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Should I talk to my close friend/crush
I'm a 11th grader female. I got a crush on a close friend and he kind of found out. It was awkward for a while but we settled things and decided dating wasn't for us and we still want to be friends. We were still friends and he willingly talked to me a lot even though I did feel things weren't the same as before... but both were okay with that. Anyways, now the new school started and he doesn't talk to me. During the summer we only spoke once when he asked for my snapchat username but even then it seemed like he didn't wanna talk to me too much. I really haven't made an attempt to talk to him either because I don't know if I should. I don't like him as a crush anymore but do as a friend. He is a great person and I want to resume our friendship. However, I'm scared to talk to him since I don't know if he wants to talk to me and I don't want to make him uncomfortable. But I'm not sure if the reason he isn't talking to me is because I am not. It's weird because sometimes it seems like he is looking at me during class but I don't know if that means anything or it's my imagination. I have been purposely avoiding him too so it doesn't get awkward but I guess he has kind of been too. I don't think he hates or dislikes me as a person but I don't know why he is acting that way. Should I talk to him?
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Well, all I can say is that as long as both of you have chosen for whatever reasons or fears to not talk to each other, both of you are going to continue to feel awkward around each other leaving things unsettled between you. You did say: I'm scared to talk to him since I don't know if he wants to talk to me and I don't want to make him uncomfortable.
Whats the first thing a teacher tells you when the school year starts? If you don't know something or understand something, just ask. There is no stupid question." I agree with all that, its what is an important thread woven through the lives of all, without communicating, a
person can not effectively navigate through life. So its one of the most important things you can learn to do is to ask...
It's a given that females are not going to understand males all the time, especially their actions. They may think that keeping silent and staying away is "Helping you get over an awkward situation, less emotionally traumatizing to you and have no clue that their actions or words do actually the opposite of what they think. For the record, some guys do figure this out, especially those who are very observant and ask questions or perhaps grew up with sisters but I have in my life come across several men after my divorce and before the next husband, who pulled the same silent treatment on me thinking they were helping rather than hurting me.
Think about it dear, not matter what the situation is, whats going on in his mind, if he cares enough to not want to see you hurt, he may think it best to not talk to you. You say you catch him watching you alot. It shows he still cares about you as a person and is liking wondering how you are emotionally doing handling things. Someone has to speak first and with the way guys reason out their actions, its more likely that he wont talk first. So its up to you.
So, instructions for starting a convo with him are in order. No matter what you say, you need to begin with giving him the okay to say anything he needs to and assure him you want the truth, over trying to protect your feelings, and a promise to not get overly emotional and out of control. You just want to understand what is going on for him and the reason for his silence and then you will explain the reason for your silence because you are part to blame...having chosen silence up til that moment.
I will say right now that a guy and gal who can be the best of friends is a good thing. It can be complicated if one begins to have romantic feelings and the other doesn't and that one ends up stuck in the friend zone and not seen as a potential bf/gf. I do know that when one finds out how the other feels, there is a period of time where things feel awkward for the one who was blindsided by this news. They need time to digest it all properly and any immediate actions they take or things they say may be a way to give themselves time to digest it all and these off the cuff instant reactions may end up sending the wrong message, one that once they've have time to deal with their feelings on the topic, the surprised person has figured out how to personally deal with the situation in their mind but lack the know how of what to do to "continue the friendship" as in your case.
The best of long term relationships is based on a foundation of two things, being each others best friend and being the best match romantically and sexually. We tend to assume that if we don't have feelings of romantic desire and attraction from the start that it will never be in a relationship. However, couples who are best of friends have a better chance of having a solid and happy loving relationship together than those who have skipped the friendship part and gone straight to the romance and sex part and then once in love, find out later that they really do not make good friends and the relationship as a result has its troubles or is very rocky. Often one or both of a couple of friends begin to take for granted that this is only a friendship and never can be more and have somehow, never been curious or entertained the thought that there could be anything more, just assuming there can't be. But its not a conclusion due to trying and checking that part out. Just the comfortableness of being stuck in the rut of whats familiar cus its less scary to think about.
I've heard it all and find it sometimes takes the shock of breaking up as friends or the rejected one moving on to date someone that lets the one discover much to their surprise that they have feelings for the other, feeling jealous of the date, or feeling lonesome and missing them once they don't have the easy cameraderie anymore.
So when you talk to him, be prepared for anything. He may have felt sure if/when he said he had no such feelings for you or just began to avoid you. And it may still be the case but he still wants you as his friend. On the other hand, he's had time to get over the shock of the revelation that you were crushing on him and had time to really think about it and again discovered much to his surprise that he indeed does have feelings for you. Romance or love can be an instant roaring fire between two individuals when they meet, or it can start out as a small spark that slowly grows to become as great a fire than those who both felt it instantly. In the end, both are just as strong or great a love. So not to get your hopes up or anything, but another reason he may be keeping silent is that he know realizes he cares romantically about you but already told you or acted like he didn't and feels he would look and seem foolish to now tell you that he feels the opposite. Due to age and inexperience or fears of his own, he isn't sure how you will recieve the news, maybe afraid you'd think he was toying with your feelings, just playing around, or the impression he's gotten that you have moved on and no longer have a crush or feelings for him, make him feel its useless or hopeless to reveal his change of feelings now. If he keeps looking at you as he does, its either missing the friendship or not knowing how to explain his change of view now and thinking its too late. If the two of you are as close friends as you say, then there is always a chance for both of you if in agreement to give it a chance, that romance could blossom between you. Its a matter of actually facing ones fears and awkward feelings. Our emotions can lead us astray from what we really want in life so we never try. I have found that if I face a fear, once I take an action, the fear instantly disappears. Fear is nothing more than a bully who boasts and makes themselves out to be scarier than the real life situation will ever be.;
So now you have a well explained reason for why you should talk to him and some idea of what needs to be discussed and said. If at any point, he does not reveal enough information, like you still sensing he's holding back, say so. Ask what it is he's not sharing. You are female and as such have naturally a womans intuition. Learn to rely on it, going with hunches, enough to ask questions. Your intuition is useless if you only sit and wonder for the rest of your life instead of using it to pose the questions in life that may make a big difference for you. Good luck dear.
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Haiiiii! I had the same problem...guys are annoying ..heres what you should do ...comfront him. Ask him why hes avoding to talk to you. What his problem ? Why dont you wanna talk to me after you knew I had a crush on you ...you should know that I really dont like you like that anymore only has a friend. Then see what he says...if he dont wanna talk to you ..move on! Like he dont want to be your friend. Your way out his lead honney ..he dont want you ,you dont want him but sees what he has to say first.
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