Ugh, I had the same problem.

Try glue traps. I would lay them flat (instead of folding them up) and place them wherever I saw roaches running across.

Another thing; if you're renting, your landlord is responsible for ensuring a proper environment. If you are still having a roach problem, they are required by law to have an exterminator come.

The same thing happened to my fiance and I for a while.

You are putting too much pressure on her. Here's how it looks to her...

You: "WANTSEXWANTSEXWANTSEXNOW!WANTSEX!!!"

Her: "I feel like the only reason why he cuddles with me is because he expects something in return. That totally puts me off. I wish he could like what I like instead of treating it as a duty"

Try something different: cuddle and kiss and hug her, but don't try anything else. Just enjoy her. Let HER initiate. It may take some time, but just cool down, and get used to your right hand for a while if need be.

In the meantime, maybe you should try finding out why she doesn't want sex. Maybe she's bored with the routine (because all couples end up in a rut eventually). Maybe she's stressed out. Maybe she hasn't been feeling well. Maybe she feels fat. Womens' sex drives are affected by more than hormone levels. The slightest thing wrong, and boom, it's gone.

The other thing: you talk about "her needs" and "my needs". What about "our needs"? What do you as a couple want from the relationship? Try talking about it. You've been together long enough to have that conversation. If your needs do not mesh with hers, then maybe it isn't meant to be. Enough marriages end because of lack of sex or lack of love that you should conquer this before getting more serious.

Bottom line: sex is not a right. It is a privilege. The sooner you recognize that fact, the better your relationship will be.

Dial it down a notch. Talking to him 3 times a day max? Try once a day, max.

He's probably finding you a little clingy and obsessive. Not saying that you are, just that guys tend to think that way when they are being pursued to such an extent.

Don't stop alltogether, but try calling him every other day. He will be willing to talk longer, and more likely to call you back if he's busy.

It happens with the best of men!

I had to go through the same thing with my fiance. He got to a point where he always wanted sex, and would get pouty and mopey when he didn't get it.

Basically, what you need to do is talk to your boyfriend. Tell him that you aren't always in the mood, and that you feel like sex has become an obligation.

What worked for us is first, taking about a month long hiatus from sex. That helped him to realize that he doesn't "need" it, and that it isn't a right, it's a privilege. I wasn't withholding sex... this was an agreement we both came to.

Then, we went through a while where I was the only one who initiated. That taught me to be more vocal about my needs, and him to relax and enjoy sex when it does happen, rather than demanding it non-stop.

We eventually worked it back up to a pace that worked for both of us.

You're absolutely right; you shouldn't be lying or pretending. A relationship is a partnership. You two have to work together, and sex is no different from splitting up the chores.

In my opinion, you SHOULD be close friends with the person you are with. My fiance is my best friend. Please don't let the fact that you have a great friendship ruin the potential for something even more deep and amazing.

I have never had sex bring a relationship apart. It has always made my partners and I connect more deeply, since it really does bring the relationship more out of the friendship level and into a romantic level. The only time when you will really see a relationship ruined by sex is when it isn't solid, or when people have sex too soon.

Don't worry about not being good at it. Nobody is, their first time. What you are giving him is beautiful, and a man of his calibre will recognize that.

Also, you should know that with a person you really love, the sex will just get better and better every time.

Here's the thing. It may or may not hurt. If you're with someone you care about, the hurt is worth it. If you're with some random guy, the hurt will be all that you remember.

I'm not going to stand here and say that you should wait until marriage. I will stand here and say that you should wait until you decide to have sex with a person that you care deeply about, whether they are "the one" or not.

Razhie is absolutely right.

Beyond seeking medical advice, have you looked into the conception kits? Generally, they come with about 10 ovulation tests, so that helps point you towards the right times.

The reason you may not have conceived yet is just sheer probability. At your most fertile, the probability of intercourse resulting in pregnancy is about 9%. It lowers to about 1% otherwise.

Sounds strange, doesn't it, when there are so many unwanted pregnancies around the world.

What the morning after pill does is forcibly flush out your uterus. That would explain the new period... probably accompanied by some seriously painful cramps, based on my friends' experiences with it.

As for your other question, it all depends on who you are. Religious fundamentalists believe that as soon as an egg is fertilized, it is a person, so they may call it abortion. Personally, I think that flushing 4 cells out of your body isn't killing a person.

First off, I'm going to give a bit of a legal disclaimer here: I am not a mental health professional. What I am, though, is a survivor of mental illness, and I think that qualifies me to give advice.

Last year I had a breakdown, basically. Everything in my life was wrong, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. I started having multiple panic attacks, and couldn't leave my house. I shut out everyone else, and ended up in the psychiatric ward of the hospital for two weeks as a result.

That sucked. Hard. But what it did was get me to do what you have already done: stepping back and re-evaluating life. That, believe it or not, is the hardest part. The rest is miserable and tough to get through, but ultimately worth it in the end.

It seems like you have already identified what major changes need to occur in your life. That's terrific! The next thing is to take them one at a time.

For me, I had to learn to do the basics again. I had to learn how to get up and shower and get dressed every day. I had to learn how to smile, and laugh, and talk to people. Even those were little triumphs. Every time I woke up, took a shower, and put on a little makeup, I congratulated myself.

That's what you need to start doing. Celebrate the little steps. Don't expect to change everything at once. Try just getting up and showering every day. Keep track of it, if you need to. Even a sticker chart, juvenile as it may sound. Just something to remind you that you have made an effort. Start small.

Once you've got that down, try keeping track of your living space. First, take a week, or even a month to get your apartment sparkling clean. One day, pick up stuff off the floor. Another day, go through your fridge. One thing at a time. Once it is clean, write a chore chart for every day. Check it off as you do it. Living in a clean place will make you feel better, and doing that bit of work every day will help you to learn that everything is under your control.

Next is to focus on yourself. Find something, anything, that you enjoy. I poured myself into crocheting, and even paint by numbers on occasion. Pick something that you enjoy doing by yourself, and preferably something with a visible result, like a craft. Carving, painting, writing, anything. Set some time aside to do this every day, and enjoy it. Don't criticize your results; be proud of them. I was so proud of the crooked looking hats and scarves I was churning out, it didn't matter that I never wore them.

When you're okay with spending time by yourself, start trying to get out in public. Don't go anywhere overly crowded just yet; try a coffee shop. Bring a book, and stay for 10 minutes. If you're okay with that, bump it up a little. Make it so that you are okay with being in public without being overly self-conscious. The crowds can be left for later.

Start going out for walks. You can even walk at night if you don't want to wander around in the public's eye. I took to walking at about 2 in the morning. Fresh air helps with thinking, and the exercise will make you feel better.

Get a pet. Even just a fish or a hamster. I had a lizard, and he was my little friend. Something I could talk to and hold. It helps to relieve stress and gives a reason to be at home.

Start cooking. Cook elaborate meals for yourself; don't just throw that frozen pizza in the oven. It keeps you busy, and if you're truly enjoying what you're eating, it makes you less prone to overeating. Also, it tends to be healthier. Use lots of vegetables, and experiment!

You have said that you're not interested in the American Dream lifestyle. Big deal. So marketing was a mistake. Learning that could be one of the best things that ever happened to you. Take a job. Any job. Even working at McDonald's, or something similar. Stay away from high stress jobs (I made the mistake of leaping into telemarketing... bad idea). Something that is easy, but brings in a little money.

While you're working away, remember that it is just a job. Not a career; not a life choice. Just a job. Think about what you are passionate about, and what you want to do. You're still young. You have plenty of time to upgrade your education, and then it won't matter that you have little work experience. When you end up in a different field, you'll be able to shrug it off as not enjoying marketing, and making a conscious decision to take a break and re-evaluate. You won't be looked down on for that.

It doesn't matter what money you bring in at your chosen vocation, just so long as you are happy. If you want to become a lion tamer, go for it. Just make sure you're not allergic to cats ;)Say "NUTS" to the American Dream, and pity all of those who struggle with their crappy miserable marketing jobs to gain that lifestyle.

What do you want in life? Everyone has a goal, and you will find yours once you're out of this abyss. Do you want to travel? Be married and have 1.5 kids? Retire to live in a log cabin? Have a big goal. It may change, but it's something to reach for and something to look forward to.

The last thing I would do is try to quit smoking. You won't be successful if you jump right into it feeling the way you do now. Wait until you feel like you're on top of the world and can do anything. Don't think you'll ever feel that? Just wait. Climbing out of that dark pit is the hardest thing you'll ever do. It will take time, a year or two even. But you will know that you are strong, and that you can do whatever you put your mind to. So pick a method, and work at quitting smoking when the time is right.

Having been in your position, I feel for you like you wouldn't believe. But you are the only one who can make you feel better. I saw doctors, I took pills. But I had to really want it before anything happened. And when I did really want it, I was able to drop the doctors and pills, because I knew I could do it on my own. And I'm an atheist too, so I'm living proof that you don't need to turn to religion to be happy.

Be proud of yourself, and learn to love yourself, whatever that self is. Coming even this far requires incredible strength. I have the utmost faith in your ability to recover.

Feel free to contact me if you have any more questions or concerns. I'm a font of inspirational talk since my dark times, and always glad to speak to someone else about it.

It saddens me that all you're getting out of this question is moral outrage, rather than answers.

First off, is your friend really pregnant? How long has it been since she had sex? Has she taken a home test and a blood test?

If she had sex within the last couple of days, she can take Plan B, and it's a lot cheaper than an abortion. It costs about $35 where I live, and you don't need a prescription for it.

If it has been longer than that, she needs to take a test and make sure. If she is, she has a few options.

First option is to keep it. If she isn't ready for parenthood, she isn't ready. So there goes that one.

Adoption is a second option. She could carry the child to term and then give it up. That's a very hard decision to make.

Abortion is not an easy fix. You end up with mental scars afterward that may fade, but never go away. However, in my personal opinion, it is better to not bring a life into being that isn't wanted, and doesn't have a place. People may say that it's a little person, but development of senses like hearing only occur in the second trimester. For a great deal of the first trimester, the fetus (it is not a baby at this point) starts as a blob of cells and ends at about 3.5 inches in length. It is not a person, just like a fertilized egg is not a chicken. However, this is only my opinion. I have no religious ideals to hold to.

Depending on where you live, (I'm assuming United States, though) abortions can be covered by health care, but if not, will range in the first trimester between 275 to 700. It is expensive, but raising a child is much more so. So is prenatal care, because there's no excuse for not taking care of your fetus just because you're giving it up.

The thing I'm shocked about not hearing so far from other Advicenators: Tell her to NEVER take any advice on how to self-abort. Tons of women die every year because they try to do it themselves. If a legal, medical abortion is not an option, then your friend will have to carry to term and give it up for adoption. No other alternatives here.

Your friend made a grown-up decision when she chose to have sex, and she's going to have to make one now to deal with the grown-up consequences of sex.

Best of luck.

It sounds like the same thing that happened to me! I took care of it at home, though.

I had dyed black hair, then tried to bleach it back. The roots turned superblonde, and the rest was reddish-orange.

What I did was to dye it every couple of weeks or so with an ash blonde-brown. The ash tone helps to tone down the orangeyness. So I would assume that if they keep stripping your hair, they could correct any funny colours with an ash blonde. It won't be platinum, but it will look far more natural.

I'd say to maybe bump your status to "Promised".

First off, I'll state the obvious. You've never met the guy in person. As someone who is engaged, let me tell you that you do NOT want to enter into any serious sort of commitment with anyone you haven't met. The right time to get engaged is after living together (if your beliefs allow it), after seeing the good, the bad and the superugly, and after knowing darn near everything about them. I do agree, you can get a lot out of internet talk. But how do you know this guy doesn't have repulsive personal habits? Maybe he spits, and you can't stand that. Maybe he's bad with money. Maybe he wants to move to Botswana in two years, and hasn't gotten around to telling you that. Who knows.

Also, you are 13. I was told that I was too young, getting engaged at nearly 20 years old. And for any other person, I would agree. The changes that occur between the ages of 13 and 25 are so mind-boggling, it's a miracle that any relationships survive that long, and not really surprising that most don't. Give yourself the space to grow.

Enjoy your youth while you have it. Being engaged sounds like a lot of fun, but when you're attached to a guy you've seen 4 times and all your friends are out on dates, it would be pretty crappy. Leave that stuff for when you're older.

First, you have to figure out if this is a passing thing or a permanent thing.

If it is a passing thing, try planning something romantic to remember why you fell in love with them in the first place. A picnic in the park, for example.

If it is a permanent thing, you have to evaluate your situation. Do you have kids? Can you support yourself financially? How do you feel about divorce? Is the situation totally unreconcilable?

Once you have the above questions sorted out, it may be time for a divorce. Or, if you have kids, you may wait until they are older. If you need to wait a while to become financially independent, then wait.

Divorce is not always the answer, but it is always an option. Better to leave now than to stay with someone you don't love for your entire life.

I'm the same age as you, and recently bought a house with my fiance, so I totally understand where you are coming from.

You absolutely need to talk to your husband. He is taking you for granted, and there are other problems too, from the look of it. Tell him that if he wants things any better, that he needs to listen and discuss things with you.

First, you need to discuss what each of you is responsible for. Write it down if you have to. You are responsible for school and your work, he's responsible for his work. Which chores does each person do? What does each person expect of the other? If you're putting in 50 hours a week at school and work, and he's only putting in 40, you should have less household responsibilities. Marriage is a partnership. He has to treat it like one.

Financially, I would suggest that you keep the joint account. Write up a budget, and stick to it. Take out cash once per week, and live on only that for food, groceries, clothes, entertainment and other variable expenses. Extra expenses have to be discussed with the other person.

As for giving him his information, whoever is responsible for the filing is responsible for the information. If that is a responsibility that you have taken on, it is your job to keep track of it. Start a filing folder, or use a binder like I do to keep track of important documents.

Once the rest is sorted out, the relationship stuff gets a bit easier minus the household stress.

He needs to listen to you. If you have to, drag him to a counsellor. Threaten divorce. Whatever you have to do, do it.

Keep in mind that you have to have a conversation. Don't blame him for everything that is wrong in your relationship. It has come to this point because of both of you.

Things to ask:

- What do you expect of me as a wife?
- What can I do to make myself more attractive to you? (I know it sounds anti-feminist, but maybe he has an opinion on this that he can give you)

Try to ask these questions without sounding accusing, because that's likely what is making him ignore you. That's not right, but some people are the way they are.

Then, let him know your perspective on his expectations. Tell him what you expect of him. Ask his opinion. Make sure that it's a give and take scenario.

If you try everything and cannot get through to him, divorce is absolutely an option. You're pretty young to be married, and hey, everyone makes mistakes. It's better to admit to one now, rather than live an unfulfilled, miserable life.

If you have any more questions, feel free to contact me.

You will look like far more of a jerk if you start acting like one all of a sudden.

Be honest with her. Just tell her that you really like her, but that you're just not ready for the relationship. You do have age on your side.

Sure-fire ways to look like a jerk (THINGS TO AVOID!):
- You stop answering her calls and texts, and avoid her at all costs.
- Breaking up with her in a public place.
- Cheating on her or flirting with other girls.

It very well could be a break. The other thing it could be is a snapped tendon. Both are really serious, and you should see a doctor as soon as possible.

You can do it in Microsoft Excel, or most other spreadsheet programs.

For instance, in Microsoft Works Spreadsheet, just type each word into a cell, one after the other down the column. Then, highlight them all, and go to Tools > Sort. Then select whether you want it in ascending or descending order. Then hit okay, and it'll be all sorted out.

I know a bunch of people (Canadians) who have gone to teach English in Korea. Especially with your knowledge of the Korean language, you'd be a shoo-in.

The only catch is you need a university degree. So after college, that's a definite option!

I would absolutely go to the reception.

Not only is it a great chance to meet some people before the school year starts, but it is also a great way to learn a little about the school before you go.

Trust me when I say that even though it might not be too stressful now, it's really stressful around August/September when you're getting ready to move in or start classes. It helps to have that knowledge, rather than worrying about the unknown.

I would bring one of my parents with me, personally. Sometimes my parents know what questions to ask when I don't.

I'm no doctor, but as somebody who has been in your boyfriend's position, I think I might know what's happening.

When I finally recovered from my latest big battle with depression, my fiance, who has no history of it whatsoever, started to exhibit symptoms himself. We think it's sort of a delayed response to the stress of helping someone get through a depressive episode.

He had a time where he was anxious, lacked energy and motivation, and was feeling sick all the time. It lasted a couple of months, but once I was feeling better, he started to feel better.

What I would suggest is not medication. Is there any way that the two of you can go see a counsellor together? The two of us did, and it worked wonders for us. It helped both of us to deal with the other's emotional needs without leading us to an overload.

Hope that helped a little, and feel better :)

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.

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