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Why is it so hard to talk to others and to make friends!!!
I'm a 15 year old girl.. and it seems like ugh. I dont know. I dont have much friends because I have friends in different cliques. I'd love to have 1 clique but its not like that right now. im so happy to move next year cause im sick of how it is in my school. but when you have friends in diff cliques they hang out with their cliques and then i end up with nowhere to go, feeling like a loser. i mean i used to kinda have a clique last year but its so hard to find such genuine friends. im a good friend to everyone, but like it depends if they want to be friends with me. maybe people like people who are like hard to be friends with? i dont know. people think im eccentric and stuff sometimes and i know im like that, i like how i am and stuff, so i dont want to change. the problem is finding others like me. like i could have so much fun with people like that. im friends with this one girl, like genuinely.. one of the few people i can REALLY say im friends with at my school, but she's pretty shy which can be annoying at times since i like doing spontaneous things sometimes. i mean i've never even had a best friend before.. well actually i did in elementary school. 2-3 of them. but ever since 5th grade.. like now im in 9th its just been going downhill friends wise. like i dont know.. its hard for me to get close to certain people, maybe cause im like so open to be friends with anyone. im not desperate or anything but like im not a b!tch, is what i basically mean. but its hard sometimes.. i have trouble making conversation sometimes. people who seem like i could get along with.. like after being with them w/o being friends with them, i find it hard to just jump in and like have a different persona.. its not changing myself, its just that im different a bit around friends. i dont know. its like hard to carry a conversation sometimes with those kinds of people and its annoying cause i know like our personalities would probably work well and we'd have fun. but i mean, friendship is a two way street. i have issues with trusting people a lot.. i mean im not sure if a lot of people are just like making fun of me secretly or they genuinely want to be my friend. like its so confusing at times. i dont know what to do. so sometimes i put a guard up. often actually. i hate it but i dont want to be made a fool of. i dont even know why people wouldnt like me. i mean im quite pretty, average weight, and im pretty outspoken during class but like im not mean to people. and like this one girl said that she couldnt say something to my other friend (a previous best friend but we're drifting apart, ugh) cause apparently i'd spread the word. and i dont know why her and the other girl think that. i even asked them when i like shared secrets like that and they couldnt think of any, and neither could I! i dont do that with close friends. i mean those 2 girls like i wouldnt really consider what i have with them much of a friendship cause it just doesnt feel like it. friendship shouldnt hurt. or maybe im overly sensitive and cant tell when people are joking? i guess i do that often too. i also tend to be quite gullable. there was this incident in the past where lets just say i was too gullable and thought this guy said he liked me when he was just joking and then i ended up liking him and that year was just blah cause of it and i was all nervous around him even though i knew he was kidding.. but i didnt wanna go out with him, i just thought he was pretty hott then.. hah 6th grade. blahh that year. jeez. anyways i seriously need help cause i just feel horrible like.. i dont want this to carry on into my new school. i mean maybe its also cause im black and my school has a lot of white people. im friends with all types of people, honestly race doesnt affect anything its like what we have in common. i have friends from all over.. well 'supposed friends' not like ACTUAL. like you see them and say hi and smile but you dont talk too much and then i guess it makes us drift. and then i feel awkward and blegh. but i dont know if because im black it affects some white peoples opinions of me like they dont wanna hang out with me after school or something? i have no idea. i just feel to be totally different from most people i know and i'd really like to have common ground with someone.. so im often daydreaming of it. it keeps me happy but when i truly think about it i feel unhappy. but im too godda-mn optimistic so i cant feel depressed.. i've never felt depressed i think. but i just feel like im a good friend and i dont know why others cant recognize that and wanna be friends with me. i mean my school has over 2,000 people and yea im not in class with all of them but like going down the years only few people were a bit similar to how i act and stuff.. i mean if i knew someone similar to me.. i dont mean a clone or anything, i'd just be so happy. i dont even care if i had like 2 great friends. but like it seems like i have a bunch of meaningless friends.. and quality is better than quantity. i dont treat them like meaningless, i mean i just cover up how i feel with a grin usually.. like when i feel bad inside. its been going like this since like 5th grade, and after a year passes i try to be like, okay its gonna get better this year, im gonna get like true friends and stuff. but it doesnt happen and i see like everyone else have it and it makes me feel bad cause i dont have that. like i dont know people who i'd go to a sleepover and go see movies with and stuff. i guess that goes in part with not being part of a clique. i've even tried to get into some but its hard since like they talk about things that i wasnt there for and etc. maybe my expectations are too high though and everyone goes through this? i hope not cause this really sucks. i just feel really bad today and had to let it all out cause im sick of it. in addition to not doing well in 2 classes today and like in 1 class barely talking to anyone when we had alot of freetime and feeling like sh@t. it just adds on. ughhh please help me! im so sorry this is mucho long, whoever answers something remotely worthwile gets 5 pts but please help me out!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Alright, young girl, I think I have got what you are trying to say to a large extent. I go through almost exactly the same problems in making friends and that is why I am taking interest in your question. First of all, you have friends in different cliques because you seem to be a very honest and truthful person to me. When you are in a certain clique, you start talking with them. As long as they are talking “good” things you are interested and as soon as they start talking things that are “unnecessary” you move away from them and move into another clique. The same thing happens in the next clique and you move onto another and so on...... Well, it is not just too hard to find genuine friends but I guess it is the next thing to impossible. In my opinion, most of us only find one true friend in our whole life and many of us keep on searching for the genuine friend for our entire life but don’t find even one! If you think people around you have a lot of friends, you are right. However, if you think all the friends that they have are genuine friends, I am sorry to say, dear, you are WRONG and ABSOLUTELY WRONG. All the friends that they have are part time friends. Would you like to have friends that will be their with you only in your good times but when things are not going that well with you, I SWEAR BY GOD, not even one will be there with you unless your objective is something other than making a genuine friend for a genuine purpose. Often people will refrain from being friend to you not because you are mean but simply because you tell them the plain truth. So when you tell the truth they start finding you eccentric not necessarily because you are actually eccentric. You don't have to change yourself, just be yourself. God created you exactly the way he wanted to. When I say you don't change yourself please don't take me in absolute sense. What I am trying to say is you don't have to change yourself for others to suit their needs or for the way they would like to see you unless they are asking you to bring a positive change in you. You will change but only for yourself. You will keep on improving your moral qualities, improve the qualities in you, eliminate the bad qualities, and be a nice person. After you have done that, whether people are being your friend or not doesn't really matter. As far as people making fun of you secretly are concerned, it does not take away anything from the nice person that you are. Don't bother what people are talking about you just keep on working to improve yourself, be a nice person, stand firmly on truth and build your dignity. Your gullibility only reflects the simplicity of you as a person. It is actually not a bad thing but you need to be careful though. Whether you being black has anything to do with you being able to friends or not, it does not matter at all. Your skin color does not represent who you are, what represents you is the nice person that you are. To make things a bit easier for you, never judge a person by only their negative qualities (although I assume you are a nice person). If you judge people solely based on their negative qualities, you will not be able to make friends since we all have some drawbacks in ourselves. If you find a person has more good qualities than bad ones, he/she is indeed a good candidate for being your friend. Also, you may get a true friend but you will never get a "perfect" true friend. There is no person in this world who will accept 100% of you as who you are. Having said all these, finally, whatever I have mentioned here only reflects my personal opinion. You have the absolute freedom to agree/disagree. If you require any further clarification in this issue, you can ask me in my column. God bless you
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Wow, ok that was long, lol.
I understand you, I'm 15/m if that makes it any better...
(but next time put some spaces, =P)
Ok, first off, I know exactly what you mean. Even though I'm a guy, I'm not like most...a year ago, I felt like I was torn between several groups of people...
I didn't want to change who I was, and yet I didn't know exactly who I was, or where I belonged.
The thing is, you're still young. Let time pass, it took me a good while to finally meet people to whom I feel amazingly comfortable with, and love to bits.
And I'm a bit of an open person to, because I'll admit its hard to get close to people. After all, not all of us are mind readers, now are we?
And it's ok to feel a bit insecure at times. You honestly never know what people say behind your back, but the solution is just finding a group of people that you're naturally comfortable with.
I'd say wait until you move. Let time pass, it's not easy finding the right crowd, it takes time.
Being different around friends is natural too. Different people respond differently to what you have to say.
It's not always how many friends you have, but how many actually know you inside out and would lose a hand for you.
It took me years to find one person who is almost exactly like me. We're like brothers now, we trust each other no matter what.
I hope this helps.
Feel free to leave me a question or something if you feel the need to let somethin' out. I'll listen. I've been there.
Bonne chance & Buena Suerte(Good luck in French & Spanish),
-XZ
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