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Virgin.. and ready.
Before I begin, I want to make it clear that I do love my boyfriend. I'm 22, and I've been with him almost a year.
We've decided that we're ready to have sex. I'm a virgin, and I've stayed one this long only because I have wanted to save myself for the right person. Someone I love, and yadda yadda. I truly believe that it is him.
Problem? I'm petrified of the aftermath. I don't know why, but I have a feeling that things will just go down hill. I can't shake it. I have no specific reasons to display. He treats me great. I've been sick for a while, he's here anytime I need him. He's supportive of my dream to become an author, and he's kind.. Point being, I'm sure I want to do this.
But then a part of me starts questioning what's going to happen after wards. Because he's become such a close, sincere friend.. and we have a wonderful connection, I feel as if sex may make it almost too sexually intimate.. and we'd lose the best part of the relationship that I've known.
So really.. does sex help bring two closer?.. or dismantle it? And what happens if I'm not good at it, ya know? He's not a virgin. Does sex change feelings for the worse, then it does the better??
Thank you, in advance..
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I agree with you, you should do it with someone that you love and make sure they love you back. If he's waited this long, he must really think you are the one. Sex does bring a couple closer, however, usually not the first time or even the first few times because it does tend to hurt. Just make sure he takes it slow and if you want him to stop, don't hold it in, just tell him to stop.
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In my opinion, you SHOULD be close friends with the person you are with. My fiance is my best friend. Please don't let the fact that you have a great friendship ruin the potential for something even more deep and amazing.
I have never had sex bring a relationship apart. It has always made my partners and I connect more deeply, since it really does bring the relationship more out of the friendship level and into a romantic level. The only time when you will really see a relationship ruined by sex is when it isn't solid, or when people have sex too soon.
Don't worry about not being good at it. Nobody is, their first time. What you are giving him is beautiful, and a man of his calibre will recognize that.
Also, you should know that with a person you really love, the sex will just get better and better every time.
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I am happy to know you have kept yourself virgin because you wanted to get the right person (This is an extremely good quality about you because girls, nowadays, are very reluctant to protect their purity). I would be even happier if you would keep it intact until marriage (well, that is my opnion; you have the freedom to do what you like). The fact that you are petrified indeed has some logic behind that. Suppose your (including his) love is true and pure (attraction of the soul involved). No matter how much you claim your love is pure, physical attraction will play its role because we are only human beings. So, when you will have sex with him, the physical attraction will diminish somewhat each time after you have sex. The thing is you are claiming you are your love is true but you never know how much of it is true love (attraction of the soul) and how much of it is merely physical attraction. We all are human being and we are often deceived by our own thoughts. You may be thinking attraction of the souls is far more than sexual attraction in your love, but the real fact could very well be opposite (I am not trying to be harsh on you but only trying to explain to you the possibilities). If that is the case, he might very well leave you once he has had sex with you or you may lose interest in him (again, kindly don't get me wrong, I am only talking about a possibility). So, you should wait until you are married with him and you will get to know more about him. You term him as being close, sincere friend, wonderfully connected to you. Well that is good. However, do you not think you are sexually so pure (virgin) and you deserve someone who is sexually pure as well? Ask this question to yourself and it will help you to make a decision. Hope I have helped you. May God protect your Chastity.
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Alright.
Sex is wonderful. Don't ever let ANYONE tell you that sex is a bad thing. In a committed relationship, the sex can be positively electric.
I'm 4 years in. We still stay up till all hours talking about shit, and we very much can relate on a "friends" level. She is my best friend, and I am hers.
But sexuality is the spice. The sweetness is still there, but theres some definite raw animal passion flowing through it. I'd say the best part is the versatility. We can go from making love to ravaging each other and back several times during a single session.
The trade off to all the benefits is complexity. Sex is complicated, it brings alot of new and often unforeseeable problems that have to be dealt with by both of you. You've both got to be adults about this. Your sex drives might not match up, one of you might be a bit more delicate (you actually can rub yourself or him raw with enough sex, though its more common for the girl to suffer in this case) or any of a host of other problems.
The hardest thing to deal with is feelings of rejection. Usually this happens when one of you wants sex and the other doesn't, and it can be upsetting to feel unwanted. You combat this by making sure you know whats going on in each other's heads, talking about what you think, what you want, and how you feel about it.
Example, my girlfriend is alot less horny lately because she's working and going to school. She's busy and tired all the time, and sex just isn't appealing. Its frustrating sometimes because my life isn't as stressful and I have more energy for sex, and she doesn't. I combat this just by knowing that she's under alot of stress, and knowing that its not because she wants me less, its just because she's emotionally and physically exhausted. Understanding makes mutual tolerance alot easier.
The biggest thing you need to focus on, honestly, is being open. Talking about what you both like without judgement, letting each other know what you're feeling, and dealing with this as a couple rather than as a couple of individuals. Whether sex makes you stronger or tears you apart is really entirely up to you. If you WANT it to be a good thing, you can work on it until it is.
As far as my experience goes, its generally staying that way. I can honestly say sex has helped save our relationship, and in hindsight I don't think that was a bad thing. The trick is to remember to work on everything else. Sex will probably be a major focus for a while after you have it (thats normal) but you should eventually drift into it being pretty routine.
The details don't matter too much. You'll figure out sex. Its a skill, learned like anything else. Some people have a natural aptitude, but anyone can learn to do it well. Don't go into it expecting to know what you're doing. Be prepared to laugh if you bump heads, and continue. And always remember, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
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OK calm down take it slow. It may bring you closer but sometimes it does not work out the guy gets you pregnet and decides he does not want a kid so leaves make sure he wears a condom!!
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When you're really actually ready, you won't be doubting like this. You won't worry about if he will think you're not good enough at it. It will be a totally different feeling. If I were you, I'd definitely wait a little while.
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In my experience, sex has brought me closer with my boyfriend, but with my ex it kind of made things go downhill. It's pretty much all based on your relationship. I'm really big on trusting your gut feelings, so if you're still having doubts, you may want to try to wait a little while longer until you're sure of everything. If he knows you're a virgin, I'm sure he'll understand if you're not that great. There's really not much to do that will make you good, though. Especially when it's your first time. If you do decide to go through with it, you need to relax first & be confident. Try not to worry about being bad.
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