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I need someone's input!!
Me & the father of my child are not together. He hasn't gone to any of my appointments, he never calls to see how me & the baby are doing, he hasn't bought anything for the baby. He hasn't even spoken to my father since I became pregnant, & I am only 16 so that would appropriate. But my question is, is he wrong? He even said he doesn't know if he's coming to the baby shower. Do you believe although we aren't together a man should be there for a woman that he impregnanted? Because let's be honest PREGNANCY IS NOT EASY. Am I wrong? Or is he wrong? She he be there for me & the baby? Also do you think is non existence during this pregnancy will mean he won't be there for our child in the future? He also has another kid on the way, but he GOES TO EVERY one of that woman's appointments.
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Pregnancy?
Below is what I wrote to you the last time you wrote to use. It is obvious he is not going to be there for you or your baby. You need to protect your child and insure that he gets what his father is legally obligated to give him.
Your responsibility as a mother is to protect your child first and foremost. You child comes before you. This is what being a parent is all about.
You are no wrong in what you are thinking about the father. Where you are wrong is thinking about you first. Being 16 I have to ask where your parents are in all this? How old is he? What the age of consent is in your state? IF statutory rape is a consideration?
Yes the sex may have been consensual but if you are under the age of consent and he is over 18 he maybe guilty of statutory rape. If so why is he out there impregnating other girls and not in jail? Why hasn't you parents filed charges?
Besides what I have written below you should be entitled as a single underage parent, if you keep the child, to other social services. Now is the time to file for them. See a lawyer, file the papers to get the court ordered support your child is entitled too. File for the support you will be entitled to if you keep the baby.
You are going to be a parent, a single parent, if you will not have the support of your parents then you will be going it alone. It is time you start acting like a parent and worry about your child and be preparing to bring him into the world.
he father of your child has certain legal responsibilities to you and the baby he fathered. By yourself it appears you are not going to get him to live up to his responsibilities. These responsibilities are all financial and you cannot force him to go to doctors appointments with you or to be there when his son is born. For that you should chose a birthing partner.
To force the father of your son to live up to his legal obligations you need to see a lawyer now, on Monday if you can. From the day your son is born until the boy is 18 he must give you child support, keep medical insurance covering the boy and have life insurance to cover the cost of cost of child support and medical insurance in the event of his death.
Every state has slightly different requirements but those are the basics. TO make sure he supplies these to you and the child you need a lawyer to draw up the legal papers needed to get a court order. Within the court order will be his right to visitation and to custody of the child. Generally the courts award custody to the mother.
Do not be surprised if he tries for custody. He most likely, given his track record so far, will not get it. It is just an end run around the child support issue. Also do not be surprised if he asks for a paternity test. Again this is just a legal tactic to delay the inevitable and upset you enough to accepting a lesser offer than the courts would award.
Don't get upset, don't let him win and do not talk to him once he is served with the legal summons to court. Let your lawyer do all the talking for you from that point on. Yes you may love him though it is obvious that once you became pregnant he moved on. HE does not deserve you and he is going to try and use your love for him to manipulate you. Do not let him.
I know guys like him. They are players who only care about themselves. You and the other lady he has gotten pregnant are going to need to keep you lawyers on speed dial to keep him responsible for the children he has fathered.
My advice is simple see a lawyer ASAP. IF you cannot afford one contact your local Legal Aid Society.
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Of course a man should be there for his lady when shes pregnant but hes not a man yet is he?? and your not a woman either so we can scrap that idea right out the window.
Hes an erratic teenage boy with raging hormones and your a teenage girl that fell for him long enough to let him impregnate you, not thinking of the future here clearly and what might happen if you getting pregnant might actually come to pass.
Im sorry to sound blunt with you but your a child still and so is he, you really have no right to expect anything from him as far as being a father to a child he didnt want, at a time he really wasnt ready to be one. He probably still needs his OWN fathers guidance right now more than anything else here.
If you know or knew before hand that 'pregnancy isnt easy" then you also could have had the foresight to see that YOUR the one that has to carry and give birth to this child and after hes impregnated you he really doesnt have to do anything but sit back and watch. Im not going to sit here and tell you what you "should have done" because obviously its all in the past now and youve chosen your path, weather we think about it in those moments in life where its "to wear a condom or not to wear a condom?" or not, you are still in full control of your life allowing him to have sex with you. He obviously isnt ready and not you or anyone else is going to be able to force him to care. im sorry but thats the way these things work in life. Hes probably distancing himself BECAUSE of the fact that he doesnt want this baby and just doesnt know how to tell you, and maybe knows that he messed up big time but isnt ready to confront that yet. Maybe some day he will but it doesnt sound like its going to happen anytime soon.
All you can do now is try to rely on loved ones to help you so that you can finish school, and try to work until you CAN file for welfare or whatever state benefits you can get.
Im sorry that your in this situation, and im sorry that the both of you didnt have the foresight to understand the gravity of this before it was right on top of you, and that your both now saddled with a child you wernt ready for, and that your future is now at risk.
good luck and i hope when he IS a man that he will be there for you and your child.
Im going to add to this even though typically i dont. You didnt go that far into detail about him or his age, just yours until you edited your post. Although i was wrong to assume he was your age, him being 20 STILL doesnt man a male a MAN, that just counts the years hes been here on earth. There are PLENTY of 30 year old men walking around that are STILL immature as hell so putting that aside now, id like to address something else. I understand that your 16, hes 20, your parents approved, and thats great, HOWEVER you may have lacked the forsight here to see that him having a child on the way with ANOTHER woman may have been a huge red flag that would tell more mature or experienced women that you should probably leave him to that other woman and child because he needs to man up and help THEM. Instead what you did here was become his "side piece" so he could get some action while his true lady is his main priority. I mean by the situation youve described here it looks crystal clear to me that you DONT matter and hes NOT going to care and you cant make him. No men usually DONT attend baby showers, thats for the women of the mother and its usually a female only event.
Him distancing himself is a huge sign that wants nothing to do with you or the baby.
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Well, he is young and he is not ready to be a Dad. A grown man who is wanting to have a child with the woman he loves and can support her and the child financially and emotionally is going to be supportive, by his ladys side, at appts, ready to be the birth coach, buy her and baby special gifts. Any change, even becoming a parent has its scary or panic moments even for those way older and ready.
All this kid wanted was sex, not Fatherhood. Was your plan and goal and desire in life to be a teen aged Mother? If so, you accomplished your goal. But that may not have been his goal so its not surprising, given his age that he wants nothing to do with it or that he ever will. He is not in a position to even be a Dad cus he's only 16. Babies come about when a man is the sperm donor and a female the fertile womb whether either are ready for a child or not. But what the child will need is something beyond a birth mother and father, but an actual mom and dad to raise it. You even wont be able to do so alone if you decide to keep instead of adopt out. He isn't even out of school with a job and a good income so that you can get child support as you could go for if he was 10 yrs older. Its a bad situation dear. Focus on birthing the baby and talking to enough agencies that work with teenage moms to find out what all your real options are.
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