about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

Ok, here's the deal. I have this boyfriend I have been with since 7th grade. We know each other very well, and are really comfortable around each other. But last winter his parents split up and he got mixed up with the wrong crowd, started doing drugs, starting ruining his life in general, and not to mention ruining our relationship not only as a couple but as I see him. He started blowing me off, not calling, not keeping promises, point blank..doing drugs. So we broke up for awhile, and I met this really great other guy. We talked about everything, and it evetually lead into a relationship. He was really laid back and we had lots of good times together. But to be honest, i couldn't open up to this kid as much as the other one. I was very standoffish and I couldn't like him to the point where I wanted to be more than just friends. He was very sweet to me and would do anything for me. He was the total opposite of what the other kid was, my old boyfriend is very protective of me and gets jealous and mad vey easily. so that was just what I needed. So, a few things happened, I cheated on this kid with my old boyfriend, and I needed to break up with him. I feel like such a bad person because he is such a good guy. After awhile, my old boyfriend went to Florida to figure out who he was and get more self respect for himself. While he was down there he would call me every single night. I was the only thing he had to hold onto. Now he's back up here, and I've hung out with him, but I'm not convinced he's changed and I don't want him to go back to his old ways. I am in love with this kid because we basically grew up together, but in some ways I feel like I made the wrong decision. Sometimes I feel like I should have gone with the other kid. I need some GOOD advise because I have been thinking about this for a long time.



PLEASE HELP, thank you*

If you have feelings that you're making the wrong decision, your heart is trying to tell you something. I would wait until you're completely sure that he's changed and not doing drugs again before getting into a relationship with him again. Since it seems to me that this guy has jealousy issues, I would take things very slow.

No one can tell you what you need to do, that's something you have to do for yourself. If your heart is telling you to slow down, I would slow down and wait until you're sure.

Good luck.

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hi, ive been going out wih my girlfriend for like 4 months now. we are in love. now i know what your gonna say, its only been four months. well, screw you. if your gonna say stuff like that please dont answer, because you dont know the whole story. anyway, im a virgin, and i want us to make love. i am waiting until i am sure who i want the first person to be, and ive found her. im not nervous of i or anything, but i want to know it is a good idea. I mean i love her, i really do, and i dont want things to get screwed up because of this. shes had sex before, so she warns me that you can take back your first time, and i know that. but im sure, i just want outside input... thanks

Since you're here, you are obviously having reservations about sex. The best thing to do is take your time, make sure you're ready, and don't rush into anything. Talking it over a lot with your girlfriend will help. I don't mean to talk the issue over until it's dead, but to make sure you're both comfortable with the issue of having sex. You're lucky to have a supportive girlfriend.

I think you're showing a lot of maturity in taking the time to make an informed decision. Your girlfriend is right about not being able to take back your first time.

Wait until you're ready and sure about sex before taking that step. No one can tell you when that time is, only you can know.

Good luck. Be safe,

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I know downloading music is wrong, but I'm sorry okay. I use winmx and I love it. But I'm trying to download the new all-american rejects CD, and THOUSANDS of results come up for all the songs, and every single one of them fail. NONE of them work. They'll turn yellow and say "Waiting for network reply..." for like 2 minutes and then they'll fail. Not one single song works. WHY?!

Chances are either you're on a bad connection or the person you're trying to download from has gone offline.

You might try Limewire since it tends to have a lot more sources. I've heard BearShare is good but I had problems with it myself.

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So I'm heading out on a family vacation in a little while. There's someone where we're going who, well, my g/f a few years back cheated on me with this guy across the hall from where I was sleeping (and the week afterwards) at a mini HS reunion with a bunch of friends. In other words, he stabbed me in the back to get laid.

Now, I'm not exactly afraid of seeing him... though I'm not sure how it would turn out if we did come into contact. Anyway, he's the kind of person who (at least 3 years ago) would have the attitude that he did nothing wrong and it's my fault. I haven't exactly talked to him since then, but I just wanna hear some people's thoughts on how you would react to different situations (my co-workers tell me to go sleep with his gf if he has one, but I'm just not interested in something like that). Part of me want to utterly destroy him, part of me wants him to apologize so this isn't between us anymore.

The other thing is, even though it's been over 3 years, part of me misses her, even to the point where I tried contacting her (didn't work). It's not like I want to get back with her, I just want to, I dunno, try to be friends or something. Any thoughts on that?

(Note: rude responses accepted - they're funny. Lame "I don't know but I hope it goes well good luck" responses are a waste of time and bandwidth.)

Since both the other guy and your g/f betrayed you, it will take a lot for them to regain your trust. I wouldn't apologize since it wasn't your fault. If you can go on being friends without an apology from them, go for it. I only suggest you watch closely for signs they're going to repeat their actions.

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i am almost 14 and i weigh 140 pounds i am 5'4 and i need a way to loose weight. i am not good at stay to a diet so i need something easy that i could find around the house
it is summer and i need help fast!!!!! i rate

At 5'4, you're within the healthy weight range 111-146. To make your diet easy, try simply substituting high fat items for lower-fat items (carrot sticks instead of chips, yogurt instead of ice cream, etc). Drink LOTS of water, it will help you lose weight faster. Foods with high water content (cucumbers, tomatoes, celery) can also help.

Eat lots of negative calorie foods. These foods burn more calories digesting than they have in them. They include cucumber, apples, berries, celery, broccoli, cabbage, asparagus, and zucchini. You can do a google for a more detailed list.

Exercises such as crunches, leg curls, squats and lunges are all great fat-burners which are fairly simple to do in your home.

Try cutting down on sodas and juices since they tend to be high in sugar.

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Hey, i NEED help. i really like this guy. but he has a girlfriend. but he made a move on me. i dont know what to do. i think i do have feelings for him. but i dont know what to do. Should I tell him how i feel? or should i just be close friends??????

Thanks...*

A friendship would be fine but I wouldn't let my emotions get involved in it. Since you didn't say anything about him splitting up with his girlfriend any time soon, I would worry about that. It shows a lack of commitment. If he'll cheat on her, chances are he'll cheat on you also.

Good luck and best wishes.

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Ok, there's this girl I like who doesn't like me, until I can get her to like me, I don't want to be with any other girls. Unfortunately, during Dungeons and Dragons at camp today (please, no nerd cracks), there was this girl who I think was trying to get me to like her. For example, my character died, and she was like "It's okay. You and I are the only not-mean people here." Also, I never see her talk to any other guys in the group, putting aside group discussions, like marching order and etc. Is she trying to pick me up? She goes to my school also, unfortunately that other girl also goes to my school. I really could care less about this new girl, but I really think she's trying to get me to like her. What do I do, and how do I tell her that there's someone else? What if I'm wrong about her? I'm really confused, and please, none of those smart alek answers, I rate ones for people who tell me "just bang her" or anything equally unhelpful or smart alekey.

-Dakmor

Unless she asks you outright, I would let it go for now. It's possible she just wants a friend her age that goes to her school and shares her interests. If the subject does come up and you're truly not interested in dating her, tactfully tell her you're flattered but you're not interested in dating her right now. do not mention the other girl in your response to her, it will hurt her deeply and she'll carry a scar of rejection because she didn't measure up to your "dream girl" standards.

With that said, it seems to me that you're hanging all your hopes on this one girl that doesn't like you. If she doesn't like you now, chances are, her feelings won't change. While I understand you have a crush, don't sit around waiting for her to change her mind. You may miss out on that special someone because you were looking the wrong way.

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ok i know im not ready to have sex NOW but i dont know if i want to wait until marriage either..i mean what do you guys think?

a part of me says

"hey who knows if your husband will even be a virgin..then its kind of pointless that you waited..and besides if you wait until your married, thats the only guy your going to have sex with .."

then again anothher part of me says "sex would be more special if you waited to have it with your husband"

any input?

That's a very personal choice. If you're not ready to have sex right now, then wait until you're ready. When you're ready, you will know. It may be next year, it may be on your wedding night. Don't be in a rush for sex. Most of the time these young guys are only interested in their pleasure so it won't be much fun for you anyway. Take the time to find the right guy, one that truly loves you and you want to be with forever.

Very few guys are still virgins when they marry but it's still something special if the woman is. I know. It's the double standard. My biggest regret in life is that I gave my virginity to the wrong guy and couldn't give it to my husband.

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my life is just screwed up right now with guys i fall to easily for them and then i just get hurt at the end how will you know when you have found the one? how could you trust guys when so many has hurt you in the past most of them try to sweet talk you but how do you know if what they are really saying is coming from their heart?
i need as much as advice you guys could give me ♥

The only thing that kept me going through awful breakups and jerks using me was thinking that somewhere out there was my Mr. Right. He was just lost since everyone knows men won't ask for directions lol.

Anyway there's no fool-proof way of knowing if a guy is sincere about their feelings other than time. The next time you find a guy you like, take a step back and ask yourself "Do his actions match his words?" and "Is this someone I want to be with forever?". Taking a look at their track record with other girls is good too. If the guy tends to break up with girls quick or cheat on them, he's not the one for you.

It takes time to learn to trust again. When you meet a guy, don't give him your heart right away. He needs to earn it as well as your trust. Don't judge all guys by the ones you've had since they're not all like that. However, look at the new guys close for qualities (controlling personality, just wants sex, doesn't like to be seen with you, spends more time with his friends that you, etc.) similar to your exes.

Take things slow with a new guy. When your Mr. Right comes along, trust me you'll know it. He'll be the one that makes you feel like the only woman in the world and doesn't mind waiting until you're sure about him.

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My fiancee wants to have sex, and the bad thing is, IM SCARED OF SEX. I am almost positive my hymen is intact, because I don't masturbate, im a virgin,and I detest tampons. Any suggestions?? And since I know were getting married in August, don't tell me to wait, because he's talking about sex on our wedding night, and since I've already told him Im scared, he still wants it, wich I don't blame him, were both virgins, we both dont have diseases of any kind, and after all, IT IS OUR WEDDING NIGHT, so its not furnication (since were both Christians) so please help me, because I'm scared of the blood and the pain. Btw, is it true that when you pee after sex it hurts? My mother said it hurts the first couple times you have sex, and that you bleed, and it hurts, and it burns when you pee for weeks. Is any of this true? Plz help me.

First off, don't worry it's completely natural to be nervous about sex for the first time. Some women do have pain or bleeding when they lose their virginity while others don't. A lot depends on how relaxed and "excited" you are and how slow and gentle the guy takes it.

Talk to your fiance and let him know that you are nervous and would like to take it slow. Taking the time to touch each other and "play" a little will help calm you and relax your body. Making sure you're well lubricated (either from your own wetness or some KY) will make it easier for him to get in.

DO NOT let him push all the way in at once or it will most likely hurt. Have him go slow, only an inch at a time to give your body time to relax and get used to his size. If he plays with your clitoris (If you don't know, drop a question in my inbox and I'll be glad to explain.) or breasts or even kisses you, it will help distract you a little from what's going on down below. If you take it slow, you will probably be asking him for more before long. Once you've taken all of him, make sure he does slow strokes until you're comfortable with a faster pace then let him know it's ok to go faster.

Some women find it easier to be on top (cowgirl position-just straddle him and slide down on him) since it allows them to control the depth and speed in which they take the guy.

Good luck and best wishes on your impending marriage. I wish you all the best.

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why does my vagina itch. hmmm. i dont do anythin nastry with myself but i read this thing and she did nasty stuff and and had problems with that... but i dont do that. my vagina itches and i dont like it!! PLEASE HELP. thanks

An itching vagina is usually a sign of either a vaginal infection, a yeast infection, or possibly a STD. The best thing to do is go to the doctor to get checked out. Chances are it's just a yeast infection (which is completely natural...a lot of women get them) which can easily be treated with antibiotics or medicated creams.

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i met this AWSOME guy at the mall. i hav his sn and he has mine, but i cant get the courage to say hey to him. i thought i would just wait until he talked to me, but he hasnt yet and its been about 5 days. wat should i do? should i talk to him? wat should i say?

I would go ahead and try talking to him. Just say hi and ask how he's doing. Chances are he's just forgot or misplaced your sn and is too embarassed to say anything.

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okay i took a pregnancy test which was negative. i "tinkled on it again just to make sure(weird i know but im like that) well it was a very bold negative but if i held it directly under light i could just barely see the other line. i mean there was no color to it or anything and im the only person that could see it. so thats normal right? my mind playing tricks on me?

background info: its my third week on the pill and the only thing my boyfriend and i did was he "stuck it in" once.








help quick

Since you had already used the test once, you're probably not getting an accurate reading from the pregnancy test. Since you've been on the pill for nearly a month now, it's probably reached it's effectiveness and is preventing pregnancy. I would wait to see if your period comes then try another test, following the directions exactly. If you don't trust the results, you can often buy 2 tests in a box. Do one then follow up with the other about an hour later. Until then, I would suggest using a condom just to be sure. The pill protects against pregnancy but it does not protect against STDs.

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tomorrow is my me and my boyfriend's anniversary. I have NO MONEY, so I want to make him something special. I've already made him:

-nice cards
-letters written on fancy stationary
-little booklet things
-picture frames with our pictures
-drawings, paintings
-scrapbooks
-memory books
-love quotes
-etc.

Is there anything REALLY special that I can make him that's not one of those things? I honestly can't think of one thing. Thats why I need your help. Kthnxbye.

If you're a good cook, try making him his favorite dinner. You may have to ask his mom for a recipe. Then set the table nice with real plates and candles and you're set for a romantic birthday dinner for 2.

Another option is to pack a blanket and a picnic and find a secluded spot for a romantic picnic.

Take an old shoebox, decorate it up, and put in little notes explaining one reason you love him.

The following sites have literally thousands of romantic ideas for you to try.

http://www.romantic-tips.com/
http://www.lovingyou.com/content/romance/?ID=ideas
http://www.theromantic.com/

I hope these help.

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okay. i need to talk to someone and none of my friends can really help. my parents are divorced and i dont see my dad very often. i live with my mother who is an alcoholic and gets pissed off easliy. today my brother and mom got into a huge fight. she is now gone, i mean she just left. i called her and she said that she just needed to be alone. she hasnt returned yet, and i dont know what to do. i am only 14 and my brother 11. she is most likely going to come home incredibly drunk and when she is drunk life just sucks... i dont know what to do anymore because i am just sick of it. this isnt the first time she has just left......

Ok first off you need to let someone know what you're mom is doing. She has a responsibility to you and your brother. If she won't take responsibility, someone needs to. Try calling your dad or other adult family members. Tell them what's going on. Your mom leaving your alone is called neglect.

This number is for AlAnon/AlaTeen. They will help you understand what your mom is dealing with and tell you how to best deal with it. It's toll-free and they're available until 6 pm eastern time. 1-800-4-AL-ANON. If it's too late for you to call that number, you can also call 1-800-ALCOHOL. They're available 24/7.

The next number is a crisis line for teens and parents. It's also toll-free and completely confidential. 1-800-999-9999

This last number is for ChildHelpUSA. It's completely free and confidential and the counselors will help you in dealing with your mom neglecting you. Dial 1-800-4-A-CHILD and then press 1 to speak to a counselor.

With all of these numbers, the calls are completely free and confidential. You don't even have to tell them who you are or where you are.

I hope these help.

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hey..could you give me those links? thanks soo much. you made me think about it more then i have already..thanks again

`baby

Glad to help. Here are the links.
Dear Abby
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/
Ann Landers
http://www.creators.com/lifestyle_show.cfm?columnsName=ala
Ask Claire-
This is an advice column just for women and may have some adult issues in it.
http://www.askclaire.com/summary.htm
Ask Alison
http://www.askalison.us/
Dear Hana
http://www.stylinzine.com/dearhana.htm
Direct Answers
This is basically relationship advice and may have some adult issues also.
http://www.wayneandtamara.com/
Help Me Harlan
http://www.helpmeharlan.com/
Lisa Daily
http://www.stopgettingdumped.com/

Most of these columnist have past columns archived on their site so you can look back at other columns they've written and get an idea of how it's done. I know the Dear Abby column goes all the way back to August of 1996.

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Hello. I need your help desperately. I'm a female and I hate the summer because I sweat like crazy. As a result of this, I get massive sweat stains under my arms. This makes me extremely self-conscious. I usually put on tons of deodorant with anti-perspirant in it to stop me from sweatting so much, but it doesn't help. I get really embarassed because of it, and now I only wear darker colored shirts because you can't see them as bad. What do I do?! :-( Thank you so much for your help.

If the anti-perspirants are not helping, it may be time to consult a dermatologist. It's possible you have overactive sweat glands. Medications and specially formulated prescription anti-perspirants may help. Also try drinking lots of water. Sweat is your body ridding itself of toxins and wastes. By drinking lots of water, you're helping flush your body which may decrease the amount of sweat.

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I apologize in advance because this is going to be pretty long. I'm a sixteen year old girl and I've been single my entire life up until now. I met this great guy at work, and we both liked each other. Our first date was absolutely perfect. It was more of a date to make things official seeing as we already knew a lot about each other. He gave me a red rose, we held hands in the mall, cuddled in the movies, and he kissed me goodnight in the rain. It was perfect. With this being my first relationship ever, I'm freaking out. I know you're not supposed to kiss on the first date, and I wasn't exactly ready for it either. I know that in a relationship, a guy is going to want something "more" than what I'm willing to give. My morals are that I don't want to go past kissing wiht a guy until I'm married. I'm not ready for anything sexual...I'm only 16! Everyone has told me that before you love someone else, you have to love yourself. That could be an issue with me, since I'm full of self-loathing and I have no self-esteem. I can't understand how a guy would pick me in the first place. My internal conflicts are seriously creating a huge dilemma for me and I don't know what to do anymore. This guy made me so happy at first. I could not stop talking about him and I was so happy for once in my life. But now that things are moving faster, I'm freaking out and instead of smiling all the time, I cry. I don't want to give up something like this...what I've longed for my entire life. At the same time, I can't just ignore my issues. I need help. Please tell me what to do. :'( Thank you so much.

First off, there's no hard and fast rule that you can't kiss on the first date. I don't know who you've been talking to but it seems to me they have you a bit confused.

Not all guys are going to push for more. If the guy really cares about you, he will respect your decision to wait on sex. You should talk to him; he may even feel the same way. If he's ready for sex and you're not, do not let him push you into it. I realize that this is your first real relationship, but changing your morals to please someone else will leave you miserable in the end. My first real date was at 16 and I let the guy push me into sex even though I wasn't ready. I regret it to this day because I couldn't give my virginity to my husband.

It is true that to love someone, you have to love yourself. I've often found though that with the right guy, self-loathing and low self-esteem go right out the window and take care of theirselves. It's obvious that this guy likes you and wants to be with you, otherwise you wouldn't be together. Instead of worrying about why he's with you, concentrate on how happy he makes you, how he makes you feel when you're with him, etc. If the low self-esteem and self-loathing are seriously interfering with your life and relationships, talk to your parents about getting counseling.

Take things slow, put whatever you've heard about guys out of your head (not all guys are like that), and enjoy your first relationship. Follow your heart but think with your head too. I'm sure it will work out fine.

Good luck. I wish you all the best in your new relationship.

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ok theres like this real hot guy, and weve known eachother since like forever from the 3rd grd, and now were in the 8th grd, and i like him alot, and i know he likes me. He alwasy looks and stares at me. and all in elemenatary school he had a crush on me. But he has a g/f whos my friend, and idk what to do! i really like this guy...HELP ME!

Unless you want to lose your friend, I'd leave this guy alone. Even if they break up, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to date him unless your friend tells you it's ok. If he tries to make a move on you without splitting up with your friend, you owe it to your friend to let her know in a tactful way what a jerk she has.

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I wasnt exactly sure which category to put this under, but here goes...

Shaving is a BITCH! yes, yes it is. My question is:

Has anyone tried those bladeless shaving kits? do they really work? Does it last longer than shaving? does it remove ingrown hairs too, or should i just go for the wax?

yeah i know, kinda stupid, but im sick of shaving and at least dont want to walk around band camp with a bunch of nix and cuts.

thanks!

I haven't tried the bladeless shaving kits but I do know there are a few more options for you.

You could try waxing. The ouch factor depends on your tolerance for pain. Personally I don't think it hurts that much but I have a high tolerance for pain. You could try a skin-desensitizing lotion on the area or take a Tylenol before waxing to make the pain less.

You can also try one of the depilatory creams. There are several on the market. You just smooth these on, wait a bit, then rinse well. Most do have a fairly strong smell but it fades once rinsed. There are a few new ones that are supposed to smell better but I haven't tried them yet.

If you do decide to stick with shaving, try soaking in the tub for 15-30 minutes before shaving. It will plump up your skin and soften the hairs so they're easier to get rid of. Make sure to always use a sharp razor and make sure that your shave cream is for sensitive skin. Try not to go over the area more than twice since it'll irritate your skin. Exfoliating often either with a cream or a loofah will help keep from getting ingrown hairs. Follow up your shave routine with a shave-minimizing lotion such as Suave or Jergens. I can't remember offhand what the bottle actually says but I do know they work.

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