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i am married and i am running out of options
I have come to realize that I am nothing more than a failure especially in my husbands eyes. I am 21yrs old and sad to say he is absolutely right! Every time he tries to get somewhere here I am messing stuff up. No I don’t think he love me nor do I think he is attracted to me. I don’t know what to do I don’t want a divorce but I have a feeling that’s what’s going to happen by the end of this year if not in the next 6 months. I don’t even know my husband and I think its because of all my faults. I know I am messing up our finances big time. I know I need to take my name off all his accounts. He works hard for the money that he receives I have no right to it. I need to save my money and do what I know Im suppose to do. I need to give him all of his information so that I am not accountable for it. Its not mine I cant be blamed for it. I cant never do anything right EVER. All I can do is go to school and work that’s it. I really don’t have anything much to say to my husband. I don’t even feel like I should be his wife right now so im not even wearing my ring. I want to know my husband but he makes that impossible. He tells me don’t question him or don’t worry about it or it does not concern me. I changed my hairstyle twice and he tells me its ugly he don’t like it. I get told I don’t have any hair or if I had hair on numerous occasions I try to play it off but it does hurt my feelings. He don’t tell me he loves me he says me to, ok, or you better I honestly do not feel like his wife not one bit. The sex is not even there when he is done he is done he went from 3 minutes to 20min. I have only been satisfied maybe five times since he has been home and played with myself I don’t know how many times. I do all of the house duties and don’t get a thank you for nothing I took my husband clothes out for him to go to work one time and one time only because I did not get a thank you when I did so I pretty much just stop touching his stuff When I do try to get pretty I don’t even get a u look nice baby or you smell good I just don’t know how to feel. I cant talk to him about it because things get taken the wrong way and he don’t talk back he just lay with his eyes closed or keep watching tv and tells me he is listening. I don’t get anything response back at all.
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This marriage is doomed. You are not compatible with each other. You are both immature, he is a dick and you paint yourself to be a fuck up.
I don't know if you're actually a fuck up, its just as likely that he simply makes you feel that way so that he can do whatever he wants and not be questioned.
Its time. Go see a lawyer as soon as possible. File for divorce. The longer you wait the more it will hurt, and if you stay with him you will literally destroy yourself emotionally over a douchebag of a guy who doesn't deserve to be in ANY relationship with ANYONE.
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I'm the same age as you, and recently bought a house with my fiance, so I totally understand where you are coming from.
You absolutely need to talk to your husband. He is taking you for granted, and there are other problems too, from the look of it. Tell him that if he wants things any better, that he needs to listen and discuss things with you.
First, you need to discuss what each of you is responsible for. Write it down if you have to. You are responsible for school and your work, he's responsible for his work. Which chores does each person do? What does each person expect of the other? If you're putting in 50 hours a week at school and work, and he's only putting in 40, you should have less household responsibilities. Marriage is a partnership. He has to treat it like one.
Financially, I would suggest that you keep the joint account. Write up a budget, and stick to it. Take out cash once per week, and live on only that for food, groceries, clothes, entertainment and other variable expenses. Extra expenses have to be discussed with the other person.
As for giving him his information, whoever is responsible for the filing is responsible for the information. If that is a responsibility that you have taken on, it is your job to keep track of it. Start a filing folder, or use a binder like I do to keep track of important documents.
Once the rest is sorted out, the relationship stuff gets a bit easier minus the household stress.
He needs to listen to you. If you have to, drag him to a counsellor. Threaten divorce. Whatever you have to do, do it.
Keep in mind that you have to have a conversation. Don't blame him for everything that is wrong in your relationship. It has come to this point because of both of you.
Things to ask:
- What do you expect of me as a wife?
- What can I do to make myself more attractive to you? (I know it sounds anti-feminist, but maybe he has an opinion on this that he can give you)
Try to ask these questions without sounding accusing, because that's likely what is making him ignore you. That's not right, but some people are the way they are.
Then, let him know your perspective on his expectations. Tell him what you expect of him. Ask his opinion. Make sure that it's a give and take scenario.
If you try everything and cannot get through to him, divorce is absolutely an option. You're pretty young to be married, and hey, everyone makes mistakes. It's better to admit to one now, rather than live an unfulfilled, miserable life.
If you have any more questions, feel free to contact me.
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