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My mom's textmate+stepad= ?
This article is about how i feel on my mom and her textmate, almost in a relatioship. I am from the philippines, and i am 14 years old. August 21. 2006, my dad died because of Asthma. It was the most terrible thing in my life. I amost cannot sleep because of loosing the best person in my and my family's life. It was a very tragic moment.
And now, all i want to say, is that my mom has this textmate, and she is really, really secretive about it. They really just started out as friends, but now i can hear them saying stuff like "i love you" and that guy is saying like "thiking of you, not just today, but always." It really hurts my feelings, and it hurts so much because i know that my dad is the best dad there ever is to me. He never did anything mean or offensive to me. He doesn't freak out when i fail in my math grades. And now, my mom is just going to replace him with some law manager with my dad? Do you realize just how much that hurts? Especially when my da has done everything special and everything that he always dreamed of wanting - not only for himself, but for the entire family. He never got mad at me, and he is always in my side when it comes to disputes between me and my mom. But that doesn't matter, beause it really hurts when you lost a very great person in your life, and no you mke it worse by ot even metioning hi name anyore, or worse, even replacing hi which you know can be my father physically, but not my father, angel & best friend at the same time.
I have inherited a thousand stuff from my real father - my attitude, and my appearance. I look nothing like my mom except for my teeth, skin tone and my hair length. My mom considers all of these traits and apperances i have inherited from my fathr as negative ad non-important things. I am not forcing her that she should praise it, but at least just give importance to it, because it is my dad's trait, and it is the only thing that gives a last reminder on the greatet person in my family's lives. But when it comes to her text mate's characteristics, it is her 24-7 topic. "he is 5'11 feet tall! he's from london! he has green eyes! he has brown hair! he's a lawyer! he works in birmingham!" that is what my mom will never stop saying, which is rather annoying because she never gives importance to my real dad anymore.
If only you were in my house, it will really drive you nuts. For example, i wake up in the morning. I get out of my room and go visit my mom. When i visit my mom in her room, i just see he lying down, texting with her celphone. She didn't notice me. She looked at me, went to her computer and opened her email account (the one she uses for her chatmate only) and read this email with red and black text. She ignored me. I can't help it, so i said "mom-" "ok, just a second ok?" she said before i can finish what i was going to te her, in a sort of a "none of your business" tone. So i ran out of her room, and i slammed the door. Ever since her textmate came into her life i was like a piece of dirt on the floor.
I am a 14 year old with a lonely heart, just because the only parent left to take care of me is now focusing her priority to a ritish freak instead of her own daughter. So please, i need your help.
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Honestly speaking, when I was almost finished reading your article, tears almost came out of my eyes. I can somewhat feel what you are going through since my dad left us when I was only 2 years (though he did not die and he left for a different reason). It is not really easy being in this world without my dad. It is very sad to know your father is no more in this world. I sincerely pray to God your father remains blessed in the Garden of Bliss for eternity. I would like to answer you from two perspectives. Coming to your mother's perspective, well, it would be very mean on my part on my part to say she is not a nice person and that will not help you psychologically either. So, I will try to judge your mom from a positive attitude. It is really very difficult for a woman (in this case your mom) to lead her entire life alone after her husband has died. Yes, while it is true that there are a very few woman whose love relationship is so strong and pure (as if divinely bonded and purified) that the woman can lead the rest of her life only with the husband's memories after he has died but that requires the woman to be a very special and gifted human being. As far as ordinary woman is concerned, it is really difficult for her to spend the rest of her life lonely and depressed. Although you find her very mean but it is not extremely abnormal that your mom is trying to get involved with another man. Think about her; is it not very difficult for her to spend the rest of her life alone? Put yourself in her position and then visualize the situation. What would you do if you were in her situation? Give yourself an honest answer. Until now, I have tried to make positive judgments about your mom. However, if she is indeed a really mean person, well, there is nothing much that you can do. If she is a bad woman that has nothing to do with the nice person that you are. Her bad qualities do not take anything away from your good qualities. You are as good as you are despite how she behaves or treats you. You should focus on standing firmly on the truth even if the whole world is against you (1). Having said all these, I think you need to talk about this issue with your mom sooner than later. You should express all your emotions to your mom. You should let her know how much you feel for your dad, how much you love him, and how much you miss him. Try to convince your mom her second marriage is only going to intensify the pain in your heart and it will only take you away from your mother. Tell her what your dad meant to you, what he means now, and what he will always mean. Tell her your father has a special place in your heart and no one can ever replace him. If your emotions and feelings are true and pure and your mother is a reasonably nice person I think she might discontinue her relationship with the text mate. If she continues her relationship, I am sorry to say she is not the best of mothers (in this case reflect on my answer above till I have written "1" in bracket"). Coming to the second perspective of my answer, your dad. Yes, it is true you love him with all your heart and soul. You truly miss him. He was like an angel to you and indeed was very caring to you. Despite all these, you need to move forward with life. I understand it is much easier said than done. However, it has been almost three years since your dad left you. Now it is time for you to think positively about life. There nothing at all that you can do about your father's death. If you keep on feeling sad and depressed about him, he is not going to come back. Death is the greatest reality of life and something beyond our control. We all will die one day. This is an inevitable certainty. Can you show me a single person who will not die? Can you give me a guarantee that I will not die tomorrow? So why to be depressed about something which only God can control and we are mere spectators. So rely on God, your only true friend who will bless you not only in your good times but also in your difficult times. So ask God to take control of your life and seek for His mercy and pray that He blesses your dad's soul with eternal Bliss. Finally, I would like to suggest you not to mess up with your studies despite all the difficulties in your life so that you can be self-dependent in future and don't have to rely on anyone except for God. May God guide you to overcome these difficult moments of your life.
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First of all, sorry about the loss of your father. I lost mine too in August of 2006 (coincidentally, i'm also Filipino!).
Where your mom is coming from: It's been almost 3 years since she lost her husband/your father. She loved him as much as you and went through a lot with him i'm sure. But, in situations like this, somehow, you have to move on eventually. She probably does not want to keep on going through life alone, especially raising you on her own. I don't think she is out to replace your father and forget about him, but more of her finding feelings she had thought she lost and would never feel again. Try to see it from her perspective and how it's been for her.
She is doing one thing wrong and that seems to be that she's making you feel neglected talking about this guy all the time and making you feel like you, her daughter of 14 years, is now of less significance. She's acting like a silly teenager, which is what she shouldn't be doing. Maybe you should sit down with her and talk. Tell her that you're happy that she's been so happy and excited as of late, but she talks about it so much that it makes you feel left out or pushed aside. You're still having trouble dealing with your father's lost and that you feel like you're being overshadowed by this guy thousands of miles away.
Do you two spend a lot of time together. Maybe you can ask if she could do that more. Have her make the effort to make time for you as she does for him. Maybe then you can find common ground.
Also, you never know, she might talk about you to him. If not, she should too. If he's a nice guy, i'm sure he will also want to get to know you and want your acceptance.
I think just #1 is talk to your mom. Tell her how you feel. Try to find a way for both of you to spend time. You're still young and in a situation you two have been in with the loss of your father/her husband, it should bring you closer.
I hope I could be of any help. If you want to talk more about this or ask me more in the situation, send me a message here. I'd be glad to help you more. Best of luck!
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First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what that would be like and it is completely reasonable for you to be hurt by this.
Your mother lost her husband, the same way you lost your father. It is likely very difficult for her to deal with. By getting this text buddy, she is probably reaching out and feeling lonely. Since it is a long distance relationship and they only text, she may be using this guy as a stepladder to recovery from the loss of a great loved one. As far as her not giving positive attention to the things you have inherited from your father, it is probably painful for her to look at you and see her late husband.
I think you should try to sit your mother down and really talk to her about this text buddy. Make sure she's paying attention. Tell her how you feel. Tell her that you're lonely and that you feel like she's trying to replace your father. I am certain she will be able to explain to you that those are not her intentions. She will be able to tell you how she feels and why she is doing what she's doing.
Good luck
Message or e-mail me if you have any further questions<3
Darby
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