|
Sometimes I'm just not in the mood..
Hey! I'm 20 and I have a boyfriend. We've been together a year. So here goes...
He's like a robot.. and he always wants to be sexual. Now.. before anyone assumes that he's a jackass.. he's not. He's plenty sweet.. and we have just as much of a sexual connection as we do a mental. He's a good guy, I promise. But sometimes I have trouble getting in the mood. Like.. I'll pretend to be sleeping, or sick.. just so we won't have to hook up. I'll even have friends sleep over, in my room on an air mattress just so he won't try anything.
Please don't think I'm no attracted to him or that he's not good at pleasing me. He is. And no, I've never had this problem with other guys I've been with.
I love him.. so I don't want this to ruin our relationship. He puts up with it.. but it's not fair what I'm doing to him. Lying, pretending, all that nasty stuff.. it's just not like me to do those things. I don't want to hide anything from him.
Help.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
your not in the mood maybe cuz u need to spice it upso try diff positions and oils and candles dif places in and outside the house it helps
]
You need to figure out exactly why you aren't in the mood.
My girlfriend has these issues. When she's really stressed with life, it kills her sex drive. It gets worse, as sometimes she isn't ready to talk about whatever is wrong, so she avoids me completely. She doesn't want to touch and she doesn't want to talk.
Clear communication helps. She lets me know that shes upset, she lets me know how upset, and gives me as much info as she can. Sometimes it might be "I'm really pissed off, work was horrible, I can't talk about it yet, just give me some space"
But it gives me a clear indication of what is going on and how I should react.
It also helps, because she can give me signals to back off when she needs me to, it takes some of the pressure off her to have sex, and she's actually in the mood because sex itself isn't the problem between us.
Talk with him. Let him know whats on your mind. Stop faking, stop lying, and start being open and honest. You'd be surprised where understanding can get you.
You have to accept that there will be frustration. Its part of relationships. I can get frustrated during dry spells, but I try not to take it out on her, and I deal with it as best I can, because the good times are worth that.
]
i read in red book that a special doctor said when this happens even though your not in the mood you should have sex anyway. you could also get some special oils to rub on your coochie that makes you so horny. but you should have sex anyways because it will cause you to become more sexual.
hope i helped! :)
]
It happens with the best of men!
I had to go through the same thing with my fiance. He got to a point where he always wanted sex, and would get pouty and mopey when he didn't get it.
Basically, what you need to do is talk to your boyfriend. Tell him that you aren't always in the mood, and that you feel like sex has become an obligation.
What worked for us is first, taking about a month long hiatus from sex. That helped him to realize that he doesn't "need" it, and that it isn't a right, it's a privilege. I wasn't withholding sex... this was an agreement we both came to.
Then, we went through a while where I was the only one who initiated. That taught me to be more vocal about my needs, and him to relax and enjoy sex when it does happen, rather than demanding it non-stop.
We eventually worked it back up to a pace that worked for both of us.
You're absolutely right; you shouldn't be lying or pretending. A relationship is a partnership. You two have to work together, and sex is no different from splitting up the chores.
]
Hi,
your problem is not unique. Plenty of couples are dealing with the same issue. You wrote that he's like a robot. Maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe you need more foreplay than he thinks you do. Try talking to him about it. I can pretty much guarantee that things will change.
Women are emotional and spiritual. I'm sure once he gets started, he's great, but foreplay is just as important. Maybe that's the problem. Sit down and talk to him about it. Open communication is always the key. He probably doesn't even know anything is bothering you. It seems like you have something good going. I hope this advice helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
]
More Questions: |