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befriended his ex and found some stuff out
well, i was in my bf's room a few weeks ago and he left for a moment, and i found a piece of paper saying "her" with an email address. I got immediately suspicious and remembered the email.
Later I added the email using a fake account and it turned out to be his ex! I started talking to her out of curiosity and we became "friends" she soon started going on about her ex and I know it was my bf she was referring to. i know they had been together a very long time and i think he really liked her, but the rest of the details of the relationship he didn't tell me because he knew i would be jealous. we were only friends when he was dating her. now i'm finding out all sorts of things, and i've found out he's lied to me about a few things from his past. she's also made out that he still isn't over her but she is over him. he told me he was over her. i really didn't mean to find this stuff out. the more i find out, the more upset i get. besides, i keep comparing myself to her because she's older than me and has had so many bfs and experience, and my bf seemed to like her more than me!
what should i do? should i continue speaking to her, or tell my bf everything and confront him? i feel awful about it now.. i wish i had never added her because it was going behind his back. but i also feel i need to keep speaking to her to find out the truth. this is a hopeless situation - please help? thank you
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It was wrong of you to add her behind your boyfriend's back, but I honestly think that us girls can get curious and would do the same thing. However, once you found out it was his ex, you probably shouldn't have ventured any further.
The reason he probably didn't tell you the details of the relationship is because he knew it would bother you. And he was right. No girl wants to know what their bf got up to in their past, with another girl. The more you speak to her, the more you're going to find out and the more upset you're going to get. You've already discovered some things you didn't know, and didn't want to know, and now you can't go back.
You say he's lied about a few things. You didn't specify what exactly or how serious it is, but don't forget it's only her word you've got. Who do you trust more, some random girl you don't even know or your boyfriend? Remember, if he broke up with her, she may be bitter about him so she might make up stuff to blacken his name. Consider all possibilities here before thinking he's lying!
You also say she says he isn't over her, but if she was going on about him to a complete stranger over the internet, I'd say it was her who isn't over him!
I don't think you should tell your boyfriend what you did. I'm usually all for fessing up, but this will just cause trouble. What you could do, however, is ask him about his ex and how he feels about her exactly, and what happened with them, etc. Don't hint at anything you have found out. Ask him if he's over his ex, and if she is over him. Maybe he'll tell you, maybe he won't. If he doesn't, I'm sure he has a reason for not telling you. Respect the fact he's entitled to have a past, and try not to keep finding out more about it. You can't change his past, but you can change the way you think about it. No matter what, you need to stop speaking to this girl as this isn't going to do you any favors.
Good luck.
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I don't think that you should've snooped his room like that. That's a violation of privacy. The best thing that you can do is talk to him. It's kind of hard to decide the resolution since he did something bad and so did you.
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this is definetley a hopeless situation. youre being mad at him for lying to you, but yet- youvepretty much lied to him by talknig to her behind his back. i'd say this is a lose lose situation, and youd be better off to not say a word about it to him unless you want to feel real stupid. sorry i hadto be so blunt- only tryin to help. good luck.
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well i agree that you cant take back what you did but if emailing you new friend or his ex is making mad because of all the info your dishing out then stop doing it understand that everyone has a past and secrets that somtimes they dont want to tell so you just have to leave it at that but i do think maybe you should talk to your bf
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well you cant take back what you did or forget what you found out. if your sure that he still likes his ex and there's a possibility they might get together again then i say you let him go. see what happens. if he lied to you then he's keeping things inside of himself which could be second thoughts about your relationship.
dont compare yourself to her becaue its not worth it. she isn't perfect and she probably made a lot of mistakes with everything too. so i dont think you should talk to her or your boyfriend about what went on because its just going to cause trouble.
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First off, we both know you shouldnt have done it. But, too bad, you did, (and ive done worse) so, moving on. You shouldnt still talk to her, and you should seriously re-think this relationship. But, you also need to really think about how serious the stuff is that he "lied" to you about (which, you dont even know if he really is lieing, it is very possible she found out it was you) and if she is someone with so many bfs, she may think he isnt over her cause she is too into herself.
AND STOP CAMPERING YOURSELF RIGHT NOW! it is terrible! Trust me! It takes too much energy, and soon, you wont feel good enough for anything, okay?! There will always be someone prettier or skinner or better looking or a better personality. But with the prettier someone, they have a prettier someone. What ever you compare about you to her, compare HER to YOU.
If you need more help, just ask...and i hope that made sence! :)
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Hi There,
You're' poaching' their best mate
They probably feel a bit insecure and worry that they will have no-one to hang around with. This will make them put up a fight for their friendship, taking their anger out on you.
Don't act the same way. Try to understand the way they are feeling but don't let them treat you like dirt. If your new mate wants to stay friends with them, then try to include them in your plans. They may even come round and realise that it is possible to have more than one friend at a time, otherwise just avoid bitching and get on with it.
You're both their mate, but recently you've been getting on better with each other than with them.
They will feel left out, miss what they used to have with each of you, and worry that they will lose you both.
If you still like them try to keep them involved in your plans, and also encourage them to go out and socialise with others, maybe even arrange a few group outings yourselves. Try to soften the blow.
You are their best mate but you've got a new friend who they're jealous of.
They feel they are being replaced, their position as your best mate is under threat and their security will be knocked.
They might just need a bit of affection and reassurance. Talk to your best mate, explain that this new friend isn't taking their place, they're just fun to be around, and try and get the two of them together to get to know each other. Plan some quality time with just you and your best mate to make them feel wanted.
Signs that their jealousy is starting to get out of hand include the following:
calling your mobile while you are apart to check up on you
listening in on your phone conversations
hanging out at your house when you aren't around
interrogating other friends, lovers and family about your movements
following you, and turning up out of the blue everywhere you go.
Someone who flies into possessive rages for no good reason needs professional help, especially if they are violent. If they refuse to get help, get out of the friendship - it is unlikely that they will change (however much they promise they will) and you could be putting your personal safety in danger.
They've got a new friend and you can't spend as much time together. You feel left out as they are off gallivanting with their new mate and they don't have time for boring old you.
If you live with them or nearby, but they're never at home or out with you, it's fair enough to have an honest talk with them and say that you really want to spend more time together. If you really feel they are treating you unfairly, yet they don't want to change maybe its time you got yourself a new mate?
However if they do spend lots of time with you already, you're probably being unreasonable. Go out and get some other mates and some interests of your own to take your mind off your jealous thoughts.
Goodluck
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