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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

l need advice as I am in a financial crisis I guaranteed loan to a friend later he deserted his job and disappeared now my little salary I was getting was attached currently am getting no salary as I'm also repaying my loans I have a family and the kids have to eat and I have to pay their school fees am behind with bills I'm heavily in debts and I have no other way I can earn I have tried to find way with lending institutions but I'm already blacklisted pls advise

IF things are as bad as you say they are you only recourse may be to file for some form of Bankruptcy to either restructure the your debts or totally discharge them.

I suggest you seek out a good bankruptcy attorney most will work on a payment plan after you either restructure or discharge your debts. Most financial institutions will work with the attorney where they would not work with you with the knowledge that if they don't they could face a total loss.

I'm 12 year old female(?)...let me explain.

Ever since I was young, like in pre school I thought like a man. In pre school i bonded with females, but boys just seemed to get me more. I played with trucks, liked to destroy, never broke into my mom's make up, etc. In kindagarten, I didn't care about my appearance and I liked digging up worms. I didn't care about my looks and never felt I fit in with my gender. Girls, they like to be neat, I don't. And now, it just gets stronger. I'm constantly being reminded to "act like a girl". I've always tried but it was always awkward. I played with barbies but I tried my best to turn them male, and preferred making action figures fight. I liked video games that men were supposed to like. It's more than being a tomboy though. If you're a tomboy, you like sports and stuff, but you still think like a girl. Not me, my thought process, personality, interests...match a boy. I did like pink, but mainly because I noticed the difference between me and female counterparts and tried doing pink to fit in better. Now I prefer blue, and red. I'm sick of being treated like a girl when I don't feel like one. I always get handed the "girly" stuff when I want the manly stuff. I'm always watching myself to be a girl. And when I don't watch myself for a while, people laugh and point and get supprised. I look female, but I'm not. Once I wore boy clothed and I felt nicer than i ever have in female clothing. And ever since Caitlyn Jenner happened, idk, I finally had a name for it. I started a conversation on transgenders to my mom. Here's how it went:
Me: mom did you hear about Caitlyn Jenner?
Mom: yes.
Me: why do you think people change genders?
Mom: well, it's just- you're not thinking about that are you?
Me: no (lie)
Mom: phew. I could NOT handle that.
Fastforward for a few months, on vacation while I was trying to go to sleep I heard her on the phone saying something like "ugh. He was the greatest athlete in the world and now he's a women. He's wearing dresses and got implants. It's disgusting, I mean come on! You're a man, you should know better than that.
I'm scared to come out. But I want to be a boy! It's simple, it's who I am. I just know it. How should I go about this?

We both as a society and as doctors and scientists are beginning to understand that sometimes we get things wrong. That it is possible to be of on gender of the mind and another of the body. That may not be the correct way to put it but you just don't feel the way your body says you should.

Up to now your parents are probably saying, "Oh she is just a tomboy. Once puberty hits her she will come around. That may or may not be true. At 12 puberty may already be happening and you are really going to feel bad if you have to also put up with everything a woman has to put up with in their lives.

Right now you mom is not open to you being transgender, at least not in discussions with you. You are going to need to enlist the help of medical professionals to get her to see the light. She may or may not ever truly come around to your side of the equation but hopefully she will help you live as a transgender until you are old enough to transgender into a full male if that is what you want.

This is the time of the year most children have their school physicals. If you have not had yours yet get mom to schedule one. While you’re at the doctor either slip the nurse a note or try to get the nurse or doctor alone and tell them you need to speak to the doctor in private. Trust me the doctor will understand and ask mom to go to the waiting room. This is your time to tell the doctor you feel you are transgender and need his or her help in convincing your mother you are a transgender child not a tomboy.

You won't be shocking your doctor after all the doctor is a professional. The doctor will help you but first he or she will need to be convinced so expect a lot of questions. Answer the questions truthfully not the way you think the doctor wants to hear.

Once you have convinced the doctor he or she will inform your parents and explain what must be done to help you. Including the psychiatric help needed if you think you will want to change genders. It takes a minimum of two years living as the opposite gender and two years of psychological evaluations before you can have the operation.

If this is what you want and I think it is, it all starts with your family doctor. If you have had your physical for the year try and find a reason to be taken to the family doctor. Your family doctor is your best way to make your family understand how you are suffering and hopefully get them to help you if you want to come out.

I will always be here if I can ever be of help or answer any questions for you. Just remember one thing through all of what you’re about to go through. You have done nothing wrong. This is how you were born.

I keep doing something I shouldn't, and something I don't want to do until I start doing it. And I shouldn't do it, but I do. I hadn't for months, but then I did it again today. I really don't want to ever again, and I hope I won't. I won't. But I might get caught, and if I do, that won't make a difference. It'll be over, I'll be screwed, and I really just feel dirty and bad, and I know I'll feel better in a few days, but I can't guarantee definitely I won't do it again. And even if I don't, I regret it and feel bad. And I can't ask for help, I'd be in trouble and all my actions would be misconstrued. Basically... I'm sorry.

As Rainhorse68 said without specifics it is impossible to give you any real advice. Everything on this site is anonymous not even your parents can find out what you have written. If they have access to your computer and email then you might consider using a computer at the library with a different email account to contact us. I do not believe the libraries block this site.

As to your question and what you have written. At age 14 everything you do that you feel is wrong or dirty seems to be earth shaking and world ending. As someone who has raised his family and is old enough to be your grandfather I can tell you with utmost certainty it is not.

Not knowing what it is you are talking about I can't say how much trouble you will be in with your parents or the law if any.

Somehow I have the suspicion you are trying not to talk about something sexual or masturbation considering how you word things and you say "I really just feel dirty and bad, and I know I'll feel better in a few days, but I can't guarantee definitely I won't do it again." Could you be talking about masturbation?

If so masturbation is natural and everyone does it, including your parents although for them it is called mutual masturbation and it is part of foreplay. According to a recent survey 85% of us masturbate. For young people going through puberty it is healthy and normal.

Gee Mr. Avdiceman49 if that's true why am I being told it's dirty; it’s a sin and everything else I'm being told is bad about masturbation. The simple truth is as parents we are fearful that the enjoyment received from masturbation will cause our children to want to go further. So we tell them whatever we need to tell them in the hope that they will not start to masturbate. The fact is masturbation is normal, we all do it and it is a safe and pleasant way to relieve the sexual tension brought on by the new hormones of puberty. Oral sex, fingering and hand jobs are all forms of masturbation.

If I have guessed correctly stop feeling dirty you are doing nothing wrong you are a normal 14 year old girl. You can continue and you are not committing a sin in any of the standard religions. Just make sure that when you do masturbate you have complete privacy and you will not be intruded upon. If you can't lock your bedroom door then masturbate during your morning or evening shower in the bathroom when you can lock the door.
If I have guessed wrong and it is something else sexual; such as letting your boyfriend to finger you or going even further. Then I suggest that you stop that activity. You are far too young to be allowing anything like that as it is hard to call a stop to things in the heat of passion.
I believe in calling things the way they are. If you have a question I will answer it truthfully. I will give you both the pros and cons to each issue especially where sex is concerned. I believe you and those of your age need to have the information to make the proper educated decisions especially when it comes to sex. If you remember one thing I have written today remember this. Boys your age do not love like you do. They confuse love and lust to boys those two words are synonymous. If a boy ever says to you, “If you love me you will have sex with me or words to that effect,” he does not love you he lusts for you.

My sister had a premature baby this past summer whose about to get out of the hospital most likely next week. My parents and I went down there when he was born, but went home after we knew that everything was gonna be alright and planned to go back when he got out of the hospital.

Now, here's my problem. I've been sick lately with this strange respiratory thing and my doctor told me not to go near the baby until it goes away, which she said could be a while. I'm not gonna be able to go visit my sister or the baby from September 17th until probably when we go to our family's Christmas. I feel bad because I know she'll be disappointed, maybe even hurt if I'm not there next week, but I can't let the baby catch this virus.

What's scary is that I was a day later than I was supposed to be to get to town for the baby's gender reveal party because I didn't feel well. I don't want her, my brother in law, of anyone else to think that I just conveniently get sick every time I'm supposed to go visit her.

My phone's been malfunctioning lately and because of that, I haven't been able to talk to my sister. I don't want her to think that I don't answer her calls or respond to her texts because I'm not interested in hearing how she and the baby are. I live in the same town as my parents and have told them about my phone, but I don't know if they've told her.

Now, everyone's probably thinking, "Just tell your sister what's going on. She'll understand. Of course she's not gonna want you around the baby." But my concern is that she either won't believe that I really am sick or she won't believe that I've remained sick for that long. What am I gonna do to prevent hurting her feeling and making her Think I don't care about her or the baby?

Hopefully your parents know of your illness, how long you have suffered with it and the doctors telling you that it is not in the baby's best interest you be around the baby. Impress upon you parents how important it is to you that your sister understands this virus is a long term thing that you suffered with and have to let it fully clear before you be around the baby.

Until you get your phone fixed snail mail still works and there is something to be said for snail mail that can't be seen in an email. A heartfelt letter does convey emotion. It can be seen in your hand writing. So take the time to sit down and write a letter to your sister, brother in-law and the baby explaining why you can't be there.

I know exactly how you must feel for like you I miss a lot of family things because I am physically disabled. I have a great nephew who I adore who lives in Texas. I live 3 1/2 hours away by air. In order to travel by air I must fly in Business or first class due to my injuries and then only if I'm not in pain. That is what disables me I suffer from a chronic back pain suffered in a car accident. I would love to spend more time with him but I can't because of the cost. I can afford the cost if I knew for certain I would be physically able to travel that day. We make do with facetime and Skype.

Both of those apps make it possible for you to be there for certain occasions when you can't physically be there. Skype allowed me to be there at his 2nd birthday party and watch him open presents and blow out the candles. My sister brought me home a piece of birthday cake.

Once your phone is fixed with the help of modern communications it is possible to be there even when you cannot be there physically.

I feel so unloved. I am 23 and have never been in a relationship. I do not get along with my family and don't have a single person in my family I feel I can trust or is truly there for me. I am living alone in a new place, and I really do like it, but I don't have friends yet. I've been really disconnected from some of my old friends lately, as we are on our own separate paths. I've never been a relationship person. I've always been the emotional drama queen in my family and that caused a lot of issues in the family dynamic. In the past few weeks I got to know a guy over tinder, who I had really high hopes for. As soon as I implied I wanted to hang out with him and get to know him in a public place for our first meeting (as opposed to as opposed to what he did, asking me every night after midnight to come over his house, which I didn't do) he stopped texting me. I feel extremely disappointed and rejected. Every time something like this happens I feel more and more like I'll never find love. Not in a boyfriend, not in my family. I just feel really alone and unloved. I feel like I am obsessed with my career as s defense mechanism. When it comes down to it I think I just want to be a part of the vast human experience that involves love

So you know you are or have been a "Drama Queen." That's a good thing for it gives you a place to start and something to work on to correct. You can work on it by yourself or you can seek professional guidance from a therapist. This is a choice you make. If you know what makes you a drama queen then you can proactively work to correct it. Just remember change does not come quickly it will take time for people to notice.

If you seek professional help there is a very good up side to this. First after discussing this with your therapist you can tell close family first you’re working with a therapist to correct this then later other family and friends. Thought the best thing about a therapist is an instant best friend that you can trust your deepest and darkest secrets too. There is a reason people become drama queens and usually it is because at some point they have been truly hurt. A therapist will help you unlock that hurt and deal with it productively so you can lead a better life.

As to the guy on tinder? As a long time firefighter we have a saying, "Nothing good comes after midnight." You were right not to go to his home. His intentions were less then honorable and you could have been seriously hurt. You did the right thing by not going to his home.

As to making friends and finding someone for a relationship. I have a stock set of ways to meet people and make friends that can lead to relationships. For you I think the best way is to go to one of the mating sites such as Match,com or eHarmony.

The reason for suggesting these sights is they are in a manner of speaking a custom fit. You put up your profile of your interest and what you are looking for. You search profiles of men that are returned to you with similar interest and communicate with them through the site. If they are or you are interested you arrange to meet. From there nature takes its course.

I know of several people who never thought they would be in a relationship let alone find the love of their lives. Found them through one of these sites. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. IF you are a religious person it is possible you religion also runs a matching site.

21/f
I just don't like people!
I've read that a lot of people say or feel this way when they've had a lot of bad experiences, been bullied etc.
But this is not the case for me. I haven't been bullied and my experiences were never really that "bad". (I haven't been hurt etc.) I just feel like people bore me and I just can't find anyone who I actually like or sympathise with. Everyone is so pretictable and socializing just drains me because I can't stand to listen to daily boring conversations about meaningless things. The only person I can stand to be around is my boyfriend. But that's only because we can sit in a room together, enjoying eachothers company, without having to make conversation all the time. And when we do talk, I feel like he understands me. The fact that I have no friends doesn't depress me. I am happy being by myself. I do get invited to parties sometimes, but I decline because I feel like it's way too much work, since I don't enjoy myself around other humans. But recently I've actually started disliking people who try to make contact with me. There is one person in university, who was being quite nice to me. It was okay at first and we actually hung out a little, but after a while it got annoying and I started hating him for no reason. Now he keeps looking at me and it makes me think things like "Who does he think he is, what makes him think that he can look at me?". Same with an acquaintance who lives further away. We chat on facebook sometimes and I am fine with that. But now he keeps calling me and tells me that he wants to visit me soon (We've seen eachother in person many times, so he's not a stranger on the internet), and I just get super angry at that. No, I am not afraid of being close with someone and I am also not afraid of loss. There just isn't anyone, who I WANT to be close with because I can't relate to them and they just annoy me. I also don't feel empathy towards humans. Sometimes I even chuckle or think things like "ha-ha!", when something bad happens.
I wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, but I don't care if people do get hurt.
I feel a lot of empathy towards animals though, so I doubt that I am a psychopath or anything like that. I love animals, I feel joy whenever I am around my cats. I don't expect anything from them, I'm just happy when they're there. And I don't need them to follow commands, so me liking animals has nothing to do with the fact that they don't talk back and listen to everything I say. (Which they don't, because they're cats) I even like that they have a mind of their own and only cuddle with me when they WANT to and not because they worship me.
I just feel so drained from being around people every day and having to make conversation (which I don't even do a lot). Whenever I get home from classes, I just sleep for 1-3 hours, because I'm really really tired.
I am not a sad or depressed person, when I can be by myself, I do things that I enjoy and it makes me happy.
I don't even want to change that I'd rather be alone, I just need some help on how to deal with NOT being alone. How can I get rid of the hatred towards people who show an interest in me? And how can being around them be less draining? Has anyone ever felt the same?

English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes.

I like Blue592's answer a lot and it could very well be a reason you find it hard being around others. My sister once hosted a Russian exchange student we have all fallen greatly in love with. I think of her as one of my nieces and she to this day calls me Uncle. When she first arrived she did find it exhausting to constantly convert English to Russian and back to English just to do her school work and this is a girl that speaks 7 languages. English, Russian and French being her main languages.

There is one other possibility that coupled with the language problem could be causing the problem you write about. You just may be a very introverted person. Introverted people do great conversing or communicating in the second person. Email, phone calls, letter writing and so forth. In person communication is hard for an introverted person. Just why this I really don't know for certain though I do have a theory.

I believe that introverted people are also perfectionists or closet perfectionists. When communicating in the second person you can be certain of everything you say before you send off your message. Even on the phone you can take a moment to collect your thoughts before speaking. In person you are expected to instantly answer or communicate which does not allow for perfect communication. Just my theory.

I have not felt exactly as you have though I think I understand how you feel. I have spent my entire professional career in Sales and Marketing. Every day all day I am interacting with people and yes it gets very tiring. In the evening when I get home the last thing I want is to interact with more people. My wife and I have diner, are children are grown and out of the house now. We talk about our day and then she goes off and does her thing and I do mine.

We don't have a bunch of friends. We are happy just being together sitting in front of the TV, cooking together or just being with each other.

IF you can interact with people at school and later in the workplace then I see nothing wrong. What you do when your not in school or working is entirely up to you as long as you are happy and content. If this bothers you or you wish to find out why you are this way and if there is a way to overcome how you are. Then working with a therapist such as a psychologist might be something to consider. Otherwise just relax and enjoy who you are.

By the way you knowledge of the English language is excellent.

I had sex with my friend (both guys) and I was wearing condom. Could I get sick somehow?

Condoms are the best protection against the HIV/AIDS virus but they are not foolproof. For one thing oral sex is another way to get the illness. When engaging in sex with same sex one must be vigilant for other signs of STDS.

For example a cold sore may not be just a cold sore it could be the Herpes virus simplex I or II. Most cold sores are simplex one but the can be simplex two which are the bad ones. Examine him and his penis for other sores.

The best defense is to both be checked at the same time for STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus before engaging in sex. Then you still need to use a condom though you know both are clean. I know you are 16 but you are old enough to go to any AIDS clinic or doctor and be tested without parental knowledge
. This is your right under a law called HIPPA
Also if you are Bi you need to tell the girl you have sex with that you do go both ways before you have sex with her. Its her health and she has a right to know before jumping into bed with you.

I'm 16/f and I was masterbating with a object and it doesn't hurt and I'm not on my period so anyway I'm bleeding blood from there and I don't know what to do and I don't want to tell my parents. And I have been masterbating with a object for a while because I wanted to feel good but I have never bleed from my vagina while masterbating. And I'm a virgin please help me!!!!

Today's definition of virginity is: You are a virgin until a penis actually penetrates your vagina the first time. It may be just for a second or you may actually have a full intercourse. It is the act of penetration by a penis that ends virginity by today's definition. It the old day a woman had to have an intact Hymen and needed to bleed on her wedding night to prove she was a virgin. That rule no longer applies given today's active woman and the fact that women now use Tampons. Tampon insertion and many of the activities of today's active woman can cause the Hymen to dislodge or rupture without a woman being truly aware.

In short you are still a virgin even with the toy you used as it is not a real penis. I hope this explanation fully answers this question.

As to the bleeding. We are not doctors but as adults we are knowledgeable in this area and this is what I think could be the problem.

1) It could be that you did rupture your Hymen. If so you will heal just as you would if it ruptured during intercourse.

2) It is possible you scratched yourself some how. Check the object to make sure there are no rough spots or sharp points before using it again.

3. It is possible to rub yourself raw, especially if you do not make enough lubrication on your own. K-Y or petroleum Jelly will make good lubricants. K-Y is best and if you check mom or dad's night stand the chances are good you will find some K-Y Jelly. Most all adults keep some on hand. (Pun not intended)

I would stop using the object to masturbate to give yourself time to heal. If the bleeding continues it is a good chance you Hymen has not fully separated and each time you use the object it tears a bit more.

At 16 years of age under a Federal Law called HIPPA you have the right to see a doctor for anything concerning your reproductive system without parental permission or knowledge. Your parents insurance still will pay for the visit. The visit is totally confidential and no one can know why you were r there without your written consent to the doctor to tell them, not even your parents. This concern falls under the HIPPA protection.

When you see the doctor for any visit concerning your reproductive system all you say to the doctor is this visit is under the HIPPA rules. This would include your annual physical for school if it includes a pelvic exam. If your mom is with you she will be asked to go wait in the waiting room until you are finished.

This law was passed by Congress for purposes just like this one so you can seek medical attention when needed and may be too embarrassed or afraid to ask a parent to take you to a doctor. You may go to a doctor of your choosing or any free clinic, or Hospital.

Since it is very possible that you have ruptured your Hymen at some point and part of it is still intact I suggest you seek out a GYN to exam and treat you. Make sure to tell the nurse you wish to be seen under the confidentiality rules of the HIPPA Law.

I'm 21 and earlier this year I ended my relationship with my (now) ex-fiance who I'd been living with for 2 and a half years.

I've started dating somebody new who I've been on two dates with. We really hit it off and it's crazy how well we just "click" compared to the other guys I've gone on dates with. After our second date he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend like officially and of course I said yes.

Now his parents want to meet me this coming Thursday which I feel like is a little fast but I really really like him so I don't mind terribly. To be honest I've never fallen so hard for somebody before in my life and the feelings seem to be mutual by the things he says and how fast he wanted me to meet his parents.

Anyways, my real question is how many times is considered normal to see your boyfriend a week?
Like I said, I was living with my ex for two and a half years so I got used to seeing him everyday and now I feel weird because I want to see my new boyfriend more frequently than I am and when I don't see him for more than two days I start to feel distant and get a little irked.

Is that normal? Probably not right? How can I keep my mind off of him and decrease my feelings for him a little bit so I don't feel so attached?

I feel a little overwhelmed because I also work full time and I'm a pre-med college student so to have him on my mind so much is driving me kind of crazy.

I agree with Dragonflymagic about the word normal. What is normal for me may be abnormal for someone else. So "Normal" is a general term when it comes to the first person usage.

It has been decades since I have dated and what was normal for me back then was or could be different now. Given that you two have just started dating I would say seeing each other every day or X amount of times each week is not as important as speaking with each other as frequently as schedules permit. Talking in the early stages of a relationship in my view is more important than holding hands, cuddling, making out or even sex. I believe that a relationship based on sex and sex appeal is doomed to failure for one day you wake up and need to talk to each other and find you have nothing in common. Communicate first; find out each other’s likes and dislikes. Learn each other’s passions, interests, Hobbies before you jump into bed together. Communication seems to stop once the sex begins. You need to know you’re compatible in other areas before you find out if the sex is any good, which it probably will be.

I know I stress the sex bit heavily but I know from a long time of giving advice that this is where the stumbling block comes in. Before I met my wife my form of recreation was volunteer firefighting. I know I'm strange but I enjoyed it when I was younger and it was a diversion from my daily activities therefore it qualified as recreation.

As an all-volunteer fire department we responded from home with a home alerting system. While many of the girls I dated got a thrill out of racing through the streets with me as I ran to the fire station, when a call came out. Few saw themselves as a firefighter’s wife and none liked the idea of me jumping out of bed in the middle of the night. That is until I met my wife of going on 45 years. Yes we have been interrupted at intimate moments. She knew this could happen and it happened before we were married. She also knew how important this was to me and was willing to put up with it.

Now our son is a career Paramedic/Firefighter who has saved more lives as a paramedic then as a firefighter. Is his mom thrilled with her sons’ choice of careers? Not at first but she has warmed to it and is quite proud of him.

All of this is due to the fact that we talked first made love second. Yes the sex was and still is great. More importantly we know what is important to each other and we have made sure to respect what is important and learned to share in each other’s passions.

So to answer your question in short: Normal is what you believe you need to find out just how compatible you and this new love interest are. Just remember to talk and learn about each other. It is okay to be a bit self-interested in the beginning.

I should probably know this given that I'm over 18!
So I am abit confused because I (thought) I'd broken my hymen because I've had intercourse with a few guys one being my boyfriend.
BUT he has trouble 'getting it in' each time we try to have sex. And I was to drunk with the first guy to remember what happened.

So I had a look and like theres loads of skin where the vagina should be with a tiny hole at the bottom. I'm SO confused because I thought it had broken? Can it grow back since its been a few months since I've had sex?

Also is this a silly thing to go to the doctor about?

Thanks

No the Hymen does not grow back. There is a hole or holes in the Hymen by which the menstrual blood drains. The Hyman is made up of bodily tissue and can be elastic.

You may be one of the few women with a very elastic Hymen. Your partner may have been of average girth and your being drunk and relaxed at the time. May have resulted in the stretching of one of the holes to accommodate him rather than tearing the Hymen.

With future intercourses with men of average girth, being 1 to 1 1/2 inches around, it is possible they are able to slip through one of the holes in your Hymen.

Is this something to see your GYN about. Yes, but you don't have to make an emergency appointment. Make an appointment for a routine GYN exam. When your with the doctor advise the doctor you are not a virgin. The doctor will see your Hymen is still in place and advise you if it should be surgically removed. This is an office procedure that is done with a local anesthetic and is over in less time than it took you to read what I have written.

If you have not had a pelvic exam since starting to have sex then you need to have one and discuss with the doctor how often the doctor would like to see you such as annual exams or every couple of years unless there are problems.

sorry if this is long i got some really messed up news recently one of my best mates called me and told me he needed to talk he seemed really urgent so we met at my place and we started talking and he was almost crying and he never cries and just so you know he's a 25 year old 6 foot 6 bodybuilder so seeing him cry was also definitely a sign that something was not right but he told me that about a week ago after a BBQ at my place we both got kind of drunk so i let him sleep on the couch i have a daughter she's 11 and she has a crush on him i thought it was an innocent little girl thing anyway he told me that that he doesn't remember anything but he woke up in her bed with her and they were both naked and that he had taken her virginity then he said that doesn't remember anything but that she said she consented it really didn't seem real it seemed like a really fucked up joke he told that whatever i want him to do he'll do whether that be leave town or turn himself in to the police i really didn't know what to feel whether it be anger or sadness i don't really know i told him to stay right where he was and i went to talk to my daughter and she said that she consented and that she loves him and that she can't imagine being with someone else. so that's what happened i don't know what to do i don't want to send him to prison and be killed or raped because she said that she wanted to have sex with him i can't even describe to you in words typed or in person how conflicted i am. i mean on one had i want to respect her and her decisions but on the other hand I'm her father and have to make sure she is safe and nothing will happen to her but at the same time he's one my best mates and i know she's safe around him so that's why I've put it on here so some may be able to help me. PS i don't know if this helps but I'm from Melbourne Australia

I live in the U.S. so I am not aware of the laws in Australia. Since our laws are based in British common law I would believe they are about the same in many ways. Under our law it is not possible for an intoxicated person to consent to sex. If you bud was that intoxicated then under the law your daughter raped him even though he says he consented. I tell you this for if you were to report this to the authorities it could be your daughter that goes into the Juvenile justice system and not your buddy. It would depend on the laws, how convincing your buddy is and if your daughter backs up his story.

In your place I would probably want to punish him feeling he could not be that drunk and still rise to the occasion. I would feel that he raped my daughter regardless of her saying it was consensual.

Though given the other possibilities what I would is:

1. Get my daughter into therapy. At 11 years old I can not believe she could have consensual sex, eve if she has entered puberty. A good psychologist will be able to find this out and help her understand what happened to her.

2. Tell you buddy if he ever shows his face around you or your family again you will report him to the proper authorities. Leaving town is good, moving to Sydney or New Zealand would be better.

I realize girls are growing and maturing earlier these days. We receive a great deal of letter asking questions about when is the right age to have sex from girls as young as 12 and some younger. We have very few if any from girls that have actually had consensual sex as young as your daughter.

If she were my daughter I would first take her to a gynecologist to make sure she has not been injured by having sex this early. I would also speak with the doctor for suggestions as to how to proceed with your her based on the doctor's physical examination.

Once home I would have a calm discussion about sex and how important it is not to engage in sexual relations until she is much older. I would give her all the reasons why she is too young and why it is important to wait until she is older. Make sure to include the part about a reputation in school.

Then just keep a close eye on her. You can't keep her locked in a cage until she is an adult. You have to allow her to grow and mature as a normal teenager would. Just remind her lightly when she starts dating of the consequences of an early sex life.

I truly believe the sex was not as consensual as they are making it out to be. So follow the two points I have written above and let life get back to normal as soon as possible.

Well she lied to me about being 18 and she is 16 and she 2month pregnant and im 27 but i dont think her parents would allow me to to see are kid and plus i think i could get in trouble for this cause its my fault for not asking for id i just didnt think girls do that and i just need help to see if i will in up in jail or can i still take care of them once she has the baby please help Me and this in the state of pa

The first thing you need to do is find a good criminal defense lawyer. The last thing you want is a public defender. The fact that she lied is not a defense. If she is under the age of consent you could be in deep legal trouble. Anyone from the doctors to her parents can report this to the proper authorities. You need to speak with a lawyer and find out just where you stand with any criminal charges.

Most states have raised the age of consent to 18 to go along with the no child left behind education program to lower the age a student can drop out without parents consent. Even if the age of consent is 16 or less in your state you still stand a chance of being charged with corrupting a minor. If you ever took her across a state line you could be charged under the Federal Mann Act.

Once you know where you stand within the Criminal Justice system then the lawyer can work on your paternal rights, such as visitation and custody. As the father you are legally responsible for this child until it is 18 years old. This means court ordered child support is probably in your future, something you are going to need a lawyer to help with as well. A the father you also have legal rights as to visitation and certain custody rights.

At a bare minimum you will be required to provide child support based on your earnings, a percentage that changes as your earnings improve but not as they decrease if they do. You will be required to maintain health insurance for the child and a life insurance policy on yourself to cover the child support in case of your death.

Given your situation the child support is the easy part. Your criminal situation is the part that could be life changing. Depending on the state you live in. The age of consent and the punishment under the laws of that state. You could be facing life in prison for statutory rape. Then if they really want to beat you down there is the possibility of a half dozen other crimes you could be charged with depending on the laws in your state.

Don't wait to be arrested, be proactive and find a criminal defense lawyer now. Call the Bar Association for a referral if you need too.

22 years old, female, in a serious relationship with my boyfriend of about 2 years. Our relationship is serious enough that we are thinking about getting engaging and/or married in the near future but I often have doubts now.

I love him, and I'm sure he loves me as he tells me all the time. My issue? I feel extremely insecure and I have low self-esteem, especially since he is always telling me how hot other girls are, about their bodies, and how much he wants to bang them and drawing comparisons on my body. I don't know if he is oblivious to how it hurts me or if he's even doing anything wrong but I feel like I will show him that I am weak and insecure by bringing up the topic and talking to him about it.

He often tells me I have small boobs, and that he's sad he's going to have to live with them, or wishes he could inflate my boobs and make them bigger. And always talking about how such and such girl has big tits, and what he wants to do to her, etc.

I also don't feel very beautiful, and I don't like having sex with him anymore cause I feel inadequate, I hate my body and I often think he's fantasizing about other women when he's having sex with me (which he kinda confirmed when he jokingly told me the other day that he'll just think about banging his co-workers or something when we have sex with my face down)

Another example, telling me how unbelievably beautiful, and hot his uncle's stepdaughter is a "10/10", and joking that he should just marry her instead and that his uncle told him he should hook up with her.

I don't know, all of this hurts me and confuses me especially when he does he tell me that I'm beautiful or that he loves me because I feel like I'm not beautiful enough, I'm not a 10/10 or sexy enough or enough to keep him interested long term if he'll always be eyeing other girls like that and see something that he can have that is better than me.

There is more than one issue here. There is of course the issue of your low self-esteem and insecurity. Which are enabled by him when he talks about other women, their bodies and thinking of them when having sex with you and other things.

The first question I would ask is; does he know he is doing this? My thoughts are that he does based on what you have written of what he says and how he says it. This tells me he does this because he is a controller. He uses you insecurity and low self-esteem to control you by comparing you to other women.

I would go so far as to say this is the type of guy that is some what of a Neanderthal who wants a women he can keep at home barefoot and pregnant. He can do so by continued beating you down in your most vulnerable area; you low self-esteem.

Having small breasts is not something to be ashamed of. What you miss out on are the back problems large breasted women will have. While looking at well endowed women may be something most men enjoy doing. Most men will also tell you anything over a mouthful is a waist. A woman's breast should complement her body. For the average framed women in the average weight class a B to small C cup is perfect. For small framed women in their weight group a large A to small B cup is perfect. The clothing is made to fit them properly and when they dress up they look stunning.

There must be other reasons for your low self-esteem besides you current boyfriend. Reasons more deep seated then you may be aware of.

My advice is:

1. I would not recommend you marry this man. HE is a controller and controllers never change. He is mentally abusing you using your low self-esteem to control you. This is not a recipe for a happy marriage. I would suggest you find someone who will appreciate you for the good person you are. Someone who will help you rebuild your self-esteem so you can enjoy life.

2. Seek out a psychologist to help you find the root cause of your low self-esteem. Sometimes talking to a complete stranger can help you more than talking to a friend. The psychologist is someone you can tell you deepest darkest secrets knowing they go no further than the therapy session.

If you are working ask your employer if they have and EAP program. The EAP program will help you find a psychologist and generally pay for the first few sessions. Your parents employer may have and EAP program if you do not have one and you can use theirs.

I live in the foothills of the Front Range of Colorado and when it gets above 75 degrees I get sicker then a dog! I throw up a lot and then I'm very week! I push Pedilite something made for small children. its the only way i can keep my electrolytes stable. should i contact my PCP? i don't want to go to the emergency room! I am also a Diabetic 2 and have Bipolar 1 and COPD and its a long list of medical problems.

We are not doctors and can not give out medical advice.

Given the list of medical problems you have and the fact that you get sick when the temperature gets over 75. Seeing your PCP is the best advice any of us can offer. I have heard of heat related illnesses so what you are experiencing is not so strange but it is also not normal.

Again not being a doctor I cannot say what the cause is. If this is something new your experiencing then there are any number of possibilities. Have you had a change in medications recently? If so make mention of this to your PCP. Always keep your doctors informed of medications given by other doctors. a change in diet or exercise could be a cause. Living in Colorado is it a possibility that you have moved up in altitude.

Any or all of these could be or play a part in the doctors diagnosing of the problem so make sure to tell you doctor of any changes in these areas. Also tell the doctor of any recent illnesses you may have had that you did not seek help for such as colds or flu. Over the counter medications could be the cause as well. If you have been out of the country recently the doctor need to know this as well.

I wish I had a better answer for you though the question you asked is the best answer. When in doubt about a health problem see your doctor. If ever unsure of your doctor's answer to a problem seek a second opinion. That is your right and insurance companies will pay for second opinions.

I was raised to be Catholic. But the bible revolts me. It's sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic and it even supports slavery and rape. And i don't believe. I don't. This wasn't my choice. I didn't choose to do this religion of hatred. But I'm scared of burning in hell. That's another thing, people join religions out of fear. But none of them are correct except maybe the Buddhist religion because it's more of a philosophy in my eyes. I've even thought about joining buddhism. Or even paganism/wiccanism just to spite everybody. And i like the idea of worshipping a visible nature and not an invisible God. Why is this religion so hateful? And what religion do you think o should be?

Religion is not a one size fit all subject. The quickest way to start an argument is to discuss religion. Between the time you are born until your 18th birthday you have little choice but to follow your parent's direction. They chose how they wish to raise you and what religion if any they wish to teach and raise you in.

As you get older and more self aware you may start to question things. Nothing wrong with questioning. Questions is the basis of learning. We learn nothing through blind faith. One of the things children of devout parents question most often is religion. This is the point you are at.

If you are over 18 by all means continue to question and learn about other religions to find the one that gives you the most peace and comfort. If you are under 18 you have a problem. You can still question and research other religions. To rebel against the religion you are raised in will be the problem.

Since you have not given your age I will for a moment assume you are not yet 18 years of age. For now continue to question and research other religions. I see no reason a parent would get upset with any child looking to learn about other religions. To be tolerant of another's religion we need to know more about it. Until your 18 to keep peace in the family you must at least pretend to practice your parents religion.

For if your parents are devotedly religious to do otherwise will cause them to take measure to force you to practice their religion. You don't need this thrust upon you when a bit of tolerance for their religious beliefs is all you need to show until you turn 18.

Why is this religion so hateful? I wish I had a good answer. The answer I like best is religion came before there were laws. Religion became the law and the laws were harshly enforced and condoned or did not condone many things we condone today. Am I right or wrong, I don't know but it is an answer I'm comfortable with for now.

I'm obsessed with writing, mental health and spirituality. What are the careers related to those?!

Writing has endless choices from being an author writer to playwrights. The field of technical writing is a wide open field.

Mental Health and Spirituality can actually be combined with a Doctorate in Spiritual Psychology though I have to warn you it does not pay very well.

I have looked back over some of your other posts and it seems you have a variety of interests center on abstract religions. While there is nothing wrong with searching for a religion you are comfortable with I don't see how it will help you with a career choice.

What I suggest, if as I believe you are still in school, is you ask your guidance counselor to take a test they have that will tell you what you are best suited for. I took one when I was in high school and while I didn't agree with it at the time it turned out to be absolutely spot on when I tried one of the careers it said I was best suited for.

I am 12 years old and me and my boyfriend are really close he has been fingering me in the disabled toilet at school at lunch I really want to have sex with him I'm not on my period but I love him so much we have been going out for 3 years now and he has been fingering me for 7 months and I enjoy it please let me know if I can sleep with him

You are 12 years old and as liberal as I am in my views with young people and sex. I have to say you are too young to even be allowing your boyfriend to finger you let alone even thinking of going all the way with him.

There are several sound reason for this besides your age.

First: Your body, while possibly having the shape of an older girl is not ready to be penetrated by a penis. The muscles of your vagina have not yet released and penetration will be painful and could injure them for life.

Second: If you have started into puberty there is an excellent chance you will get pregnant. Both of you are too young to buy condoms or any type of birth control. Sex without birth control is foolish.

Third: I can tell you for a fact young boy do not love they lust. Look up the definition of both words. As long as you let him do these things to you he will stay with you. Once you say no he will be gone. He will ask you to prove your love for him by having sex with him. Sex is not the way to prove your love.

Fourth: Your twelve years old. Do you really want a reputation for the next six years in school of being sexually easy. Give yourself some credit you deserve better than boys whose only interest in you will be to have sex with you.

Fifth: You're not mature enough for sex and you will not be for at least five more years. The consequences of a sex life are long. Do you want to be a teenage parent.

How do i survive from a situation where people around you believe a gossip about you and still continue to make up stories to make it worse?

You don't say what the stories are but I can guess. I also guess you are still in school and this is where these stories are being told. The stories having to do with your reputation are in some way sexual in nature.

If my guess are on target you can ignore them but I doubt they will stop. I also know teenage boys and these stories will have them harassing you wanting from you what these stories are about. This is where you can get help to put a stop to this both in school and out.

The harassment you are getting is sexual harassment. This is illegal at any age and people including teenage boys are getting arrested for it. schools have a zero tolerance for it and have been known to suspend and expel those who harass people.

You should go to a trusted teacher or school principal and report those who are doing this. IF the school does not take action then you will need to talk with your parents and have them step in and help. They can talk to school officials or file a police report with you.

Fact is you have every right to attend school without being harassed. It is the purpose of teachers and the principal to see to it that your rights are upheld. Report these kids and if it doesn't stop then I would suggest you make a police report.

Kids that do this think their age protects them. by filing a police report and having the police investigate sends a message that their age does not protect them especially if an arrest is made or a suspension or expulsion results.

You need to be brave and tell you parents so that no other young lady needs to suffer as you are suffering now. Report what is happening and let those who are harassing you suffer the proper consequences.

I have so much trouble combining my worlds. I'm really into school and serious about myself and my work, but I also have been getting into guys lately and I really want to start having sex. Btw I'm not in high school, I'm 23 and my body really feels like it's about time! I'm not hoping for a relationship because when I think of guys in that way I just get disappointed. I'm pretty nerdy and as I've been told, extremely intelligent and I don't click on a personal level with most guys and always feel like I have to make myself cooler and dumber to get on their wavelength. But those same guys I find myself intensely attracted to. I'm not sure if all of this makes me really insecure or overly confident. I just really want to get in touch with my sexuality without losing my own personal edge. Dating should not be so much work and over-thinking right? For most human beings dating/love/sex is as mindless and primal as eating. Most people find their first boyfriends at a much younger age than I am right now. Why is this so difficult and quite frankly unenjoyable for me? Why do I feel like I have to put on such a facade when I talk to a guy? It's really not fun!

You are one of the rare women who knows who she is and what she wants from life. You're intelligent and learned not willing to compromise your principles just to get yourself a mate. I would never recommend you do so for you would be miserable if you did so.

On the opposite side of this question my stock answer is that at some point you wake up and have to actually talk to the person your sleeping with. While the sex may be great it is never enough to sustain a relationship. I believe you already know this.

There are men out there with you intellect and education. These men are not found in the typical manner women go hunting for men. if all your looking for is great sex then you make the rounds of the bar scene until you find an attractive male and yes you may have to dumb yourself down to be attractive to him, to feed his ego.

If your looking for a life partner, someone you can have a relationship with, one that will build into a loving sexual relationship. Then I suggest you look into some of the dating sites like Match.com. If you are religions most of the religions also have dating sites geared to people of your religion.

What is nice about these sites is you can custom tailor the men you wish to meet. Everything from the color of their hair and eyes to their education. I know several people who have used these sites and found people they have married. Some on the first try.

In Back in the day as we older folks tend to refer to our younger days, I met my wife the old fashion way. We met at work. We got to know each other , we had sex and we married. That was 44 years ago this past July. Today it seems people have sex, get married and find out later they are not compatible in any other way and divorce.

If you can trust the statistics the put out people who meet and marry through these sites stay together more than people who meet and marry the old fashion way.

Me & the father of my child are not together. He hasn't gone to any of my appointments, he never calls to see how me & the baby are doing, he hasn't bought anything for the baby. He hasn't even spoken to my father since I became pregnant, & I am only 16 so that would appropriate. But my question is, is he wrong? He even said he doesn't know if he's coming to the baby shower. Do you believe although we aren't together a man should be there for a woman that he impregnanted? Because let's be honest PREGNANCY IS NOT EASY. Am I wrong? Or is he wrong? She he be there for me & the baby? Also do you think is non existence during this pregnancy will mean he won't be there for our child in the future? He also has another kid on the way, but he GOES TO EVERY one of that woman's appointments.

Below is what I wrote to you the last time you wrote to use. It is obvious he is not going to be there for you or your baby. You need to protect your child and insure that he gets what his father is legally obligated to give him.

Your responsibility as a mother is to protect your child first and foremost. You child comes before you. This is what being a parent is all about.

You are no wrong in what you are thinking about the father. Where you are wrong is thinking about you first. Being 16 I have to ask where your parents are in all this? How old is he? What the age of consent is in your state? IF statutory rape is a consideration?

Yes the sex may have been consensual but if you are under the age of consent and he is over 18 he maybe guilty of statutory rape. If so why is he out there impregnating other girls and not in jail? Why hasn't you parents filed charges?

Besides what I have written below you should be entitled as a single underage parent, if you keep the child, to other social services. Now is the time to file for them. See a lawyer, file the papers to get the court ordered support your child is entitled too. File for the support you will be entitled to if you keep the baby.

You are going to be a parent, a single parent, if you will not have the support of your parents then you will be going it alone. It is time you start acting like a parent and worry about your child and be preparing to bring him into the world.

he father of your child has certain legal responsibilities to you and the baby he fathered. By yourself it appears you are not going to get him to live up to his responsibilities. These responsibilities are all financial and you cannot force him to go to doctors appointments with you or to be there when his son is born. For that you should chose a birthing partner.

To force the father of your son to live up to his legal obligations you need to see a lawyer now, on Monday if you can. From the day your son is born until the boy is 18 he must give you child support, keep medical insurance covering the boy and have life insurance to cover the cost of cost of child support and medical insurance in the event of his death.

Every state has slightly different requirements but those are the basics. TO make sure he supplies these to you and the child you need a lawyer to draw up the legal papers needed to get a court order. Within the court order will be his right to visitation and to custody of the child. Generally the courts award custody to the mother.

Do not be surprised if he tries for custody. He most likely, given his track record so far, will not get it. It is just an end run around the child support issue. Also do not be surprised if he asks for a paternity test. Again this is just a legal tactic to delay the inevitable and upset you enough to accepting a lesser offer than the courts would award.

Don't get upset, don't let him win and do not talk to him once he is served with the legal summons to court. Let your lawyer do all the talking for you from that point on. Yes you may love him though it is obvious that once you became pregnant he moved on. HE does not deserve you and he is going to try and use your love for him to manipulate you. Do not let him.

I know guys like him. They are players who only care about themselves. You and the other lady he has gotten pregnant are going to need to keep you lawyers on speed dial to keep him responsible for the children he has fathered.

My advice is simple see a lawyer ASAP. IF you cannot afford one contact your local Legal Aid Society.

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