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please help me I'm too my breaking point.
I am 32 weeks pregnant. I am dealing with a lot of stress right now due to the fact I'm pregnant by someone I'm not with. I know there are a lot of single mothers out there but I never through I would be one. & on top of that the guy I'm pregnant by I'm still in love with. when I got pregnant he told me it was gonna be okay we were gonna be a family & he's gonna be here for me. but I'm 8 MONTHS PREGNANT NOW & NOTHING has changed its only gotten worse. he's with someone else & SHES PREGNANT TOO, 5 months to be exact. he doesn't come to my appointments never has actually & he doesn't help me with anything. he doesn't even call me to make sure I'm okay.. it hurts because first I love him & I really thought things were going to work second he's having another baby!! & it's sad because he's there for her during her pregnancy but hasn't been here for me ONCE. my FIRST question how do I get through this? through this pain. I want to be OVER him & I want to be okay with everything even though it's not okay. I want to be stable for my baby boy.. I want him to have a strong mother to look up to. SECOND question, shouldn't he be going to my appointments, checking up on me, & making sure they baby is okay? ALSO helping me pay for the medical bills? because I have no insurance. is he wrong for not helping me??? please I need answers & advice! thank you..
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Pregnancy?
The father of your child has certain legal responsibilities to you and the baby he fathered. By yourself it appears you are not going to get him to live up to his responsibilities. These responsibilities are all financial and you cannot force him to go to doctors appointments with you or to be there when his son is born. For that you should chose a birthing partner.
To force the father of your son to live up to his legal obligations you need to see a lawyer now, on Monday if you can. From the day your son is born until the boy is 18 he must give you child support, keep medical insurance covering the boy and have life insurance to cover the cost of cost of child support and medical insurance in the event of his death.
Every state has slightly different requirements but those are the basics. TO make sure he supplies these to you and the child you need a lawyer to draw up the legal papers needed to get a court order. Within the court order will be his right to visitation and to custody of the child. Generally the courts award custody to the mother.
Do not be surprised if he tries for custody. He most likely, given his track record so far, will not get it. It is just an end run around the child support issue. Also do not be surprised if he asks for a paternity test. Again this is just a legal tactic to delay the inevitable and upset you enough to accepting a lesser offer than the courts would award.
Don't get upset, don't let him win and do not talk to him once he is served with the legal summons to court. Let your lawyer do all the talking for you from that point on. Yes you may love him though it is obvious that once you became pregnant he moved on. HE does not deserve you and he is going to try and use your love for him to manipulate you. Do not let him.
I know guys like him. They are players who only care about themselves. You and the other lady he has gotten pregnant are going to need to keep you lawyers on speed dial to keep him responsible for the children he has fathered.
My advice is simple see a lawyer ASAP. IF you cannot afford one contact your local Legal Aid Society.
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Firstly, the stress is not only bad for you but also for the baby and your primary focus should be to look after yourself and your baby. I think it might be safe to say that many of the single mothers out there never thought they would be single mothers but unfortunately sometimes fate can deal a bit of a raw deal. All we can do is make the best of it. The fact this guy said he would stand by you and is now a father-to-be to yet another baby with another woman pretty much sums up where his loyalties lie and wherever that might be - they are not with you. This is obvious from the fact that he's not made any effort with you at all and instead is focused on this other woman. I think I feel sorry for this other woman as she either doesn't realise what kind of a man he is (he might be there for her and such but the baby you carry is his child too and he should take some level of responsibility for that).
First and foremost, I know you still love him but this seems like a man you will be better off without. He has pretty much done a lousy job of being there for you thus far and I suspect once this other woman has enough of him (or vice-versa) he will more than likely come running to you before/after which he will just move on to someone else because this is what he seems to have done so far.
It would be nice if things do work but at this moment in time you need to look at reality and from my perspective that is he will not be coming back to you and if he does you need to ask yourself do you really, REALLY want him back? How do you know he won't just go off with the next person that comes along? How do you know he hasn't done this to someone else before? I think his lack of any kind of interest says quite clearly he is not interested in being a part of your life. Do NOT assume for one moment that you have to have him in your life for the sake of the baby. You are a mother - you don't need him to have a stable and loving relationship with your baby. I know so many parents out there who are single parents and they have raised some amazing kids all through hard work, morals and loving care and they did it alone. You will be a strong mother your child can look up to.
It's easy for me to say all this and I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. The stress from everything is one thing but then with the pregnancy your emotions will be everywhere making things feel even worse. Just try and focus on yourself and your baby for now because you both are what are important.
As for medical bills and such I'm not sure where you are from but I assume it's from the US. I'm not sure how the laws work over there but I would hope they work similar to here where a person who has fathered a child doesn't just get to walk away without taking a level of responsibility. That includes financial responsibility too. I would say try and arrange to speak to someone who is familiar with these kind of matters where you are to get some legal guidance or advice on what you can do. Personally I think you have every right to make sure he pays his part in the whole affair. No man should be allowed to just father a child then walk away thinking they no longer have no responsibility for what they helped create.
Good luck.
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