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Why am I unable to find a girlfriend?
I am 20, a little athletic but i could stand to lose 20 pounds (i'm just a shade under 6' tall, 221 lbs.). I show everyone respect, I'm always referred to as a 'great friend' or 'like a big brother', but no matter how much i try i cannot get past that image. i'm either not seen as a date-able person or everyone i try to get close to lies and leads me on instead of telling me the truth and letting me know why they're not interested or what i was doing wrong. Am i doomed to be forever in the hell that we guys call the "Friend-zone"?
Any and all suggestions are welcome, but I have had enough 'help' from other guys. please understand that i'm looking for the female's answer to my problem.
thank you,
Confused-&-Sad
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well ....... personality is all that counts to alot of girls...... maybe if ya'll have the same interests....... and um...... when things get hott...... kinda make a move...... or if yall are kinda sorta friends....... you could tell her how you feel..... maybe she might feel the same way....~skye
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You hieght and weight is nothing my 16 year old boyfriend is 6'6". i love it it makes me feel likes im safe and no one can hurt me when im with him. i think you need to find a great girl with a great personality. Then do a little flirting. Dont let things go fast. The movies, dinners, call her just because you miss her,etc.
good luck
Ashley
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First off, your height and weight, don't even worry about that. My husband is about the same height and weight as you and I think he's sexy as hell! Now, moving on... A woman, within the first several minutes of meeting a man, is open to having an intimate relationship with him until certain faults emerge in his personality. In that case, that man would be mentally categorized as a "friend" rather than a lover, i.e. put into the friend zone. The key element is that, once there, it is almost impossible for a man to get out. So what your trying to accomplish here, is to NOT be stuck in the friend zone in the first place.
But there's still hope my blue-balled friend. just jokin' lol tryin to lighten the mood :)
One fatal mistake that I think a lot of men make is not putting enough time into the flirting process. There is an expression about not letting on that you like a woman because women like a challenge, but I think to be a little more specific, women will start wondering whether a guy is interested, and the more time they spend wondering, the more time they are thinking about that guy, and therefore the more interested they become. Men should spend more time talking to women and calling them, but avoid being too forthcoming right away, give it a couple weeks, too short of a time to be friends, but long enough that she feels comfortable and has had her interest sparked. Women read romance novels and watch cheesy movies because they like the idea of the building romance. It's a big turn on.
When you're asking someone out, it's painfully obvious what's going on. Get to the point. Say hi and then ask. Your avoiding the friendship only zone before she can even think about sticking you there.
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Hey. I'm a girl! let's see... let's see... ok when was the last time you had a girlfriend? Cause sometimes the in-between take time. (They don't for those people that are too slutty or flirty or 'experienced' but we don't all always have that luck). Well either way. It may have to do with the kind of girls you get close to... are they the cheerleader kind that are sweet and flirty but most likely have like a ton of other guys after them? If they are then it's going to take time when you get with one of them (you sort of have to wait for your 'turn') I know cause it's rather the same with the boys in my school... the cutest ones flirt with you, lead you on, but it's just what they do. Not because they are mean or anything... because they can. Also you have to flirt with the girls YOU like. And then ask them out after a while. Once you've told them they are pretty and they are really flattered and you made their day (even if they didn't show it). There was this guy who (he was one of those 'cute' ones) would always tell me I'm pretty and flirted with me and at first I didn't really flirt with him and from all the time I've known him I only told him he was cute ONCE but I really really liked him... I just never showed it. I think it really helped that he was very sweet and my idea of perfect and made me feel perfect (he told me I was pretty and smart and made me feel fun and he laughed at the stupid things I said thsat were meant to be jokes). Also it helped (I don't want to seem shallow but it did) that he was cute (it's just a matter of having nice hair or cool shirts, i'm not saying plastic surgery or anything lol and it's not the msot important thing but it always helps. ALSO he skates and he was learning how to play guitar. DO THAT! like learn an instrument. DRUMS or guitar. AND FLIRT! about everything else... don't change. I mean it's cool that you respect people and stuff so don't change from that.
oh! I almost forgot.... if you can make a girl laugh then you can win her heart (yeah that guy I was talking about... he was so funny!)
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i know what you mean. i have a couple of friends like that, they both asked me out and i rejected them because i felt like we could be close friends rather than boyfriend/girlfriend. i think the probelem is that guys like you often act like they want to become just friends from the very beginning. maybe it's because you don't get a crush on a girl until you know her much better, or maybe because you're afraid to make moves. you just need to let her know that it's an option as soon as you think you might like her. maybe flirt with her a little, compliment her eyes or her sence of humor, and so on. ask her out soon enough where you're not really friends yet but you enjoy each other's company. i personally would not date a close friend, but i would date someone who i have known for a long time. that way she mayb know that you have a pleasant personality, but she's not yet in that friend-mode where she can't imagine herself making out with you.
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Have you ever heard someone complain about girls not liking nice guys? Well for some girls it's kind of true. I'm not saying you should tell them to shut up and slap them around, obviously. But one of the reasons you're probably getting stuck friends with them is because you open yourself up really fast to them, and you'll listen to their problems and such- just like one of their girl friends would do. Some people kind of like the thrill of the chase, so don't tell girls that you like them, tease them, let them stress about it a little (because trust me we will, you could look at us funny and we could write a novel). The reason some girls have been leading you on, is because they don't want to hurt your feelings. I'm not saying you should put that aside, but when you first meet a girl, don't talk about how you love puppies, and the miracle of life, wildflowers, and how you write romantic poetry in your spare time, because pace it out. If a girl thinks you're not sensitive and going to cry when she tells you she's just not that into you, she probably won't- because nobody wants to look like a jerk, and some girls prefer being the sensitive one in the relationship. I'm not trying to say you're any of these things, it's just stuff I've noticed in my own experience.
If you're not comfortable with changing aspects of your personality, which hey, you shouldn't have to if you do have tonnes of great friends, there's a way easier way to do this. All those girl friends of yours? They have single friends, and you already have something in common- a friend. Ask, it can't hurt anything. If nothing comes of it, at least you've got some practice in for sweeping that awesome girl off her feet when you meet her.
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the reason those relationships havent worked is because they werent " the one" it sounds to me like your a sweet person which isnt a bad thing infaact alot of girls put that as a main priority in a boyfriend, it seems that you need a sweet girlfriend someone that you can be friends with but their romantic interest as well. keep looking for that one and be open minded, sometimes the perfect ones for us are in the strangest places to look. good luck!
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well, my opinion is that just keep looking. there is a girl out there for you somewhere! it just might take forever to find her. truthfully, im one that could care less how much you weigh or what you look like, i always go for the personality aspect. theres someone out there for you. good luck..
<3Kim
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well i not sure how to answer your question but since i am female i thought i would give it a shot. If you need to lose weight i would advise that, but that isnt your problem.If girls see you in that way then all it means is you are a realy good friend to have and your a realy nice guy. I think to stop been in this so called "friend zone" you must stay friends with the girls you have but next time you with a girl be more boyfriend like because you must be doing somthing to come off as a friends for a brother. Try to become closer to a girl than a friend ever could, but dont mix with her and her friends too much because then you are being like a friend. Take a girl out impress her with a meal and somthing nice act like a boyfriend and not just a friend make sure you give lots of hugs and cuddles and o cause other stuff that guys your age do. Good Luck
Sorry if my answer was a little unfair i neednt mean to be mean. But i tryed good luck anyway.
The Love Life Helper
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ok well im stuck in the "friend zone" too, girls hav that problem with guys too well just be yourself who ever is your potential girlfriend should like you for who you are and you can go out a little bit more and try to meet more girls theres a million girls in the world im pretty sure alot of them will be interested!
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Hi, how about you set yourself a goal. Try and make a conversation with lets say 4 girls a day. See were that conversation leads and what you get out of the conversation. Heres 3 tips when talking to the opposite sex:
1. Compliments
2. Open questions
3. Small talk
It can be a right bugger when you really just want to have a girlfriend but it just seems to not happen or work out. One good place I reccomend you can go is to a night club. They have lots of girls you can meet. Go there one of these nights, make a conversation with 1 or 2 girls have a drink, dance. Look like your having fun. Just try it. Who knows you might get lucky or even double lucky. Daniel.
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Hey there! I know how you feel... The first thing I want to stress is that there is nothing wrong with you, and you should always continue to be yourself, because truly, your potential girlfriend should accept you for who you truly are, not who you attempt to change yourself to be =). Do you like someone right now? If so, tell her honestly how you feel. Girls really appreciate that guys are honest in showing how they feel. Also, I personally feel that you don't have to change in any way, because I'm sure that any girl would be fortunate to have a highly respected or great friend as their boyfriend. I truly hope everthing works out.
_Normie
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there are a lot of girls in the world. be yourself and hopefully a girl will like that about you and get past your weight and image.or if you feel that your weight is that important then go to the gym
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OMG someone else with my exact same problem, I personally don't think there is a true answer to this. I think you just have to keep trying no matter how hopless it seems although I'm probably wrong thats what I'm trying but its not working.
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