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I don't feel female?
I'm 12 year old female(?)...let me explain.
Ever since I was young, like in pre school I thought like a man. In pre school i bonded with females, but boys just seemed to get me more. I played with trucks, liked to destroy, never broke into my mom's make up, etc. In kindagarten, I didn't care about my appearance and I liked digging up worms. I didn't care about my looks and never felt I fit in with my gender. Girls, they like to be neat, I don't. And now, it just gets stronger. I'm constantly being reminded to "act like a girl". I've always tried but it was always awkward. I played with barbies but I tried my best to turn them male, and preferred making action figures fight. I liked video games that men were supposed to like. It's more than being a tomboy though. If you're a tomboy, you like sports and stuff, but you still think like a girl. Not me, my thought process, personality, interests...match a boy. I did like pink, but mainly because I noticed the difference between me and female counterparts and tried doing pink to fit in better. Now I prefer blue, and red. I'm sick of being treated like a girl when I don't feel like one. I always get handed the "girly" stuff when I want the manly stuff. I'm always watching myself to be a girl. And when I don't watch myself for a while, people laugh and point and get supprised. I look female, but I'm not. Once I wore boy clothed and I felt nicer than i ever have in female clothing. And ever since Caitlyn Jenner happened, idk, I finally had a name for it. I started a conversation on transgenders to my mom. Here's how it went:
Me: mom did you hear about Caitlyn Jenner?
Mom: yes.
Me: why do you think people change genders?
Mom: well, it's just- you're not thinking about that are you?
Me: no (lie)
Mom: phew. I could NOT handle that.
Fastforward for a few months, on vacation while I was trying to go to sleep I heard her on the phone saying something like "ugh. He was the greatest athlete in the world and now he's a women. He's wearing dresses and got implants. It's disgusting, I mean come on! You're a man, you should know better than that.
I'm scared to come out. But I want to be a boy! It's simple, it's who I am. I just know it. How should I go about this?
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Transgenderism is a complicated issue... On the one hand, you are young and may well be mistaken about what's going on inside your body as it's going through changes, on the other hand the more you wait to start the process the harder it is. The thing is, everything you've listed sounds like you are rejecting gender norms, not your own female gender. The whole pink vs blue thing is an archaic distinction... actually scratch that, it wasn't that long ago that pink was considered a manly color. Toy preferences are likewise needlessly gendered, and there is currently a movement to do away with that, target no longer has boy sections or girl sections labeled in the toy aisle, because really, everyone has different preferences toy wise and they have nothing to do with gender. I'm a guy, and my favorite color is purple, which many do consider as feminine as pink. I was also never into sports, or most other stereotypically male interests. I liked chick flicks more than action movies, and love songs more than hip hop. Throughout all that, I considered (and still consider) myself male, I just have different interests than most. I'm just one example though, and wanted to give you that to think about. Whether you are transgendered or not is something only you can know, and something you should talk to a doctor about. It sucks that your mom will be an obstacle throughout all this, but it's your life, hopefully she will come to accept you.
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We both as a society and as doctors and scientists are beginning to understand that sometimes we get things wrong. That it is possible to be of on gender of the mind and another of the body. That may not be the correct way to put it but you just don't feel the way your body says you should.
Up to now your parents are probably saying, "Oh she is just a tomboy. Once puberty hits her she will come around. That may or may not be true. At 12 puberty may already be happening and you are really going to feel bad if you have to also put up with everything a woman has to put up with in their lives.
Right now you mom is not open to you being transgender, at least not in discussions with you. You are going to need to enlist the help of medical professionals to get her to see the light. She may or may not ever truly come around to your side of the equation but hopefully she will help you live as a transgender until you are old enough to transgender into a full male if that is what you want.
This is the time of the year most children have their school physicals. If you have not had yours yet get mom to schedule one. While you’re at the doctor either slip the nurse a note or try to get the nurse or doctor alone and tell them you need to speak to the doctor in private. Trust me the doctor will understand and ask mom to go to the waiting room. This is your time to tell the doctor you feel you are transgender and need his or her help in convincing your mother you are a transgender child not a tomboy.
You won't be shocking your doctor after all the doctor is a professional. The doctor will help you but first he or she will need to be convinced so expect a lot of questions. Answer the questions truthfully not the way you think the doctor wants to hear.
Once you have convinced the doctor he or she will inform your parents and explain what must be done to help you. Including the psychiatric help needed if you think you will want to change genders. It takes a minimum of two years living as the opposite gender and two years of psychological evaluations before you can have the operation.
If this is what you want and I think it is, it all starts with your family doctor. If you have had your physical for the year try and find a reason to be taken to the family doctor. Your family doctor is your best way to make your family understand how you are suffering and hopefully get them to help you if you want to come out.
I will always be here if I can ever be of help or answer any questions for you. Just remember one thing through all of what you’re about to go through. You have done nothing wrong. This is how you were born.
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Oh, how scary for you to have a mother who has voiced her disgust and bias's against transgender people. On a positive note though, some people who react this way initially will truly change their views and become supportive when these kinds of issues hit close to home or in the family. What can she do, she is your mother and she loves you. She may out of inexperience on the subject assume you are a girl inside and always will be simply because she lacks knowledge on the subject. ITs not a discussion of sexual preferance as in gay or bi sexuals but gender orientation and therefore a young child can know what gender they identify with long for puberty because its not a sexuality based concern. Your mother is going to need a support group and dad and other family too if there are any. She'll need to have other parents of transgender children to talk to in order to make it thru the difficulties of you and your family being in the position of learning how to deal with this properly.
This isn't something you can hide for much longer because if not already, your body will enter puberty soon and the distress of having your body change more into the sex gender you don't feel you are is devastating and many young people want the sex change therapy long before a Dr. will okay it and the time during that change is traumatic enough that many commit suicide. Then there's the inacceptance of peers when they make a change and vicious hateful teasing or even bodily threats from misunderstanding people which can lead to the same and this is transgenders who may have family support. You are going to need all the help you can get and while I may be supportive, I truly have no idea how to really help you and steer you in the right direction but other Trans. people would know. Maybe not every one of them but there will be others who have gone thru the coming out and may know of support groups for parents that they can mention to you, and how to deal with peers, etc...
So I am suggesting you look on line for 'transgender support groups'. Thats what you put in the search and I would join as many as you can and begin to befriend people and ask questions.
I will post a few of the links in hits that came up and you can on your own search for more. In the end, this is something that you either find the best way to share with family now so you can go through your later teen years as the gender you feel inside or you wait until you are an adult if you even make it that far, to make the switch yourself. I'd go for doing it sooner than later, less emotional damage along the way.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
And most important for you with dealing with Mom is this link to a listing of support groups by state, for parents of transgender children of any age from preschool to adult age.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
good luck and blessings to you.
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