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Telling someone who's in a relationship I like them
First off I am a girl who's 19 and I have always liked men but a while ago I met a new coworker who is also a female and instantly felt a connection with her and I’ve had a crush on her ever since. Were freinds on social media and it seems like she could be bisexual because she has posts of her with another girl that other people commented things like “your such a cute couple” but she also has posts with guys. I’ve liked her for about 6 months now, and she recently got a boyfriend. I’m not sure when or if either of us is going to leave the job but I just got a better one and if things go we’ll I’ll probably be leavig in a few months also, I have a feeling she might be leaving too. But I still like her and need to know if she ever liked me to move on, I wouldn’t be asking her to dump her boyfreind and go out with me, I just want to know if she ever liked me or had a crush on me. And I’m not sure how to say it because if she isn’t bisexual and is against it then I don’t want to offend her or wierd her out so how should I word it? And do you think it’s a good idea to tell her?
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For what its worth, my two cents. When it comes to approaching and talking to someone you are attracted to, no matter the sex, its hard cus there aren't any real clear cut ways to do so, it varies with the situation. It becomes more difficult when its not straight hetero couples, but the subject of one being gay or bi or being transgender and not knowing where the other stands on their sexuality or gender id.
While I do agree that in general, it is not a wise choice to approach and tell someone how you feel if they are known to be in a relationship already, when it comes to bi-sexuality, I believe a different set of rules could apply depending on the situation. So there is some info you would need before being able to proceed. And in this case, for lack of any better idea, I'd have to vote for Angels idea. It truly is easier for a person sometimes to divulge personal info on a social site and to a stranger rather than to one they know and see on a regular basis in real life for the same reason you have, not wanting to make anything awkward between you in the future if working together.
I have known several bi-sexual women and most were married and had bi female loves on the side. However I've also met women who identified themselves as bi sexual but monogamous or bisexual and polyamorous. And this is another important piece of information needed besides their sexual preference. Those who can't handle more than one relationship at a time engage in serial monogamy, one at a time relationship until one ends and the next starts. A gal may only date a male and when they split up, take to dating a female next, but only one. then there are those who entertain having more than one sweetheart in their life at a time, whether married or not, there are women who will have relationship scenerios of seeing multiple men and women, multiple men and only one female, multiple females and only one man. And then there are the bi-curious, who when they feel something for one female when generally they've not known themselves to be bisexual at all, and that is something i can understand. To this day, there is only one female I've felt a sexual draw to, otherwise I have no interest in females at all, zero, only in males. If one believes in reincarnation there could be an explanation of having lived previous lives as the other sex or having known that soul in a previous life. I have in this life met people who believe they've known me before in another life and have said so without me having to bring it up tho I've felt it too. I believe some, not all of gay couples may have known each other before one as the male and one as the female and in this life, as now same sex simply for the experience and the difficulties it presents in our culture and of course the personal growth opportunities of going thru something so difficult. So it may be that you are not in fact bi-sexual but due to odd circumstances as I've mentioned which may be a long shot for some to believe, that a person can feel a connection emotionally or sexually to someone of the same sex and yet not truly be gay or bi-sexual. Don't go forcing yourself into a way of life because of this connection you feel that it must be so in all circumstances for she may be the only one in your entire life you will feel this way about.
That all said, to avoid the awkwardness of asking her what her sexual preference is and if she is okay with dating both a male and female at the same time if bi, it might be a good idea to attempt to casually gather this info on a social media site while pretending to be someone else.
Even if she reveals she is okay with all that, when you do approach her in real life, she may not feel the same strength of connection to you that you felt for her or may feel it only on an emotional friendship level rather than a romantic one. People have forgotten that long before society has become more open about sexual preferences and identity, that women in the past had such close relationships as friends, feeling more like blood relations, sister, mother aunt, with the depth of feelings and really close connections with each other where neither had any romantic or sexual attractions to each other. I come from the last of those generations and can remember having girlfriends like that, so close we could share all sorts of secrets with each other, emotional intimacy that we didnt have with others, and our hearts would overflow with a love for that person. The depth of a love feeling doesnt always have to be a romantic/sexual one. You love your mom or sis,female cousin or aunt but you dont always form a close bond with all, and neither do you IF having a close bond, feel any romantic sexual feelings to these people. Thats the reality in life. So you can have such feelings for her and it NOT be something that means you have to become a 'dating couple'. You can just become a close friend and have the connection you have. You only mention how you felt a connection and that you're coworkers, but nothing about having an actual friendship with her away from work. Being her (non-dating-non romantic) girlfriend would not interfere with her current relationship with boyfriend. It will give you time to mull over what you feel if you spend more time together If you even have things in common to do together, and you may come to realize, its nothing more than just one of the deepest friendships you could ever have. Often the younger people of today, have no idea that such friendships can exist and have never had such a deep friendship and therefore assume it must be a sign of something more. So if not currently doing so, ask her if she'd like to spend some time together as friends outside of work. Work buddies usually are just friends at work and dont enter your life as friends outside of work. That only happened to me a couple times, two gals when I was your age range and one female when I was turning 40. Well, this has been a lot more info than you probably expected but i felt it important that you hear it all to help you decide what path you will take. Good luck.
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No. It's not a good idea to tell her.
It's rarely a good idea to confess your feelings to someone who is in a relationship. It's a bit a disrespectful, and you put them in a really uncomfortable position where they don't want to hurt you, but they also want to be loyal to their partner. It's not a kind thing you are thinking about doing to her. Even tho of course you aren't asking her to dump him, it's still selfish.
The other reason isn't a bad idea, is because you say you want to know if she ever liked you or had a crush on you. The truth is, you need to learn to be okay in life without knowing things like that. She doesn't owe you that truth.
It's a tough lesson to learn, that sometimes you don't get the answers. Sometimes you never find out the whole story, and you aren't entitled to know the going ons of other people's minds or hearts.
You just want to tell her. You don't need too. Instead of looking to her for answers and validation, just be honest with your yourself about what you felt and take that knowledge forward. She doesn't have anything to offer you than you can't figure out on your own.
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Oh I see where your going with this. This is the best crazy advice I've got... your on social media so create a boy or girl profile or on kik i dont know any kind of website you can reach her in then create an account where you can be a person that she does not know...like comment on the pictures where people call her a cute couple ask her or comment her is she bisexual? That wont be weird because she wont know who you are..so just phrase it like this : " awhhh your such a cute couple ...are you bisexual? If she answers "yes" make your move in real life and talk to her private about it and shell tell you what happens because your moving so is she if you dont do this you'll loose her..
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If she just recently got a boyfriend then telling her might not be a good idea because you'd not want her to think that you have gone into a panic after she got together with someone and so is why you're now telling her how you feel about her.
On the other hand, if all you really want to know is whether or not she felt anything for you then I can't really see the harm in wanting to know. How she may react though is anyone's guess. She might be offended or may find it flattering, there's not really any way to know.
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