So, I have a best friend, and i love him to death he is amazing. He is the only one that truely understands me and i don't know what I'd do without him, but there is one problem. He has a girlfriend, a bad girlfriend. She had cheated on him so many times before, and it makes him so upset almost to the point where he has come to me in tears. He doesn't see that she isn't worth his time because of how bad she hurts him. He just over looks it because he loves her so much. I honestly can't stand it I have tried so many times to tell him that she isn't right for him, without being mean of course. I really don't know what to do, and i always usually do know what to do and thats why this is so hard for me, because I truely do love him and i can't see him get hurt like this. Please help me.
Additional info, added Sunday April 12 2009, 1:05 pm: i already told him in person what i thought, he just doesn't seem to understand that he is only hurting himself.. Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? Sami143 answered Sunday April 12 2009, 2:20 pm: Ok so i know how this is i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and he has cheated on me 3 times that i found out about. And i love the kid with all my heart and i know that he will prabably hurt me again but i cant see that because i love him so much. So many people have tried to do the same thing that you are trying to do for your friend for me and i just cant see it. He is going to have to realize himself that she doesnt care about him, and that he deserves better but until then its really hard to listen to anyone else when your so attached. Im sorry to say but its true. Hope i helped =] [ Sami143's advice column | Ask Sami143 A Question ]
asktatianna answered Sunday April 12 2009, 1:55 pm: well tell him that you dont think that she is right for him and you just want the best life for him and if he dosent want to except tell him no one nows him better than you and if he still dosent listen experiance is the best teacher one day hell learn even thugh you dont want hm to get hurt but this is a journey he needs to take.
Razhie answered Sunday April 12 2009, 1:46 pm: Truly caring for someone means respecting their ability to choose for themselves, EVEN to choose badly for themselves.
This is hard for you because you think that you can choose better for him then he can for himself, and hell, you might even be right, but until you accept life doesn't work that way, you'll never be happy.
You also risk loosing his friendship if you don’t stop pushing your perspective. He will stop listening to you in time. Your tears will seem like bullying, your opinion will begin to sound disrespectful of his choice, and your dislike of her will grow malicious and petty in his eyes.
The thing you have to do here, is the thing you least want to do: You have to back off completely.
If you have told him what you think then the only rational, respectful and friendly thing to do is to shut up, and leave the issue alone.
If you can’t remain his friend, and back out of his relationship drama, then cool the friendship.
If you can hear about his girlfriend without getting upset, end conversations that lean that way.
If you can’t control yourself, get out of situation that make you feel the need to interfer and get you worked up.
You CAN’T make him want for himself, what you want for him. You are WAY to emotionally invested to be objective (and he probably knows it). The very best thing you can do is back off completely, and allow him to do what he wants too.
Truth answered Sunday April 12 2009, 1:42 pm: First of all, let me let make it clear that I do not doubt the integrity of neither yours nor her (whom you termed as being a bad girlfriend)simply because I know neither of you. You say she cheated your best friend so many times and still your bestfriend loves her so much. Now there are probably two (not in absolute sense, there can be numerous possibilities but I will talk about the two main likeliness) possibilities. 1st Possibility: The girl is actually good (please do not get me wrong and feel bad since I am only being unbiased, as you read the full answer you will understand my opinion better) and you are misunderstanding her. If the first possibility is true, please rethink on your opinion about her (again, I am only being neutral and not taking anyone's side). 2nd Possibility: The girl is actually not a nice person and you are right on your opinion about her. In that case your boyfriend is simply being madly driven by her for reasons that are unknown to me (and perhaps to you as well). What you should do is try to convince your botfriend that the girl is not a nice a person and not worthy of being a friend (leave aside loving her). If your best friend is honest enough (Once more, I am not doubting his integrity either),emotonally strong, and can judge things from the right perspective, he will understand you and discontinue his relationship with her (please explain him rationally and give direct, specific, and concrete reasons of why you thing the girl is not suitable for him instead of just saying she is not good). What I honestly feel is that your boyfriend is not being realistic and being driven too much by his emotions. He needs to calm down and give a second thought on his relationship with her. Hope I answered your question. YOU MAY NOT LIKE MY ANSWER BECAUSE OF THE 1ST POSSIBILTY THAT I HAVE MENTIONED BUT MY PURPOSE IS NOT TO GIVE AN ANSWER THAT SATISFIES YOU RATHER I INTEND TO GIVE AN HONEST OPNION. May God, the Sustainer of the Worlds, be your Protector. [ Truth's advice column | Ask Truth A Question ]
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