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Q: 16/f okay so my bf smokes alot. just going to get that out there right now. weed and cigs. and at times it seems that he would rather do that then be with me. like sometimes he wont come to school because he would rather go do that. and me and him dont hang out alot outside of school so its like if he is dropping school he is dropping me.... anyways there is 2 things i can do. i can tell him we need a break and that i still like him but he needs to sort out his priorities or i can stay with him and believe he will straighten up like he says he will.he says he is going to start coming back to school and be a better bf which he has lately.... i just need to know what the right thing to do is. i mean when he is with me he makes me so happy and i cant stop smiling but he does hurt me too :( so somebody please help me. i want the most effective way and if he doesnt want to be helped and keeps it up i will break up with him and move on. but fully breaking up with him right now isnt an option, he means too much and i want him to knoe i am here for him. so please help me if you can and thanks in advance
This is harsh, but reality.

You need to move on. Your boyfriend will likely not ever stop smoking weed for you and not because of you, it's more important to have weed than you. It's not that you aren't good enough to turn him into a great boyfriend. So many girls are stuck with guys who are on drugs and they take forever to learn that they don't have a future. So, if you want to look for a guy with goals and a future, don't go for guys who smoke weed because you don't deserve fighting through out an entire relationship with someone.

You seem like you are a great girlfriend, but you can honestly be a great girlfriend to a great boyfriend. And while your boyfriend may be a really nice guy, he makes bad choices that effect you. Breaking up with him is 'fully' an option, you just don't want to use that option. Love won't fix everything. If relationships were only based on love, we'd all be happy in relationships right now without worrying about problems like cheating, or weed or abuse. I hope this helps you a little.


Q: Female. 15
i have so much dischange coming out threw the past couple of weeks. and i am wearing a pad that how bad it is.
anybody know why...?
should i tell me mom.
its so annoying.
plz help
A lot of discharge is completely normal.

But if you're having:

-Pain or burning with urination
-Just plain vaginal pain
-any other painful symptoms

It's likely not normal. If you want to know more about your question I'd suggest Yahoo Answers, it really has tons of answers on any topic.


Q: I have strep throat and i was wondering would a shower help because i got to be well by tommorrow morning to practice a play with friends at church and my mom won't let me go out to my church and so i really want to go what should i do
This is probably an answer too late for you, but here's my answer:

A shower won't get rid of your strep; however, it might relieve the pain a little bit. When you get home from church you should get to a doctor because I can't imagine how much pain you are in with strep. I've only had it once and I felt awful. So I really hope things clear up for you.


Q: A few of the teens at my church won't date anybody when they're in high school, b/c they think it's pointless... but some of them will date in high school; I've dated people before, but I'm starting to see the other people's pov (the one's that won't date anybody), but I really like someone, and I don't know if I should date while I'm in high school or wait like SOME of the people at my church.... any ideas?
I think that the whole, "Pointless highschool dating" is another way of trying to not get hurt. You can't avoid dating altogether because you might get burned.

I think that dating is very important. More than important. It lets you know what you like, and don't. It gives you experience for future dating. I think the only part you should truly avoid in highschool is sex. I'm not telling anyone what to do, but you'd be surprised by how much that can effect you. Dating is ok now and it's far from pointless. It's helpful and you should absolutely go for it when the opportunity presents itself. And if these teens look the other way from you for this, too bad, this is your decision and you make it:)


Q: i like this kid a lot and whenever we talk he always says something and it's exactly what i'm thinking. we have a lot of the same opinions on things. he's not really "my type" and my parents wouldn't like him but i don't care. ok here's the problem though. his ex-girlfriend cheated on him and now he wants to be single for a while. they went out for like 4 or 5 months and they broke up at the begining of the summer. i really like him and i want to show him that i'm worth trying a relationship for because all of my past relationships have lasted more than 6 months. how do i do this?
There's truly only 2 things you can actually do:

One being is waiting. If you continue to hang out with him and be his friend, then he might soon notice you as a girlfriend. Waiting really sucks, but I don't know if you'd be comfortable with two.

Two is telling him exactly what you stated. That he might have been burned in the past but you really like him and want a chance.

Or you could hint around. Slip in comments like, "I'm very faithful, cheaters are just scum" or something along those lines. But honestly, you can't make a guy want you, it just has to happen on it's own. You put yourself out there and hope they'll like you back and if he's wanting to be single, you should make it to where you are 100% as his friend and not spending 95% of the time his friend and the other 5 pushing him into a relationship.

If he knows you are 100% ok with being his friend and making him comfortable, he'll be more likely to notice you.


Q: 15/f. Unlike most of the people in my academic classes, I work my ass off trying to get As and Bs. And usually I succeed at that. But to what extent? Getting 5-4 hours each night, not having ANY time to do ANYTHING on the weekends, and being a social outcast in my friends' eyes.

On the other hand; the majority of my peers don't do crap. They don't read. They don't study. They don't do homework. They don't care. They get out with Cs and Ds. Yet, it doesn't bother them.

How is this so? Am I doing something wrong? Is there some kind of change in the way teens are supposed to function or something? I heard doctors say that teens should get 7 hours of sleep. Yet I don't. And I really want to. I want to be able to just get Bs. Because I'm content with Bs.

Advice? :(
I understand what you're asking, and the best explanation I've come up with is that to really truly succeed and get what you want, it takes work. Life takes hard work.

BUT, you can get succeed and still have time for yourself and friends. If you find yourself not having time for that at all, then your schedule does need more room for that. It's so important to get an hour or two to relax and do what you want. You should tell someone this. Your parents, teachers, or someone who can help you get more time for your wants.

The second question really doesn't have an exact answer. People don't care because either they just aren't motivated to do well in life or they don't have a homelife where their parents support them and push them to doing well. I think it has very much to do with that, things at home. If they know they can get away with D's and F's, they'll do it so they get all the time they want 24/7. Which isn't smart at all.


Q: i used to like this guy and he liked me too ( lets call him mightymiller)for a long time. then all of a sudden we stopped talking to each other and started disliking each other. and for a long time i kept thinking about him and imagining we were dating even though i wanted nothing to do with him. and everyday on aim i wish he would start a conversation with me so i wouldnt have to talk to him first because i was afraid he would block me or say something hurtful to me. and even though i cant stand him i still wish we could talk. and part of me wants to talk to him first and tell him he made me mad because he stopped talking to me and stopped being rude to me because my friend told her crush that exact same thing and now he talks to her. and i hear if i ignore him for a long time he'll want to start talking to me because he doesnt want to be ignored. so my question is should i ignore him and wait for him to talk to me first or should i talk to him first and tell him how i feel? is ignoring him the right thing to do? and am i really over him if i want to talk him so bad and cant stop thinking about him? and what is this feeling that i have like i cant stop thinking about him but i dont want him?
I think you should go for it and tell him how you feel. I mean the worst that will happen is that he'll be a jerk and then you'll know at the same time that he obviously was the one causing the problem in the first place.

And there isn't anything wrong with ignoring him, the only thing that really is on the bad side is that you go on feeling like you should and always wonder. So, you should satisfy your curiousity by doing the brave thing.

You seem to have some feelings for this guy, but if he happens to reject you, the feelings and thoughts about being with him will fade overtime. I promise this.

So go for it, say, "hey can we talk?" and go from there. You have nothing to lose.


Q: F/15

Every since the begining of this school year I've been feeling really depressed. There are a lot of different reasons why. First of all, I dont have many friends. I have one close friend who I hang out with everyday, but sometimes she blows me off, which is understandable, to hang out with other people, and I wonder the halls alone, feeling like an idiot, wishing I were at home. I live in a small town and go to a small school so I already know everybody and its hard to make new friends when you're a sophmore in high school and everybody is separated by "levels of coolness".

Last year, life was great. I was a freshmen and I was dating a junior, who I fell for. We broke up after about 4 months and we pretty much lost all contact. Thats what hit me the hardest. I still love him but hes in love with his new girlfriend. I keep thinkin that I'll never find another guy because I've been single for months and everyday I tell myself things will get better but they never do.

I hate waking up everyday knowing that it will just be another sad, pathetic repeat of what happened the day before. I want out of this life. I want to drop out of school. Or move. Or die. I dont care anymore. Ive never felt like this before and Im really starting to scare myself. I keep thinking about killing myself. I've thought about it a couple times before but I always knew in the back of my mind that I would never do it. Now im not so sure.

Usually I would talk to someone about how im feeling to try to work things out but i have nobody to talk to. asking random people for advice on the internet is pointless too....i dont even know why im doing it. I just want to die. I want to stop hurting inside. there are so many other things going on in my life that i cant even explain on here because I dont want to tell anybody. I hate it so much.

please..........does anybody have any good advice. nothing like "try to make more friends" or "you'll get a new boyfriend, just put yourself out there" i need to hear something real.
I really feel for you in your situation. I can't even tell you how much I want to be your friend and go to your school so you won't have to feel the way you do.

Honestly, your feelings and the way you are living is so important. And you really need to pour your heart out to someone who will listen and help you feel better. Either it can be this close friend of yours, or maybe your parents or a counselor or anyone you trust.

Keeping everything a secret hurts. Especially if it's a very big secret that has so much pain. You really need to open up to someone and truly get some help at feeling like yourself again. Once you start to open up, you'll realize that people really do care about you more than you know.

You don't actually have to come out and tell them you feel like killing yourself. You just have to say that you are terribly depressed and you feel like your life isn't worthy at this point.

As for this guy, you know, it hurts very much to have to move on. And I never really get all that personal in my advice, but I'm moving on from someone too, and it hurts very deep. So I absolutely know where you're coming from.

You have a lot on your plate to deal with. School, friends, and a break-up that still hurts. You should slow down and manage everything one at a time. But not by yourself. If you try tackling everything at once, you'll feel overwhelmed.

If anything, you should start with yourself. Talk to someone and take action with your feelings.

The reason why you still hurt over this guy is because you haven't had enough of a social life to get caught up in other things. So, you should really open up to this close friend also and try to hang out with her friends too. It might seem weird, but honestly it would probably work.

If you ever need anymore advice, I'm always checking my column everyday. So please don't hesitate to contact me:)


Q: why do young teens ask for costumes that are sexy, yet not slutty?

aren't all the sexy costumes.. towards the slutty side anyway ? isn't it inappropriate to wear to school and to go trick or treating?
I agree with you on this subject. Halloween is scaryness, not sluttyness. Although a lot of girls tend to go for the sexy side because they probably want to post pictures of them on MySpace, or Facebook or anything else. I guess theres nothing wrong with that, but nevertheless



Q: I hope a lot of people read this, because I need a lot of advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months, and it's been the happiest four months I've had in a long time. Well, what happened, was before we started dating, him and his girlfriend at the time had just broken up. So, I'd log onto Myspace & she'd send me a bunch of crap saying how I was fat and ugly, and how I stole him from her. I ignored it. Honestly, I think she's insaneeee!

Anyways, I told Alex, my boyfriend when we first started dating, that I didn't mind if he talked to her, because I didn't want to seem possessive. But, like a week into them talking, he told me the stuff they were saying and I just told him he had to choose either her or me. I just didn't think it was fair, plus it made me really sad because she would constantly say how horrible of a person I am, to my boyfriend. So, he listened and stopped talking to her, then everything seemed okay, until..

randomly out of the blue like two weeks ago she sent him a message that says, "I miss you! I'm so sorry that I was mean to YOU! you have no idea how bad I feel. Please just talk to me." Alex said he wasn't going to respond to it, and that made me feel really good.

Yesterday, he had me log on to his e-mail account to send an e-mail to his teacher, I was bored so I clicked the "Sent" folder, and saw he had sent her an e-mail, and it said, "Hey. You've been trying to talk to me, so I'm assuming it's important. I can't talk to you on Myspace because Amy [ME] will see, so get on AIM sometime and we'll talk."

I told him I saw it, and he apologized like crazy, but I don't know, if I'm just getting mad for a stupid reason or what. I just really need to know, if I'm blowing this way out of proportion.

Even if you don't give me advice,
thanks for taking your time to read this.
I know you probably felt pretty awful reading that and he was definitely wrong. But, if he was apologetic that's a great sign of the fact that he cares about you and wants to keep you.

You should take some precautions like, letting him know that now it's harder to trust him because of this. Don't let him off the hook with, 'I'm so sorry' you should tell him how it makes you feel and let it out. He should listen and not even argue with what you say. Don't suffer in silence.

You should include about how you feel of this Ex girlfriend. Tell him that you really don't want to ban him from a girl, but you truly can't even stand to think that he'd sit and listen to her talk about you horribly. And then you should say that you need to hear him tell her that it's over between them and that he's into YOU not her anymore. I think hearing him tell her this would bring you so much comfort, not to mention this girl needs to hear it.

And you should also say that truly, if theres something that this girl needs to talk with him about then obviously she wants to say something to him that wouldn't be ok with you.
I really hope this guy will do the right thing and keep you.


Q: 13/f

I've been dating this guy for sometime now. It was an internet relationship, but i didnt care. He was sweet and made me feel so much better about myself in so many ways. We used to say to tell each other that we loved each other everytime we talked. But recently i he wasnt on for a while. I kept on loving him. There was a place to put if you had a special person, so I put his picture on there saying that i always will love him. When he got back on he said he didnt love me anymore. I was crushed and we've been talking about it. Now he is saying that he isnt the same type of guy and that i should judt forget about him, and he doesnt get why i still love him. the question is, why all of the sudden does he not love me? Is it because the natural male instince to run when a woman says she loves a guy?
I'm honestly tired of the answers that are against internet relationships.

I don't encourage them, but seriously, this is ridiculous. If you know the person by Phone, email, web-camera, and so on, theres really no reason you shouldn't talk to someone. The important thing is that when you decide you're in love over the net, you might be setting yourself up for major heart-break because you honestly don't know what the person is doing. So you pretty much have to be trusting or you will fall apart and ON TOP OF THAT- If you ever decide to meet someone, make an adult or someone else go with you.

Anyway, the point is that your age doesn't have much to do with this. Being thirteen doesn't mean you can't feel love. The truth is that it's not you. This guy is probably not feeling like any of this is real since it's online. But what you should do is accept that he's moving on and yes it will hurt you a lot to go on, but you have to. For someone better. I promise that this will all get better no matter how much it hurts:(


Q: I am 14/f and I am having a birthday party
Here is what I have planned so far:
--->3 girls including me, 4 boys
--->on a Saturday

-Meet at my house at 6:30
-And eat...ANY IDEAS?
-Then go to market street (like a New York type place) and play in the fountains and go get ice cream and stuff
-Come back to my house, hang out, go outside on the golf course, ravee, snack, cake and presents
-Haunted house
-Watch movies and hang out
-Go wrapping around 1ish or 2ish a.m.
-Boys go home, girls stay the night =P

It will be too cold to swim
I only want those people =P
And my boyfriend is one of them and we are all really close friends so like spin the bottle or 7 minutes in heaven would be awkward =P

But if you have ANY ideas to spice it up a little, you would be a life saver :D
Thank you soo much!
- A good place to eat is somewhere with pizza because then you can't really go wrong with people not liking the food. (Pizza Street...Cici's)

- A fun place to go is Party America. (Take goofy pictures with your girlfriends in hats)

- Board games? Not sure if you're up for that, but Clue and Twister are pretty entertaining.

- For the movies part, scary movies are always more fun than chick flicks or any of that.

- Prank calling always gets a good laugh.

- Dancing? Turn on some loud rap in the living room and just dance.

- A really fun idea would be maybe just go to the Market Street without the ice cream, go to the grocery store, buy ice cream and TONS of toppings for your own fun food project:)


Q: I used to be very shy, and due to it, my ex broke up with me. So yeah, realized that I had to change, because it showed me how bad I really was.

So I promised myself I'd get better, and I did. Now I'm outgoing, and since I regret not making those friends I could have made, I try to interact with everyone. I don't let myself get intimidated like I used to be.

Sooo, of course, there's a guy I like, and it's weird, because I had always referred to him as God-like, I guess because he was everything I LOVED (as corny as it sounds) but he was my boyfriend's (now ex) friend and so I wasn't crushing or anything.
So, sounds good, right? Made a resolution, going along with it...yeah, sounds good. Except that now that I like the guy, I'm going back to the same problem. Like, I gave him a big smile and thumbs up (it was at a soccer practice and I came to watch him)but when he came over I froze up.

Ugh! I felt so stupid, like, I was the one who invited him over but when he came, other people talked to him and I was just blushing like an idiot.
Help, please. Don't want to repeat any mistakes!
The secret to being outgoing and not freezing up is to be confident in yourself. And you should start by not calling yourself an idiot. What you did was normal and you just need to rough it and be talkative until you know him better and then before you know it, you'll feel a lot more confident around him.

You have to remind yourself that there isn't anything wrong with saying what you want and if a guy doesn't like what you say and what you're about, then they shouldn't be apart of your life in the first place. So, don't be afraid to talk and really put yourself out there because at the end of the day, it's you and you have to learn to make people deal with you as a person.


Q: I'm currently in High School, and I want to become a psychologist when I get older. Basically I won't deny anyone, whether personally I like them or not. I really love it when people confide in me and I find a lot of enjoyment in making people happy.
But, recently it's been sapping out my confidence (I've been told that I won't be able to make a difference, therefore they doubt me) and it really seems like whenever something makes me happy, someone's going to come up and cry at me until I feel guilty for feeling happy a second before.
For example, I've been receiving a lot more than passing glances from the guy I've liked (his best friend was my ex so it was very awkward). So I'm merrily walking away until someone calls me to lash out because they can't deal with their problems, but refuse to let me help 'em. I don't want to distance myself from the classmates who might need me, but I can't stop myself from feeling so down about it.
Advice would be greatly appreciated =)
Sorry it's long.
I think you should really try understanding that being a good psychologist doesn't mean making everyone elses problems' your problems.

It really just means that when someone is lashing out or is really in need, you do whatever you can to help this person and not let it get in the way of your life and your wants. It's not selfish to be happy with yourself and your life when people around you have lives that are worse. That's why God made people like you, to help people who are in need of how to be happier with life like you are.

Just like later on you'll have a few problems where you'll need to go to someone. You want to go to someone whose happy and confident because you'll get nothing if you go to a negative person.

When someone asks you for help and then refuses to let you, you should say something, like: "I really want to help you, but you seem to be pushing me away a lot. When you feel like talking about it, I'm here"

So don't feel guilty for being a happy person. It's very good that you can help people and feel great about it while feeling great about your life.


Q: honestly... Do you think age 15 and a half is too young to staart thinking about having sex when i'm like, 16?
It really depends on your morals and your true opinion.

If you happen to be in love with someone and really care for them and trust them, then I'm sure you're thinking about sex. But just remember, that theres absolutely no rush with sex and love. You can be in the deepest love and have never had sex, trust me on this.

If you're thinking about having sex with just anyone, or maybe someone you hardly know...pretty bad idea. I mean not only are you putting your body in risk of the STDs, pregnancy and all of that, but you could get pretty emotionally damaged from it. I mean if you've never had sex and you just go and do it with someone, could you imagine just throwing your virginity away and not having somewhat of an emotional attachment to that?

But really, this is up to you. Everyone thinks about sex or having it, but nobody can really tell you when you can do it. Just always remember that before doing something that big, that you watch out for yourself from getting hurt.


Q: I just got a HORRIBLE grade on a test. Definitely failed. I've never gotten a grade so low, and I don't know what to do or think. I can't make it up or get extra credit. I keep crying and I've never gotten under a B+ on my report card. I know you guys can't help me magically change my grade, but any words of comfort? Thanks so much.
Just try and remember that everyone fails, it's not unusual, sometimes things just happen and it's ok. You'll be ok after this passes.

Is there something you could have done better for the test? More studying? More paying attention in that class? If theres improvement needed, just take a mental note of that and try harder. Theres always room for improvement.

The best thing you can do right now is take your mind off of this. Spend time with friends, or go out with your family if you can. You deserve to have sometime to have fun and no work too. Remember you're only human, you aren't perfect. I hope this helps:)


Q: how do i bring up to my family and friends that ive been lieing to them about not self-injurying anymore?
I'd say the best way to approach your family is to sit down with all or a family member and just say,

"I've been really (however you feel) and I have been cutting. I know I said that I haven't, but I didn't want to make anyone upset."


Q: 15/f

god i hate living. it's been this way since i was 13- i have living. I can't stand it. I'm sick of waking up in the morning with nothing to look foreward to. Crying and eating is all i'm good for. Nothing brings me joy- absolutely nothing. I've tried everything- therapy, counseling, cutting... EVERYTHING.

nothing helps me.

i want to die so badly just to escape this living hell that we call life- but the problem is i can't bring myself to ever do it because i'm afraid of the freaking pain.

i don't have any friends or a boyfriend. no one knows me, if they did- they'd hate me.

i have depression/anxiety problems, ADD intattentive type, a metabolic disorder, and a social phobia. No one in real life knows this exept my therapist.

what should i do. im crying even as i write this. it's just gone on for too long. 2 freaking years.
You do sound very miserable and you don't deserve this. But, you should never think you've ran out of options, because if you laid everything down on the table to someone, I think they'd be more than willing to help. It's really time to make your situation known to your parents or whoever takes care of you and not just your therapist.

If you cut and everything you've stated in this question is true, then yes, you'll need more help than just therapy and counseling. You need to check yourself in somewhere and get serious attention because you definitely don't deserve to feel this way.

A lot of your problems, the root of it I'd say is your self-esteem. You say that if you had friends they'd hate you. Saying that all your good for is crying and eating. This is so far from the truth. You really do friends and if you really don't have at least one friend you can talk to or hang out with, then your family needs to know everything thats going on even if it means they might freak out or be mildly shocked. So my advice to you is to tell your family or at least one person so that you can move on and get higher help because that's what you need. And you aren't alone, if you do need someone to talk to, my inbox is available to leave messages:)


Q: My past boyfriend cheated and lied to me alot, the lying was on a daily basis. We broke up after 7 months of this. Its been three weeks since the break up, and he does everything in his power to flirt in front of me with all my friends. I try not to let it bother me, I really do; but it makes me so angry! I don't acknowledge it until I get home and I just get so frustrated and take it out on my family. I can't get my friends to realize that he's a liar and a cheater, he's just playing them! I'm not sure what to do, he's driving me insane!
Your anger is so normal to be feeling and the way you are handling it isn't wrong. Your friends are in the wrong for even thinking to talk to this guy in front of you. And for those friends are are doing that to you deserve to be lied to, honestly, these are very untrue friends.

Just remember that this guy only feeds on you watching him flirt and be upset. What you need to do is get away. If your in the same class, he is invisible, as hard as that is, you have to convince yourself that he is nothing. If your friend is off flirting with him and falling for his lies, let her fall for it. Just don't be there to watch it.

I would also consider thinking about your real friendships. If these friends mean something to you, you need to tell them that you are very hurt by this and that if it continues, you will keep your distance with them. If you want to get away from him, you need to get away from them, the ones who are involved with flirting with him.

As for coming home to your family, you should really think about the fact that home is where you want to be because it's not where this guy is. Maybe you should talk to someone or do something that relieves your anger without damaging people or effects the way you act. Maybe writing, poetry, punching a pillow, any of that could work. I hope this helps:)


Q: My friend (like my best friend) was just talking to me about how she used to be so popular last year but this year shes not. It felt like she was putting me down because we hang out everyday at lunch and always call each other and everything. I've never really been popular. I've got a bunch of friends but usually i only hang out with one or two people all the time. So I don't know what she was telling me by saying that. It's like I'm not good enough to be her friend or something and she's only hanging out with me to have someone to hang out with. What should I do? Should I talk to her about it? Ignore it? Or just find someone new to hang out with who actually likes being my friend? Any advice you could give me would be great. Thanks :)
Maybe your friend didn't mean to sound harsh when she said that, but it definitely doesn't hurt to have more than one friend because usually things will happen with your friend and you can't vent to anyone else because she's your one friend.

Just remember that being popular doesn't mean being a bitch to people and making out with all of the good looking guys. It means that you are liked by tons of people because you are nice to everyone and don't make fun of people. But, you should definitely make more friends and get closer to other friends.


My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.



Member Since:
January 18, 2005


Last Update:
December 8, 2007


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