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Her sex drive lost it's wheels...
Okay so me and my girlfriend have been dating for a few years. After we became comfortable with eachother and solitified our connection we began having sex. We were both virgins and once we got some experience it was amazing. We had sex all the time and it was passionate and loving. FAst forward 2 more years and all of a sudden I can't get her to do anything... EVER. She says she loves me and that she is attracted to me. And I am positive there is no one else I'm confident of that. However she just does not think about sex, does not initiate anything, and seems not to be interested in fulfilling my needs and desires.
I am understanding of this so im not pressuring her to have sex with me we talked and I forced myself never to even think about it. But I looked at myself and realized this was wrong. Why sacrifice my desires and feelings just to make someone else happy when they clearly don't care to make me happy...
She wants to cuddle and kiss and hug and to a woman I know that's pretty much the connection men get from sex. So basically she is using me for her own desires yet not compromising with mine. Believe me I am no sex fiend but I am a MAN a real man who wants his woman to want him from time to time and make me feel like a man should feel. I'm not a cheater, rapist, or jerk who is in it for his own pleasure but i'm tired of coming second in my own love life.
What should I do? I have expressed how I feel and she claims she can fulfill my wants and needs, yet has not shown any real effort whatsoever i'm stressed and ready for something to happen.
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Couples counseling.
A complete lack of sex drive is a problem. Its unusual. And more than likely, its caused by mental shit. I highly recommend bringing the idea of counseling up.
More discussion would be a good idea. Sexual compatibility is a huge deal, and sexual needs are equatable with emotional needs, if she is apathetic towards them thats going to fuck with you alot, and will probably destroy the relationship.
Bring up addressing it. The counseling idea will underscore that you're serious about it. If she refuses, or guilt trips you about it, or in general uses it as a reason to be shitty, you might be looking at the start of your breakup.
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The same thing happened to my fiance and I for a while.
You are putting too much pressure on her. Here's how it looks to her...
You: "WANTSEXWANTSEXWANTSEXNOW!WANTSEX!!!"
Her: "I feel like the only reason why he cuddles with me is because he expects something in return. That totally puts me off. I wish he could like what I like instead of treating it as a duty"
Try something different: cuddle and kiss and hug her, but don't try anything else. Just enjoy her. Let HER initiate. It may take some time, but just cool down, and get used to your right hand for a while if need be.
In the meantime, maybe you should try finding out why she doesn't want sex. Maybe she's bored with the routine (because all couples end up in a rut eventually). Maybe she's stressed out. Maybe she hasn't been feeling well. Maybe she feels fat. Womens' sex drives are affected by more than hormone levels. The slightest thing wrong, and boom, it's gone.
The other thing: you talk about "her needs" and "my needs". What about "our needs"? What do you as a couple want from the relationship? Try talking about it. You've been together long enough to have that conversation. If your needs do not mesh with hers, then maybe it isn't meant to be. Enough marriages end because of lack of sex or lack of love that you should conquer this before getting more serious.
Bottom line: sex is not a right. It is a privilege. The sooner you recognize that fact, the better your relationship will be.
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