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should i care more than I do?
my boyfriend just confessed to me another girl kissed him and he didn't stop her. I was really mad at first, but then I realized i have no right to be. You see, we're in a internet relationship and not meeting till late this year. I guess it's understandable that if someone in the flesh comes along and kisses you, you're not going to stop them. I think I would do the same too, admittedly. Everyone I've spoken to though thinks I should be madder than I am, because he cheated on me. I guess i'm a pretty laid-back person. We care about each other a lot, but I understand why he did it. I feel I should be mad at him for cheating though. I still want to go out with him, but everyone is telling me to break up with him. What should I do? And am I being too nice on him?
Thanks.
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well at least he told you but it seems like if he knows he can get away with it now then he might do it more often except he might not tell you next time. Internet relationships never usually work out anyway and since you have never met him you never know he might be a totally different person once you meet him so I would tell him you still want him to visit but maybe you should be friends until then and then see what it is like when he comes. well I hope I helped. good luck
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Well this is a very odd subject. The fact that you two are in an internet relationship does make it sort of hard. Since you are laid back and not easily offended is probably why he actually came out and told you. If you don't feel the need to break up with him then don't. It is your decision, not your friends. You said you even would have done the same thing. I think this is why you aren't so hurt by what he did. Of course you were mad. That's your boyfriend! But not getting so mad about it shows you are mature about handling problems and hard situations. I've been through the same thing. Me and my boyfriend have been through ALOT. We've been together almost a year and this is our third time going out. He broke up with me over another girl, but came back to me, then I dumped him b/c I couldn't trust him, and secretly because I wanted to play the field. But we still couldn't stop seeing eachother. So we got back together. Over Spring Break I cheated on him and never told him. I felt he would flip out and we would break up again (I told him this was the last chance we should give eachother to make this work.) Well two weeks after that he blew me off to go with his friends to a "skating park" but I knew he was lying. The next day a girl called my phone saying he cheated on me with her at a party the night before. I didn't want to believe it at first b/c he hardly ever drinks or parties, but even his friends called my phone and told him he should stop lying and tell me the truth. He started crying and told me that the girl kissed him and he didn't stop her and they made out. I was so angry but I had no right to be b/c I did the same thing! So I told him what happened to me and he was heart broken. We got even closer after that and I told him that we should never lie to eachother and there is to be NO MORE cheating. Talking calmly about it is so much better than yelling. And we are doing better than ever. So I think you should follow your heart. You know he cares about you, and that you care about him, so nothing else should matter. Just have a huge talk with him, and make it clear to him that you are NOT dismissing what he did. You think it was very wrong and you are mad about it, but you realize why he did it. And also let him know that if you two are going to work out, that he needs to be loyal, as will you. But tell him you were glad that he told you. Letting him know you appreciate his honesty will make him want to be more open and honest with you in the future. Honesty is the best policy, so always be open with your feelings. Let him know you want to make this work. Follow your heart. It is hard not to listen to what others want you to do, but if you really want to be with him, then your opinion out-weighs everyone else. Listen to your heart and see where it guides you. If you need anymore help on this note my inbox. I will love to help. Best of luck!
~Sherah
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In my opinion, the best policy lies somewhere between your attitude and your friends'. Yes, perhaps you are a tad laid back-why didn't he stop the girl? You were quite right to be annoyed-cheating is cheating. Having said that, I think that dumping him now would be a little drastic. What you have to be careful of is his motivation in telling you. You don't say whether he told you online or on the phone(or indeed whether the two of you have ever spoken except online).The great pitfall which you have to beware of is false candor: boys(and girls) sometimes confess misdemeanours, pretending to feel really guilty and swearing that they'll never stray again. Next thing you know, they're at it again(and sometimes worse) with someone else. I'm not saying that you're boyfriend's like that-just to be a bit wary from now on(which you of course are already). I would say to let it go this time, but let him know in no uncertain terms that if it happens again, he's out. Cheating is cheating, whether in an online relationship or any other.
Good luck,
Lucretia.
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Cheating is cheating, and if he's going to do it now, he could do it again, especially after how he's seen easily you are forgiving him for it. Maybe it's not that big of a deal to you because you haven't met him yet, so it's almost like he's not really real to you. Of course you know he's real, but there's the whole factor of meeting someone that makes it seem even more real. But when you meet and if you really start to like or even love him, the reality might set it that he cheated on you and I can see you hurting all over again, and possibly even more intensely than now. And you'll be worried if he's going to do it again, as you should be. If you want things to work out, you'll have to be firm with him that you don't like him kissing other girls, unless you both decide to not be exclusive bf/gf until you actually meet, that way he won't be compelled to cheat. I think that's a good idea anyways, because in my opinion, you should at least meet a guy and get to know him in person before you go and call him your boyfriend. I've done the internet relationships too, and believe me what I say that people aren't always what they seem.
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You're the one that has to live with the decision so you need to make the choice that's best for you. Personally, I think he was wrong to let another girl kiss him so I can understand why you were upset. However, I do find the fact that he freely admitted what happened encouraging. Most people I've met wouldn't have said anything. I believe a strong relationship is built on trust and it appears that you do have that here. What I would recommend is setting clear boundaries of what you feel is acceptable behavior so he doesn't take your acceptance of this one-time thing as permission to do whatever. Good luck.
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Hi There,
It's up to you to decide whether you want to finish the relationship or not. If you think there is a chance that you can forgive them, it's important to find why they were unfaithful in the first place. You will both have to be prepared to make some changes if things are going to work out
Takecare
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I don't know a lot about internet relationships but I do know that it IS hard to keep ignore whats there right now over what only might be in the future. I reckon you should give him another shot for two reasons:
1. At least he was honest. You haven't even met in the flesh so he could have TOTALLY got away with it.
2. You said you'd probably do the same. That's the big one.
Peace out.
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Honestly, I would tell you that you could still work this out with him if you both were seeing each other in person. But since this is an internet relationship, everything just becomes more complicated.
It's not that I don't believe that internet relationships could work, but when it comes to being in one, it's hard enough trying to convince yourself to trust him. You don't know what he's doing, or where he goes and that's all hard enough thinking about. But when it comes to him actually kissing another girl, you don't know what could be happening with things now.
Being a laid-back person can be a good and bad thing. Considering that this is an online relationship, I think it's not a good position to take.
At the end of the day, it's all about what you believe and what you truly feel. My view on it is that it's not a good situation since he's not where you can see him. Maybe you should go further into this and ask him if he honestly felt something with this girl. Another bad thing about you being calm is that it kind of sets an example for this guy that you won't get upset if it happens again.
But like I've said before, this is your call, and if you want to continue things with this guy, then go ahead and keep going. As for your friends, tell them that you appreciate their concern, but you have decided to put this behind yourselves.
-TheTeenGirl
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stay with him and no your not being to nice
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