NinjaNeer's advice column

askNinjaNeer

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: In religious classes my teacher mentioned this theory or whatever that Catholics are supposed to use that the popes or some other highly-positioned people created... since Catholics aren't supposed to use any form of birth control, so we wont have to kill a human life, there are certain days youre supposed to have sex to avoid pregnency... whats this called?

I believe you're talking about the rhythm method. There's another variation, called the standard days method.

However, I wouldn't rely on this if I were you. 13 out of every 100 women who use this method become pregnant. Also, I believe that the Catholic church is letting up on condoms, purely for the reason that unprotected sex is very dangerous.

Here's the site I got the information from:
http://www.engenderhealth.org/wh/fp/ceff.html#natural

Q: i dont understand whats so wrong about illegal immigrants. i mean like mexico is right next to us.. and maybe people living in bad conditions move to america but cant afford to get like amnesty. like i watched the news and the people get so mad about it. like they said that americans should get jobs before the illegals and stuff like that. well escuse me but they are people too, and lets not forget that americans one stole the land from the indians. what about that? if you said that those super governmenty people would probably laugh in your face but its true. they dont "own" america. sure they are our government but i think its really unfair how they're so against illegals when its not that easy to get amnesty and stuff. like in different countries, i heard like a long time ago people would move from like some bad place in asia to a better place but they'd get in trouble or something when they did that. what happened to america being the land of the free? i mean i understand that they are trying to not get more terrorists.. but i think they went too far when they made that wall thing. what do you think?

and Cuba like you need permission before going there cause america doesnt like communists? what the hell? why doesnt america love communists. scratch that, why doesnt the government like communists? in china they are communists. how come you dont need "permission to go to China"? like these people on the news were shooting a movie around cuba and didnt get permission before going there and after they went people say they'll get in trouble and stuff when they didnt even know that they needed permission. if they get in trouble that would be really crazy.

and lastly, what do you think about the new paris hilton thing? i saw on tv that jail really helped her be a better person as she says. and shes gonna do all this stuff to help people in need of help, and she appreciates all she has and stuff like that. do you think it will last once shes out? just an opinion.

13/f
thanks for answering! =]]

EDIT-- Cuba's a sucky country? Since when???

My parents went to Cuba, and said that a lot of the problems that exist in the United States are nowhere to be found in Cuba. Some interesting stats (from CIA - The World Factbook)...

- Literacy rate: 99.8%. U.S.? 99% (both from the same site)
- Cuba has free education for all of its citizens... university included!
- Cuba has a free health care system.
- They're allowed to vote at age 16. That sounds like liberty to me...
- There's no poverty in Cuba. Why? Because everyone works, and everyone gets a share of it. The percentage of people below the poverty line in the United States? 12%.

You see, not everything is as they tell you in school and on the news. The United States are a great place to live, but there are other ways of living. And those other ways aren't necessarily wrong, or worse. Try to keep an open mind if you must judge other countries.

The problem with illegal immigrants is that taxpayers foot the bill for them. They don't have to pay taxes... so they get to use your social programs for free. Also, they often come with no financial backing, so they end up supported by... guess who?

The United States' "land of the free" refers, I believe, to the fact that you are free to practise your beliefs, not that it's the land of the free ride!

As for the Cuba situation, that's hypocrisy at its best. You see, the United States had a big problem with the revolution. They decided in 1992 that if Cuba wouldn't become a democratic nation, then they would put a trade embargo on them. That's why Cuban cigars are so hard to get. It also really screws over Cuba's economy. Now, the United States can afford to suspend trade with Cuba, but China... that's another story. China is a huge economic centre, and since the U.S. needs them, they don't get the same sanctions. Pretty messed up, isn't it?

So, what have you learned from this? Your country's a little messed up :P This is a perfect example of the government pulling the wool over the eyes of the people, without them suspecting a thing.

As for Paris Hilton... I'd believe her when I see it happening!

I hope I helped!

Q: 14/f

I'm more upset than I usually am right now because a guy friend of mine just told me that this other girl said i was fat and was making fun of me. I used to not think I was fat, even though I am. I'm curvy and i thought that was sexy, but apparently it's not okay. I'm sitting here crying right now and i've been doing that all day. It's not my fault that I don't have a metabolism. I eat 1200(or fewer) calories a day, only healthy food, and I work out every day, but lo and behold I'm still a fatass! And everyone else i know is an anorexic bitch who eats whatever she wants.

If you don't believe that I'm fat- take a look at this pic: (yes i know the clothes are form-fitting- that's so you can see my figure better)

http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n210/LovelyBoylan/howfat.jpg

please don't say anything like "Oh you're so fat hunny you just need to exercise and eat right!" BECAUSE I ALREADY DO BOTH OF THOSE THINGS! GOOD LORD!

So i'd really like some advice on how to feel better about what this girl did to me.

thanks.

You're not fat, by any means.

Unfortunately, during high school, there's a standard set by the girls who haven't really hit puberty yet. Your body shape just means that you have begun to mature faster than them. I had the same problem... I thought I was fat all throughout high school, when really I wasn't. Try not to worry too much about it. As long as you're eating healthy and working out, you're doing great!

I would suggest that you up your calorie intake, though, because you should be consuming at least 1500 calories.

If it's any consolation, the scrawny girls will have a lot more trouble when it's baby time :D Plus, college guys like curves.

Q: ok so i have sports induced asthma and i have been to the allergist, she gave me an inhaler but i still have a shortness of breathe and everything even when i take it, i do swimming and i often find myself stopping about 10 times during my 2 hour practice and i dont know what to do should i just push myself or should i quit swimming. PLEASE HELP AND GIVE ME AS MUCH INFORMATION YOU KNOW OR CAN FIND ABOUT SPORTS INDUCED ASTHMA!!!i rate high

My asthma is exercise-induced as well as induced by allergies.

I used to do swimming, but I found that my endurance just wasn't as good as the others. If you start feeling your chest tighten, stop.

I don't think you'll have to quit swimming, unless their expectations surpass your capabilities. What worked for me was finding a sport I could do. Look for something that incorporates a small amount of cardiovascular activity, but not enough of it to make you out of breath. Low-impact exercises like tai chi and walking are great, and if you're looking for something more strenuous, I did karate for 7 years and had very few problems with it... so that's something you might want to look into.

Just a warning; I'm assuming they gave you Ventolin (the blue puffer)? Don't overdose on it, because it'll make your heart race and you get really shaky. Trust me on this one ;)

Q: My boyfriend has been in Europe for two weeks already, and he'll be there for another month. I'm very lonely because we are very much in love. I've kept myself busy by hanging out with friends I haven't seen in a long while, and also trying new things. But at the end of the day, I still miss him and I get very sad at night. I have no way of calling him because he is with a school group and phones weren't permitted. Also, when I'm around other guys I try to get close to them to make up for missing my boyfriend which I am very afraid will lead to cheating even though thats not who I am.

How do I control my sadness and my urge to find another guy to comfort me? (Female, 15. Boyfriend, 16)

I'm dealing with being away from my boyfriend for 3 months, so I know what it's like.

For the first couple of weeks, I was miserable. I was mopey and homesick... the whole deal. What I did to snap myself out of it was to keep myself busy. I started going for walks, I go to the gym for an hour every day, I hang out with my co-workers.

As for the other guys, make sure it's just companionship. I was scared that I might cheat on my boyfriend, until I became really good friends with this guy I work with... no more than friends though. Being friends with him satisfies my need for male companionship, without crossing the boundary into cheating.

Good luck!

Q: what are some jobs for a 13 year old? *PLEASE* dont say anything like babysitting, walking dogs, cutting grass, watering plants, helping around the house, bake sale, lemonade stand, or stuff like that. kind of like real jobs. thanks

I worked at a library when I was 13, shelving books. Maybe not the most glamourous of jobs, but it paid.

If you don't have any luck finding jobs, how about trying out volunteering? Get a bunch of volunteer experience on your resume, and it'll help increase your chances of getting a job.

Q: I'm on the atkins "diet" and i was wondering what sweets/desserts i can eat that are low carb. My other question was how can i resist the temptation to eat bad stuff like cake, doughnuts, cookies, etc. Because my family and friends eat this stuff sometimes and it's SOOOOO hard for me not to dig in with them...usually i'll give in, eat some, and then feel very guilty later. So i really need to know how to just...not eat them and how not have such an urge to want to eat this stuff in the first place!

Did you know there's sugar-free candy out there? My favourite is sugar-free chocolate covered almonds. They're expensive, but tasty!

I also like to make popsicles out of Crystal Light, or Kool-Aid made with Splenda instead of sugar.

Here's a great dessert idea, too...

1 container ricotta cheese
Splenda
Cinnamon
Lemon juice

Mix the cheese with Splenda until it's sweet enough for you, then add a couple teaspoons of lemon juice. Mix it up really well, then top it with cinnamon. It's no carb, and it's really tasty and sweet.

Q: ok so my mom is soo overprotective and i dont know what to do. here are some examples, she looks over my shoulder and reads what im typing to my friends on aim, if i say liike "wow today was so much fun" so one of my friends, my mom would be like "Why, what did you do today?" oh my gosh all the time and then i was looking at myspace layouts and she saw one[the myspace layouts on the internet are just previews, so they have TOM on the top 8. and my mom is like who is that man? im like oh my gosh its the owner of myspace, he is always on there. like ughhh she wonders why im always upset, and its because she doesnt trust me. she says its not a trust issue, but all of the apove, pretty much spells it out. theres other things she does but i dont know please help me, what should i do?

Your mom is just concerned about your well-being. So many things go wrong with teenagers, and by being more active in your life, she's helping you to make better decisions.

I know, it sucks. My parents did the same thing to me, and I HATED it. All that you can really do is to not have anything to hide. With time, she'll probably calm down and see that you're mature enough to handle things on your own.

Q: I have a boyfriend that's 18 who turns 19 in August.And I'm 16 and I turn 17 in October.Would it work out if I was going in Highschool and he went to college in the area.Or do you think he would get tired of me and get someone better who's in college or whatever.Or even I would find someone in highschool.I just want some opinions if you don't mind.

You never know. A lot of people think they'll be together forever, but you're showing a lot of maturity by acknowledging the fact that it might not work out.

If it does, you'll have to deal with him not having as much time to spend with you. That can make it really hard.

Unfortunately, something I saw a lot in my first year of university was the 'turkey dump'. A lot of couples from high school will break up around Thanksgiving.

However, since he'll be in the area, it might be easier. I'd say that you have a shot, but don't necessarily count on it.

Q: 16/f, first job.

Today I have an interview to work in the beauty department at Walgreens. Due to some misunderstandings, we did not start off on the right foot, so I'd like to know how to make a good impression. What are some questions they may ask? What should I wear? Anything else helpful?

Thanks. I know I can google this, but everything I've found relates to office jobs.

A lot of the principles of office job interviews are the same for any other.

Wear dress clothes, but conservative ones. Don't show a lot of cleavage, and make sure your skirt is long enough (nothing above the knee). Makeup; make sure it's tasteful and not too excessive. Look natural and professional.

Some questions:

-Why do you think you'd be a valuable asset to the company?
- Do you enjoy working with people?
- Name a fault that you have.

Helpful hints:

- Smile.
- Good handshake is essential. Firm grip, but not bone-crushing.
- Don't chew gum while you're talking... it looks bad.
- Sound friendly and professional.

Q: I'm friends with at least 6 Athiest people. I don't really want to change them. It's just why doesn't people believe in God? My one friend say me wearing a cross to school one day and told me to take it off. I asked her why. She said some very unkind things about God. Then she said, How can God be real if he doesn't save anybody from death? I couldn't answer that. SI asked around and found out she wasn't always Athiest. She used to believe in God until her grandparents were murdered. Since me and my friends live in a town with drug dealers, malesters, and murderers, it's common for people to get hurt, but i'm not scared of the people in my town, but my friend scares me saying too many rude things about God. What do I do?!

I'm an atheist, but it was a decision made by me after learning about religion, and deciding that I really didn't believe in it.

As an atheist, I'm going to tell you that your friend's conduct is wrong. Everyone has the right to their beliefs.

Next time she starts in on it, interrupt her, and let her know that you are not forcing your beliefs upon her, so she should respect your right to believe what you choose. Don't debate it with her, because often that comes across as pushing religion. Tell her that you have your own reasons for believing what you believe, just like she does.

Q: ok, i'm gonna tell you straight out, i have alot of money. I'm 15/f and my mother's family is very wealthy. I'm really not a snob or anything, i don't have fancy designer clothes, i'm down to earth and i do community service and donate time and money, and such. The problem is, there is this guy that works for my family. He is 27, and a few years ago he was hired to clean our house once a week. Well me and my sister go to school that is 30 minutes from our house, so a lot of days he also drives us, which is really annoying. For the past year, he works like full time for my parents, he cleans our house like EVERY DAY! he walks our dogs, runs errands, helps with landscaping. It's ridiculous! I hate it, plus he is a total show off and is always doing flips and handsprings in the yard! wtf. and everytime i walk downstairs he starts talking to me and commenting like "oh, your going for a run? i like to run" or "those peach yogurts are good aren't they?what other flavors do you like?"
It wasn't that bad during the school year, but now that school is out i just wanna go outside in my bathing suit and read and practice soccer in my sports bra and stuff, which wouldn't be a big deal, except that he is ALWAYS AROUND!
please help, it is totally ruining my summer!

Personally, I think you should just get used to it.

You see, for those of us without much money, we find work where we can. He's taken on extra work to make extra money. It's that simple. He's not doing it to annoy you, or ruin your summer. You have got to understand that other people do have to work for their money.

If him talking to you annoys you, try discussing his conduct with your parents. Ask them to set boundaries as to his communication with you. However, it sounds to me like he's just trying to be nice to you, instead of acting like a piece of furniture.

-- I'm not saying that you're spoiled... I'm saying that you have to realize that there may be other reasons for him working extra hours. Not everyone is looking to get in your knickers :P

Q: ok i need help. i have no idea which class to choose. i thought about pilates because its to tone your body, which is what i want. but i also want to lose weight. oh yeah and im 15 years old, do you think theyd let me in a class? i just think ill feel wierd with like a bunch of 30 year olds

If you can, I'd suggest taking martial arts lessons. It's great exercise, you build self-confidence, and it's a fun way of learning self-defence.

Q: I'm getting a physical soon, and i need a blood test. Do they stich the needle into the vein? If they do, don't they hurt?

1. They do stick the needle in the vein, usually around the elbow area. If you hold your arm straight, in the inside of your elbow you can usually see blue veins... that's where they do it.

2. It hurts, but not a lot. They use a thin needle, and it's not that bad. I had to have a bunch of blood taken for a medical study I did last year, and that entailed having blood taken up to 10 times a day.

3. No, your vein won't burst. It's not under high enough pressure. The tubular structure of the needle allows any pressurized blood to enter the syringe.

4. Absolutely not. You'd be sitting there forever! They take, on average, 3ccs of blood (at least). That's 3 mL. You can't get that much very fast from your shoulder, and it would hurt a lot more.

My suggestion... just close your eyes and wait until they're done. The more you stress over it, the worse it'll be.

Q: Guess I'm not as cool as I used to be...

I'm sitting outside in my back yard, typing on my brother's laptop, taking in the beaming gleam of the sun. it seems like I'm losing all my friends to a number of illegal substances. No one wants to come to my house anymore, because they aren't going to get plastered or toke up a fatty. As if I'm in a competition with drugs to have friends, I don't invite people over anymore, I don't even look foreword to weekends anymore, because my house is a boring place to go all of the sudden. I guess when you grow up to a certain age, you have to start doing drugs and drinking to be fun? How long ago was last summer? No one ever mentioned drugs last summer, what with the change? I guess life is boring without uppers and downers, being sober is being square. My house is a last resort for people to go to have fun. "hey guy, let's just go to my house, there aren't any parties tonight, I guess we'll just have to be sober for once… goddamn.". I only have one friend that hasn't smoked or drank. And we hang out all the time, and have a lot of fun. But I guess it isn't actual fun because we remember it. I guess we're just boring people, it almost makes me want to toke up and get hammered just so that I can hang out with all my friends that have ditched for the shit. But I won't, and I guess that means I have to continue living my boring, sober life alone, with my one friend… in my boring house. Any generic after school special would say "well, those guys aren't your true friends, go find some real ones!" sure thing A.S.S. I'd love to. But I don't know anyone that hasn't been incapacitated. Not only that, but those people ARE MY REAL FRIENDS! Just today Anthony ditched me, at my house, we were all about to leave to go to bowling green, to go to lake malone with my brother; he didn't even say 'bye'. What the hell is that? That sounds like something my brother would do. And it is something my brother has done. I don't care if he went to do drugs, it was still a shitty thing to do] But I'm not here to cuss out my friends, I'm here to query myself, to ponder… I don't do drugs, that makes me a loser, no seriously, it does, I have lost all but two of my friends to drugs, and it kills me. Goddamn it, and people wonder why I play online games? I play them so I can interact with people and have fun! I can't any other way! I don't have any friends! I'm not going to hang around drunken and high people, unless it's Westray, because he's the same sober as he his high! I didn't mean this as an insult, I'm saying that Westray is a cool person to be with no matter what, we can talk to eachother and laugh with eachother, no matter what]

But I guess that's the end of this rant. If I can't have friends while being sober, I guess I won't have friends, maybe I'll find some more real friends like kaleb and nic. But i just gotta live and find out. I know that things won't be the same this summer, I won't have many memories this summer, not without buddies to make them with. and my old buddies that get high and shit, they won't remember the memories that they made. I thought I was cool, but I guess you can't be anymore, not without that shit.

Have any advice for me?

It's rough, isn't it? Stick to your beliefs though... not doing drugs doesn't make you a loser. It actually sets you apart from the easily led masses. And you're not alone! None of my friends in high school did drugs. We were a squeaky clean bunch.

My advice? Try finding someone else. Trust me, they're out there, but possibly not where you're looking. Check out different social groups. I know it seems like everyone is on something, but it's not true.

And please, don't do drugs because you want to be like everyone else. You're too young to screw up your life like that.

Q: why are some guys are players? and do you think nice guys arent that attractive because they are"nice"?

Why be a player? It's kind of a status symbol. Men are 'supposed to bang as many girls as they can'. At least, that's the idea that Hollywood and the music industry are conveying.

As for nice guys not being attractive... I have a friend who has only dated jerks. You know why? She judges based on looks first, personality later. I'm different, though. Every guy I've ever dated (including my current boyfriend) was a sweetie. To me, a guy being nice makes up for any deficiencies he might have looks-wise.

Q: Ok, I didnt want to put DETAILS lol but I think I have to, when me and my boyfriend had sex the condom was EXTREAMLY tight, I couldnt get it on when I was putting it on, and I've had sex before, and it just went right on the other guys, so hes not small...but hes more thicker.. and it wasnt sliding off.. it was like popping off from it being to tight.. like it wouldnt go all the way down..so we STOPPED and just fooled around because i DO Know the precautions in having sex with pregnancy and STD's.

so please help with the whole condom situation... I used regular condoms. Not any size bigger.

First of all, the person who said to use Trojans is misinformed. Trojans tend to fit smaller than most other kinds. Their Magnum is about the size of a regular condom (maybe a little bigger).

You can get a larger kind of condom. Most companies make an XL size.

Q: okay so i got totally fried two days ago. like my whole back is seriously as red as a firetruck. i've put burn relief crap on but it's not helping. i've been in highly severe pain for the past two days straight. it's gotten to the point where i can't move my arms without it hurting worse. does anyone know anything that will help me? anything at all. even if it's a litte thing that might not help or won't help much i will love you forever! thank you!!!

For really bad burns, I find that aloe vera doesn't quite do the trick. I use Solarcaine. It's a gel that has a topical anesthetic, so it numbs your skin.

Q: well, i will be taking chemistry. I heard it was a very hard class, and i would like to know what to be prepared for. What basic things should i all ready know when going into the class, and what should i memorize (the periodic table???) Is there a lot of math work, and how hard would u rate it 1-10?
also, i'm taking physcology next year. If anyone's ever taken it, could you tell me what you do in the class? (I know what it is, i just want to know about the class) please, and thank you. =D

I took it throughout high school, and I'm still taking it now in university.

Chemistry is not that hard. I'd rate it a 7... you have to think, and do some math, but the math isn't difficult. It's basically simple multiplication, etc.

Don't bother memorizing the periodic table, as even if they want you to memorize some symbols, they'll teach you that and give you time to learn it.

Q: ACK!!!! i just saw a HUGE bug crawling across my kitchen floor as soon as i turned the light on and it's making me literlly throw up, the size of the big-sized paper clips, >.< i can't stand it...i can't even sleep now, cause all the thought of peace is just shattered...
should i call the exterminators?!?! please help

Did it look like a sort of centipede thing with a ton of legs? We get those a lot in Southern Ontario. I have no idea what they're called, but they're harmless. No need to call an exterminator!

They seem to usually come out of drains. Apparently pouring Borax down the drain helps. Other than that, get a good smashing stick put together.

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.