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ex boyfriend like hates me now..
So, i went out with Ryan for 6 months. We broke up last month, the day after our 6 month on the 25th :/.
A while back, in the beginning of our relationship.. he cheated on me with a girl. Well, this girl lives pretty far.. about 500 miles away. She comes down here sometimes with her friend. So, she was down one weekend and i decided to hang out with her. I have been talking to her for a long time, just trying to keep peace with her. Supposeably Ryan knew i was hanging out with her and got mad, well.. if i want to get to know the girl and just keep peace with her.. and talk to her about what really happened.. im allowed to as Ryans girlfriend..right?
Well, he got reallyreally mad and broke up with me because "he was no longer happy"... i dont understand?
we were takling on sunday, and this is what i said to him...
Me-
i have been thinking about our 6 months together.. i thought about how we both made some mistakes, but you made the bigger ones. I gave you about 2 chances.. like after you cheated on me and broke up with me in january. After those happened, i took you back after consideration.. i screw one thing up, (a pretty big thing, but not AS big as the things you did) and you break up with me.. i dunno... i just have been thinking about that lately.. almost all break. i know i lied to you about what i was doing, but not necessarily, i left her out of the plans because i was not 100% sure if it was gunna actually happen till we got to her house. i know i was talking to her but anthony kept changing his mind and everything.. but thats not what this is about. its about how i gave you alot of chances, and i do something wrong and you just end it. you dont consider giving me another chance.. idunno. i just was thinking about that, i thought you should know what was on my mind.
Ryan-
well i knew ud bring this up eventually
and i havnt figured out a way to tell you this...i tried but i guess you didnt see it how i was trying to say it
i didnt break up with you because of some unforgivable mistake
i didnt break up with you out of anger.
but after that happened. nothing felt right. and i still dont know why
i wasnt happy
and i dont know why
i couldnt stay in a relationship that i wasnt hhappy in .
and i couldnt pretend to be happy when i wasnt. i just couldnt. not around you
this isnt about forgiving you. ive already done that. it wasnt that big of a deal what happened. i mean you lied but w.e i got past it
its just i wasnt happy
laura i wasnt happy wen i went to bed everynight. and i wasnt happy wen i woke up
id have nightmares every single night. EVERY NIGHT
somenights id wake up crying .or sweating. or out of breath
i just love this kid soo much. i dont know what to do...
i got in a fake facebook open relationship. he texted me at 1 am "YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF, fuckin goin out with brandon. u have some fucking nerve" i texted him back like.. ry its fake.. and he was like "this is so redicilous i cant believe u would ever do that."
ever since he snapped on me.. (that was sunday night/monday morning).. i didnt talk to him. it is now wednesday and today he tried to pull me out of my 8th period class.. and i saw him. my mouth dropped. i was like WHAT THE HELL. i didnt leave my class. i learned to have some dicipline for myself.
and he doesnt understand why i cant be friends iwth him, its hard to be in love and friends with someone. its terrible.
Lately, i havent been thinking much of it. but, i know deep down i am not over this and i really need to get back with him. after everything that has happened, i still love him. and i need him. he keeps telling me taht he loves me. i dont know what to do! im in such a messy situation. i just need help. i need something that i can say to him, that will get him back maybe? i dont konw. i just want him back. i want him to come chasing for me. i want to be in his arms. i want to kiss him. i miss him so much:/
the other day. i was at my friends house. we were talking and in mid sentance it came out "i miss ryan.." i almost went hysterical. it was the first time i admitted to it.
i hung out with him thursday night. i snuck out and slept over his house. we had sex. it felt like the good old times. im just so DESPERATE for him! i need him!!!!
if you guys can feel my pain.. i dont nkow. but i hope you do. maybe someone with experiance with something like that will help?
btw ever since we broke up he hasnt been the same, hes been getting drunk with other girls.. and he isnt a drinker and driver. he did. i screamed at him. i lost all respect for him after that. i couldnt believe he drove drunk after HIS FRIEND died from it! the guy he used to be would say "nah, sorry i gotta drive"... i dont know what is going on with him. he isnt the same person anymore.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
He's telling you he loves you but not doing anything about it. If he really loved you he would be trying to get back with you. You seriously need to turn this situation around and make him work harder. Don't give in so easily, and don't act confused or upset. If the time comes to be honest and really let him know how you feel, you can do that, but always act like you're sure of your actions and you don't need him. When you act confident, it's going to confuse him. When you act like you don't care, it's going to make him try to make you care. You already apologized for what you did, so stop apologizing now. If you keep bringing it up, he'll just keep holding it against you. And the second thing you need to do, is make him choose all or nothing. Don't TELL him that, but as long as he can have you without dating you, he's not going to try to get you back. I know it will be hard but you need to ignore him until he makes the the move to get you back.
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Well, I do not have any experience in love (You said someone with experience might give you a better solution). However, I would like to make an effort to answer your question since I have some reasonably good idea about the philosophy of life and since you seem to be really worried over the things going on. First of all, try to analyze what he mentioned in the conversation that you described. He said he could not be in a relationship where he was not happy. He could not pretend to be happy when he actually was not. I am not sure whether he said these merely out of anger or he really meant what he said. If he meant what came out of his mouth, I am sorry to say he is not the right person for you (though I understand very well it sounds very harsh to you). Truth is very harsh sometimes. Even if he did not mean what he said, I still think he does not actually love you. Please have control over your emotions. If you just say I simply want him to be mine and hang on to it, your pain is going to only intensify (although I can see in your writing you are desperate to get him back). If you feel it is virtually (NOT CERTAINLY) impossible for you to be without him, try talking to him and express all your emotions. Tell him how much you feel for him and care for him. Try to convince him that you really and truly want to be in his company. If you can sincerely and honestly (and your love is pure) describe your feelings for him and he is an honest and nice person, he will probably come back to you. You really need to make him understand. Despite all these if he continues to ignore you, I am sorry to say you need accept the reality and move on with life (and search for a better person). Finally, if you love someone, try to love him truly and try no to be involved physically (which is very common in Western and American culture, by the way I am NOT against Western and American culture. IF this is one bad side, there ARE THOUSAND GOOD THINGS in this culture on the other side). Though the physical attraction comes along with the attraction of the souls, pure love goes much beyond being physically and sexually involved. This is my personal belief (you have the absolute freedom to do what you like). I hope I have been able to help you. May God help you to come out of this difficult situation.
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Wow-that was long! But descriptive. Did you have sex with Ryan? Before or After?～anyway sounds like you got your-self a Fairytale!^^ Just my suspiction ,but sounds like love. TALK TO HIM! Get your courage up tell him how you feel/think about all that. Goood luck! -lily
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