Gender: Female
Location: UK
Occupation: Temp
Age: 26
Member Since: September 3, 2005
Answers: 222
Last Update: March 4, 2008
Visitors: 14362
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Ok, I don't know what's going on. I really don't know how to deal with disappointment. I don't feel like explaining the whole thing but I'm disappointed about this thing I was going to go to but it didn't work out. It shouldn't even be that big of a deal but starting tonight, I'm REALLY preoccupied about it. I'm not even nervous about anything just really disappointed. I was like pacing the floors, my heart was sort of beating, I couldn't think straight, I didn't know what to think, I couldn't relax. Now I probably wasn't having an actual "panic" attack but I was like in a panicky mood...over being disappointed about something?! This has happened once before. What's wrong with me? Is this normal? If so, what should I do and what should I do for now on when I have to deal with stuff like this? (link)
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Hello,
Please do not stress yourself out about this. A panic attack is sparked by an involuntary quickening in your breathing rate, triggered by stress and/or anxiety. As you breathe faster, you take in more oxygen - speeding up the heart rate. This increases adrenalin levels, a natural stimulant in the body, which effectively worries the mind into a state of alert. The resulting attack can last for a matter of seconds or sometimes minutes, and involve some of the following symptoms:
Dizziness and nausea
Hot and cold flushes
Faintness
Trembling
Hyperventilation
Diarrhoea
Heart palpitations and a tight sensation in the chest
Confusion
Feelings of impending disaster or death
Regaining control
If you feel you're about to lose it, try out this simple exercise:
Take long, deep breaths.
Fill your lungs, count to three and exhale slowly.
Repeat until the feelings of panic pass.
Avoid a repeat by reducing your stress levels. Get work into perspective, learn to relax and shape up your lifestyle:
Eat properly
Sleep regularly
Exercise frequently
Cut down on alcohol, caffeine and other drugs.
In the long term, sufferers can be effectively treated with a combination of medication and therapy.
Counselling programmes aim to help identify potential triggers for an attack (ie a place, phobia or state of mind) and enable sufferers to minimise the risks.
Hope this helps there is nothing wrong with you so please do not feel so down about yourself
D
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How much will it cost? Does the bird will be able to live in domestic environment?
(link)
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Hiya,
From a pet shop or could browse on the internet to find out costs and where to buy one from
Good luck in your search
D
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I am 15 years old and I have 3 nephews and I have 2 neices and 1 on the way so I have babysitting experience my 1 nephue has special needs and needs meds and stuff so I can deal with that. I want to know if you guys think I am able to babysit and I think if people would hire me thank you. (link)
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Hi,
You may have life sussed, but things might not be so rosy your niece and nephews. It might be problems family etc. Whatever's happened, you're bound to be worried.
The most effective way you can deal with this is to recognise that only they can make the decision to accept your help. You can only do your best. What you can do, however, is let them know you're concerned, and ready to offer all the help and support they need when they feel ready to tackle the issue at stake. You may not get a positive response immediately, but at least they'll know that they can turn to you.
Have confidence in yourself and believe in your self that you can however I know that you are only 15 years old and this is a huge responsibility but the decision is yours if you feel that you cannot then speak to your family or friends about this.
Good Luck
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well lets start off with last year..... there us this girl named Erica and everyone HATES her!!!! I tried to be friends with her but that did not work. last year her locker was next to mine and she talked to me the whole time but i did not really listen. lol I was never her friend but she thought that we were. welll this year i started to like a guy that just happend to be her ex boyfriend. i not was trying to steel him but that is what everyone thought. he does not like her anymore but when we first went out she turned him aganist me. now my best friend and i call her the BITCH!!! hahaha it is true though. she keeps trying to be my friend but i dont want to be friends with her.
what should i do???
sorry that this is soooo long.
please help!!!
~strawberry~ (link)
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Hiya,
It's perfectly normal for two people not to agree on everything, in fact that's healthy. It can be an interesting source of debate and you might both learn something interesting if you can keep your cool. But sometimes this can turn into a full-scale row, which is where you have to be careful.
By all means express your anger about whatever it is that's got your goat. Just remember not to start trading petty insults, making unfair generalisations, screaming at the top of your voice, or throwing punches. Nobody's going to respect your opinion after anything like that starts.
Say what you don't like and why you don't like it, then suggest what you'd like to happen instead. For example: "I really don't like it when you let yourself into my room and borrow my jeans, it makes me feel like you don't respect my privacy. Please ask me first next time," is more likely to get a more positive result than: "Hey, you bitch, give me those jeans back! You're always doing stupid things like this!"
If someone starts screaming at you, resist the urge to shout right back at them. If you're feeling brave, ask them what the problem is in a calm voice. It's quite common to find that there's a crossed wire somewhere and they're sounding off at you because they haven't got their facts straight. Being reasonably calm allows the other person to save face in this situation.
However, if they're pissed off at you for a genuine reason, the best thing to do is just suck it up and apologise. Admit you've made a mistake and look for a way to put it right or avoid anything similar happening again.
If you said something very hurtful or untrue in the heat of the moment, now's the time to take those comments back. If they apologise first, don't throw it right back in their face and start another row.
You may have to decide to 'agree to differ' on certain subjects. This is fine, and shows an ability to get on with all kinds of different people. Or you may just choose to tolerate each other's little quirks and preferences, in order to get along better. Perhaps you can work out a good compromise that makes it easier for all concerned. If one person has really upset the other, it may be sensible to agree to some reasonable ground rules to avoid future fights.
Most minor rows are worth patching up as soon as possible, especially if the conflict is making all your other friends uncomfortable. You may think twice about making the effort if it's just a passing acquaintance, or a friend who has really crossed the line, perhaps by stealing a partner/being violent/stealing money/spreading malicious gossip.
Goodluck hope I havn't bored you
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im trieng to get my ex boyfriend back and i have no idea what to say i've tried telling him that i love him i've told him that i need him i just dont know what to say someone please give me some advice guys it would be helpful if u gave some advice to (link)
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Hi There,
There is so much one can do to make peace with their boyfriend but if he's being stubborn then you just have to let go or give hime time to cool down otherwise if you are constantly on his back then the might turn into a situatuin worse then it is already now so just be patient and see what happens.
Takecare
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My 6 year old daughter recently started saying she wants to meet her real dad (he hasn't seen her since she was two years old except for a brief chance meeting at a friends house a two years ago.) I'm not sure what brought this on, except that I just had another baby with a different man, and he and I share custody, so maybe she's feeling a little jealous that her baby brother's dad is around but hers isn't. I'm no longer involved with my son's father, but we are civil for our child's sake so it isn't like he could be a father to her. But I need to know- do I call my daughter's father and make him have a relationship with his daughter? I don't know what to do, or what to say to her. (link)
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Hi There,
Your daughter has a right to meet her father so my advice to you is that I think you should as if you will be reluctant now it might have negative consequences in the long run when she gets older
Have a think a about it
Do the right thing for your child's sake
Takecare
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i have recently moved into a new town and the whole "community" is teasing me and my family.
someone even vandilised the house.
my whole family cannot even go outside without being beaten up, or teased.
my parents mow fell into depression.
what can i do to cope with this, and to make the "community" stop teasing and abusing us (link)
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Hi There,
Body language: Bullies pick on easy targets, so poor posture and averted eye contact will attract unwanted attention. Stand proud with your shoulders back and your head up, and look people in the eye - you'll soon give out the message that you're not afraid.
Safety in numbers: This is particularly important when bullying is taking place outside of a regular establishment. Work out your safest and most public routes home and try to stick with others at all times.
Walk away: If you find yourself in a situation that is making you feel uncomfortable, calmly but quickly walk away. If you are near other people or a public place, head in that direction.
Speak up: This is exactly the thing that bullies expect you not to do, so you are already regaining some control by speaking up. If the bullying is taking place in an established setting like a workplace or university, approach a colleague or tutor you are comfortable with - or try a student counsellor, an NUS rep, or the human resources department - all of whom have a duty to take these issues seriously and offer their help and support. It can be difficult to know who to turn to when bullying is happening outside the boundaries of regular establishments. Telling friends and family may help you feel more protected, but if they feel unable to solve the problem, contact the police.
Explore your feelings: If there is no one you can tell, or you just don't feel ready to open up face-to-face, consider talking anonymously to an organisation such as Bullying Online. You can send an email (help@bullying.co.uk) at any time of day, offering you the support you need without having to pluck up the courage to speak in person. You may find that keeping a diary of your thoughts and feelings also helps you to start facing the issue.
Coping with childhood bullying as an adult
"Bullying is not a simple issue," explains John Quinn. "It can lead to stress, anxiety, depression and self harm, all of which can follow young people into adult life." Adults can find it particularly hard trying to come to terms with the problems they faced as a child. Dragging up all those old memories is a painful process, and it can seem easier to keep repressing them than face them now, but pushing problem deeper down doesn't make them go away.
Start by opening up to a close friend or family member - or even by writing your feelings down on paper. You may find that simply sharing your bad memories in a kind and supportive environment is enough to help you move on. Other times, opening up to a friend can help people to realise just how much support they need.
Takecare
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13 Female.
School starts in 10 day's, and I want to come back with a splash. I'm getting braces tomorrow (finally) my hair's grown and taken an adorable shape, and my boob's have gone from being a 34B to a 36C. I've done alot of shopping and my face has cleared up.
Now I want that personality to go with it. You know, friendly, outgoing, confident, cute, and flirty. I'm sick of being too loud, or too obnoxious. How do I tone myself done, to be the calmer, cooler, collected girl I am? Thanks! (link)
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Hi There
Like yourself: How can others be expected to like you if you don't like yourself? It's no fun hanging out with miserable sods. Repeat the mantra - bah forget it.
Choose well: Don't overstretch yourself, while it's great to have loads of people you know and like, it's better to have a select few that you spend more time with.
Make time for each other: Don't abandon your mates at the first sign of lust, they're the ones you'll run to if it all goes wrong, and if you've vanished off the planet for a few months previous to this they may not want to pick up the pieces. If you are on the receiving end of this, tell your mate directly, as subtle hints tend not to work.
Treat them as you wish to be treated: Obvious? You'd think so, but most people fail on this one.
Make them feel wanted: Just like with lovers, where you may give surprise gifts, special dates and candle-lit meals, making your friend feel special can help make your bond stronger...and you may get gifts in return!
Speak: It is better to bring up problems before you get to the point of a massive row, but either way make sure you do discuss them rationally and apologise for being an idiot if necessary. Then let it lie and move on.
Listen: This is a two-way thing, don't expect them to continually help you out with your dilemmas and then have no interest in helping with theirs.
Trust and loyalty: These are essential to close friendships. You don't have to share everything, but if you do, make sure you don't blab to everyone else. How would you feel if they did the same?
Support them: If you want them to 'be there for you' you'll have to be there too.
Admit when it's over: If you bore each other and it's a chore to spend time together, then call it a day.
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does anyone know any cheep "artsie" clothing stores.. that mabye i could shop at online? (link)
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Hi there,
try ebay, la redoute, abound or additions website
Hope this helps
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You know on myspace where people post builitens with likie the cool surveys and stuff? and the things? wheres a place you can get them
i know of
quote mania.
but any otherss?
ill rate high!
thanks! (link)
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Hi,
Try the actual website
Goodluck
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I have this huge pimple right on my forhead since I woke up this morning. It sucks because that draws all the attention when someones tlakign to me. Plus I'm going to a party tonight and I need to get rid of it before then! I have like 7-8 hours to get rid of this thing. It doesn't have a white head and it's swallon a lil. It's red too! AHHH help please. What can I do to make it go away as fast as possible! Thanks (link)
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Hi,
If you are going out then i suggest you put a bit of makeup on it
Our hormones (testosterone, to be precise) are responsible for spots, or acne. Spots are basically the skin's response to the presence of this hormone, which can over-stimulate a natural oil called sebum. This gets secreted onto the surface of the skin through tiny open pores. If a blockage occurs then a blackhead forms like a cap. Underneath, the trapped oil can breed bacteria. The area becomes inflamed and the zit makes an appearance. Nearly 70% of us get acne, at some stage and in differing degrees. Most people experience spots in their teens, anywhere from the face to the neck, back or chest, but many are affected in their twenties and thirties. For such a common condition, however, there's still of great deal of misunderstanding around.
I've tried spot cream and it didn't work
Then try another treatment. Not enough people realise that acne is a medical condition that can be sorted. Try an over-the-counter product containing Benzoyl Peroxide, but if that doesn't work see your GP. They can provide specific antibiotic lotions and tablets on prescription which work effectively by slowing the build up of harmful bacteria. Give it six months to take effect, and if you still get no change then hassle your doc for something else. There is a brand of contaceptive pill that also combats acne. There are also tablets called Roaccutane (isotretinoin) that are very effective at drying up excess oil and getting rid of acne, but these can only be prescribed by a dermatologist. Eventually, you will find something that works.
Are spots caused by a lack of washing?
No. It's a cruel myth that people with spots are dirty. The fact is people with acne keep their skin more clean than most. Blackheads are not caused by dirt blockages, but by changes in the skin pigment, melanin.
What's the score with spots and sunshine?
In moderation, sunlight can play a part in treating acne by encouraging the skin to peel and drying up excess grease. However, there's a limit to how much sun the skin can take before you end up doing more harm than good. Think moderation, and use a sunscreen in milk or cream form so as not to clog pores.
Does chocolate give you acne?
Research has shown that for the majority of people, pigging out on chocolate won't result in a single extra pimple. It might have an impact on your diet, but not the condition of your skin.
What about wearing make up?
If you're always covering up your spots it can clog pores and aggravate the condition. But don't be put off from hiding zits with make up every now and then if it gives you the confidence to enjoy yourself. Avoid oil-based cosmetics.
TheSite's guide to good skincare:
Wash your face twice a day with warm water.
Dab spot-prone areas with tissue to gently remove oils.
Get some sunlight, but never get close to burning.
Don't overdo it with harsh soaps or astringent cleansers.
If you got a zit that's begging to be punished, follow the squeezers guide as recommended by the Acne Support Group.
Red: Don't even touch it. Squeezing now will only force the contents deeper into the skin and make it even angrier.
Yellow: Squeeze away. Just wash your hands first, and then gently use the side of your thumb and the end of one finger. Be sure to stop, however, once the pus has been pushed out. Squeezing out blood or clear fluid is only going to damage your skin. Afterwards, always dab the area with a mild antiseptic or tea tree oil.
Green: Don't touch it. The spot is infected. Green is for Go to your GP.
Goodluck
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What toothpaste works the best to get rid of pinples and zits? (link)
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Hi,
My advice to you is not to use toothpaste and seek medical attention from the doctor who can prscribe you medication for you acne
Goodluck
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does garnier fruitis acutally make hair grow faster and cut down on the split ends and stuff? because i blowdry and straighten my hair a lot and my hair is getting unhealthy so does any garnier fruitis product make my hair healthier? (link)
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Hi,
here are a few tips if you ever need them
1. Heat damage
Caused by too much blow-drying and straightening. If you need to blow-dry your hair into style, try to wash it less often. That way you won't need to blow-dry as often. Towel dry your hair before blasting and invest in a deep conditioning treatment and use it fortnightly. Try wearing your hair back at least once a week to give it a break. Get your hair trimmed regularly to remove split ends, and keep the hairdryer at least 6 inches from your head when drying.
2. Horrible cut
If you didn't complain at the time and get them to fix it, you can do one of two things:
Accept it - wear it up/ back or under a scarf, hat or wig until it grows out,
Get it cut again - Go to another salon (if you are rich) or a model cut (if you are not) and get them to fix the cut for you.
Whatever you do, make sure the stylist does what you ask next time.
3. Home dying disaster
It's gone green: or pink or any colour it shouldn't have. This is a job for the pros. If you've not got the cash for them then try getting an appointment for a model colour at a reputable hairstylist. They are usually free/cheap but do mention your problem when you ring up, as some may not help you. If it's chlorine that's made it green, ask your chemist for a chlorine removing shampoo, and try wearing a swimming hat in the future.
The colour isn't what I wanted: Ask your chemist for a colour-removing product which will take the dye out (but remember, they contain bleach). Alternatively you could try using a semi-permanent dye to cover up the problem and then try a permanent one when that one fades. If in doubt visit your hairdresser for advice or call the helpline on your hair dye box.
My highlights are too obvious: Go to a salon and get them to put a colour wash/toner over your hair, or convert half the highlights into lowlights. In future remember to use a toner when highlighting.
The colour faded really fast: This is often because of prelightening the hair before dying it, and is especially problematic for reds and bright 'fun colours'. You sometimes find that semi-permanents hold best on bleached hair, and using a shampoo especially for coloured hair can help to retain the dye. As for fixing the fade, dye it again, but if you must use a permanent, make sure you condition your hair well afterwards and continue to do so.
It's patchy: Put it under a headscarf, dash out to the chemists and buy some more, and apply with supervision - If you dye your hair yourself, it is advisable to have someone around who can check you've covered all your hair, or better still do it for you. This is especially vital when you have very long or very thick hair. In these cases it is worth buying two or three bottles of dye to make sure you have plenty to cover it all.
4. Poodle locks (bad perms)
It didn't take: probably due to incorrect processing. Wait a few days, then go to a professional and get a hair analysis before
getting a re-perm.
I look like a poodle: Comb conditioner from roots to ends on frizzy tight curls ASAP, wait five minutes then rinse it off. Set your hair on large rollers and let it dry naturally. If this doesn't work, go to a salon that offers the reverse perm.
5. It just won't behave
There is no way it's going to look like you stepped out of a salon today, so either go for a hat or headscarf or do the following:
Long: Smooth some de-frizz serum in it and pull it back into a tight ponytail, plait or bun depending on how bad it's being
Short: Either throw some wax in it and carry off the ultimate bed head style or twist sections and clip them in place. If it's long enough you could plait it anyway you like.
Hope this helps
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I am not very good at putting makeup on. Also, i am almost all irish...so i dont tan very well so i'm kind of pale. What is a good way to (and a good kind) of makeup to use to make mayself look tanner AND OLDER i look kind of younger than i acutally am. (link)
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Hiya,
Makeup is a personal thing and part of a person's individual look, however if you do wear it you should try to use it to enhance your features rather than hide them and never, ever try a new look/ technique five minutes before leaving the house.
The base: There has been a big move away from heavy foundations and bases in the cosmetics world, and most people now leave their skin to breathe. Use a good skincare routine instead, and keep a concealer for those blemishes. After a while your skin will look and feel much better for it. If you're having a bad day on the complexion front try mixing some foundation with some moisturiser for a lighter effect.
Which feature? Pick your best feature from your eyes, lips or cheeks as your focus and leave the other two subtle. Usually bold colours/ effects on both lips and eyes can look a bit 'drag queen', so don't do it.
Hope this helps
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i'm a good size for my age...i would say that i was average for my age. the only think i think i need is to be toned (flat abs, stronger arms, thinner thighs) what are some good excersized that can help me accomplish these tasks- relativly quickly? (link)
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Hi There,
Suppleness, strength, stamina and co-ordination. If all this sounds great, then yoga could be for you. Originating from India over 5,000 years ago, it comprises of a series of postures, poses and breathing methods aimed at uniting mind, body and spirit. There are many different types of yoga, so if you don't enjoy the first class you attend, try a different class. Find out more about each type by visiting Yogapoint's website and try to think about what you want to get out of it - some forms of yoga are more meditative while others are quite energetic.
Benefits: Increases flexibility, stamina and strength; promotes spiritual calm; reduces stress; gives the person more physical energy.
Drawbacks: A risk of injury, low weight loss potential, frustration at getting into the more difficult positions and learning all the words and phrases.
What do I need?
Comfy gym clothes that stay in place while you bend in all manner of strange positions. Yoga requires little actual equipment, although you could benefit from buying your own mat.
Pilates
A series of muscle-toning exercises, usually done as mat work, or with specially designed weight machines. There are several different teaching methods; some of them are billed as 'pilates based body conditioning'. It was invented by Josef Pilates, a German circus performer, who was imprisoned in the UK during World War 1. He designed a series of exercises that could be done in a confined space, and set about teaching his fellow inmates.
Benefits: Many people who do pilates say it helps them to tone up, and to relax. Exercises are done slowly with rests in between, so it's not the best way to improve your aerobic fitness. The emphasis is on building strong core muscles (back and stomach), balance, co-ordination, strength and flexibility.
Drawbacks: Some exercises are unsuitable for people with back problems, so it's important to have an experienced teacher who can suggest alternative exercises.
What do I need? Loose, comfortable clothing, and bare feet. You may want to buy your own mat. Many leisure centres and gyms now offer pilates matwork classes at a reasonable price. One-to-one training using the resistance machines can be costly.
Goodluck
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What is the average size (waiste size) for a 15 year girl?? and what is the average weight? (link)
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Hi There,
If your not sure what your average size should be go to your doctor and i'm sure she/he will advice you
Takecare
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I smoke but I want to stop. I dont want to buy the gum or patch I just want to do it naturly. I didnt need anything to help me start so I dont need anything to help me stop. The other day i went with out a cig for a day but then the next day I wanted one. If I am not around them I can deal with it better and dont think about them. The problem is my family and friends smoke so I am mostly around it how can I stop smoking
(link)
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Hi There,
Tobacco in cigarettes contains a highly addictive drug called nicotine.
Nicotine is actually a stimulant - smoking speeds up the body system increasing your heart rate and blood pressure.
There are more than 4000 chemicals in tobacco, most of which are bad for your health.
Smoking can leave your skin up to 40% thinner than normal, making early wrinkles all part of the package.
Every day people give up smoking in a way that works for them. Some go for hypnosis or nicotine patches, but ultimately it takes willpower.
You've got to want to quit:
Make a date to stop smoking and stick to it.
Steer clear of smoke-situations like coffee breaks and bars.
Don't look for an excuse to light up. Chewing gum can help keep the craving at bay (anything that keeps your mouth or hands occupied).
At moments of weakness focus on the plus points: Save cash.Feel better. Smell fresher. Live longer.
If you turn to the fridge instead of the fags, make sure it's stocked with healthy food so you don't have to worry about your waistline.
Remember that every day you go without a smoke you're beating the addiction.
Time it - after:
20 mins - your blood pressure drops back to normal levels
Two days - there's no more nicotine left in your body
Three to nine months - your lung capacity improves by ten percent
Five months - your risk of a heart attack is 50% less than a smoker
10 years - your chances of a heart attack falls to the same as someone who has never lit up.
Save money
A pack of fags costs around four quid
Stub out a 20-a-day habit and save well over a grand in a year
Save your life
Smoke and your chances of dying early shoots up. Here's what a long-term habit can do:
Cancer (lungs, mouth, nose, throat, leukaemia,
Chronic-breathing problems like bronchitis and emphysema.
Coronary heart disease, strokes and even gangrene.
Goodluck
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i am not very athletic. I hate running, and i'm not particulary competitive. I dont like being responsible for things on a team because i'm always scared i'll let the team down.Also i hate practices where you have to do sprints and drills esp. since i'm not a fast runner. I take dance and i play a little tennis but i'm not particularly good at eaither. What would be a good sport for me to play? (link)
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Hey there
It's great that you want to get in shape, but just how far do you want to go in the name of fitness? Without any kind of objective, you risk growing bored and giving up. Maybe you plan to run a half marathon, lose a few pounds before you head off on holiday, or simply want to be able to walk into town without needing a lie down when you get home. Whatever reward you choose, it'll help you to stay focused and fired up.
create a schedule
Establish some order to your new fitness regime; otherwise it'll quickly crumble. There's no need to overdo it. Experts recommend 20 minutes of cardiovascular exercise, three times a week (the kind that works your lungs and gets your heart pumping). So open up your diary, make some dates and stick to it!
find a fitness buddy
A mate who shares your objectives can help you stay on track. It's all too easy to convince yourself that it's OK to skip a work out, but another matter entirely if it means facing a friend who's standing there in Lycra - all warmed up and ready to go.
think of the benefits
The body beautiful - A new, toned physique will not only boost your confidence, it will also make the world realise just how gorgeous you are!
If you that have trouble sleeping, start doing some exercise. You'll have no trouble getting some kip of an evening after a rigorous work out.
Regular exercise actually boosts your day-to-day energy levels, rather than zapping them even further. It's a great way to give yourself an energy boost after a long day at the office/ library.
Running by yourself is unlikely to help you meet new people, but joining a running club will. The same applies to pretty much any sport, be it diving or dance. Check out local leisure centres, college notice boards etc. It doesn't matter what level you are - there are often beginner, intermediate and professional sessions. Plus the friends you make will help boost your morale and keep you motivated.
Goodluck hope this helps
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my puppy is adorable but he can get very aggressive and bites a lot. Is there a way to make him stop? (link)
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Hi,
Well try and give it more attention maybe it might be lonely, in pain you should take hime to the vets and see whats causing this agro.
Aww i wish i had a cute puppy they are very adoralbe
Takecare
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well, i was in my bf's room a few weeks ago and he left for a moment, and i found a piece of paper saying "her" with an email address. I got immediately suspicious and remembered the email.
Later I added the email using a fake account and it turned out to be his ex! I started talking to her out of curiosity and we became "friends" she soon started going on about her ex and I know it was my bf she was referring to. i know they had been together a very long time and i think he really liked her, but the rest of the details of the relationship he didn't tell me because he knew i would be jealous. we were only friends when he was dating her. now i'm finding out all sorts of things, and i've found out he's lied to me about a few things from his past. she's also made out that he still isn't over her but she is over him. he told me he was over her. i really didn't mean to find this stuff out. the more i find out, the more upset i get. besides, i keep comparing myself to her because she's older than me and has had so many bfs and experience, and my bf seemed to like her more than me!
what should i do? should i continue speaking to her, or tell my bf everything and confront him? i feel awful about it now.. i wish i had never added her because it was going behind his back. but i also feel i need to keep speaking to her to find out the truth. this is a hopeless situation - please help? thank you (link)
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Hi There,
You're' poaching' their best mate
They probably feel a bit insecure and worry that they will have no-one to hang around with. This will make them put up a fight for their friendship, taking their anger out on you.
Don't act the same way. Try to understand the way they are feeling but don't let them treat you like dirt. If your new mate wants to stay friends with them, then try to include them in your plans. They may even come round and realise that it is possible to have more than one friend at a time, otherwise just avoid bitching and get on with it.
You're both their mate, but recently you've been getting on better with each other than with them.
They will feel left out, miss what they used to have with each of you, and worry that they will lose you both.
If you still like them try to keep them involved in your plans, and also encourage them to go out and socialise with others, maybe even arrange a few group outings yourselves. Try to soften the blow.
You are their best mate but you've got a new friend who they're jealous of.
They feel they are being replaced, their position as your best mate is under threat and their security will be knocked.
They might just need a bit of affection and reassurance. Talk to your best mate, explain that this new friend isn't taking their place, they're just fun to be around, and try and get the two of them together to get to know each other. Plan some quality time with just you and your best mate to make them feel wanted.
Signs that their jealousy is starting to get out of hand include the following:
calling your mobile while you are apart to check up on you
listening in on your phone conversations
hanging out at your house when you aren't around
interrogating other friends, lovers and family about your movements
following you, and turning up out of the blue everywhere you go.
Someone who flies into possessive rages for no good reason needs professional help, especially if they are violent. If they refuse to get help, get out of the friendship - it is unlikely that they will change (however much they promise they will) and you could be putting your personal safety in danger.
They've got a new friend and you can't spend as much time together. You feel left out as they are off gallivanting with their new mate and they don't have time for boring old you.
If you live with them or nearby, but they're never at home or out with you, it's fair enough to have an honest talk with them and say that you really want to spend more time together. If you really feel they are treating you unfairly, yet they don't want to change maybe its time you got yourself a new mate?
However if they do spend lots of time with you already, you're probably being unreasonable. Go out and get some other mates and some interests of your own to take your mind off your jealous thoughts.
Goodluck
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