Sometimes I feel it could be my reputation.

Not that I'm into anything bad, albeit I have had some bad roads at one time.

I see some of those friends with only attractive people as their Facebook friends. I have scars and less wealth. My lip is sort of disfiguring, although some say I only notice it. I can't afford the masks they put on their faces or the adornments they put on their bodies.

Maybe my way of thinking is it like as that last sentence?

Could it be my lack of family or friends that makes people not want to add anything to my low status of relationships? Or in my culture popular psychology is presented with false truths about people when it comes to their lack of relationships? For example, she has no friends therefore something is wrong with her?

For the record, I do have somewhat friends. We'd be closer if I had transportation. I some friends that hold lower status. I guess maybe people have bias to that so I don't take pictures with my lower status friends. I know that sounds bad and it is. There's a secondary reason. I don't want the whole reflection that I'm like them because some of them are sort of into something I don't do. Like I said, I don't really do anything bad.

Am I right? People only care about people if they first meet their standards when it comes to the surface?

Is the world like a rating system like on the show Dark Mirror season 3?

Is maybe my score too low so people wouldn't even considering engaging with me?

I have always had rejection issues. Maybe that, too, has something to do with it.

What should I do? What should I change?

Hi Hon,

It sounds like you have valid concerns. We all need to be liked or loved by someone. I do not know if there is anything you are doing that might be hurting to relationships. But in lots of things in life, theres always a 2nd side to each story. So I am sure whatever people are now choosing not to associate with you feel they also have valid reasons whether they are right or not.

My suggestion would be to see a professional because they are the ones with experience in psychology and especially human nature. If you really do have something that could be changed for the better, it sounds like you are willing to do it.
So if a counselor were working with you and you made what ever improvements they suggest, then at least, you could have the peace of mind that it isn't you anymore causing issues. You may have to choose friends more wisely in the future and sometimes it is good to have an outside party know what type of people befriend you or you them and how you meet and what those relationships are like and at what point or exactly how they go sour. We aren't born knowing everything so it is good to learn something simple like how to choose good friends and how to be a good friend in return. I am grandma age. If I look back over the years, I can say that even if I never really did anything really terrible either, that I have had to learn lots in my lifetime about many things, one big one being how to get along with just about anyone who crosses my path, not that I would choose everyone who tries to befriend me as a friend. Lately, my husband and I have had issues with 3 different people who know where we hang out for internet, know our vehicle and one even drove around looking for our van to find us. These are all people who would seem at first glance to be nice normal people, however, human nature is when first meeting someone, to want to put your best foot forward and if there isn't much good about you, people do know deep down they have issues but are not interesting in improving at all, just hiding it behind a false persona. If enough time passes, after a month or two, if you know what to look for, you can begin to see the inconsistancies and that they are not who they portray themselves to be. We do nothing to encourage these people and yet they are drawn to us. We are kind and helpful and Godly people who must somehow come across as a light in the dark to moths. And these people come but truly do not want to change and we have had to confront them with the games they are playing. Its not an easy thing to do but hey, in life we are going to always have issues with people who are not the type of people we like and want to hang out with. We can't escape having to interact with other humans on some level or another in life and its life long. Unless you're a hermit living out in the wild, we all need to learn how to handle humans in general, and how to examine ourselves for anything that might be affecting any problems we have. If you see a professional for nothing else than just your rejection issues, that is a good start but I don't believe that is the only thing causing your situation. I wish you the best.

Hi all, could anyone explain if the guy mate says, 'you're nice, very nice' but also assures and says, he's not flirting with the laugh...? What's he trying to say? Compliment and a laugh. I don't get it. Cheers all!

When someone says anything to me I don't understand, and you will get this in life not just from friends and lovers but family, co workers, boss, etc. the best thing I have found is to rephrase what you think they said in order to get your questions answers right on the spot. Don't wait. You can still bring this up saying "I was just thinking about what you said the other day..." and then launch into a rephrase and ask questions.

Here's an example: Thank you for the compliment.
( if you want clarification as I would what he meant by 'very nice' then ask) So may I ask what exactly about my personality is it that you find so very nice, unless you were instead simply referring to how I look? ( You should get a good clarification with that. When he's done if you want to know about the laugh, I think it depends now on whether you are single and available or dating someone else already, and perhaps whether you are hetero or gay. I don't know that part of your situation so its hard to tell. Either he simply wanted to compliment you sincerely but not want you to think he was trying to steal you from a boyfriend if you are straight or gay, or if he's straight and you're gay, he may have laughed to cover up that he was nervous to clarify that he wasn't flirting. Or he could have been really flirting but quickly said what he did and laughed to cover up his true feelings of being drawn to you that way. A nervous laugh is what people will do if covering up a truth, or not sure of how something they said will be taken. He may have been compulsive in his own mind and spoken when he shouldn't so immediately the no flirting statement with a laugh. If you want to know if he meant anything by it, you will just have to find a way to ask.
If you aren't sure about the laugh and what it meant, think of the last time you watched a good comedian on stage. They will poke fun at the weird things people do usually from their own life and observing as much as one can the lives of others. But when put into a humorous light, even if its something too embarrassing for an individual to own up to, a person will laugh heartily or nervously if the comedious jab hit home with them and often its your friend or mate with you who begins looking at you laughing or punching you in the arm cus they know this is true of you. People laugh at the truth even if its something they find hard to own up to, or are easily embarrassed or feel awkward about. So he may have been embarassed to have shared how he felt through a sincere compliment, or there could be another reason he laughed, afraid of making you upset, or something else. Remember in the future to rephrase and ask questions and its easy to say, I need some clarifying on what you said. Did you mean ......

Hi there, why would a guy friend say, 'he was trying to impress me actually trying hard to impress me but yet he jokes around a lot as usual??? He's doing this because he likes me??! Thank u all!

I think the question you need to ask yourself first before anything I say, is whether you like him only as a friend, have wondered if there could be something more in the future, or if you already have romantic feelings towards him and are trying to find hope in what he says and does that he feels the same.
Words can be mistaken and I could be too here, but this could mean several things. Maybe he values your opinion as a friend and is hungry for people to compliment him and notice his talents and or efforts and doesn't get that much in life. So he may have resorted to point out that he is trying to impress you just to get some positive feedback. If thats not part of who you are and your personality, then he is not going to get that from you.
On the other hand, he may at some point if not in the beginning, begun to see you as more than a friend, falling for you but is afraid to broach the subject of declaring anything that is so black and white as 'I have romantic feelings for you and i want to date you." So he says it in a way, using his usual humorous joking ways so just in case you don't feel the same way as him, then there are no awkward moments if you feel he was not serious, just teasing or pulling your leg, just joking.

I don't know if you meant to ask if he's doing this because he likes you or whether he has explained to you that he is doing this because he likes you. It is actually a very normal thing for two people to want to impress each other, not only couples, but best friends, and even children with their parents, or employees with their boss. It feels good to be recognized for our good action or traits and that is a way to be supportive of another person.
If he says he is trying to impress you but is doing nothing at all that you find impressive, then perhaps, even as just a friend, this will never be a friend that you end up being the closest of buddies with/besties.

If you are interested in exploring whether the two of you can make the transition from friends to more, then heres a good way to bring up the subject without making it an awkward situation for either of you.
Heres what to say:

"YOu and I have been friends for a long time and get along so well together. It makes me wonder if we could do as well if we were more than friends. I would be willing to give it a try if you are."

This statement isn't one to pin him for one kind of answer only. Those are situations that guys will shy away from for fear of hurting the girl if he doesn't feel anything more than friends. If you can be brave enough to ask (if interested) then he will surely answer the question, as long as he knows you're okay with either answer and then you would know whether to proceed with him or not. And if he is willing to date, then a good thing is to ask him out. Don't wait for him to go first as there are some men who actually wait for the woman to make the first move but don't tell them. Thats my 2nd husband, I had to be the first to kiss him and go for more. But once I started, he was more than willing having already said in so many ways that he was very interested in me. Hope this helps you.

Okay, let's start slow. We're both bi guys.

I first saw him at a train, I knew it was him, cause he was exactly my dream dude. Done with that.

I then met him at a competition. I was already a competitor, and he tried to get in a week after. He lost but he decided to stick around and help us prepare, so that's where we kinda got close.

After the competition, we kinda blew apart, that's when I started growing actual feelings for him. I told my friend I had a crush on him and my friend, stupidly, told him as a joke.

We then met and he called me, and then greeted. So I greeted back. end.

We then met again at the train and greeted. end.

We then met AGAIN at a random place in the city. end.

By this time, he practically knew that I liked him, and I'm not sure if he's avoiding me, but we just don't greet anymore, and tbh, I avoided him because I'm embarrassed.

Now this is where I get weirded out.

I see him almost everyday. Our school has three gigantic buildings, far from each other, but we kept seeing each other, at the hall, at the street. We're on different courses so it's not possible for us to have the same sched.

I dont remember a day when I didnt see him, even when there's no school, I just see him at a grocery or something.

Okay, you may think I'm crazy for this, but I find this supernatural. The odds of me being in the same place with him is just over the top. Why him? At that place? At that time?

And also, whenever we meet, I find him staring at me, then averting his eyes fast. It's really weird...

Is there some explanation to this? I'd accept supernatural answers! Like, the universe playing with us or something.

I would have to agree that it is not the average experience. To keep running into a person no matter what, of course its reasonable to believe there are other forces at work here. Whether it is just fate, or certain souls were meant to find each other in this lifetime as friends or a mate, time will eventually tell. Of course, keep in mind that we were all given feel will and even though God or even our own souls had a goal or wish for particular experiences in the next incarnation, those things we forget once born into a life so its hard to ever really know. Sometimes you just have to ask God or your angels to show you what if anything you need to do.
God doesnt play with us to amuse himself. He is a loving supportive Father who wants to see each of us continue to grow to become more like him and acknowledge and treat ALL other humans as our siblings in a very large family. Thats all there is to it, why we are alive on this earth. But for each of us, if we were meant to experience something in particular, then one way or the other, it will eventually happen if player number 1 or 2 weren't willing to go along with it or chickened out, then eventually maybe the next person will end up a part of your life.

Keep in mind also that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Its not just a cute saying but there is lots of truth to it that I have experienced in my life, the reasons, the seasons and the lifetime people.

The fact that he averts his eyes when he sees you now means to me that a person is confused or embarassed and doesn't know what to say. Usually they know what their truth is but are afraid of saying so to another. If his truth is that he is bi but not interested in you that way, then he may be afraid, not wanting to hurt you. Its the same for hetero or gay people. When one person believes someone may be in their life for romantic reasons only or fall in love but the other doesn't, that person who is afraid will just avoid contact for lack of knowing what to do or being too chicken to face you and just talk.

You may also be hoping fervently to find a guy who is bi like yourself to be in relationship with. This does not automatically mean that every bi guy who mysteriously keeps coming into your path is there only for that reason. What if he is having a hard time dealing with being bi but got the guts to finally tell a girlfriend or mate and she broke up with him? He may be needing some caring and support in a rough time in his life that does not include romance from another man.

He may also have gotten the wrong impression when you began to avoid him. You might try to write him a note to hand him next time you bump into him. You don't want to scare him by mentioning you dreamed of him Some people do have supernatural gifts that pop up from time to time. I do too and your dream may have been a message to him that a person like this would come into your life soon. YOur friend telling him how you felt rather than you could be the problem. Some people make stuff up as a prank of their buddy to embarrass him. I have never taken someone else word for it if I was told someone liked me. I always said, if that's true, then tell him to come talk to me, I won't bite. Most often people are afraid to bring up certain conversation topics because they don't want to assume anything and are afraid of being wrong. In some ways, they are not comfortable with meeting new people, have some social anxiety, are more like hobbits who are too easily out of their comfort zone and so people avoid each other rather than going to the person and having a good talk. Whatever you need to know, you will find out from him if or when he is ready to tell you. However, without a blossoming friendship where he can learn to trust you with his feelings and be able to share anything without being hurt, nothing may ever happen. Both of you would need to get past feeling vulnerable or afraid to be wrong and just go for talking to see if perhaps he just needs a friend or all you were meant to do is encourage him. I have heard stories of people who were deciding to kill themselves cus they felt no body cared about them and one day a stranger comes into their path and says an encouraging word to them and never sees them again but the distraught person realizes GOd send that person to show that He cares and there are others who will too and they end up deciding to not commit suicide. It could even be something like that with him. You can't know and neither can i for sure. But if you are willing to be of service to whomever comes across your path, then the answers will come to you in time I believe or at least as in some events in my life, clarity and understanding come after the fact, in hind sight as they say.

Hello all, this guy friend asks a lot of questions, a personal question like family and background and says oh, we're from all over the world. Hums and sings with my name in a funny way. Why? Any reason at all? He just always seems to be joking or flirting around, I should say but not quite sure. He just gets on everyone, I guess. He's taken with kids and so am I. Cheers all!

When a person shows interest in learning more about you by asking personal questions, the person is either interested in becoming friends or more.
You could be right and he may be flirting and this is his way of doing it. Ask yourself if he treats everyone the same way or if its only you. If just you, he's probably interested. If he's like this with everyone, then its just a part of his personality and character. It is just how he acts. I know people like that and I am like that myself.

Hums or singing your name in a sing-song way by making up a little tune, is what I would say is a behavior of someone who is not self conscious and also very comfortable being with someone else, not afraid of their finding his behavior odd, weird, stupid. Too many people are not able to feel free like this to act silly around friends and thats what we get used to thinking is the norm. But being able to be yourself as he seems to be doing is a good thing. He certainly shouldn't end up being a boring person to be around.

Hello Dragonflymagic, I understand your point. I accepted that he just wanted to be friends. That is why I tried to take my distance. I just tried to disappear from his life and forget about him, but he is the one that still texts me sometimes and comes to say hi whenever he sees me. Actually he started to act weird when I mentioned something funny to him about a girl in my job. That night he seemed pretty upset and immediately texted a girl nobody of his friends or family knew. And a few minutes later she answered so he told everyone that the girl he liked had texted him back so he had leave. He barely said bye because he was really upset. Before he left he told me to bring the girl I mentioned next time we met because he wanted to meet her. That week he started to avoid me. I thought I had it all wrong so that's why I decided to tell him I liked him. But he didn't want to speak. After I told him he started to avoid me even more. What do you think is happening? Sorry for not giving this details before.

If you tried to give him space and he's the one making contact of a sort, then he must at least be open to remaining friends, maybe not as close as before but thats good. Asking about girls as he did would show that he is either hetero or....far fetched but if he's got any family who are highly religious, they may be against the concept of people having alternative sexual orientations. He may struggle with feeling attraction to males but be fighting it because of trying to fit the mold family has for him. So if he's gay, asking about and wanting to meet girls may be just the cover up to make himself appear more like what family would expect.
It's hard to know what is going on in someones head but there aren't any other scenerio's I can think of that fit. Rather than try to imagine what is really going on inside of him, it would probably be best to have a good talk with him if he's open to it. Or if he's unwilling, at least texting him. Let him know that as his friend, you are willing to do whatever works best. If he'd rather you give him space, then you'll do it. But if he'd rather truly just be friends only and has no problems being friends with a gay person (sorry to make it sound so bad, I have no other idea how to state it) you would be glad to continue to be his friend and as far as romantic feelings, you will accept he doesn't return the feelings and you will when ready look for that other person you'd like to find as a mate.
By the way, I am some doubts that he even texted a girl he liked as no one knows of any. He may have made that up on the spot to weave an illusion that he is into females. How does anyone there know who he really texted if he got a return text. It could have been his mother, another friend. Unless he has enough trust in you to open up and share what is really going on inside him, you may never know.

I met a guy a year ago, he seemed to like me because he was always hugging me, invited me to his family meetings, texted me just to wish a good week, told me he wanted me to know him more, sometimes he seemed jealous after I spoke of a girl in my job and after that avoided me when I tried to contact him. Anyway some days after that I decided to tell him I liked him. It was difficult because he really was making up excuses. Finally I told him, but he said he liked me as a friend. So I decided to take my distance for some time. It's been 4 months since then. He texted me like once a month but completely avoided me when in person. He sees me walking by and changes direction to avoid me or takes out his phone to avoid conversation. When I am alone he comes directly where I am to say hi, smiles and leaves. Not another word. No conversation. What is happening to him? Does he feel anything?

Does he feel anything? Feelings are emotions. So lets turn the tables on you because I think you will then see the answer for yourself. If you were in his shoes and theres a group of people guys and gals that are your friend group. One day a girl in the group whom you have spent lots of fun with away from the group, tells you that she has a big crush on you .
You are gay and don't feel that way for her and let her know. Just because you don't feel that way for her doesn't mean she can so easily turn off her feelings for you. So when the group gets together, this girl sees you and you can tell she is still trying to come after you. She isn't taking no for an answer. So how would you feel having any contact with this girl knowing how she feels. Do you picture yourself enjoying hanging out when shes in the picture. Would you put yourself through the uncomfortable torture of having her try to get you to decide you're hetero and want her or would you fight and yell at her to try to scare her off, or would you just simply avoid any contact by phone, text in person, etc.

Bascally, you are trying to imagine how your guy friend is feeling. You may come to a different conclusion but since the change in behavior came immediately after you told him, I'd say he is avoiding you because of how you feel. It would make any average person feel uncomfortable to have a person who is in love with them watching them all day and night, watching your every move with love filled eyes.Its pretty hard for people to just remain close friends when one shares how they feel and the other doesn't. The same goes for hetero people too. This is more about feeling uncomfortable now knowing the others true feelings rather than being about one's sexual orientation.

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