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how to be more fun to talk to?
I talk to this guyon the phone but i feel like ive gotten boring. How can i be more fun to talk to and maybe get him interested in me? Please help
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Not sure of your exact situation by the words you used to explain. To say you have gotten boring recently would mean you used to not be. People who have trouble with talking to others, or have social anxiety, are shy, quiet private types, or speak in a monotone, yes conversation can be challenging. Wondering if that is something thats always been there because people who have no problem with speaking to others don't all of a sudden go backwards and find they don't know what to talk about.
So my guess is that conversation doesn't flow well, that when he or you speak, the other can't think of a comment to make or story to tell, and it feels more like you both have to drag words and conversation out of each other. If he is not complaining, then you need to look at why you may feel this way. I do know from experience that the guys I tried meeting or dating where conversation did not naturally flow meant the relationship was already doomed. I am not a quiet person but enjoy lots of talking so I had to have a guy with whom there was enough chemistry that conversation kept going and going and never was a concern. Don't mean to scare you if you're just starting out but chemistry could be an issue.
If this is a fairly new friend, then there is actually lots to learn about each other. It helps having a couple things in common. But I can say that people are funny and think a person is a wonderful conversationalist if said person is asking the other lots of questions about themselves and showing interest and listening lots. Wondering if you have tried that.
If you feel you need to learn more speaking skills in chatting with others, here is something I do.
I start with a compliment to the other. Its a good example of your keen interest in the other person when you notice and comment on what you like about them and gives them a great clue that you are interested in them. Theres nothing else you need to do to get someone interested in you. Either there is enough chemistry and attraction on both ends or there isn't. No matter how strong you may feel about this person, that is no guarantee the other will feel the same...its part of life and it happens a lot. The best thing is to be yourself and not give off any false pretentions of who you are. You want a person to fall for the real you, not a false persona.
So after the compliment, ask a question. When listening to their answer, always look for a word or something in their responses on which to make a comment or tell a story. Ask questions that can't be answered yes or no because once the answer is given, the convo stops again.
I will post an example of what I am talking about and hopefully this will help you.
You: You know Ken, I really like the way you think and appreciate how friendly and caring you are.
Him: Thankyou, that's just how I am, friendly and caring. But thanks for noticing.
(now picking up on something he said, the word 'noticing' as in being observant is the spring board for your next comment, one about yourself.
You: I am working at noticing more and being more observant. (NOw you can make up the next part if needed) That was my New Years resolution, to become more observant in life, especially with people. (Now using your own made up confession of new years resolution you can ask "Did you make a New Years resolution?
Him: I don't tend to do it just at New Years, I strive to be a better person and make needed changes throughout the year.
You: compliment again using what he said) You know Ken, I think you have it right, not trying to make a one time big change but making it a part of your life all year around to do better. Would you mind sharing a few examples? (This helps the person to open up and have to trust you not to hurt them, disregard, or ridicule what they share)
Him: Well I grew up with perfectionist parents and it rubbed off on me but i didn't want to be that way so I work on that one all the time. I've gotten better but have a long way to go. I have also changed my eating and excercise habits to become healthier.
You: Do you mean diet to lose weight or are you one of those sensitive and allergic to certain things like gluten and such?
Him: (here he picks up on the word gluten you mentioned) Actually my sister is a health nut and had to switch to gluten free diet and is now much healthier. I've seen the differences in her with other things she is avoiding in foods now so I have started doing the same.
I hope you see how easy it can be for conversation to naturally flow. It's not about saying something cute to keep a person entertained. This is more about sharing information back and forth in effort to come to understand the other person or task at hand better. Good luck.
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