I asked my fiance if he masturbated, expecting him to say no because he knows that I save myself for him, and never please myself unless he's there. He said around once every two weeks, in the shower. I think he's probably lying about how many times he does it because when he saw I was upset he said only four times since we've been together. We've been together for a Year and a half. It just doesn't add up. Not only that but I feel so hurt that he would rather do that than me. I can only think that he's in there fantasizing about other women. I feel like I can't satisfy him, and sex will never be the same. What do I do?
Personally, I am against masturbation and I don't like doing it and I will be extremely hurt if my wife masturbates when I get married. Coming back to you and your husband, if you are expecting your fiance to behave in a certain way, at first, you need to behave the same way with him. As you say you save yourself only for him, honestly speaking, in my opinion, that is a very good thing about your chastity. It only goes to show you truly and purely love your husband. Since you save yourself for him it is not at all unfair that you expect him not to masturbate and you felt hurt when you came to know he masturbates. Now you need to be careful here. If you just keep on thinking that you are not enough for your husband that is not going to make the situation better. You need to judge the situation from a positive perspective as well. Look how easily he admitted to you that he masturbates. I guess it show his honesty and love towards you. He could have denied this as well if he did not love you. You just need to take out some time and talk to him on this issue. First tell him how much and how deeply you love him. Tell him he is the only man your life and he alone is enough for you. Let him know you live him so purely that you do not need to involve yourself in an artificial sexual activity (masturbation). Although most people believe masturbation is healthy but I believe it goes against our moral principles (and as religious as well if you believe in one). You should tell him since he is enough for you and you don't need to imagine anyone else in your fantasies you also expect him to do the same for you. If you can convince him rationally and wisely and he truly loves you I am sure he will make a sincere effort to leave this habit of his and develop a healthy and pure relationship with you. Finally, I pray to God that He fills your relationship with true and pure love. God bless you.
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I'm a 15 year old girl.. and it seems like ugh. I dont know. I dont have much friends because I have friends in different cliques. I'd love to have 1 clique but its not like that right now. im so happy to move next year cause im sick of how it is in my school. but when you have friends in diff cliques they hang out with their cliques and then i end up with nowhere to go, feeling like a loser. i mean i used to kinda have a clique last year but its so hard to find such genuine friends. im a good friend to everyone, but like it depends if they want to be friends with me. maybe people like people who are like hard to be friends with? i dont know. people think im eccentric and stuff sometimes and i know im like that, i like how i am and stuff, so i dont want to change. the problem is finding others like me. like i could have so much fun with people like that. im friends with this one girl, like genuinely.. one of the few people i can REALLY say im friends with at my school, but she's pretty shy which can be annoying at times since i like doing spontaneous things sometimes. i mean i've never even had a best friend before.. well actually i did in elementary school. 2-3 of them. but ever since 5th grade.. like now im in 9th its just been going downhill friends wise. like i dont know.. its hard for me to get close to certain people, maybe cause im like so open to be friends with anyone. im not desperate or anything but like im not a b!tch, is what i basically mean. but its hard sometimes.. i have trouble making conversation sometimes. people who seem like i could get along with.. like after being with them w/o being friends with them, i find it hard to just jump in and like have a different persona.. its not changing myself, its just that im different a bit around friends. i dont know. its like hard to carry a conversation sometimes with those kinds of people and its annoying cause i know like our personalities would probably work well and we'd have fun. but i mean, friendship is a two way street. i have issues with trusting people a lot.. i mean im not sure if a lot of people are just like making fun of me secretly or they genuinely want to be my friend. like its so confusing at times. i dont know what to do. so sometimes i put a guard up. often actually. i hate it but i dont want to be made a fool of. i dont even know why people wouldnt like me. i mean im quite pretty, average weight, and im pretty outspoken during class but like im not mean to people. and like this one girl said that she couldnt say something to my other friend (a previous best friend but we're drifting apart, ugh) cause apparently i'd spread the word. and i dont know why her and the other girl think that. i even asked them when i like shared secrets like that and they couldnt think of any, and neither could I! i dont do that with close friends. i mean those 2 girls like i wouldnt really consider what i have with them much of a friendship cause it just doesnt feel like it. friendship shouldnt hurt. or maybe im overly sensitive and cant tell when people are joking? i guess i do that often too. i also tend to be quite gullable. there was this incident in the past where lets just say i was too gullable and thought this guy said he liked me when he was just joking and then i ended up liking him and that year was just blah cause of it and i was all nervous around him even though i knew he was kidding.. but i didnt wanna go out with him, i just thought he was pretty hott then.. hah 6th grade. blahh that year. jeez. anyways i seriously need help cause i just feel horrible like.. i dont want this to carry on into my new school. i mean maybe its also cause im black and my school has a lot of white people. im friends with all types of people, honestly race doesnt affect anything its like what we have in common. i have friends from all over.. well 'supposed friends' not like ACTUAL. like you see them and say hi and smile but you dont talk too much and then i guess it makes us drift. and then i feel awkward and blegh. but i dont know if because im black it affects some white peoples opinions of me like they dont wanna hang out with me after school or something? i have no idea. i just feel to be totally different from most people i know and i'd really like to have common ground with someone.. so im often daydreaming of it. it keeps me happy but when i truly think about it i feel unhappy. but im too godda-mn optimistic so i cant feel depressed.. i've never felt depressed i think. but i just feel like im a good friend and i dont know why others cant recognize that and wanna be friends with me. i mean my school has over 2,000 people and yea im not in class with all of them but like going down the years only few people were a bit similar to how i act and stuff.. i mean if i knew someone similar to me.. i dont mean a clone or anything, i'd just be so happy. i dont even care if i had like 2 great friends. but like it seems like i have a bunch of meaningless friends.. and quality is better than quantity. i dont treat them like meaningless, i mean i just cover up how i feel with a grin usually.. like when i feel bad inside. its been going like this since like 5th grade, and after a year passes i try to be like, okay its gonna get better this year, im gonna get like true friends and stuff. but it doesnt happen and i see like everyone else have it and it makes me feel bad cause i dont have that. like i dont know people who i'd go to a sleepover and go see movies with and stuff. i guess that goes in part with not being part of a clique. i've even tried to get into some but its hard since like they talk about things that i wasnt there for and etc. maybe my expectations are too high though and everyone goes through this? i hope not cause this really sucks. i just feel really bad today and had to let it all out cause im sick of it. in addition to not doing well in 2 classes today and like in 1 class barely talking to anyone when we had alot of freetime and feeling like sh@t. it just adds on. ughhh please help me! im so sorry this is mucho long, whoever answers something remotely worthwile gets 5 pts but please help me out!
Alright, young girl, I think I have got what you are trying to say to a large extent. I go through almost exactly the same problems in making friends and that is why I am taking interest in your question. First of all, you have friends in different cliques because you seem to be a very honest and truthful person to me. When you are in a certain clique, you start talking with them. As long as they are talking “good” things you are interested and as soon as they start talking things that are “unnecessary” you move away from them and move into another clique. The same thing happens in the next clique and you move onto another and so on...... Well, it is not just too hard to find genuine friends but I guess it is the next thing to impossible. In my opinion, most of us only find one true friend in our whole life and many of us keep on searching for the genuine friend for our entire life but don’t find even one! If you think people around you have a lot of friends, you are right. However, if you think all the friends that they have are genuine friends, I am sorry to say, dear, you are WRONG and ABSOLUTELY WRONG. All the friends that they have are part time friends. Would you like to have friends that will be their with you only in your good times but when things are not going that well with you, I SWEAR BY GOD, not even one will be there with you unless your objective is something other than making a genuine friend for a genuine purpose. Often people will refrain from being friend to you not because you are mean but simply because you tell them the plain truth. So when you tell the truth they start finding you eccentric not necessarily because you are actually eccentric. You don't have to change yourself, just be yourself. God created you exactly the way he wanted to. When I say you don't change yourself please don't take me in absolute sense. What I am trying to say is you don't have to change yourself for others to suit their needs or for the way they would like to see you unless they are asking you to bring a positive change in you. You will change but only for yourself. You will keep on improving your moral qualities, improve the qualities in you, eliminate the bad qualities, and be a nice person. After you have done that, whether people are being your friend or not doesn't really matter. As far as people making fun of you secretly are concerned, it does not take away anything from the nice person that you are. Don't bother what people are talking about you just keep on working to improve yourself, be a nice person, stand firmly on truth and build your dignity. Your gullibility only reflects the simplicity of you as a person. It is actually not a bad thing but you need to be careful though. Whether you being black has anything to do with you being able to friends or not, it does not matter at all. Your skin color does not represent who you are, what represents you is the nice person that you are. To make things a bit easier for you, never judge a person by only their negative qualities (although I assume you are a nice person). If you judge people solely based on their negative qualities, you will not be able to make friends since we all have some drawbacks in ourselves. If you find a person has more good qualities than bad ones, he/she is indeed a good candidate for being your friend. Also, you may get a true friend but you will never get a "perfect" true friend. There is no person in this world who will accept 100% of you as who you are. Having said all these, finally, whatever I have mentioned here only reflects my personal opinion. You have the absolute freedom to agree/disagree. If you require any further clarification in this issue, you can ask me in my column. God bless you
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Okay so, how should I put this, there are bright spots that are few and in between...I love my fam to death except for one. WHat should I do? Issues, issues. I hate my sister, she's a complete and toatal bitch. SHe's always rude and mean to me I don't know how to handel it?
First of all, it is very harsh for you to term your sister as "toatal bitch". That is a real derogatory remark (by the way not intending to be harsh on you) to use on your sister (born from the same womb as you were born) despite how bad she is. Anyways, if she is always putting you off, I guess you both need to take out sometime for each other and reflect on your relationship. You need to find out what is going wrong and why it is going wrong. Both of you need to discuss with an open mind and accept your faults rather than being stubborn. I am saying so because it is far better to develop a constructive relationship with your sister rather than to completely destroy the relationship as a solution. Politely ask her (and so should she) why she is being rude and mean to you and tell her which aspects of her behavior is putting you off and also ask her if there is anything in you that she does not like. Try to convince her you want to develop a healthy relationship with her and be with each other in good times and also when the going is not so smooth. If you can rationally and logically explain to her and both of you are honest, whatever differences are there between you, will go away. Don’t forget you will need your sister and so will she. I hope that helps. God bless you and your family.
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This is a letter that I wrote to him that I'm never going to send. It sums it up: (sorta long):
I don't know what to say. I don't know now, and I won't know tomorrow, just as I didn't know yesterday. I walk dutifully to the school everyday. I look for you, just to see you laughing, just to see you smile, just to see you talk, just to watch you warm my day. Yet, you never notice me. That one class is my exception. You sit right there, in front of me, walking perfection, yet I'm the only one who sees it. Kind to everyone, serious and smart, yet funny and sporty. Even, nice to me, the one who just sits there, who's NOT funny, and has little outer beauty. I could only hope that you would look at me. Yet, you do. Just seeing you keeps my hopes up. But I know you don't feel the same way.
Everyone has those times. You know, the awkward 5th grade years where you have a 'crush,' then 2 weeks later its someone else. I've been through it. I know what it feels like. But this is different. I'm head over heels, 100% in love with you. And its different from anything I'm used to.
Yeah, sure, you talk to me, to ask me about a science question, or if I know when the tests are. At least you know me. But I can't help to wonder that if you knew me better, you might actually like me. Outside of me- the crazy girl with skin problems on her forehead and chin, the one with the goofy smile that never goes away, the one that people say "Oh, I'm glad I'm not her" behind my back to- I'm typical. But inside, it's different. Oh lord, its different. Inside, I'm athletic, I love animals, I have 2 gerbils I adore, I do dance, I'm obsessed about clothing, and I'm afraid of weird things- like sitting on the outsides of places and golf. I'm beautiful on the inside, but my outside is warring with my inside. Maybe, I could be pretty, if my face healed, and I slapped on some make-up. Maybe, you could get to know me more.
I know you're not the type to judge by the outside, but I know your type. You like the sporty, funny, outgoing kind. I met your ex, and she's perfect. I'm sporty, I just don't want people to know. It's not what they would expect. I'm outgoing, people just look at me and shrug me off. And, I'm sarcastically funny. But people, again, wouldn't expect it. I keep me inside, I'm imperfect in every way.
You, on the other hand, are perfect in every way. You're out of my league. You're out of my reach. And I hate it.
If you were to see this, maybe you'd look at me differently. Maybe you would try to get to know me, instead of brushing me past like any other girl. Maybe, just maybe, you'd like me for once.
Alright young girl, seems like you are in 5th grade and I think I have got what you are trying to express. Believe me, your letter does not sound like being written by a 5th grade student. It seems to be written by someone who is much matured, who is truely and purely in love, and someone who knows what true love is. Your writing skill is reallly good if not fantastic. If I were to send such a letter to a girl I like, I wouldn't mind it because the letter is beautifully written. Let's come to the point now. Since you are in 5th grade, it is very likely you will have a crash on somebody almost every 2 weeks and then it is someone else (as you mentioned). I say this despite you mentioning your love for him is different, 100% true, and it is not a temporary crash on someone. Well, at your age you are going through physiological and emotional changes and your emotions are running high. That is why your innocent thoughts are perhaps making you feel you are in love with him. I think you should calm yourself down, wait a bit longer, and you will come to understand life better. You should wait until you are matured enough (I am not trying to be harsh on you and I respect your innocent thoughts). Looking at the way you have written this letter it appears to me you are a very nice and honest person and please keep this up. I believe if you think so honestly you will get an excellent person as your life partner when you get older. Coming to your physical appearance, please respect yourself, there is a beautiful person inside you. God created you exactly the way he wanted to. It really does not matter whether you have a goofy smile or what people say about you behind your back. If they are making fun of your physical appearance it is there and solely their problem since they are insulting the creation of God and in that sense they are insulting God. God will take care of those who insult Him. If only they knew it! There is actually no war between your outside and inside. Your inside represents the true you. People with wrong judgment are making you to think about your outside. If people say, "Oh, I'm glad I'm not her", you should say "Thank God! You are not mine! I don't want someone like you who judges a person only from outside!.” You are beautiful from inside and that is enough. That is the real and most precious beauty. God and people with right judgment will judge you based on that; not based on how you look from outside. If people look at you and shrug you off that is their problem since they don't know how judge a person. You should not be bothered about people with judgmental errors. You say you are imperfect in every way, well; we all are imperfect in every way. Otherwise we all would have become angels. You think that guy in your class is perfect in every way but I think none of us are perfect (as I said before). In summary, the beautiful soul inside you represents the true you. God is going to judge you based on your deeds surely NOT based on how you look, how many boyfriends you were able to make, or how many of them were beyond your reach. I hope you understand. God bless you.
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19/f
My resting heart rate concerns me because I often feel my heart beating kinda hard and I feel it, like, shaking my whole body.
I'm 5'8"...haven't weighed myself in a while.. wanna say about 145 pounds... I have anxiety problems. But I usually just feel anxious in school or when I'm out somewhere. At home I usually feel rather emotionally comfortable, yet my heart beat is not of the norm, even when I'm just laying down. It hasn't happened recently, but I used to have heart skips. It would skip a beat and then start beating again harder.
And I often feel really exhausted. I'm not sure if it has to do with this or not. And I'm not sure, but I think I have low blood iron because of the exhaustion, hands and feet being cold, memory trouble, indecision... But these symptoms could be from anxiety...
Does anyone know what is wrong with me? =[
I don't know why but I have a strong feeling there is nothing much wrong with you. Well, if your weight is really 145 pounds then your BMI (Body Mass Index) comes out to be 22. The normal range for BMI is 18.5-24.9. So, you have a perfect body weight. Someone with a perfect body weight is less likely to develop diseases (generally). You�re such a young lady and at your age I don't think it should really concern you. Don't think too much about it and try focusing on other things. I also don't think you have an anxiety problem because we all, in general, are more anxious at school or workplace or when we are out somewhere, but rather more emotionally comfortable while staying at home. As far as exhaustion, hands and feet feeling cold, memory trouble, and indecision are concerned, we all get those problems sometimes and they don't necessarily indicate we are ill. The reason why I am trying to convince you is due to the fact that you are just 19 and at this age your immune system is more likely to be functioning at optimum efficiency and in perfect order. Try spending more time with people closer to your heart and share your emotions with them and I guess you will probably feel much better. Please try to be busy in doing things that you are interested in. Regular physical exercise and a little bit of meditation may also help in you in relieving stress. Having said all these, I want to make it very clear; I AM NOT A MEDICAL SPECIALIST BY ANY MEANS. If you are too concerned about your problems and feel that your symptoms are seriously bothering you, please visit a medical specialist. I think for your problems you will probably need to visit a cardiologist/medicine specialist/neurologist if I am not wrong. If you have any other questions you are always welcome to ask me. Be cheerful in life and God bless you.
UPDATE to my previous answer:
First of all, you did not mention in your question your anxiety problems are as serious as screwing up 3 college semesters in a row and missing a lot of classes. So I took your anxiety problem in a general sense. You also did not mention about concentration problems and difficulty in making friends. Had you illustrated these things in your question I would have approached your question from a different point of view. So, I apologize for getting you wrong and I really feel bad because you seem to be seriously concerned over the things going on. However, I would like to add a few points to my first answer. Even though my answer was not very helpful to you, I swear by God, I always had an honest intention to help you out of what you are going through. So, many people told you stuffs like "there's nothing wrong with you (in terms of anxiety), we all get nervous and we all experience similar problems...” I guess they were probably right in saying so and I will tell you why. There is a direct relationship between you not being able to make friends and anxiety problems. You say you feel like a loser and you do not have many friends. You feel like being a loser because you face difficulty in making friends. To be honest, all your problems are being created due to the fact you are lonely, depressed, and lacking friends. However, I have EXECELLENT news for you. You are a GREAT person. I will explain why I think so. Do you know why you do not have many friends and not a lot of people talk with you? It is simply because of the fact people will more often than not ignore you WHEN YOU TELL THEM THE PLAIN TRUTH, REFRAIN FROM FLATTERING THEM, AND STAND FIRMLY ON THE TRUTH because it harms their evil desires. If you are thinking everyone around you have so many friends and you are the only one who does not have friends you ARE absolutely wrong. Please be careful to note when I say about having friends I am referring to TRUE friends. When it comes to the question of true friends, believe me, at least 99% (if not 100%) of our friends are not true and only part time friends. In our good times there will be plenty of friends around us but when the wind is blowing against us and we need them the most, NONE of them will be there to support us. When thour bank account is filled with dollars those so called part time friends will accompany us all the time but when we will be in need and in a desperate situation all the so called “Friends” will evaporate. Such is the reality of life. When you are honest, truthful, and speak your heart out people will not like you but when you flatter them and be a hypocrite (have something in mind but say something else) they will be happy with you and want to be your friends. Now, it is up to you to consider whether you want to have such people as your friends in great numbers or you want to have very few friends who will be your TRUE friends and always be there to accompany you not just when it is your good time. By the way you seem to understand better than me who are your true friends since you mentioned if you were not pretty you would not have many friends. So people are judging you only in terms of your physical beauty and not on the beautiful soul that exists within you. If people are judging you based upon your outside beauty, I guess it is THEIR and SOLELY THEIR PROBLEM. You should not bother about what they are doing even the least bit. The fact that you are messing up with your semesters, having difficulty in learning and concentrating have a lot to do with this friends issue. You are not being able to share your thoughts and frustrations with anyone and its just burdening your mind and the computer (your brain) is feeling the pressure. You need some one to talk to, someone to whom you can express yourself, someone who understands you, someone very close to you, you really need a true friend. Now you must be wondering it is really very difficult to get such a friend and you are absolutely right. So what do you do now? Is there no way left for you? No, there is indeed a way (now I am shifting to a different mode and you may not like my answer if your religious faith is not so strong, please pardon me if you don’t believe in any religion or God). The way is the Way of God. It is time to start seeking help from God, your only true friend, who will never betray you, never leave you alone in your difficult times, One who will glorify you if indeed you are honest and bless you with Bliss and Divine Protection. Ask God to make your life easier and guide you through unfavorable times, increase your courage and strength so that you can communicate with people and make true friends. I SWEAR BY GOD, I am in almost the EXACT SAME SITUATION (if not worse) THAT YOU DESCRIBED IN YOUR FEEDBACK and my ever increasing faith in God has helped me to an unimaginable extent. That is one of the few reasons why I am making an honest effort to convince of you of your symptoms. Since I myself am in a similar situation the fact that I don’t know you has not mattered much and I also did not have to think much about it. Then again, I am only a human being and there could be plenty of flaws in the opinion that I have provided. Once again, whether you like or dislike my suggestions my honest intention was to make an effort to help you out and God knows best what my intention was. I felt like illustrating a lot more but I want to make sure what I wrote above is helping you. If indeed my answer helped and if you have any further questions you can ask me in my column. Once again, I am not an expert and I am giving you suggestions based on my personal experience in life, you may very well visit a mental health expert if you wish but as much as I understand from what you have written you appear to be absolutely normal to me. May God, The True and Best Protector, divinely protect you.
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Lately, my principal has been getting closer and much nicer to me. Since I am usually a student who gets into a lot of trouble, i visit his office often. Last time i visited his office, he started massaging my shoulders, and sweet talking me. He was slowly kissing my neck and cheeks. He told me he wants us to go to the next level, if I knew what he ment. I did. I am starting to have feelings for him, though i am only 16, and he is in his 40's. It's not illigal if i come onto him. Or is it ? Please help me, I am not sure what to do.
FOR GOD's SAKE and again FOR GOD's SAKE please understand what he is doing is MORALLY WRONG and ENTIRELY WRONG and the fact that is MORALLY WRONG is more important the fact that it is LEGALLY WRONG. He is a real low grade person. For you it is not very abnormal to develop some sort of feeling for him since you are going through physiological and psycholigical changes because of your age. However, how could he do it being such a matured adult and in such a respectable possition? I would like two make two suggestions to you. First, STOP having any feeling for him since you are going through emotional changes and you may easily make a wrong decision. Second, please talk to your parents or any reliable adult that you know abut this issue. God bless you.
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This article is about how i feel on my mom and her textmate, almost in a relatioship. I am from the philippines, and i am 14 years old. August 21. 2006, my dad died because of Asthma. It was the most terrible thing in my life. I amost cannot sleep because of loosing the best person in my and my family's life. It was a very tragic moment.
And now, all i want to say, is that my mom has this textmate, and she is really, really secretive about it. They really just started out as friends, but now i can hear them saying stuff like "i love you" and that guy is saying like "thiking of you, not just today, but always." It really hurts my feelings, and it hurts so much because i know that my dad is the best dad there ever is to me. He never did anything mean or offensive to me. He doesn't freak out when i fail in my math grades. And now, my mom is just going to replace him with some law manager with my dad? Do you realize just how much that hurts? Especially when my da has done everything special and everything that he always dreamed of wanting - not only for himself, but for the entire family. He never got mad at me, and he is always in my side when it comes to disputes between me and my mom. But that doesn't matter, beause it really hurts when you lost a very great person in your life, and no you mke it worse by ot even metioning hi name anyore, or worse, even replacing hi which you know can be my father physically, but not my father, angel & best friend at the same time.
I have inherited a thousand stuff from my real father - my attitude, and my appearance. I look nothing like my mom except for my teeth, skin tone and my hair length. My mom considers all of these traits and apperances i have inherited from my fathr as negative ad non-important things. I am not forcing her that she should praise it, but at least just give importance to it, because it is my dad's trait, and it is the only thing that gives a last reminder on the greatet person in my family's lives. But when it comes to her text mate's characteristics, it is her 24-7 topic. "he is 5'11 feet tall! he's from london! he has green eyes! he has brown hair! he's a lawyer! he works in birmingham!" that is what my mom will never stop saying, which is rather annoying because she never gives importance to my real dad anymore.
If only you were in my house, it will really drive you nuts. For example, i wake up in the morning. I get out of my room and go visit my mom. When i visit my mom in her room, i just see he lying down, texting with her celphone. She didn't notice me. She looked at me, went to her computer and opened her email account (the one she uses for her chatmate only) and read this email with red and black text. She ignored me. I can't help it, so i said "mom-" "ok, just a second ok?" she said before i can finish what i was going to te her, in a sort of a "none of your business" tone. So i ran out of her room, and i slammed the door. Ever since her textmate came into her life i was like a piece of dirt on the floor.
I am a 14 year old with a lonely heart, just because the only parent left to take care of me is now focusing her priority to a ritish freak instead of her own daughter. So please, i need your help.
Honestly speaking, when I was almost finished reading your article, tears almost came out of my eyes. I can somewhat feel what you are going through since my dad left us when I was only 2 years (though he did not die and he left for a different reason). It is not really easy being in this world without my dad. It is very sad to know your father is no more in this world. I sincerely pray to God your father remains blessed in the Garden of Bliss for eternity. I would like to answer you from two perspectives. Coming to your mother's perspective, well, it would be very mean on my part on my part to say she is not a nice person and that will not help you psychologically either. So, I will try to judge your mom from a positive attitude. It is really very difficult for a woman (in this case your mom) to lead her entire life alone after her husband has died. Yes, while it is true that there are a very few woman whose love relationship is so strong and pure (as if divinely bonded and purified) that the woman can lead the rest of her life only with the husband's memories after he has died but that requires the woman to be a very special and gifted human being. As far as ordinary woman is concerned, it is really difficult for her to spend the rest of her life lonely and depressed. Although you find her very mean but it is not extremely abnormal that your mom is trying to get involved with another man. Think about her; is it not very difficult for her to spend the rest of her life alone? Put yourself in her position and then visualize the situation. What would you do if you were in her situation? Give yourself an honest answer. Until now, I have tried to make positive judgments about your mom. However, if she is indeed a really mean person, well, there is nothing much that you can do. If she is a bad woman that has nothing to do with the nice person that you are. Her bad qualities do not take anything away from your good qualities. You are as good as you are despite how she behaves or treats you. You should focus on standing firmly on the truth even if the whole world is against you (1). Having said all these, I think you need to talk about this issue with your mom sooner than later. You should express all your emotions to your mom. You should let her know how much you feel for your dad, how much you love him, and how much you miss him. Try to convince your mom her second marriage is only going to intensify the pain in your heart and it will only take you away from your mother. Tell her what your dad meant to you, what he means now, and what he will always mean. Tell her your father has a special place in your heart and no one can ever replace him. If your emotions and feelings are true and pure and your mother is a reasonably nice person I think she might discontinue her relationship with the text mate. If she continues her relationship, I am sorry to say she is not the best of mothers (in this case reflect on my answer above till I have written "1" in bracket"). Coming to the second perspective of my answer, your dad. Yes, it is true you love him with all your heart and soul. You truly miss him. He was like an angel to you and indeed was very caring to you. Despite all these, you need to move forward with life. I understand it is much easier said than done. However, it has been almost three years since your dad left you. Now it is time for you to think positively about life. There nothing at all that you can do about your father's death. If you keep on feeling sad and depressed about him, he is not going to come back. Death is the greatest reality of life and something beyond our control. We all will die one day. This is an inevitable certainty. Can you show me a single person who will not die? Can you give me a guarantee that I will not die tomorrow? So why to be depressed about something which only God can control and we are mere spectators. So rely on God, your only true friend who will bless you not only in your good times but also in your difficult times. So ask God to take control of your life and seek for His mercy and pray that He blesses your dad's soul with eternal Bliss. Finally, I would like to suggest you not to mess up with your studies despite all the difficulties in your life so that you can be self-dependent in future and don't have to rely on anyone except for God. May God guide you to overcome these difficult moments of your life.
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Before I begin, I want to make it clear that I do love my boyfriend. I'm 22, and I've been with him almost a year.
We've decided that we're ready to have sex. I'm a virgin, and I've stayed one this long only because I have wanted to save myself for the right person. Someone I love, and yadda yadda. I truly believe that it is him.
Problem? I'm petrified of the aftermath. I don't know why, but I have a feeling that things will just go down hill. I can't shake it. I have no specific reasons to display. He treats me great. I've been sick for a while, he's here anytime I need him. He's supportive of my dream to become an author, and he's kind.. Point being, I'm sure I want to do this.
But then a part of me starts questioning what's going to happen after wards. Because he's become such a close, sincere friend.. and we have a wonderful connection, I feel as if sex may make it almost too sexually intimate.. and we'd lose the best part of the relationship that I've known.
So really.. does sex help bring two closer?.. or dismantle it? And what happens if I'm not good at it, ya know? He's not a virgin. Does sex change feelings for the worse, then it does the better??
Thank you, in advance..
I am happy to know you have kept yourself virgin because you wanted to get the right person (This is an extremely good quality about you because girls, nowadays, are very reluctant to protect their purity). I would be even happier if you would keep it intact until marriage (well, that is my opnion; you have the freedom to do what you like). The fact that you are petrified indeed has some logic behind that. Suppose your (including his) love is true and pure (attraction of the soul involved). No matter how much you claim your love is pure, physical attraction will play its role because we are only human beings. So, when you will have sex with him, the physical attraction will diminish somewhat each time after you have sex. The thing is you are claiming you are your love is true but you never know how much of it is true love (attraction of the soul) and how much of it is merely physical attraction. We all are human being and we are often deceived by our own thoughts. You may be thinking attraction of the souls is far more than sexual attraction in your love, but the real fact could very well be opposite (I am not trying to be harsh on you but only trying to explain to you the possibilities). If that is the case, he might very well leave you once he has had sex with you or you may lose interest in him (again, kindly don't get me wrong, I am only talking about a possibility). So, you should wait until you are married with him and you will get to know more about him. You term him as being close, sincere friend, wonderfully connected to you. Well that is good. However, do you not think you are sexually so pure (virgin) and you deserve someone who is sexually pure as well? Ask this question to yourself and it will help you to make a decision. Hope I have helped you. May God protect your Chastity.
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Hey, i was the girl that asked this question - http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=561649
Well, now ryan is complaining that i have been hooking up with half of the guys in my school, which isnt true at all. i have only hooked up with about 8 guys since he has broken up with me. and most of them out of depression.. he starts SCREAMING at me, that im a slut.
i didnt state this in my last question but i am 16 and i am a sophmore, and he is 18 and is a senior.
Ryan-
lol ur rediculous....go ahead hook up with every1 and be slut
he imed that to me this morning on ichat. i got a text from him at 1 am last night
"Ryan- soo.. you hook up with jake 45 minutes after i broke up with you. coool."
like, mature much?
heres another one-- ryan: "you say you wanna get back together. you say your waiting. but all i see is you hooking up with one guy after the other. i dont like being lied to. ontop of that, you get mad and upset whenever you hear im getting with someone else.. when your getting with like half the school."
me: "im not getting with half the school. i cant talk now im out with people"
ryan: "laura, dont even try to deny anything. just stop lying its pathetic. have fun mackin it with whoever you are with."
me: "erite,, maybe i will"
ryan: "goodbye"
me: "oh, im pretty sure i never said i was waiting, i said the opposite. and then im pretty sure you were never going to ask for me backkk sooo... whatever"
ryan: "maybe i was... ever think of that?"
me: "HAHAHA nope"
he texts me later that night
ryan: "im gunna ask you something right now, and if you dont answer it truthfully ill know. dont bother trying to cover your ass so im not mad.. because if you lie i promise you its over for good and ill never talk to you ever again. just tell me the truth and maybe ill still talk to you. how many people have you hooked up with since we broke up?"
me: i told you.. im over my texting. call me if you care that much.
ryan: for 50 cents i think this is worth it.
me: alright.. 5 or 6... maybe 8 guys..
ryan: why do you find it necessiary to lie to me?
me: im not....
ryan: cuz i remember asking you 10 mins ago and you said HAAHA no. this right here laura.. is why we cant get back together anytime soon. all i keep hearing is im sorry. and you lying constantly.
me: well, sory is all i can say at this point. you have NO buisness in who im with and shit now, you broke up with me.
ryan: you act like i dumped you for no reason. i was always willing to work things out. and one thing led to another and you hook up with all of these people and tell me all these lies. blah blah blah. apparently you had other plans.."
today. my friend katie calls me up and says "ryan had sex with the girl he cheated on you with"
i go.. really? tahts cool. i dont care. i dont have the tears for it anymore. i dont know how. i just dont... it doesnt hurt me anymore. he is yelling at ME for hooking up with guys.. HOOKING UP? i should punch him in the face for having sex with that girl!
he texts my firend christie saying "BEING SINGLE IS AMAZING I CAN FUCK WHOEVER I WANT! i had no idea what i was missing. im sooo glad i broke up with her." ...immature much? he knew i was with her, thankfully i just droppd her off at her house 10 mins before he texted her....
i dont know what to say to him. but i want to make a closure... a nice, straight forward, a little bit bitchy closure. i deleted him off of facebook already... so, thats a start. i think im just gunna make a huge closure. but i need your help...telling him that i am done.
thank you in advance! :)
When I was answering your first question, I thought Ryan could eventually turn out to be a nice guy. Now it seems that is very unlikely to happen. I think you are being too serious about someone who does not deserve you. The text message that he sent to your friend Christie (I am assuming he really texted that and he meant what he texted), only shows his low grade mentality. I don't understand why you are so mad about him. You’re faltering constantly before your emotions. Please don't do that. I am alright with your nice, straightforward, and to some extent huge closure (ONLY IF YOU CAN SAY HIM PROPERLY) but I am not so convinced about being bitchy (I don't know what you meant by being bitchy). I think you should simply let him know that you have had enough of it and you are no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with him. I guess that should be more than enough. It is not really important for you to end this relationship with a huge closure but what is important is whether you have taken a lesson from the mistake you have made. From next time, choose the right person. If you are wondering, how you will know whether the person is right or not, well, it is very easy. Simply AVOID BEING PHISICALLY INVOLVED (as I mentioned in my previous answer). If you like someone and he likes you truly, he will be with you whether you have sex with him or not. Otherwise you will end up being used only for sex purpose (I am not being harsh to you but only telling you what I understand the truth to be). Hope that helps and may God bless you.
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Ok I'll shorten this as much as possible. Ok so there is a girl I'm into, let's call her Susie. Susie and I met about 4 months ago and she quickly became my best friend over night. We went on a trip together out of the country and spent about 10 days together... day and night. I really like her and she means the world to me. Now when I met her she had a boyfriend and shortly after they broke up and she has stayed single. I'm 17 and she is 18 by the way. I'm a junior and she is a senior and she is moving out of state to go to college. Everyone has told me she likes me and we would be perfect together but the problem is that in 3-4 months she will be many miles away and I am stuck here. I can't decide what to do, should I go for it and ask her out sometime or just stay friends? This girl means the WORLD to me and I do not want to lose her for anything. I feel like if we did start something it would be awkward since we will be so far apart and I don't want it to hurt the friendship we have right now. Then again on the other hand there is the question that could be haunting me saying "What if?" I really don't know what I should do and any advice would be appreciated....
My judgment tells me the fact that you love her and she means the world to you supremely OVERRULES the fact that you don't want to hurt the friendship right now. If you PURELY and TRUELY love her (which I believe you do since I can almost perfectly feel your emotions in the letter), express it as soon as you can before it is too late. It is as simple as that. You are thinking it might hurt your friendship, well, let it hurt. Imagine you don't express yourself to her in order to remain her friend and she gets involved with someone else and she commits herself for a long term relationship with him. I think staying her friend at that time would perhaps be even more painful. There is still 3-4 months left (90-120 days!), that is a LONG time. In this time (given that you have expressed your feelings to her and she has accepted you) you can convert your love relationship to one that will last forever if indeed you BOTH become COMITTED to each other. If she does not accept, go ahead with life. You are such a young man. There are certainly a lot of girls waiting for you around the corner and choose the RIGHT one. May God bless you with someone (it could be she or someone else as well) who will SINCERELY love you and be with you for the rest of your life.
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It seems every one is richer than me.,
and everyone has the "it" look but me,
and I want that look.
the tan skin with blonde blonde hair, and pretty makeup with the cute clothes (always!)
Help..
I swear by the LORD of the worlds, to whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth and whatever is in between, it DOES NOT MATTER, if everyone is richer than you, everyone has nice look but not you, has the tan skin with blonde hair, pretty make up, and cute clothes but not you; what matters is the great soul that is within you, the great person that you are, the truth that you stand on, and the kindness that you show to people. God and people with right judgment will never judge you based on your wealth, how you look, your complexion, your hair, your make up, or for that matter the clothes that you wear. Please do not think people who are richer than you are happier than you. In fact, it is, more often than not, quite the opposite. If people around you have a special look (I don't know your definition of special look), it does not make them greater than you. Whatever skin or hair color others have doesn't really make them better than you either. I personally do not like makeup (though I know modern day makeup can change someone's face drastically) since it may produce some artificial beauty but it hides the real one (one that comes naturally). The people that you see are not actually as beautiful as you think them to be. Why would, then, they require makeup? If I had to choose a girlfriend, I would not like judge her by her makeup or by the dress she wears (if anyone judges you based on clothes that you were, believe me, they really have a very low grade mentality). So, please don't bother about all these things. I am not asking you to stay poor, not to makeup, or wear nice clothes. What I am trying to suggest is even if you don't possess these things it simply does NOT matter. Please go ahead with life and be happy and cheerful. May God bless you.
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im in 9th grade, 14 years old, about 100 pounds, and 5'1", and i am COMPLETELY flat-chested. and when i say that, im not exaggerating. i don't just have really small boobs, there's nothing there at all. i have the chest of a seven year old. no one i know is like me, and i feel like im not normal. people say to be patient, but im so afraid ill never get them. is this possible?
p.s.: i've just started my period a little while ago, and all other signs of puberty are there.
I am not sure if you are asking this question from a medical perspective or you want it from other perspectives as well. I calculated your BMI (Body Mass Index) and found it to be 18.9. The normal BMI range is 18.5-24.9. So your weight is NORMAL and there is nothing to worry about. As far as the size of your breast is concerned, I think you are still quite young and I believe it will grow with age. Some people gain physical maturity very early, while others take a much longer time. Please be patient and wait until you reach the age of 18-20. Well, if you are too worried about it try to visit a medical specialist and ask for his help. If nothing works, well, there is not much you can do. Each of us has been created in a unique fashion by God. Our built-in-systems are different. So do not be concerned about something that you have not done to yourself. I can guarantee you not all guys want woman with large breast. There are nice guys who will like you only because of the nice person that you are. God, perhaps, did not want you to get involved with someone who is like most of everyone else. He probably has created someone very special in your life whom you have not met yet. The fact that your breast size is small can actually help you in getting your life partner. The man that will like you will really be very different from others (in POSITIVE sense) and will not love you merely based on physical appearance and beauty. It means your chances of getting TRUE LOVE in life ARE higher. So, why are you concerned about it? Live life and enjoy it. May God make your life filled with joy and happiness.
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So, i went out with Ryan for 6 months. We broke up last month, the day after our 6 month on the 25th :/.
A while back, in the beginning of our relationship.. he cheated on me with a girl. Well, this girl lives pretty far.. about 500 miles away. She comes down here sometimes with her friend. So, she was down one weekend and i decided to hang out with her. I have been talking to her for a long time, just trying to keep peace with her. Supposeably Ryan knew i was hanging out with her and got mad, well.. if i want to get to know the girl and just keep peace with her.. and talk to her about what really happened.. im allowed to as Ryans girlfriend..right?
Well, he got reallyreally mad and broke up with me because "he was no longer happy"... i dont understand?
we were takling on sunday, and this is what i said to him...
Me-
i have been thinking about our 6 months together.. i thought about how we both made some mistakes, but you made the bigger ones. I gave you about 2 chances.. like after you cheated on me and broke up with me in january. After those happened, i took you back after consideration.. i screw one thing up, (a pretty big thing, but not AS big as the things you did) and you break up with me.. i dunno... i just have been thinking about that lately.. almost all break. i know i lied to you about what i was doing, but not necessarily, i left her out of the plans because i was not 100% sure if it was gunna actually happen till we got to her house. i know i was talking to her but anthony kept changing his mind and everything.. but thats not what this is about. its about how i gave you alot of chances, and i do something wrong and you just end it. you dont consider giving me another chance.. idunno. i just was thinking about that, i thought you should know what was on my mind.
Ryan-
well i knew ud bring this up eventually
and i havnt figured out a way to tell you this...i tried but i guess you didnt see it how i was trying to say it
i didnt break up with you because of some unforgivable mistake
i didnt break up with you out of anger.
but after that happened. nothing felt right. and i still dont know why
i wasnt happy
and i dont know why
i couldnt stay in a relationship that i wasnt hhappy in .
and i couldnt pretend to be happy when i wasnt. i just couldnt. not around you
this isnt about forgiving you. ive already done that. it wasnt that big of a deal what happened. i mean you lied but w.e i got past it
its just i wasnt happy
laura i wasnt happy wen i went to bed everynight. and i wasnt happy wen i woke up
id have nightmares every single night. EVERY NIGHT
somenights id wake up crying .or sweating. or out of breath
i just love this kid soo much. i dont know what to do...
i got in a fake facebook open relationship. he texted me at 1 am "YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF, fuckin goin out with brandon. u have some fucking nerve" i texted him back like.. ry its fake.. and he was like "this is so redicilous i cant believe u would ever do that."
ever since he snapped on me.. (that was sunday night/monday morning).. i didnt talk to him. it is now wednesday and today he tried to pull me out of my 8th period class.. and i saw him. my mouth dropped. i was like WHAT THE HELL. i didnt leave my class. i learned to have some dicipline for myself.
and he doesnt understand why i cant be friends iwth him, its hard to be in love and friends with someone. its terrible.
Lately, i havent been thinking much of it. but, i know deep down i am not over this and i really need to get back with him. after everything that has happened, i still love him. and i need him. he keeps telling me taht he loves me. i dont know what to do! im in such a messy situation. i just need help. i need something that i can say to him, that will get him back maybe? i dont konw. i just want him back. i want him to come chasing for me. i want to be in his arms. i want to kiss him. i miss him so much:/
the other day. i was at my friends house. we were talking and in mid sentance it came out "i miss ryan.." i almost went hysterical. it was the first time i admitted to it.
i hung out with him thursday night. i snuck out and slept over his house. we had sex. it felt like the good old times. im just so DESPERATE for him! i need him!!!!
if you guys can feel my pain.. i dont nkow. but i hope you do. maybe someone with experiance with something like that will help?
btw ever since we broke up he hasnt been the same, hes been getting drunk with other girls.. and he isnt a drinker and driver. he did. i screamed at him. i lost all respect for him after that. i couldnt believe he drove drunk after HIS FRIEND died from it! the guy he used to be would say "nah, sorry i gotta drive"... i dont know what is going on with him. he isnt the same person anymore.
Well, I do not have any experience in love (You said someone with experience might give you a better solution). However, I would like to make an effort to answer your question since I have some reasonably good idea about the philosophy of life and since you seem to be really worried over the things going on. First of all, try to analyze what he mentioned in the conversation that you described. He said he could not be in a relationship where he was not happy. He could not pretend to be happy when he actually was not. I am not sure whether he said these merely out of anger or he really meant what he said. If he meant what came out of his mouth, I am sorry to say he is not the right person for you (though I understand very well it sounds very harsh to you). Truth is very harsh sometimes. Even if he did not mean what he said, I still think he does not actually love you. Please have control over your emotions. If you just say I simply want him to be mine and hang on to it, your pain is going to only intensify (although I can see in your writing you are desperate to get him back). If you feel it is virtually (NOT CERTAINLY) impossible for you to be without him, try talking to him and express all your emotions. Tell him how much you feel for him and care for him. Try to convince him that you really and truly want to be in his company. If you can sincerely and honestly (and your love is pure) describe your feelings for him and he is an honest and nice person, he will probably come back to you. You really need to make him understand. Despite all these if he continues to ignore you, I am sorry to say you need accept the reality and move on with life (and search for a better person). Finally, if you love someone, try to love him truly and try no to be involved physically (which is very common in Western and American culture, by the way I am NOT against Western and American culture. IF this is one bad side, there ARE THOUSAND GOOD THINGS in this culture on the other side). Though the physical attraction comes along with the attraction of the souls, pure love goes much beyond being physically and sexually involved. This is my personal belief (you have the absolute freedom to do what you like). I hope I have been able to help you. May God help you to come out of this difficult situation.
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Sorry, I didn't really know which category to put this in. I'm a 13 year old girl. My friends practically live for their cell phones and change them at least twice a year (everybody in my grade does). I don't know about other countries, but where I'm from, new and updated phones come out nearly every week. My phone is around two years old, and it's seriously old and outdated. I get good grades and I'm pretty responsible. .It might be a little silly, but I feel embarassed with my phone and feel pressure with my friends.My parents think phones should be emergency-only. Are they being unreasonable or am I?
I am not sure if you are going to like my advise because I would probably sound like an old man. However, truth is always truth even if it sounds outdated. First of all, the phone that you have (and even if you did not have any) does not add or take away anything from the person that you are. Your phone does not represent your personality. What represents your personality are the qualities (moral) that you have in you. If your friends pressurise and embarass for the phone that you have, well, tell them directly you do not appreciate it. If they continue to make comments about you having an outdated phone, I guess they are not worth being your friends. Why have such friends who judge you on the basis of a mere communication device? You are an infinite times more worth than that. I understand that it is extremely difficult to hold to the principles that I mentioned above given the circumstances that everyone in your grade are used to having a new phone every year (because I have been through a similar situation). If you think it is not possible to surive their as the odd one and do not want to lose your friends, you have two options. Either you should convince your parents that you need to change your phone with an updated one. You can try to convice them by saying you need a new phone not as a showoff but rather to be psychlogically relieved. Tell them it is going to prevent you from being psychollogically under pressure and your friends embarrsing you. Tell them being under pressure for a phone will eventually have serious impact on your grade. Tell them you don't want to lose your friends and be lonely and depressed simply because of an updated phone. I think if you can present your arguement in an honest and wise manner, your parents will give you a new phone (afterall you are their daughter and they surely love and care about you). If your parents do not agree to give you a new one, then it is probably time to start saving as much money as you can. I understand, for a 13 year old girl, it is not an easy thing to save money. But you have to give a try. Please don't lose hope. If nothing works, try holding to the principles I mentioned above (that is the best although not the easiest). If you can honestly build your dignity, none of your friends will dare to bother you about this issue. I also think you can make better friends than the ones, infront of whom, you feel embarassed. Search for them. Once again, your phone does not make you a great person. As far as being unreasonable is concerned, I think, you (given the circumstances you are in) as well as your parents, are right from your own perspectives. So don't think too much about this. Hope I helped you.
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Hello,
I'm a 26-year-old male. I'm 5'5" and weigh 300 pounds. I live at home with my parents and I have no job. My daily activities consist primarily of eating, sleeping and smoking cigars. My hygiene is terrible. I shower maybe twice a week, brush my teeth once a month, don't shave and my wardrobe consists of a t-shirt with food stains, a pair of mesh shorts and sneakers with holes in them.
I wasn't always this way. While I was never Mr. confident, I was able to participate in a variety of activities growing up. As a kid, I took swimming lessons, trumpet lessons and played several hours of basketball a day. In high school, I acted in eighteen theater productions and was a member of the football and bowling teams. I was a good student and upon graduating, I enrolled at the University of Maryland at College Park.
I wasn't overly excited about continuing my education at college, however. I didn't apply to any schools until my father really got on me about it, screaming at the top of his lungs. I guess I wanted to take a year off to consider my options. I also wanted to try my hand at being a professional actor. Though it's a tough business to break into, I know people that did and I was quite good at it. It had become my passion. Looking back, I suppose I should have gotten a part-time job, tried my hand at acting and if need be, go to college later.
Instead, I went to college right away. Despite being part of some high school activities, I am rather shy (ironic, given my ability to perform on stage) and I never really made too many friends. I had some trouble with the roommates I was assigned as well and returned home following my first semester 55 pounds heavier.
I lost the weight when I developed a crush on this girl. The weight loss was unintentional. I just got so nervous thinking about her, I couldn't eat. I allowed this crush to go on too long without making my feelings known. Rather than get to know her better, my mind started imagining what she'd be like (all things I'd like of course!) and so my crush deepened. I was drawn to her confidence, something I lacked. I was so lonely and lost, perhaps I was looking to her to save me.
Needing to pick a major, I chose Marketing. I didn't really know much about it. It's just that the business school was well-respected and I was also steered toward it by my parents as well. The truth is, I didn't know what I wanted to do or be. I was supposed to figure it out those first two years and I never did.
In 2003 I suffered a mental breakdown. Over time, I had become increasingly bitter and angry. I began hating people. Then one day, feeling very angry and lonely, I snapped. I proceeded to fall apart in a very bad way. I began smoking cigarettes and cigars. I stopped going to class, stopped studying. The friends I had abandoned me. And so, it got to a point where I never left my apartment. I ordered food to be delivered three to four times a day, all junk, including a pint of Ben & Jerry's just about every night. I sat on the couch and smoked a pack and a half a day, leaving the butts on the ground outside on the balcony. It got to a point where there were so many cigarette butts on the floor, they doubled as carpeting.
I also developed several phobias, including a germ phobia. I couldn't open doors with my hand. Whenever someone sneezed, I'd hold my breath until I could leave the area. As a kid, I was always a bit obsessive-compulsive (e.g., having to name everything object in the room before I could watch TV) but this breakdown made it all worse.
I was living to die basically. I am not a religious person and so I didn't have religion to hang on to. I began asking why. Why am I here? What is the point? I figured that whatever I do doesn't matter because in the end I will die. Even if I impact someone else's life along the way, in the end, they will die. So, is life simply about packing in as much fun as you can before your time is up? What if you're like me and you no longer enjoy doing things? I wished I was dead. I knew I couldn't take my own life and so I focused on how sad I was that I had been born in the first place.
I beat up a 13-year-old kid who was successfully ripping into me with an onslaught of digs and insults. I was so determined not be bullied, not to take shit from anyone that I lost control. On several occasions, I lashed out at one of my teachers because we didn't see eye to eye.
There was some thought that perhaps my inability to avoid being overcome with this uncontrollable rage might be a result of two concussions that I suffered, one in high school and one in college. It could also explain why my OCD and mild depressive moods that I had as a kid got worse.
(As a kid, I ran away from home a lot and also begged my dad to kill me)
Moving on...
Returning home with a college degree after seven years of going at it, I couldn't land a job. I had a marketing degree but it turns out I didn't really like marketing and my major GPA was terrible anyway. I tried getting a job as a reinsurance accountant because I interned as one and its what my dad does but the lack of an accounting degree proved problematic. Though it's not supposed to factor into their decision, I would not be surprised if my weight also kept me from being hired.
So, here's the thing:
1) I don't know what I can do for a living
2) I don't enjoy very many activities
3) I'm not really interested in the American dream lifestyle
4) I can't afford to see a mental health professional
5) I'm unable to go to crowded places (i.e., the mall, the movies)
6) I'm too afraid to work with strangers
7) I have no friends
8) I'm slowly killing myself with tobacco, over eating and lack of activity
9) I can't let go of the past and stop regretting all of my mistakes
10) I have no work history to put on a resume
11) I've overwhelmed with guilt and feelings of worthlessness
12) I lack something I want, something I can use as motivation
I figure my time is running out. I'll either die from cancer or a heart attack. I certainly allowed myself to have many cavities and receding gums. This may be my last chance.
I need suggestions. I need ideas for what I can do as a start. How do I make a fresh start? Heh, can I give myself amnesia so all the problems go away?
Well, I am not sure if you have a seriously negative feeling about your weight. I would like to say that gaining weight is not always related to eating too much. God created each of us in different ways and programmed us in a unique manner. Some people despite eating less continue to gain fat, while others, no matter how much they eat, they remain lean and thin. So please do not blame yourself for this (God created you like this with a certain purpose even though you say you are not very religious). Try to get involved in some sort of physical activities (you can walk in a park for some time everyday). Please leave the habit of smoking cigars. You should not take something that only harms you and you have to pay money for that as well. It also does not help you to improve your situation. So why smoke it? I understand it is much easier said than done. What you can try you can gradually quit cigar smoking. For example, if, at present, you are smoking 10 cigars each day, from tomorrow try smoking 8 each day. After 2 weeks, Try smoking 6 each day, and so on. Try improving your hygiene standards as well. Not improving that is not going to help you. To help your conditions, you need to think with a positive mind. When you are physically clean and fresh, your mind will also be fresh and you will feel better. Try taking bath once everyday. It is absolutely normal and a very good thing that questions such as "Why am I here?,What is the point?" come to your mind. Most of us do not think why we are in this world and what are we supposed to do here. These questions appearing in your mind only shows you have a very analytical and intellectual mind. Keep it up. To understand these things you need to increase your belief in God. Rely on and ask for help from God, your only true and best friend, and keep trying. See what happens. You are wondering on an extremely important thing as to whatever you do you will (and we all will) die one day. Well this is the biggest reality of life that we all shall die one day and that is where religion has an important role to play. Without having any faith in religion, you will not come to know the real purpose of life. Try reading your religious scripture (Bible/Quran/Torah....?) If you have questions regarding how you would follow your religion ask me the next time. For the moment I will concentrate on other areas. Coming to the 12 points you mentioned at the very end try end here is what you can do:
1) Try getting a marketing related job (your major was marketing). You may not get the job that you want but try accepting whatever you get. You need to start from where even it means you have to do a low grade job. The job that we do does not make us a great human being.
2) It is normal that you are not enjoying a lot of activities since you are very frustrated. Once you take a positive attitude towards life things will start to change. Have faith in God and try to do some meditation.
3) If you are not interested in the American dream lifestyle, no problem at all. Who says America is the happiest nation simply because they are the richest. The old proverb is true, "Money can't buy happiness". It can give a very expensive and comfortable bed but it will not give you the sleep unless you have attained bliss in your heart.
4) If can't afford to see a mental health professional, still no problem. God has created a miraculous computer in your brain which is more powerful than any other human made computer. Make use of that.
5) You are afraid to crowded places because you lack in confidence or you fear what they will think or talk about you and how they will treat you. Don't think so much, when you meet them, give them a beautiful smile and ask how they are doing. You will feel more comfortable. If any one makes fun of you it is their problem. It does not matter what others think about you. You are what you are. So be yourself. You do not have to portray yourself differently to others. God created you the way he wanted with a certain purpose (as I said earlier) and He will guide you.
6) You are not comfortable working with strangers because of the same explanation provided in 5.
7) Well, we all actually have no friends. When I say friends I mean true friends. How many of us have a true friend? Almost none. We may have the impression that we have true friends but more than 99% of our friends are not true friends. You can find a lot of friends in your good times, but when you need them the most (in difficult) times, believe me, it is highly possible not even one will be there with you. No need to have such part time friends.
8) I have explained how you should quit smoking and be involved in physical activities. For over eating, try to reduce it slowly. Let me give a hypothetical example. If you are taking 500 units of food daily, from tomorrow try taking 480 units for two weeks, then 460 units for another week, 440 units for another two weeks, and so on.
9) We all make mistakes. The important thing is whether we are learning from our mistakes. Instead of regretting, take a lesson from your mistake and do not repeat it in future.
10) I am not sure if you can not find a job without a work history. How, then, are the fresh graduates getting jobs?
11) Do not feel yourself to be worthless. You are as good as others if not better. God never intended to make you worthless. Make use of the intellectual mind that God has gifted you.
12) I am not very clear with your last point. I think you are talking about motivating yourself. You need to grow the belief in yourself that if others can do this so can I. Meditation will also help to boost your mental strength and self confidence.
Finally, More than anything else (it is my personal belief), you have to put absolute faith on God and ask for His help. For that you have to help yourself as well. God helps those who help themselves. May God, the Lord of the heavens and the earth, guide you to achieve absolute bliss and glory.
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So, I have a best friend, and i love him to death he is amazing. He is the only one that truely understands me and i don't know what I'd do without him, but there is one problem. He has a girlfriend, a bad girlfriend. She had cheated on him so many times before, and it makes him so upset almost to the point where he has come to me in tears. He doesn't see that she isn't worth his time because of how bad she hurts him. He just over looks it because he loves her so much. I honestly can't stand it I have tried so many times to tell him that she isn't right for him, without being mean of course. I really don't know what to do, and i always usually do know what to do and thats why this is so hard for me, because I truely do love him and i can't see him get hurt like this. Please help me.
First of all, let me let make it clear that I do not doubt the integrity of neither yours nor her (whom you termed as being a bad girlfriend)simply because I know neither of you. You say she cheated your best friend so many times and still your bestfriend loves her so much. Now there are probably two (not in absolute sense, there can be numerous possibilities but I will talk about the two main likeliness) possibilities. 1st Possibility: The girl is actually good (please do not get me wrong and feel bad since I am only being unbiased, as you read the full answer you will understand my opinion better) and you are misunderstanding her. If the first possibility is true, please rethink on your opinion about her (again, I am only being neutral and not taking anyone's side). 2nd Possibility: The girl is actually not a nice person and you are right on your opinion about her. In that case your boyfriend is simply being madly driven by her for reasons that are unknown to me (and perhaps to you as well). What you should do is try to convince your botfriend that the girl is not a nice a person and not worthy of being a friend (leave aside loving her). If your best friend is honest enough (Once more, I am not doubting his integrity either),emotonally strong, and can judge things from the right perspective, he will understand you and discontinue his relationship with her (please explain him rationally and give direct, specific, and concrete reasons of why you thing the girl is not suitable for him instead of just saying she is not good). What I honestly feel is that your boyfriend is not being realistic and being driven too much by his emotions. He needs to calm down and give a second thought on his relationship with her. Hope I answered your question. YOU MAY NOT LIKE MY ANSWER BECAUSE OF THE 1ST POSSIBILTY THAT I HAVE MENTIONED BUT MY PURPOSE IS NOT TO GIVE AN ANSWER THAT SATISFIES YOU RATHER I INTEND TO GIVE AN HONEST OPNION. May God, the Sustainer of the Worlds, be your Protector.
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Well this might be just a little confusing...But I have this Friend (a guy) and ive known him For a year exacly. last year i met him and he was this shy, scared looking nineth grader (i was in 11th grade) we became friends, Good friends We used to hang out almost everyday and talk for hours and well like i said it's been a year and in that year he has become somone i dont even know anymore it's like were strangers he makes me feel like we never met at all...He recently started hangging out with these girls he has never once talked to before and now...i also hear that he "might" be dating this girl he has known for only a few short months I used to know him like nobody else did and it makes me madd (im NOT Jelous) ive been accused of being jelous and im not im just wondering What happened to the friend i had a year ago?? the friend who used to hang out with just me?? did he grow up and realize that there are other friends...that might be true but he didnt have to desert me like we were never friends to begin with....this makes me sad and hurt all at once...any good advice out there>>> id reallyyy Appricate it....
Since I know neither you or your friend it is difficult to give a judgement. You also haven't mentioned very clearly how your friend is behaving with you nowadays. You only said, it has become such that as if you know each other no more (how? please explain)) and he makes you feel you never met at all (how? please explain). The questions in the brackets wouldn't be there had you mentioned some specific and concrete examples of changes in his behaviour that makes you feel deserted and ignored. Just because he has been hanging with some other girls does not mean he has foegotten you. You heard (youd did not see with your own eyes and not proven as yet) he "MIGHT" (a probability not a certainty) be dating with a certain girl. Please do not get me wrong (for God's sake), are you in love with him? If not (and if you just want to be a friend to him) you should not be bothered by whom he is dating with. He now has more friend than before (including girls) does not mean he has forgotten you. Is it not very normal to have more friends as time passes? Remember when you first entered school you had very few or no friends at all. As time passed, your friends grew in number (or did they not?). The same has probably happened with your friend. When he had only one friend (you), he shared all his thoughts and time with you. Now that his friend circle has grown (which is very normal), his thoughts and time are being shared by a greater population. Imagine when you eat a bread alone you get the full share. But when you share it with someone your share reduces. Please do not be sad and talk to him. Tell him directly that you feel sad and deserted. Ask him to spend more time with you. Tell him you like being with him. If he changes, good for you. If he ignores you (still good), life does not stop there, please carry on. Make new friends and I am sure you will get some good (true) ones. Please do not feel I have supported and spoken (mostly) on behalf of your friend. I simply wanted your friendship does not get broken due to a misunderstanding. May God, to Whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth, make smooth for you the path to absolute bliss.
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I'm 21f, my boyfriend is 23.
So, short backstory: My boyfriend's mother (and father, but I'm more concerned about his mother at this point) HATES me. Everything I say, she takes the wrong way. She's threatened to disown him if he marries me. We've basically been together for three years. We have kind of a rocky past, but everything with us is great now, aside from the fact that I'm not allowed in his house. I've been more than a saint as far as they should be concerned.
Now, I can only assume that his mom is threatened by me and feels that she's going to lose her son and is afraid of that, but by pushing me away, she's pushing him away. I want this animosity to stop because the last thing I want is for my guy to pick me over his family, or his family over me.
I've tried talking to her, not talking to her, helping her out around the house, etc...now she won't even acknowledge my presence if I am there, so I figured a letter might be a good idea:
"[Mom's name],
Let me back up and introduce myself: My name is [name]. I'm a closet introvert, intuitive, a feeler, and a perceiver. I'm an artist in many forms - a musician, a painter, a writer, and an observer. I often watch the world around me in an attempt to learn everything I can about it. What I have learned instead is that I'm thankful for the blessings I have. I have been given a loving family and friends, an affectionate pet, and an appreciation for the little things. I'm writing to you to introduce myself, and more importantly, to thank you.
Many times since we met, you've extended a hand to help me. When I got my car, you offered to look it over before I bought it. I unfortunately put the necessary money down before I could accept your help, but it meant everything to me that you called. When I got my cat, you helped me learn how to take care of her. When I coughed, you drowned me in tea and honey until I felt better. When my wrist hurt, you lent me a brace.
The numerous things you've done for me have not gone unnoticed. I appreciate you, and I only wish I could pay you back for all the love you've shown me. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.
I want to express also that I expect nothing in return for this letter. Being a writer, I'm infinitely more eloquent when it comes to written word than when it comes to speech. I simply wanted you to know that I was thankful in the most tangible form I could come up with.
I hope and pray that someday you and I can sit down to coffee and just talk, but for now, know that your efforts really meant the world to me.
Read this at your leisure, and respond if you wish.
I never told you, but you have my favorite name.
Love, [me]"
Given what's going on, I'd like some feedback. Be as brutal as you please. If you were in her situation, how would you react if you received a letter like this? Would you even read a letter from your son's girlfriend if you hated her? If I do send this, should I type it or handwrite it? If I should handwrite it, should I try to write in big bubble print, or slightly messy cursive? (I write both ways, I'm just trying to make the best impression possible.)
Thanks, everyone.
Let me give an honest answer to you. If you are a really truthful (in all sense) person, she should be accepting you without any hesitance and without any letter (and the most important thing is that her son likes you and that is what matters more than anything else's liking). If I were in in her place (given both I and you are honest and good persons), I would have accepted you without any such leter. If both (you and boufriend's mother of you stand strongly on integrity, you should be accepting each other without any trouble. The fact is clear here. Either ( of you and your boyfriend's mother) or both of you are dishonest. Since you mentioned, at the beginning, you have beem more than a saint as far as they should be concerned, your boyfriend's mother has a problem ( If I accept you to be honest. It might also be the case she is honest (generally) but she has some other problem (apart from the fear of losing her son) that she is unable to share with you. If this is not the case, then I am sorry to say that she is not a nice person and she will always be against you despite what you do and how sincerely you do. I do not think such a letter is going to change her mind (however, do not take me in absolute sense). If there were a minor misunderstanding between you, only then it might have been helpful. As far whether you should handwrite or print it is concerned, you should write it neatly and clearly (not necessaralily with a beautiful and fascinating handwriting if at all you choose to handwright it). Hope I have been able to help you. May God, the Master of majesty and generosity, bless you in this life and the hereafter.
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Hey everyone. So I have been reallyyy depressed. It's senior yr of high school for me and I have no friends. I moved to a new town, and I feel 100% invisible. I am not kidding when I say that no one knows me. Instead of eating in the cafeterias I go to the bathroom in a stall until lunch is over. The school is so big. Sometimes I go to the library. Everyone at my school thinks I got kicked out (not true), n to make a long story short, I left with 0 friends from there. And I'm not antsocial or weird or anything, I'm normal but idk I feel boring and like I am just "passing time" when I talk to most people. College is starting in august, but I don't know what to do until then. I feel so alone. And to make things worse, my parents are totally work obsessed and have no friends of their own either. I'm pretty sure they are depressed too. I feel like i prob picked up many of my social habits from my parents unfortunately. Also, my sister just left home for a job so I feel lonelier than ever. Spending most of it time with yr parents just gets reallyy old sometimes. I just really wish I had friends, but I know there's no hope right now for making friends because there is only a few weeks left of high school. What am I going to do in the summer before college? I feel really sad, deperessed and alone.
I also feel really jealous of the people who can make friends so easily and are so likeable. Do u all have any advice for me on that?
I wish my parents would understand, but they can't and even if they did it would be impossible for them to help.
I tried to be more outgoing at my previous school, but after I got many many "friends" I realized they weren't people who really liked me for me. I wasn't being true I myself, just to be in the popular crowd. It worked but I wasn't enjoying myself with those people. I canname only about 3-4 true friends I have had, and they were mainly from middle school and people I have lost touch with. I have been completely friendless for about 2 years now and it's really taking it's toll on me mentally.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
I feel sad for what you are going through since I go through the same problem. However, I am happy that you did not miss out the most important part of your thoughts that you have put in the question. You actually already have almost found the solution of your problem. Read carefully the last paragraph of your question (THE LAST TWO LINES). You mentioned their you were outgoing (I suppose against your natural behaviour) in your previous school. You do not have to change tourself to make friends. I suppose you would like to make true friends rather than some name sake friends. If someone can not take you as you are, no need to have him or her as a friend. If you take such persons as friends they won't be beside you at your troubled times. At the same time, however, I would like to mention that we all are human beings and none of us are flawless. You cannot define a true friend as some one who will take 100% of you as you are. That is only a theoretical possibility but certainly not a realistic one. The simplest guideline (it is only my opnion, you can very well disagree) that I can give you is, (to make a friend) judge a person by measuring his qualities (both positive and negative). For instance, suppose you have met a classmate who you want to have as a friend of yours. To decide, first try to spend sometime with that person whenever you get an opportunity. After some days you will definitely have a basic idea about the type of person he or she is. Now it is your time to judge him or her. While judging, do not consider only the negative aspects of the person. If you do so, you will never be able to make a friend. If the person has 10 qualities in him, at least 5 of which are positive, he is indeed the right person to be your friend!. However, please use your common sesnse as well and don't take my advice as absolute. For instance, you notice that 9 out of 10 qualities that your classmate possess is positive but very minor in nature and do not necessarily bear any significance for friendship, do not take those aspects into consideration. If, even though he has 9 positive aspects, the only negative quality he has has significant impact on friensship, perhaps he is not the right person. On the other hand, if he has 9 negative qualities (all of which are not so important in friendship and only one positive aspect (which is an absolute necessity in friendship), he may be worth to have as a friend. I have not mentioned any quality specifically (like honesty, truthfullness, etc) simply because what I think should be in a friend may not match with what you think. So apply your common sense and enjoy life! Hope I have helped you and May God Bless You endlessly.
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16/f i will keep it short. whenever i eat or drink anything hot or cold i get a stabbing pain in my gums and teeth on the bottom right side. anything room temperature doesnt seem to bother me. what could be the problem and how would i fix it? thankyou
I think your pain is caused by an underlying tooth infection. Please visit a dentist. Often toothaches are also caused by sinusitis. However, you should first visit a dentist. If he finds no infection or any other problem then you can choose to visit an ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat) specailst (specially if you also have a pressure feeling around your forehead, either or both sides of the face, headache, nasal discharge, runny nose, or any or some of these symptoms). Take care and may God bless you.
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