Belladonna's advice column

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Q: Does anyone know any good movies that are sort of like Vanilla Sky and Eternal Sunshine? Like, psychiatrics and stuff?

Mulholland Drive (Or basically anything by David Lynch)
The Butterfly Effect
Requiem for a Dream
Memento
Dark City
House of Sand and Fog

Hope that helps!

Q: My boyfriend cheated on me one week after we got together. Now I have taken him back (about 2 weeks after he cheated on me). All of my friends thinks it's a misstake but I believe in second chaces and I like this guy...All advicenators out there do you believe in the term- "once a cheater, always a cheater"??
Was it a big misstake to take him back, should I dump him for what he did to me?

I'm extremely against cheating, so I suppose I'm a little biased here. Let's look at the facts here though: he did it a WEEK after you got together. That's pretty bad, it shows he just wasn't committed to the relationship even from the start. If he can't even last a WEEK without cheating, doesn't look very promising for the future. I mean, especially at the start of a relationship couples are all focused on one another and wouldn't even THINK of getting with anyone else.
Was he very apologetic? Did he crawl? Try and make excuses? Did he seem genuinely sorry? I guess people do make mistakes and people mess up at times, but something like that is quite a big letdown, not to mention a betrayal. If he seemed REALLY sorry for what he did, then I guess you should give him another chance. It's up to you, really, you should do what you feel is right no matter what anyone else says. I know that when we really like someone we're willing to forgive anything. However, think about what I said and think carefully about this. You just might get hurt again.

Q: Well, I failed this school year for personal reasons, and yeah it is my fault that I failed, but I didn't even get to go to summer school to try and bring up my grades. Anyways, I hated the teachers in this grade, and now I'm going to have to see them again. And I'm going to loose so many friends because I'm in a different grade then them. I'm just worried about this year. I know a lot of people that will be in this grade, but they will all ask why I failed and stuff. I don't want to have to face the same teachers I had to face last year.
Do you have any advice for me?
Things that might help?
Thanks so much for your help.

You don't have to tell anyone why you failed. Frankly, it's no-ones business. Yes, people will probably want to know but they really don't have a right to know. Don't feel pressured in explaining to people why you failed. If they ask, just tell them you don't really want to talk about it and you just want to start refresh now and put it all behind you.

I know this seems hard to believe but this might be a good thing for you. It's a chance to start afresh, as it were. You'll probably meet lots of people and make lots of new friends. I don't see why you will lose your old friends. I mean, yes you won't be in the same classes or anything but you'll still get time to hang out. Hopefully they won't be so shallow to stop hanging out with you just because you're repeating a grade. It's really no big deal, and let's hope everyone will be understanding about it.

Maybe you should talk to your parents and see if they could talk to your principal about making sure you're with different teachers. If not, just pretend nothing ever happened. Give the teachers a chance. For you, this is a whole new year and a whole new chance. Put the past behind you and focus on this year. I'm sure these teachers will be willing to do that as well. Try not to worry too much about it, you made your mistakes and learned from them. Just put in the extra effort this year, do the extra work and it'll pay off in the end. Try and balance work with fun activities, you don't want to get too stressed out. I'm sure within a month everyone will have forgotten about you repeating a year and I'm sure you will have forgotten about it too. Just don't give up, it may seem hard at first but you can do it.

Good luck.

Q: what is the legal consent age for sex? some people say tis 16 and some say its 18. which one is it?

www.ageofconsent.com should tell you. :)

Q: I am going to a big concert tomorrow at the Madejski Stadium in Reading, England. My problem is that 28, 000 people are going and the weather is forcast to be incredibly hot tomorrow. You are not allowed to bring your own food and drink into the stadium and I'm worried that I'll pass out or something from dehydration. They do sell their own refreshments but as 28, 000 people will all want water, it's going to be difficult. Is there some sort of special circumstances where you are permitted to bring your own water into the stadium in hot weather? If not, has anyone been in this situation before and know how to get round it?

The same thing happened to me at the Oasis concert I went to last year. I had brought some water and a can of Red Bull not knowing you weren't allowed to, and they made me leave them at the front saying if I wanted water or whatnot I had to purchase it inside. But then I saw Green Day at a huge stadium and my bag didn't get checked at all. I'm certain though that there'll be enough places for you to buy refreshments. Make sure you get in there early and buy plenty of bottles of water right at the beginning, to last you throughout the concert. It's unlikely that you'll want to get up during the concert and buy water. Or just go and buy them when the support act is on. Get in there quick and you'll be fine. I found I didn't have to wait long when I went really early and bought them from the stand. You could try sneaking some in by putting it under the bottom of the bag, but that's up to you. If they check your bag, they'll confiscate it. I'm not sure they're going to let you bring your own water just because its warm weather. You could say that you must have water under doctor's orders but I'm not sure if they'll believe that either. The bouncers can be really strict about that kind of thing. I tried reasoning with them by telling them I hadn't brought any extra money to buy drinks but they wouldn't listen. It's worth a try though if you can think of a believable enough reason for you to bring your own water out of necessity.

Have fun at your concert!

Q: I got the Sims 2 when it first came out. It worked fine on my computer, but then we deleted XP, and I couldn't install it again. It said:
A problem has occured when trying to transfer the file 'TSData\Res\Sims3D\Textures.package' from the media. Do you want to retry to copy the file, or cancel the installation?
If I click retry, it goes up 1%, then it comes up again. It'll go to 100% and it'll keep popping up. When my aunt came over, I asked her if she knew what it was or how to fix it, and she said that when we deleted XP, we deleted something and we need that to install it. She didn't have time to fix it. So, I was wondering if anyone knew what this was and how to fix it. Thanks.

I think what you've done is deleted your graphic drivers. The same thing happened to me when I upgraded to XP pro, except it happened with my modem drivers instead. Somehow the drivers must have got erased when ou deleted XP. Do you know what kind of graphics card you have? If so, all you need to do is search online for the drivers for your graphics card and reinstall them. The manufacturers website will usually have some generic drivers for you to install. Unless you still have the CD containing the drivers, but it's pretty easy to lose the CD. Have you tried installing any other games? Maybe you should try and see if they work. If not, it probably is the graphics drivers.
To see all your installed hardware, go to the Device Manager, find your graphic card installed there, right click and then click on "update drivers" and see which drivers are installed. That's how to do it on XP.. I'm not sure what operating system you have so you'll have to look up how to access the device manager for your particular OS.

I'm not 100 % sure this is the case, but it sounds likely. If you need anymore help, let me know and I'd be happy to help.

Q: so a guy from work (we are just friends) asked me to the movies tonight and i talked to my stepmom and she automatically said no because hes too old for me and she doesnt know anything about him, and i told her she could meet him and everything
im going to be 17 in september hes turning 19 tomaro...whats wrong with that?
♥

Well, I personally see no problem with 2 years age difference. Your stepmom is probably bothered by the fact that's he's legal and you're still underage, and you're still in high school while he's probably in college. She probably thinks that he might be out just to use you since you're a younger girl, and may wonder why he doesn't go for a girl his age. Of course this isn't the case (I hope!), but this is probably how she thinks. All you can really do is explain to her that you've known him quite a long time and he's always been respectful to you. Explain to her that it's only one date and it's not a huge age gap. Show her that you're mature and understand her point of view by saying that you understand that he's no longer in school and you're still underage, but you've been friends a while and have a lot in common and that you don't feel there's much of an age gap between you.
Tell her that she can even drop you off if she likes rather than him driving you. Maybe she'd feel better if you let her do that. Also, you could make it clear that he's offered to meet her and is really keen on meeting her. That'll make him look good. ;)
Be calm about it when talking to her, and don't get mad. I'm sure she'll be impressed by your maturity in the situation. Good luck.

Q: Okay well,
I have Sims, the normal one I guess.
But its for gamecube and on that one, you have to like beat levals to get to certain places.

Well I'm currently living with mimi, and the two things in my goals I have to do is "Upgrade abode" and "Move out with a friend".. well I dont know how to upgrade abode?! What does that mean? I bought new stuff..?

Yeah I've been on this leval for a while cause I cant for the life of me figure out how to upgrade abode? I've beem buying and selling.. ahh someone help please?

It's been a while since I've played the Gamecube version, but from what i remember it means you have to buy the better, more expensive items. For example..say you have the cheapest TV.. well, now you need to get the more expensive one. Just try and buy all the expensive items you can afford.
Hope this helps.

Q: so my boyfriend was a acting like a really big jerk. He took me out of his profile and replaced it with another girl saying wow i love ___. he was lso being really really rude. I got so frsihtrated and hurt and mad that i dumped him. After i did it i was like what did i jsut do . We went out a few times before and he dumped me. After that he got really mad at me and started to say stuff like i hope you die and i hate you. We made up but still not going out. We were gonna stop probllay before summer casye we weould never say see each other. But i just feel like everytihng is filled up inside of me and i jsut need to let it all out. Im kidna getting really sad cuase he keeps say well u blew it i relaly did love you. But i just am really sad and i feel like i jsut need to start crying to make it feel better.

Wow, what a complete jerk. It's not you that blew it, it's HIM. If he "really did love you" he wouldn't have treated you like that. It was completely unacceptable replacing your name with another girls name when you were still together. He's trying to make you feel guilty for dumping him even though you were completely justified in doing it. No-one would, or should have to put up with a guy like that.

Now breakups are difficult no matter what. I know that you're probably upset right now, but don't think getting back together with him is your solution. Quite frankly you don't need someone like that in your life. You can do much better than him, and I think he realizes that. Your best bet is getting over him and turning your attention to someone else. Try and avoid him for as long as you need. If you continue speaking to him, you'll never get over him. And try not to think "what if?" He showed his true colours, and he's not someone you want as a boyfriend.

It's hard but within weeks you probably would've forgotten all about him. There are plenty more guys out there who will treat a girl better than he did. Good luck.

Q: well the ppl who i thought were my friends always go put and never bother to call me to ever go but then when they need a ride home they always seem to call me cause i can drive i cant stand it what should i do ? should i get new friends and let them know how i ffeel ....Ill rate!!!

Damn, do I know how that feels! First thing you have to understand is that they are NOT your friends. True friends don't leave friends out like that. Now if it was once or even twice then maybe something happened..but it sounds to me like they're doing this consistently which is unacceptable. Plus, they're basically using you whenever they need a lift. What kind of friends would do that?

You definitley need to tell them how you feel. And don't be nice about it either. Tell them you don't appreciate them leaving you out all the time and then coming to you whenever they need a lift. Ask them how they'd feel if you did that to them. Stand up for yourself. If it were me, I'd get some new friends, but you might think they deserve another chance. It's up to you. But definitley don't stand for this any longer and demand an explanation from them. You deserve to be treated far better than this.

Q: 15/F Alright, so I have been dating this guy, ryan, for about 6 months. I can honestly say that I LOVE him. Bu, lately he has been acting distant, strange. I was talking to a girl online and as soon as he found out I was talking to her he made me stop. It's just weird. And This may be a little TMI but the last time we were doing "things" He just stopped and said, "I can't do this." He's never done rhis before, What do you guys think, and any advice on how i may be able to figure out if he is?

It does sound like he's cheating, but I could be wrong. Who exactly is this girl you were talking to? Have you suspected anything between them before? Do they act weird around each other? Has he ever mentioned her before, or her him?

The fact he stopped while you were doing "things" sounds like his conscience got to him. If he's never done that before, there's definitley something wrong here.
I think you need to ask him exactly why he made you stop speaking to this girl. Obviously she knows something he doesn't want you to know. Alternatively, you could speak to this girl again and suss out what she knows. This is kinda going behind his back so I don't fully recommend this.. but it might be the only way to find out. He can't stop you from speaking to whoever you want. If he's trying to hide something, he's not doing a very good job at it. You need to figure out exactly what is going on here. If he doesn't admit it to you when you ask him, find out what this girls knows. Good luck.

Q: Okay, so I like this guy alot. And I heard he likes me too (he told my friend that i was hot and sent me 6 messages asking me who i liked), so I called him the other day and his sister picked up. So I asked if he was home and she said to me, "He's in the shower. And I dont mean to sound rude but he's not supposed to have girls calling him and he really doesnt like you that way." I got so upset I just said "Okay, I'm sorry, I didnt know." and hung up. Then I just felt sad for a long time. But I still really like this guy! And I dont know if his sister was lying or not. The only thing is if he's not supposed to have girls calling he's probably not supposed to have a girlfriend either. So what should I do in this situation?

Thank you.. I'll rate as high as I can.

I think you need to find it out from him. His sister could definitley have been lying. Maybe she just felt like being a bitch, or maybe she was just jealous her brother was getting attention from a girl? Who knows what her motives could've been. But you definitley need to find out from him first before you jump to conclusions.
Besides, I highly doubt his sister of all people would know how he felt about you! She could have been right about his parents, but I can almost 100 % guarantee you she doesn't know how he feels about you. If he sent you over 6 messages asking you who you liked, I'd say that's a clear indicator that he does like you.

If his parents are overprotective, there's not really a lot you can do. If something does happen between you two, they might change their mind if they meet you and see that you're trustworthy. Maybe they won't. That's something he needs to sort out with his parents. Usually parents are willing to compromise. My parents were really strict with dating and such, but once I convinced them I was trustworthy and responsible they gave in a bit. I wouldn't worry about it at this stage until you two are actually together though. And first you need to find out if this is indeed the case, and not just what his sister is making up.

Good luck.

Q: does anybody think its tacky to tell somebody you like them over instant message? it just feels so much easier to let everything out that way than in person.

I agree with you that it feels much easier. Online you're not face-to-face.. so it's a lot less confrontational. I am a lot more comfortable speaking about my feelings and such online, rather than in real life.
I don't see anything wrong with it per se. Yes, it's more personal to do it in real life but there are many people who aren't comfortable with that. For really important things.. like asking someone out, I think it's better to do that in real life or at least over the phone. I've never had to do that though, lol.

Q: Me and this guy name Marcus likes each other a lot and like we talk all the time and were really close but we live like 1 hour and a half away from each other and he said he thinks we will never date because of the distance and I dont know what to say or do now.. and like i'm really upset and i told him i was but he said theres nothing he can do.. what do i do?

Sorry to tell you this, but if you REALLY liked someone, you'd be willing to put up with the distance. I mean, 1 hour and a half away seems like a lot, but you'd still see each other sometimes.. like on weekends, or at least every second weekend. It's not like you live on the opposite sides of the world from one another. Sounds like he's just not willing to put the effort into making it work. He's not worth your time. I know that is upsetting to hear, but you need to move on to someone else. There's plenty of guys who would be willing to put the effort in for you.

Q: my friend kayla .. thought it would be a GREAT joke to IM my boyfriend and act like some girl looking to hook up .. and the thing is that kayla has a tendency to make things up .. or to invision things differently when she doenst like the person .. and she really really didnt like how my boyfriend treated me.

well she called me after she 'IMed him' as mandy moody, and he apparently asked her for pictures, her age, grade, and said that he had a girlfriend but wasnt thinking it would last much longer, becuase 'i didnt put out'.

so when i heard this, i got very hurt and very upset. and i tend to make snap decisions and judgements in the heat of hte moment .. so i broke up with him .. now i realize talkin to him would have been a better idea.

the more and more i think about it, the more and more it seems as if kayla maybe did say that just to get me to dump cody .. her own sort of motivation in a way .. because for someone who had such a problem with me not puttin out, he never made any moves .. all the things we did do I INITIATED! .. so i guess my question is .. what should i do .. try and talk to him .. see if i can get him to take me back .. how would be the best way to go about doing that?

guys opinion .. would you take someone who did that back ..?

i mean i wasn't completely happy with how he treated me, but i cant do this anymore. i cry constantly. the only time i dont cry is when i sleep, and then i dream about him. so i wake up and cry more .. i liked this kid for over a year. 7 months of that was trying to get over him. now ive dated him and fell harder, and now i have to give him up. what kills me is i didnt lose him, i let him go ...

I think your friend Kayla shouldn't have got involved in your relationship. I understand she didn't like how he treated you, but that didn't give her a right to interfere. It definitley sounds to me she was trying to get you to break up with him. Perhaps she's jealous of your relationship? Thinks you ignore her? Who knows. Anyway, a good friend would want their friend to be happy, even if they didn't like the guy they were with. And it really doesn't sound like she was thinking of how you felt at all.

I think you should speak to your boyfriend about what happened, and ask him to show you the conversation. You need to hear what happened from his side. There's no certainty that Kayla was telling the truth. She could have exaggerated things, or made parts of it up. Chances are, Cody is very upset at the moment too and is probably trying to figure out exactly what happened with you two. You need to talk, and as soon as possible.

If she was telling the truth, then what you did definitley wasn't rash. You deserve far better than a guy who only likes someone depending on how much they "put out" However, you need to find out the story from him before you decide what to do. If he did really say that... that's VERY bad and he doesn't deserve another chance, but if he didn't.. then I'd rethink this friendship with Kayla.

Good luck.

Q: i'm getting braces soon. i don't know what color to get. i like the colors baby blue, light green, and baby pink, although i'm afraid those colors will bring too much attention to my mouth. will they? what colors are good so the braces arn't as noticeable. nothing vibrant like hot pink right?

I've got braces. I opted for the ceramic ones. You know what? No-one ever notices I have them. In photos and from a distance, you can't even see them. Now maybe you want colours.. but if you don't want too much attention paid to them, opt for the ceramic ones with the tooth coloured/clear brackets. They're not that much more expensive than the metal ones, and they don't hurt your mouth as much. I have metal brackets on the bottom of my teeth and they rub my mouth constantly. I never have any problems with the ceramic. Ultimately it's up to you, but that's my opinion.

Q: The song Hallelujah (from shrek, The L word, The OC finale) gives me chills. I just think it's an amazing song. There are several versions, and I like the one by Allison Crowe. What are some other great emotional songs. The kind you hear in the background of an emotional season finale. Thanks!

I love the song Hallelujah as well.

Just a few emotional songs I know and recommend:
Mazzy Star - Fade Into You
Guns N' Roses - November Rain
Joan Armatrading - The Weakness in me
Oasis - Stop crying your heart out
Coldplay - The Scientist
Lifehouse - You and Me
David Gray - Babylon
Jann Adren - You don't know me
Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares to You

And you're going to laugh at me, but the Dawson's Creek soundtracks have some BEAUTIFUL songs. I put them on all the time and they really affect you deeply. Some examples: Splender - I think God can explain, Pete Yorn - Just Another, Heather Nova - London Rain, Mary Beth Maziarz - Daydream Believer... those are just some examples. The CDs are both great.

Let me know if you like any of them!

Q: 13/f

ok.
i dreamt about my ex about two days ago, but i just remembered it today.
it sounds pretty silly, but with what i've been through with my ex, this dream is pretty valuable to me.
ok.
let me start be telling you about the dream, and then the questions.

here's the dream::

i was at my house, having some "quality time" with my family. i needed to go to the bathroom, but somebody was in there, and he was gonna talk a while. i couldn't hold it, so i had to go to another house. i didn't know that the person living beside us was my ex's family. i saw him outside. they were having a party. i was walking up to him when i realized that it was him. he realized it was me, and he opened up his arms and he picked me up and hugged me. i was really happy to see him. he gave me a quick kiss and asked why i was there. i smiled and laughed silly. then i said i need to use the bathroom. he smiled and said, "come on". we walked across their living room. i saw everybody staring at me. then, this girl asks an older woman who i was. the older woman said, "that's his ex-girlfriend". i didn't say anything. i was just following my ex. then, i went to the bathroom. my ex was there when i came out of the bathroom, and he kissed me again. then, we came out of their house and went to the backyard. they had a hammock and we lied down there for a while. it was quiet between us. then he said, "i'm glad you're here". i said, "me too". and we fell asleep together.

and that was the end of it.
ok.
now, the questions.

1.) why do you think i just suddenly dreamt about him? [[i haven't talked to him for almost a year now, and then suddly, i just dreams about him?! it's crazy!!!]]
2.) does this mean i still have feelings for him? [[he was my first relationship, and i would think, my 1st true love. but ever since we broke up, we haven't talked or anything. so i'm guessing this is a sign?]]
3.) what can this mean?
4.) what should i do?

now, this is what i'm thinking::

ever since i remembered this dream, i've started missing him, like how i felt the first couple of months after our break-up. i guess it's one of those you-would-never-forget-your-first-true-love feeling. but why now? i thought i was over him, but all the feelings started coming back to me whenever i remembered this dream. now i can't take my mind off of it. now i feel like i wanna see him SO BAD, because i miss him.

Just because you dreamt about him doesn't mean you're not over him. Our subconscious is a powerful tool, one that we try and repress in our normal waking lives. When we're asleep, our subconscious knows no boundaries so our mind can act out anything it wants to. As for your dream, maybe you secretly hope that things had gone better, and that it had worked out. Maybe you just wish he still thinks about you and has feelings for you. Or maybe you just simply want to see him again and reclaim what was lost. You know better than anyone else what your dream could've meant.

Since he was a big part of your life at one stage, its inevitable he's going to cross your mind once in a while. Just because you don't see someone in anymore doesn't mean they're going to be out of your mind forever. You can't simply "forget" someone like that. You're right; you don't ever forget your first true love simply because they are your first and you think you'll be together forever. Of course, few people ever end up with their first loves.

Try not to look into it too much. There's a reason your relationship didn't work out in the first place. You didn't specify how long it's been, but I'm guessing it's been quite a long time. If you haven't thought about him in this time, then you have nothing to worry about. He's just come to the forefront now because of this dream, and now the "what-if" element is there. Don't dwell on it too much. It was just a dream. If you find yourself still thinking about him in a few weeks - even a months time, then maybe you need to reconsider whether you really over him or not.

If you'd like some more help, leave one in my inbox. If I knew more about your relationship, I might be able to help more.

Q: I'm falling for my best friend. I'm a 17 year old chick, if it helps. He's 16, and a male, obviously. He's incredible. He's smart, he's hilarious, he's freaking adorable, and he's sooo sweet. Look at that! He's so sweet that I used multiple o's. I never use multiple o's! He's got his problems, but I can't think of any right now. The thing is, he's always falling for one friend of his or another, and I can't stand to watch him get his heart broken over and over again. It's so sad, and it breaks my heart. I want to hug him and kiss him and hold him and tell him it'll be ok, but at the same exact time, I want to strangle him and tell him he's being an idiot, pick me pick me pick me! But that wouldn't help much.

He knows that I like him, and that's not ruining our friendship at all. He really is the coolest guy ever. He's honestly the one person I can talk to about anything. Plus he's the only one who really gets my sense of humor. I have this feeling that, were we together, we'd have one of those once or twice in a lifetime relationships, one that you base all future relationships on, that old people "awww" about, and that people on the street truly wish they had.

Arg!! What can I do? Is there anything I CAN do? Help!

Wow, you seem to really dig him. I can imagine it would be very upsetting seeing him get his heart broken over other girls, and wondering "Why not me" However, the way it's going at the moment, your feelings for him are only going to grow more stronger and you're only going to get even more upset. You can't keep hanging on like this, falling for him completely and yet not knowing what he exactly feels about you.

I don't know whether he likes you or not. If he knows you like him, one would wonder why he hasn't tried to pursue something with you. However, that might not mean anything. I think what you need to do is ask him straight out how he feels about you. Once you hear it from him yourself, you'll feel much better, and you'll know whether to get over him or whatnit. Just say to him "You know how I feel about you, how do you feel about me?" That's all you really can do. If your feelings for him haven't ruined your friendship thus far, I highly doubt asking him how he feels about you will either. This kind of thing happens all the time. Friends fall for each other very often. It's inevitable, especially if you're close. Don't delay asking how he feels a day longer; you never know what could possibly happen.

Good luck with it.

Q: ok
so i talked to this guy on myspace
and he seems really nice
well he is
and hes really beutiful
and he goes to my school
but hes downstairs
and im upstairs
or whatever
but i like never see him
and i dont know what to do
i have seen him once because he has my lunch
and we like eachother
but im to afraid to talk to him because hes so gorgeous and popular
but hangs out with the preps
and im scared of preps
PLEASE HELP
i rate 5 for trying

When you say you like each other, I assume you mean "that way" right? Then what are you worried about girl?! You're already there! There's no need for you to be afraid to speak to him. Even if he is a prep, he's obviously rejected high school class distinctions by going for you when you're not a "prep". So obviously he doesn't care about popularity or cliques and neither should you. He likes you even though you're not as "popular" as him (presumably), so you have nothing to be afraid of when talking to him.

Maybe his friends would be nice once you got to know them. I know preps can seem stuck-up from the surface or whatnot -- but some can be very nice people. You should give them the benefit of the doubt and get over your fear of them.

why not plan to meet him sometime at school to hang out, since you say you never see him. If you get on really well online, chances are you will in real life too. Forget about the fact that he's popular and see past it. You like each other as people, who cares about where you fit in at school?

Good luck.