about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

How do you upload a pic for your advice column? Every time I try t do it it says it's to big or something like that. Plus it deletes all my info. How do you avoid it doing this as well?

Pictures must be less than 15k in size. You can resize your picture using any photo editing software. You can find instructions in the FAQ.
http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?f=36

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i am 20 years old an di have been with my boyfriend for a year and six months. we were together for only three months when he proposed to me and i accepted. i love him a lot but theres soomething in my mind thats saying hes not the one for me. i have no friends because he says their no good for me. i called my ex-boyfriend in november because i had no one to talk to because my fiance was on vacation. i slit my wrists and everything. now i can't even go to work because he accuses me of cheating on him. please give me advice on what i should do?

I have to agree with younggrandma here. I would end this relationship now before you get in any deeper.


When I was younger, I was in a relationship much like you described. He didn't like my friends so I quit hanging out with them. He didn't like my family so he demanded I not see them either. He wouldn't let me work because he thought I'd find someone else. He wouldn't even let me go grocery shopping alone. I couldn't leave the house unless it was with someone he approved of (his family or friends). When he went to work, he took my car keys so I was unable to leave. He wouldn't even let me have a phone in the house because he didn't want me talking to anyone. By the end of the relationship, I was literally a prisoner.


When I finally reached the point where I couldn't take anymore, I waited until he was gone to work and walked 5 miles to my parents house. Because I'd let things get so out of hand, I ended up having to rebuild my relationships with my family and friends. It also took a long time before I trusted any guy again.

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Ok here is the thing, my friend and her boyfriend started having sex about 6 maybe 7 mounths ago, and i do not have any problems with that. But since then she has thought she might be pregant 4 times! Im scared that she might not be careful untill she becomes pregant. Her boyfriend told her that if she ever did become pregant then he would leave her. I don't vare if she has sex, i just don't want her to another 15 year old girl who becomes pregant. Do you think i should but in because, everytime she calls saying she needs me to come over so she I can read the pregancy results, i tell her that she lucky that she's not, and she should start useing protection. she says she doesn't need it cuz she is on the pill. should I but in, or should i just be the friend that warns her,then reads the results, tell her she lucky and that she should protection?

The pill is not foolproof. My first child was conceived while I was on the pill. Also, the pill provides absolutely no protection against STDs. If she is going to continue having sex, I would highly recommend she use condoms as well.


I would definitely sit down with her and try to get her to understand the necessity of using protection. If she will read the package insert that comes with the pill, she'll see that it clearly says it's not 100% effective and provides no protection from STDs.

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Does ANYONE know where some already made flyers for baby-sitting are or do you have any ideas for them! I NEED HELP!

Generally, your flyer should contain your name, number, any experience you have, any training you have (First Aid, CPR, babysitting classes), what you charge and when you're available. There is a website that allows you to fill in information to be created into a form that you can print. I'm including the link below. Good luck.
http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/babysitting/brochure-fillin.html

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(14/f)
What is the age ( or around the age) that you have to start getting your vagina examined by a doctor?

Can the doctor tell if you've have sex before? Would the excuse "I pushed a tampon in too far" work?

Are doctors allowed to tell your parents you've been having sex if you dont want them to?

It depends on the doctor. Some recommend you start having exams once you start your period. Most others recommend you start when you become sexually active. If you are sexually active, I'd recommend you start the yearly exams as they can pinpoint problems that affect your fertility and your health.


The doctor should be able to tell if your hymen is intact or not, but not how it was broken. If they do ask, I would recommend being honest. A sexually active female needs different tests than one that isn't sexually active.


The Medical Confidentiality Act says that the doctor can't share any information about you unless you give your permission. If they do so without your permission, it's illegal. If you tell the doctor not to say anything, then by law they're required to keep any details to theirself.

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I was wondering..What are the qualifications for government assistance? Oh, pleaseee don't tell me to google it. I've gone it..HUNDREDS of times. I've googled:
government assistance for the poor
poverty assistance
food bank qualifications
and A LOT more. I get NOTHING.
I even try those quotations and I get something..but it's not much.
Please help me..(it's for a project for school!) Thankyouuuuuuu!

It really depends on which type of government assistance one is applying for. Nearly all have income limits, which means you're only eligible if you make under the limit. Other programs go by age. What I would suggest is calling your local social services agency, explaining your project, and asking if they would be willing to give you information on the various programs. I'm giving you a few links that might also help.


Medicaid
http://www.cms.hhs.gov/home/medicaid.asp
Food Stamps
http://www.fns.usda.gov/fsp/
WIC
http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/
Emergency Food Assistance
http://www.fns.usda.gov/fdd/programs/csfp/

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ok so i thought i just had a cold but today i woke up and i could barely talk!! it hasn't gotten any better because i dont know what to do to make it get better...does anyone have any good idea? by the way i can't go to the doctor until sunday so i need ideas that can get me through the weekend! thanks!

It might be that your throat is simply irritated from having a cold. If I have a cold longer than a few days, my throat usually gets sore/scratchy as well, which causes my voice to fade. You could try some hot tea with lemon and honey to help soothe it. Drink plenty of fluids, preferably water. Orange juice may help as it has Vitamin C which is believed to help boost your immune system. Get plenty of rest to allow your body time to heal. Also, you might try the time-honored trick of a bowl of chicken noodle soup. As soon as I start feeling bad, I fix a bowl of chicken noodle soup and it always seems to help.

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my boyfriend just confessed to me another girl kissed him and he didn't stop her. I was really mad at first, but then I realized i have no right to be. You see, we're in a internet relationship and not meeting till late this year. I guess it's understandable that if someone in the flesh comes along and kisses you, you're not going to stop them. I think I would do the same too, admittedly. Everyone I've spoken to though thinks I should be madder than I am, because he cheated on me. I guess i'm a pretty laid-back person. We care about each other a lot, but I understand why he did it. I feel I should be mad at him for cheating though. I still want to go out with him, but everyone is telling me to break up with him. What should I do? And am I being too nice on him?

Thanks.

You're the one that has to live with the decision so you need to make the choice that's best for you. Personally, I think he was wrong to let another girl kiss him so I can understand why you were upset. However, I do find the fact that he freely admitted what happened encouraging. Most people I've met wouldn't have said anything. I believe a strong relationship is built on trust and it appears that you do have that here. What I would recommend is setting clear boundaries of what you feel is acceptable behavior so he doesn't take your acceptance of this one-time thing as permission to do whatever. Good luck.

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Well Sunday is Mother's Day. My boyfriend does not have a Mother. He lost her to breast cancer 4 years ago. I don't know what to do...Please help me/us.

You could do something in memory of his mother. Plant her favorite flower somewhere. Go out to her favorite restaurant and then follow up by watching a movie she enjoyed. You could even make a donation to the American Cancer Society in her name.

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Hello,
My sister is a single foster mom for infants in Mass. She told me how she is taking a drug that tricks her body in to thinking she gave birth, so she will start to produce milk. She is planning on breast feeding the infants in her care. If the child does not take the breast (which is what is happing now), she pumps the milk and feeds it to the child with a bottle. The foster care office has no idea, and my sister has never been tested for any disease that she could pass on to the infant through the breast milk. I know that this is against foster care policy, and it could be considered as a form of abuse.
So my question is, should I report her? At best case her foster license will be taking away and nothing else will happen to her. At worst, she could be made an example of, and sent to jail for child abuse, and have to register as a danger to children. She works as a nanny, and hopes to open a day care out of her house someday. So this could destroy her life. If I do this I know that my mother and sister will disown me, and I will never be spoken to again. However are the babies in her care in danger from her? She would not "harm" them, but is being breast feed from a stranger with out permission harm? What do I do?
Thanks
Tess

***EDIT***Given the fact that she does not have a prescription for this medication, I'm inclined to say report her. Medications bought over the internet, especially those from other countries, are not regulated by the FDA. Your sister really has no idea of what she might be taking. It could be dangerous for the child and even her as well. For the child's health, you need to let someone know what's going on.***EDIT***


The medication your sister is taking is supposed to only be available by prescription. Most likely, she had to see her doctor in order to get the prescription and the doctor probably ran tests to ensure it would be safe. However, if what your sister is doing is against foster care policy, you have an obligation to report it. Most states allow anonymous reporting. Since you're concerned about your family's reaction if they find out you reported it, this would probably be your best bet. I'm including a few phone numbers for you. You can call them for information and to make a report. All are toll-free so they won't show up on the phone bill.


Mass Child Abuse Reporting Line-only available during business hours
1-800-KIDS-508
Child-At-Risk Hotline-for Mass, available after buiness hours
1-800-792-5200
National Child Abuse Hotline-available 24/7
1-800-4-A-CHILD

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A friend of mine told me that she heard that if you have a light period, then you will have a harder time becoming pregnant when you are trying to conceive! So if your period lasts for 2 days while other girls have it for 7 days, you will have more trouble becoming pregnant! Does anyone know if this is true, or is it just some kind of a myth? Just wondering... I thought it was kind of interesting.

I would have to say from experience it's a myth. My sister has heavy periods while I've always had light periods. Both of us have a tendency to get pregnant very easily.

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I'm seeing a counselor on Friday. I'm not used to being open with other people, or strangers. What should I do to make it easier for me to talk about what is on my mind and my feelings. I don't want it to be a waste of time because I have half an hour. Thanks in advance.

The first appointment will most likely be more along the lines of getting to know you. The counselor will probably ask some questions and give you an opportunity to answer. Ask them to tell you a little about him/herself as well if they don't volunteer to (some will offer information as a way of making you more comfortable). That way you know a little about the person and they don't seem as much like a stranger.


After the initial appointment, write down things you want to talk about when they occur to you. That way if they say "So what do you want to talk about today?" you're prepared.


If you still don't feel comfortable with the counselor after four or five appointments, don't be afraid to request a different one. Sometimes it takes a couple tries before you find the one that's right for you.

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Hi when I and my fiancée indulge in foreplay, while doing this her vagina lips starts swelling and turns red is it normal or not, while I masturbation for her she reaches climax but the problem is that she does not let it out (discharge),then she complain of stomach pain is it because she does not discharge???
And while doing this act there is colorless sticky liquid from my penis is it sperm or not please let me know.
Please reply me back thanks bye

(Note from DN: This user is from India. Please consider this when answering.)

It's normal to have some swelling and color change. This is due to the increased blood flow to the area as she becomes aroused. Stomach pain is not normal. I would recommend she see her doctor to find out what is causing the pain. The fluid you leak is called ejaculate and does contain sperm. Unless you're prepared to have children at this point, I highly recommend you use some sort of contraceptive.

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Well I recently bought a CD burner for my computer. It came with the Nero CD burning program. But for some reason I can't get the stupid program to load onto my computer. Everytime it completely freezes up. I mean you can't do anything, and the only to shut it off is to hold the power button in. I'm not that computer literate so I hav no clue as to why this is happening.

My mom's friend got it to load all fine without it freezing once. I had to delete windows since so I lost the program. And now(just like before) It freezes every single time I try to load the program from the CD. It's not the at the same point that it freezes everytime too. It freezes at completely random spots. I just want the program on my computer so I can burn CDs again. Can anyone help?

It's possible that another program running on your computer is somehow blocking it. I ran into this problem a while back while installing a game onto my PC. What finally worked for me was going to the task bar (usually at the bottom right of the screen where all the little icons are next to the clock) and shutting everything down and then installing. If you continue to have problems, you might check the paperwork for the program and see if there is a technical support number. They may be able to think of a solution you haven't considered yet.

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It seems silly to start off with, "I have this friend who..." but unfortunately that is the case. I , in fact, HAVE a friend who is severly overparented. Her mother has always been a beast of burden, constantly calling, worrying, ranting about how she's being rude or distant or gaining weight (she's 5'9 and 110 lbs btw). The constant nagging never ends. The biggest problem is that she's 20 years old now and it hasn't stopped. She had to come back from college because of an illness and now has to stay with her family until her treatment is over. She has a 10:00pm curfew because her mother refuses to go to bed until she's home. She calls every hour to make sure she takes her pills and asks where she is and what she's doing and whom she's with. My friend has, of course, addressed the issue, but her mother is so consumed by denial that when her daughter says, "You hurt my feelings" she simply gives a condescending laugh and replies, "No I don't." It's really that bad. All the research i've done on over-parenting seems to focus on a child's first years. She is almost 21! She has a younger sister who gets the same treatment. And unfortunately this constant smothering has left her with very little confidence to break away or stand up to herself. If anyone has any personal experience (on either side of the issue), comments, or advice, it's much appreciated. On yes, and her mother says she's simply too busy for family therapy.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your friend's mother is set in her ways and isn't willing to change. Since she's not willing, your friend is going to have to make the break and put her foot down. I would suggest she start by making a visit to the student counseling service at her college. The counselor will be able to help her work through her feelings and gain the self-esteem to stand up to her mother. You can also help by encouraging her. Let her know that she's an adult and her life is hers to live. The mother may never change, but once the daughter learns to set boundaries, it will be somewhat easier for her.


My mother was a lot like the one you described. I finally got to the point where I limited contact for my peace of mind. I started screening my calls. If I did answer and she started with the remarks, I told her I wasn't going to listen. If she continued, I hung up the phone. She didn't like it, but I stood firm. At one point, we only spoke through email for a couple months. Once she realized I was serious, she backed off some.

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okay so if someone is pregnant can they have sex? like during the first few months?
or do they have to wait till after they have there baby and the doctor gives them an a-okay??

This is something the woman needs to discuss with her ob/gyn. It depends on the individual situation. If there are problems in the pregnancy, the doctor may recommend that you abstain for the health of the baby. In other cases where there are no problems, there shouldn't be a problem with continuing to have sex through the pregnancy. The best way to know for sure is to ask the doctor. Please don't be embarassed about what the doctor might think. It's a common question, one I'm sure they've heard many times before.

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i always find the wrong guy!my last boyfriend was totally abusive!he would hurt me a lot..now im with this guy Zach and he FLIPS out over every little thing. like we went to the mall and we were holding hands and that, then i saw my friend Joe and i gave him a hug and after zach was like "your such a f**king hoe if you ever cheat on me again ill break up with you"..i guess i deserved that.then i went to go get some big cookies and he wanted a medium and they were outta medium so i got him large and he flipped out..what should i do!?

First, I would get rid of this guy. His behavior is outrageous. Please don't think this is your fault because it's not. It sounds to me like he has deep seated jealousy and control issues. While his abuse (Yes this is verbal and emotional abuse) so far hasn't escalated, it can and may move into a more dangerous situation.


After you've got rid of this guy, I would take a break from getting into another relationship for a while. I know from experience how easy it is to walk into another abusive relationship after leaving one. By giving yourself time to heal and rebuild your self-esteem, you'll be able to focus more clearly on determining the qualities that you need in a guy and hopefully make a better choice the next time. Good luck.

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I don’t really have a problem with porn per say, it’s just every guy I’ve known well enough (i.e. have dated seriously or am related too) seems to be addicted to it.

Now my boyfriend has confessed that lately he can’t go a day without watching porn, and sometimes is watching it two or three times a day. He has been late to meet me several times and is having issues handing work in on time. He hasn’t said it, but I think porn is the distraction.

So I want your opinion, how much is too much? (Obviously my boy knows he has a problem and is going to work on it) And what should I say to him? I’m stuck between telling him he ought to give it up and just trying to be supportive with scaling back because I think that’s all he plans on doing. I just figure; if you can’t manage it in moderation, stay the hell away from it.

Beyond all that, I’m getting a little ticked off honestly. I wouldn’t mind once and while when I’m not around, but this is just insulting. I know he’s under a lot of stress right now, but come on.

Personally, I've never really had a problem with porn as long as it doesn't interfere with the other areas of your life (work, school, relationships, etc.) Since it sounds like your boyfriend has reached a point where it's interfering with his life, I would say it's probably too much in his case. I would recommend telling him to give it up, but I would definitely encourage him to cut back on it so he has time for the more important things in his life (you, work).

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I can't pronounce my "r"s. :( What can I do? My teeth, both top and bottom need braces. Does that have anything to do with my speech impediment? Is that even a speech impediment? My R's sound like W's. I am taking Spanish and there are "rr"'s which is hell for me.

I would speak to your parents about your problem. A checkup with your family dentist can determine if the problem is with your teeth. If the problem isn't there, you may want to consider a speech therapist. If cost is an issue, many schools have speech therapists on staff to work with students. My sister had a lot of trouble with her "r"s as well when she was younger. My parents arranged for her to see the school speech therapist and now she has no problem with them.

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can I get pregnant on my period if I'm on birth control?

Any time you have sex, even if you're on birth control, there is a chance of pregnancy. Birth control can reduce your chances, but it's not 100% effective. I was on birth control when my first child was conceived. The only way to be 100% sure of not getting pregnant is to not have sex at all.

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