ChOcOLoLo's advice column

askChOcOLoLo

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: any ideas ??!

I think several topics you could use is a description of you plans after college, what do you want to acheive as a person, academically, socially, etc.; why is it important to pursue a higher education; possibly a personal narrative on a lifechanging event and how this has instilled you with awesome life lessons; if you could go back in time to a significant time in history and relive or change some things, what time period would you choose and why; I think colleges basically want an essay that displays your true character and values. Don't sweat it, you'll do perfectly fine! Good luck =D

Q: my busdriver makes me sit in seat #2 on the bus because i "turned around". my busdriver said that its my permanant seat, no ands,ifs,or buts. its so annoying and i want to be with my friends in the back. i don't want to sit with the geeks in the front and when my friends come on the bus, they need to sit in the front with me. it sucks and i need help. i am not even turning around on the bus, its always the guys.

If you think this is an injustice or verrry unreasonable on your part, then you should definetly, like the advicenator before me said, choose another mode of transportation. If unable to, then try to show the bus driver that you can maturely sit near the front of the bus without turning around, so that she/he may gain your trust and know that you are responsible enough to not disregard those rules...

Q: okay so ive been bestfriends with this kid for about a year now.. but the problem is hes 11 and im 14. i went out with him before over the summer. and sometimes whenever he flirts with me or talks to me i start liking him again.. and he used to like me a little while ago but i dont think he does anymore but were like really good friends.. last time we broke up because he liked this other girl.. if he does ask me out i dont know if i should say yes to him and trust him this time or say no cause of the age difference? but when i like him i like him a lott! and i think its going to be happening soon and i need advice

please help mee!!!!!

hey there!
first off, this is not wrong, weird or queer, but normal. Relationships were the guy is slightly younger are not uncommon, and most of all, its the connection between both that matters, rather than some stupid age difference. However, your feelings toward him seem sort of like an infatuation, or you have a sense of insecurity because you are older. Don't let this get to you. I think if he is the kind of guy who can understand, connect, and inspire you at your level and you with his, he's definetly a keeper.

Q: 13/f
okay none of the guys at my school have touched my boobs or anythign like that
..they are like cool and stuff but they are hung up on this girl i mean she doesn't even have bug boobs i mean i have D's and i really want that attention. i mean like my two best friends ((girls)) have seen both grabbes my boobs but i want guys to

what could i do for them to touch my boobs?

I'm sorry, but excuse me? You are much higher than the degrading, disgusting false attention that guys may give you. Your desire to gain this kind of attention stems from your own low self-confidence. I mean, come-on. You don't need the stares from guys to define who you are or your personal value. You're WAYY HIGHER than that. Instead of focusing more on this, focus more on YOURSELF, and your own inner beauty and value, and the kind of person you want to be. You must have more self-respect for yourself, girl.

Q: 15/f. i have 5/6 class with a really popular guy named Nick. He is popular, hot, nice, and shy. i reallly like him because he doesn't act like he's popular (he just is) and he's really hot. i don't have a big crush on him, just a little one (kind've like most girls do with him). well i've never really talked to him much or anything, so we don't know each other that well. but since i have so many classes with him, i've noticed him looking at me alot. especially in social studies. i don't know if this means anything, but can someone tell me if it does? he tends to look at me at semi-quick glances, and sometimes we make eye contact.

what should i do about this? because i kinda like him looking beause i kind've like him.

what does all of this mean?

Hey there! Currently, its unsure if he is interested in you. Try to get to know him more by talking to him as you see him in your classes, or when a group project comes up in one of your classes and he's without a partner, maybe choose to be in his group. The best thing is to get to know him well first. I wish you the best of luck!

Q: how do i let a guy no that i like him? its kind of a complicated situation because theres another girl that likes him too. i want him to know but i dont want to be hurt if he doesnt like me back. should i tell his friend who im close to? or him directly?....in person or IM?

It's always best to get your feelings out in the open and tell him directly. If you avoid the situation, more time is lost, and plus, you'll get to know him much better by actually spending time and talking story with him in person. Does the other girl who also has a crush on the guy you like know how you feel for him? It may be hard, but you have to express how you feel for him because you never know--he may feel the same way too.

Q: Well my mom's birthday is coming up and I don't know what to get her please help....Thanx

Heyy there!
What does your mom like to do? What's her favorite kind of food? These are nice things to think of when choosing a birthday gift for your mom, but simplicity and sincerity in a gift are the best. What you could do is buy her a bouquet of roses and a loving card and present it to her. Also, if she likes Jazz you could maybe turn up some Jazz music, or take care of dinner and the chores that night. As long as your birthday present is from the heart, I'm sure your mom will love it.

Q: what are things you can do for a one year anniversay? (guy who is planning for a girl)

i need to know for my friend so please help asap

Hey there! What your friend could do is obtain a bouquet of 12 roses, symbolizing 12 months of being together, or create a large collage of pictures (fun times) together of the entire year. They could also go to a quiet hilly place, where there are much stars at night, or have a picnic. Basically, everything is really valuable, as long as they have a good time =).

Q: this seemed like the best column to me, sry if it's not in the right place.
i have serious trouble sleeping. for example, right now it's midnight and i am dead tired. so far i've layed down to go to sleep about 4 or 5 times. every time i do, within 15 to 30 minutes i start to feel very restless. i toss and turn, i try different positions, i sit up and lay back down, and various other things. what should i do? should i go so far as to see a doctor?
~anonamousadviceseeker

Hey there! Yes, you could possibly seek a doctor. However, your inability to sleep could be from countless thoughts of the day and the next day. Try to close your day formally in your mind, and tell yourself that the things you were unable to accomplish today will be easily accomplished tomorrow. I've also had trouble sleeping lately, and another option you could perform is drinking honey and apple cider vinegar. What you do is, obtain a glass of water, and add two teaspons of honey and (Bragg) Apple Cider Vinegar. It works wonders on headaches, and sleepless nights. I sincerely hope everything works out! Take care always!

Q: I am 20, a little athletic but i could stand to lose 20 pounds (i'm just a shade under 6' tall, 221 lbs.). I show everyone respect, I'm always referred to as a 'great friend' or 'like a big brother', but no matter how much i try i cannot get past that image. i'm either not seen as a date-able person or everyone i try to get close to lies and leads me on instead of telling me the truth and letting me know why they're not interested or what i was doing wrong. Am i doomed to be forever in the hell that we guys call the "Friend-zone"?
Any and all suggestions are welcome, but I have had enough 'help' from other guys. please understand that i'm looking for the female's answer to my problem.
thank you,
Confused-&-Sad

Hey there! I know how you feel... The first thing I want to stress is that there is nothing wrong with you, and you should always continue to be yourself, because truly, your potential girlfriend should accept you for who you truly are, not who you attempt to change yourself to be =). Do you like someone right now? If so, tell her honestly how you feel. Girls really appreciate that guys are honest in showing how they feel. Also, I personally feel that you don't have to change in any way, because I'm sure that any girl would be fortunate to have a highly respected or great friend as their boyfriend. I truly hope everthing works out.
_Normie

Q: so here it goes
we started going out about 6 months ago. Everything was perfect. he loved me and he wanted to be the best boyfriend he could be. about a month into the relationship we had sex for the first time. i know it seems forward, but we were friends with benefits four months prior to going out.. after we had sex. we started fighting alot. he was trying to get involved with dealing drugs..and i thought he was doing drugs.. and yeah that was our first fight. we resolved it and then my best friend told me she had heard his friends talking about smoking weed with him and stuff.. so i flipped out on him again.. and he was really upset .. because he doesnt do that.. and he didnt want to lose me. we kept fighting over things.. soon my friend told me she hated him and he treats me like shit and i need to leave him. and i do admit.. he could have treated me with ALOT more respect. he always complained about what i looked like.. he never told me i was beautiful.. if i didnt wear something "sexy" i wouldnt get any sort of attention at all. where as he used to stare into my eyes and tell me how beautiful i was.. we were almost going out for 5 months when we got into a huge fight.. because i had his myspace password and he kept sending girls messages telling them how sexy they were. this hurt me.. and he ended up flipping out on me.. and im one of those kind of people who cant go to sleep at night knowing someones mad at them.. so i had him stay on the phone with me for 4 hours trying to resolve the problem...in the morning he apologised but i was still hurt and sick of the fighting .. so i sent him an email telling him how horrible he treats me. he ended up breaking up with me. it was dramatic.. he cried when he did it. so i know he didnt want to. the next day.. we didnt even look at eachother in school.. i came online when i got hoem and he begged for me back.. and i gave in. .we were just going to take a break and i gave in. the next day i asked him if we were still going to get back together eventually..and he said "idk i only said that to make you feel better" and i went to his house and screamed at him .. because he lead me on again. and then he said he'd go out with me until summer comes.. because he wants to do his own thing over the summer. stupidly i agreed. and we went out .. we've been going out.. but he's been different.. i say "i love you" and he either jokes around and makes sum dumb comment or he mumbles it back.. he tries to strangle me sometimes. .and i honestly cant tell if hes fooling around or not. we wrestled the other day.. just cutsy bf gf wrestling.. and then he started punching me.. and stuff.. and his friend saw and he was like "woah stop thats not cool" .. i have a huge buise on my arm from him punching me. and while we were wrestling i accidently kicked him in the balls.. he knew it was an accident but he still flipped out on me .. he wrapped his arm around my neck and put his hand over my mouth and nose. he held it there for a while too.. i started crying and he just kissed me better.. but still . we broke up today.. and we're supposed to be getting together next school year.. but i just want to know.. is this too serious? because i know when im in a bad situation i never notice how bad it REALLY is.. and i just want to be safe.

This is serious. Very serious. This guy seems to have great emotional control over you, and will furthermore abuse you emotionally, and is starting to physically. This guy is a jerk. It appears that he has lost genuine respect of you.. I feel that you should try to get out of this relationship as quickly as possible because it seems that lingering in it will cause you to be more hurt, and if given the chance again, I think that being in a relationship with someone like this who does not have genuine respect for you is a COMPLETE waste of your time! You deserve someone much better who will respect and care for you, and who will not take advantage of your feelings...

Q: a couple nights ago me and my freind met the most gorgeous guy in the world...
snakebites
longish hair
eyeliner
yeah anyways..
we really hit it off that night
so the next night we hung out again..
and i slept with him (didnt have sex just slept) and everyone was asleep and iwas to lazy to pull up my skirt because im like really open to everyone so im like hm whatever
anyways heres are conversation..
it wasl ike 4 in the morning..
and its WHISPERING so it was hot
dylan:ashley...?
me:yeah....?
dylan:are you awake...?
me:yeah.. are you..?
dylan:yeah...

(my heart was beating really fast because everytime i breathed in i had butterflys it was really bad because his hand was under my shirt (not in a perverted way)
anyways 10 minutes later..
dylan:ashley?..
me:yeah...?
dylan:have you ever had any serious relationships?
(we were like REALLY CLOSE)
me:no not really have you?..
dylan:one or two.
me:ohh
30 minutes later
dylan:ashley?...
me:yeah.?
dylan:(in a really serious whispering hot voice) do you like me?.
5 minutes later.
me:yeah

we never spoke again that night but got even CLOSER

and i havent seen him since
but he talks to me still

so my qustion is..
does he like me?..
i know this is long and sorry
i will give you 5s for taking your time and reading this and trying to answer it
thanks SO much.

Oh my gosh! He really does like you. Just continue to spend time with him and get to know him more =). Haha, so romantic, lol.

Q: 16/f

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 9 months. Well, the other day I asked him to take a break for a week because he had been really mean to me and was picking fights. I really have no feelings what so ever for him but he still thinks I love him. He tells me he has never told anyone he loves them but he tells me all the time and he said that we are meant for eachother. I really want to break up with him because I have never cried so much in my life or have ever been so angry. I am very unhappy with him and I want to break up. The only problem is, if I do break up with him he will move 6 hours from me and I'll never see him again. I don't know what to do!! Please help me I'm so confused on what to do!!

Hey there! If this relationship continues to make you feel degraded, or hurts you, then it's best to move on and end the relationship. Would you want to be stuck in a relationship where you're constantly feeling sad and angry, versus being apart from someone who continued to hurt you? You have also said that you no longer have feelings for him, so it is no use being stuck in a relationship where you are always getting hurt, and you hold no feelings whatsoever anymore, you know? Also, after you and your boyfriend may break up, it is a possibility that you and him may be still keep in touch as friends. If you decide to end the relationship, tell him straight-forwardly how you feel, and as gently as possible so that you both will not be even more pained, and it will end on good terms. With this, you will also have the chance to keep in close contact, even if 6 hours apart.

Q: the other day in gym, we were playing softball. i'm not very athletically inclined, if you know what i mean. i was up to bat and i like hit the ball and i screamed. my gym teacher goes 'i think she has issues' and she said this in front of the whole class. i asked her what she meant and she goes 'well when ever you get pressured or have the spotlight on you, you scream and flail your arms around, that's just one of your issues.' i didn't really think anything of this, but now the more taht i think about it, it is making me upset.

is this an appropriate thing to say to me [a 13 year old] ?

and i'm thinking of having my mom call her, would this be a good idea.

Hey there! I believe that your teacher is possibly being sarcastic and doesn't mean it in an offending way. Is this the first time you've had this gym teacher? Does she always make these kinds of comments? If yes, wait out the season or school year, and if she still continues to make these types of derisive comments, then you may have to talk to your administrators, possibly your counselor first. She's probably joking, and every teacher has their own way of communicating with their student, and we have to just be considerate of it. If in any way this teaching style of hers is degrading or hurting you in any way, then discuss it with your mom and she may have to call her. I sincerely hope this works out! Take care always...
= normie

Q: i have a lot of friends. but you know how in a group of friends, each person has like one friend that their best friends with and have had the best memories. i don't have ONE best friend. i have a lot of average friends. i don't like this because me and my friends arn't close and we only have an in school relationship bascially. i think its because people find me boring. im not really shy but im not the comedian in the crowd. i only have a few really close friends. and i don't know how to make the friends that i have closer with me. i invite them over, but it just doesn't work. all of my friends have other friends that they are closer to, so basically i get left out of everything. i don't even get invited to birthday parties. my friends like to have expensive parties so they are only able to invite like maybe 5 or 6 if their closest friends. since most of my friends are just my school friends, im not considered their one of their "best" friends. and when i AIM people they never seem to answer me. but i know they are on. i want one REALLY close friend that i can share EVERYTHING with, and i want a few really close friends and then some school friends. i don't want all school friends. i need more close friends where i can have fun with and share my secrets with. but i don't know how i can get someone to be my "best" friend. not just a regular friend, but a really really close friend. i try everything but they don't count me as their really good friend. it really hurts too because i'm always in the middle of everything. when my friends start cliques im never in them. it's not because there mean it's because i'm just their every day "school" friend. schools ending in 3 days and i really want to have people to chill with me this summer but i need to make closer friends. i have no trouble making friends, but i for some reason can't get someone to be my BEST friend. you know how everyone has that one person who they can always count on. people will be my best friend for a couple of days and then they will find someone more fun to be with and more funny and they will make that person their best friend. how can i make someone be my BEST friend?!?! theres this girl that is wicked nice and i've been friends with her for a longg time and i just want to be BEST friends with her. shes someone i could always trust and stuff. exept she already has a best friend and they have SOOO much fun together sharing secrets when i have to share secrets with my sister because all of my friends are just "school friends" who i don't talk to out of school. how can i make people like me and want to be my BEST friend?

Hey there! Have you ever heard of the quote, "If you want a best friend, be a best friend?" It is evident that you are doing this, but you are not only limited to one best friend, you are given an infinite number! In order for us to be really close friends with someone, a label isn't just given to us that we stamp on ourselves and say, "Okay, we're best friends now," but rather, the relationship grows. By being open with ourselves to other people, others will be more encouraged to be open with themselves and want to spend time with you. By being more honest with ourselves, others will be more honest with us too. While we build bridges to getting to know other people, deeper friendships will result easily. And also, others view us the way we view ourselves. So if you say to yourself, "I'm an awesome, fun-loving, friendly and bold person who's up to having new friends, and getting to know my close friends more," then people will start seeing you as such =D. What you could do is, obtain phone numbers of friends at school and ask if you all want to get together and watch a movie, or do something fun. You guys could also get together on school grounds, and talk story, or form an out of school study group with your friends if a test is coming up. Once you believe that you're an awesome best friend and those who don't see that are at a loss, people will also believe it.

Q: Well here is the thing I like a girl in my grade and i have for like 4 months without telling her ( i was nervous) but she liked me for like 2 years i feel like im playin hard to get but i think im right for her, but here is the thing she is moving to Florida soon and i live in Massachusetts i really want to go out with her PLZ HELPP SOON!!!!!!!!!!

Hey there! The best thing to do is tell her how you feel....NOW! Don't continously wait and wait for the moment to arrive because before you know it, it will vanish and you'll always be regretting it and thinking of the "What if's", and "I should've's." Be honest with yourself, and straight-forwardly tell her how you feel. You can do it! I wish you the best of luck!

Q: I think im going phyco.I spend about half my day by myself because my family is always working or over a friends house.I ahng with friends yes but i want to see my family and it doesnt happen.they have to work and i understand that but we do nothing as a family.I feal terrible because i have asked for a diffrent family.is that bad.they dont abuse me they just leave to go to worik or friends and im sick of being alone ive started talking to myself and it scares me cause i talk in the sence of there 2 more people there with me.im not aloud to have friends over when im by myself so yeah ive tryed but it sux i even pretend that my best friend is there wat do i do to get my family closer or to spend more time with me.....

katie

Hey there! The best thing to do is talk to your family, and honestly tell them how you feel. Being straight-forward of your feelings is the best way to approach and solve a situation. For instance, when one of your family members are not busy at the moment, approach them and explain to him/her how concerned you are that the family is not really spending time together, leaving you to feel alone. With one family member knowing and understanding how you feel, they may feel the same way and inform your other family members of this. Also, if for example, everyone is at home in the morning before they head to work, possibly, eat breakfast with them and fully announce to everyone how you sincerely feel. Tell them, "I feel that we're not spending time together lately. And by the end of the day, I want us to make time for each other, and to know how each of our days has been." Also, if your parents get home late when you're already sleeping, you could write them a letter and leave it for them to read when they come home, which explains to them of how your day was, what you want to let them know, and most importantly how you feel.
I sincerely hope everything will work out! Take care always!
♥, normie

Q: so my boyfriend was a acting like a really big jerk. He took me out of his profile and replaced it with another girl saying wow i love ___. he was lso being really really rude. I got so frsihtrated and hurt and mad that i dumped him. After i did it i was like what did i jsut do . We went out a few times before and he dumped me. After that he got really mad at me and started to say stuff like i hope you die and i hate you. We made up but still not going out. We were gonna stop probllay before summer casye we weould never say see each other. But i just feel like everytihng is filled up inside of me and i jsut need to let it all out. Im kidna getting really sad cuase he keeps say well u blew it i relaly did love you. But i just am really sad and i feel like i jsut need to start crying to make it feel better.

Hey there! This guy is certainly not worth your time. Although he keeps saying that you personally caused the problem and that he really loved you, he disrespects you, and takes advantage of the fact that you will forgive him, and so continues to say and do hurtful things. Also, a relationship between two persons is a team-effort, where each contributes positively and accepts whatever actions are responsible for affecting the relationship in a negative way. This boyfriend saying that you blew it is a clear example of how immature he is of having a relationship, because he can't take responsibility for himself. The next time he happens to win you over again by saying that, be smart and don't accept it, because it will just result in more pain, you know? Although it is hard to get over this at first, the best thing is to go out, spend some time with friends, have fun and meet new people. Doing what you like to do best will help you get your mind off things.

Q: Okay, theres this guy that likes me, and i know he likes me cause he told all of his friends he did, but he didn't ask me out. He lives like 30 minutes away, and i'm not gonna see him all summer, but he told one of my friends to tell me to "not get a boyfriend over the summer" what should i do? should i wait for him?

The best thing to do is to try to get to know him more by talking to him, or possibly spending time together. Do you feel the same way? If so, you've found the answer to this question: Yes, but try to take the time to get to know him more.

Q: i just graduated and im very worried about my old friends because im going
to high school next year and im scared that i not gonna see my old friends anymore..='( how do we keep in touch with ur old friendsand stay close to them? is it possible that if am lucky u get same class with my old friend?

Hey there! I know what you mean about not being able to see your friends when you enter high school... But regardless of if you are in the same class, you'll always be friends =). In my freshman year, for instance, I had some friends which were not in my everyday classes, but we still continued to hang out on an everyday basis. High school may seem crazy at first, and may cause changes to arrive because you are maturing and growing, but you don't have to worry. =D Friendships can stand the changes and progress of time, if sturdy and true.