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My First Boyfriend
I apologize in advance because this is going to be pretty long. I'm a sixteen year old girl and I've been single my entire life up until now. I met this great guy at work, and we both liked each other. Our first date was absolutely perfect. It was more of a date to make things official seeing as we already knew a lot about each other. He gave me a red rose, we held hands in the mall, cuddled in the movies, and he kissed me goodnight in the rain. It was perfect. With this being my first relationship ever, I'm freaking out. I know you're not supposed to kiss on the first date, and I wasn't exactly ready for it either. I know that in a relationship, a guy is going to want something "more" than what I'm willing to give. My morals are that I don't want to go past kissing wiht a guy until I'm married. I'm not ready for anything sexual...I'm only 16! Everyone has told me that before you love someone else, you have to love yourself. That could be an issue with me, since I'm full of self-loathing and I have no self-esteem. I can't understand how a guy would pick me in the first place. My internal conflicts are seriously creating a huge dilemma for me and I don't know what to do anymore. This guy made me so happy at first. I could not stop talking about him and I was so happy for once in my life. But now that things are moving faster, I'm freaking out and instead of smiling all the time, I cry. I don't want to give up something like this...what I've longed for my entire life. At the same time, I can't just ignore my issues. I need help. Please tell me what to do. :'( Thank you so much.
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come on girl your are just 16 dont let unessesary issues to worry you.its a good thing you are clear about the limits you want in a relationship keep up the good attitude.come on if you are not comfortable about kissing and stuff you can always say NO and if the guy really love you he will respect your decision.you must have confidents in yourself than the relationship will go smooth and the guy will look up to you.everyone is unique so dont ever look down at yourself im sure you are special in your own way.explore life stop worrying for small issues.life is too short.god bless you.
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wow, that is some problem youve got there. but im here to help you. the next time you look in the mirror i want you to say what you like about yourself. say i am beautiful and my boyfriend loves me. YOU ARE SPECIAL! even if you dont think you are. every person is beautiful in there own way. this may sound really corny to you but its true! listen, i can tell that you really like this guy so just go with the flow. you are strong and you can do anything you put your mind to. just keep telling yourself that. and you dont have to do anything your not ready for. not every guy wants to have sex just like that. if he wants to have sex with you just tell him strait up that your not ready for that yet. if he likes you then he will understand. trust me on this one. its ok to love someone.....and its ok to love yourself. rember that you are beautiful and no madder WHAT happens you will always have yourslef to depend on. i hope i helped and feel free to ask me anything else.
♥ leah
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keep the relationship at the pace you want it to go.. your in control of your feelings in the relationship just because you really like this guy doesnt mean that you have to put aside your feelings in order to make him happy, make your self happy do what YOU want to do not what he wants you to do.
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You're worried because your first relationship is too perfect? I wish I was worried like that.
Look, if the guy hasn't actually gone farther than you want to, then he hasn't ruined your morals. You shouldn't go around comparing him to other guys who want to go faster. Some guys want to go slowly.
If he wants to go faster than you, tell him you don't want to go that far. If he cares for you, he'll understand and back off.
Myabe because he likes you? You're not that bad of a person so don't tell yourself you are. So you have problems to work through, every relationship has them. You can work through them, and still keep him as a boyfriend.
If you seriously think you need help, try a psychiatrist. Because you deserve to be happy!
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well, my advice is take it as slow as possible. Honestly if he wants to do something your not ready for, then tell him. Most likely he will respect your answer. But if he doesnt, then he honestly isnt worth it in the first place. Just remember take things as slow as possible, and remember, its about you. If he wont respect your wishes, he isnt worht it. hope i helped sweetheart.
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First off its okay to kiss on the first date. You shouldn't be getting so upset over things that haven't even happened yet. Either he agrees with your morals or he doesn't. Before you get in any deeper have a talk with him about how you feel. He may feel the same. You are making yourself miserable for no reason. Talk with him first and enjoy yourself until he gives you reason not to. :)
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wow! that 1st date seems so romantic..kissin in the rain is awesom but yeah love doesn't have any true written out "rules" to how things are supposed to go and no one said you HAVE to give more than what you want to. talk with this guy and let him know up front that you have morals that you would really like to stick to. if he is right for you and respects you then he should understand this and be reasonable about this subject, no reason to cry over this babe!
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First off, there's no hard and fast rule that you can't kiss on the first date. I don't know who you've been talking to but it seems to me they have you a bit confused.
Not all guys are going to push for more. If the guy really cares about you, he will respect your decision to wait on sex. You should talk to him; he may even feel the same way. If he's ready for sex and you're not, do not let him push you into it. I realize that this is your first real relationship, but changing your morals to please someone else will leave you miserable in the end. My first real date was at 16 and I let the guy push me into sex even though I wasn't ready. I regret it to this day because I couldn't give my virginity to my husband.
It is true that to love someone, you have to love yourself. I've often found though that with the right guy, self-loathing and low self-esteem go right out the window and take care of theirselves. It's obvious that this guy likes you and wants to be with you, otherwise you wouldn't be together. Instead of worrying about why he's with you, concentrate on how happy he makes you, how he makes you feel when you're with him, etc. If the low self-esteem and self-loathing are seriously interfering with your life and relationships, talk to your parents about getting counseling.
Take things slow, put whatever you've heard about guys out of your head (not all guys are like that), and enjoy your first relationship. Follow your heart but think with your head too. I'm sure it will work out fine.
Good luck. I wish you all the best in your new relationship.
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it sounds like you have the perfect boyfriend, he sounds like a nice guy so i wouldnt worry about your inexperience and wanting to wait before you do anything sexual. just go on how you are, its lovely at the first stages of a relationship when your all kissy and cuddly, and it seems as though you both really like eachother.
i was 16 when i got my first boyfriend too and was very insecure but you'll find now you have a nice boyfriend who likes (or loves) you for being you then your confience will grow.
you're scared because your so happy and its all so new and you've found a lovely guy who you really want to be with, you're worried it will all go a bit pear shaped. its natural to worry about those things but dont get upset, you've got yourself a gentleman. have a quiet chat with him about how you feel, dont make a big deal about it, just tell him that you really love being with him and love what you have together but your not ready to do anything sexual yet. if he's the gentleman he sounds like then he'll tell you its ok and you have nothing to worry about.
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anonymous -
Let the guy know how you feel. Gently tell him that you feel things are going too fast and you'd like it to slow down a tad. He should understand, and if he were a good guy, he'd follow through for you.
As for your personal problems with yourself, keep it to yourself. I feel the same way as you do with no self-esteem, and by boyfriend knows I feel that way and gets angry when I say bad things about myself because he thinks that I'm wrong. But when I shove it aside, things are ok between us. I'm not saying for you to totally ignore your problems, but figure out a way to solve it. Make a list of your qualities and acknowledge that they are far more important than any flow that you possess. Remember, nobody's perfect, and flaws are a part of what makes us who we are, it's what makes us unique. Be grateful.
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*raises a glass* to your morals *sips and sets the glass down*
As far as the moral issue goes, tell him you are not willing to go beyond kissing, and stick to it.
However, regarding your personal issues, I really don't think you are ready for a serious relatinoship. It is so very true that you must love yourself before you can love another. I had to learn that the hard way (though in my case, it made me blindly accept without considering things first). I would suggest you tell him that you think he's a wonderful person (and everything else), and that you really want to go out with him, but that you aren't ready, and explain why. Ask him if he will be your friend for a while longer, and tell him you want to go out later, when you are able to do so.
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I am 16 as well, and I have the exact same morals. I don't want to have sex until I am married. I don't think you should be scared that a guy wants to go out with you, just take things slow. Tell him what you want, and show him who you are! If he doesn't like you, or respect you for the way you view things..you don't need him! I have no self-esteem either! And guys are going to make you cry..it happens to everyone, probably more than once. Don't think about things too much because that will just get you worried and you won't know what to do, and that could cause you to make the wrong decision! Don't doubt yourself. Tell yourself that you are beautiful and you deserve a boyfriend, because you probably do! You have nothing to be worried about unless he starts taking things too far, or trying to get you to do something you don't like! Good Luck!
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Wow, first of all I would like to say good for you. Most girls are really eager to go ahead and do sexual things. You can't be exactly sure if this guy wants to do anything really sexual right away, unless you ask. You should tell him your morals and let him understand. If he is really that great of a guy, then he'll still like you no matter what.
♥ Megan
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its ok!! really, you broke a rule (oh no braintumors!) and really love isnt supposed to be played by the rules. you dont have to give him "more" than that. just next time you are with him talk about your morals and expectations. i know its kinda a weird thing to bring up, but once i got that out and told my bf, it was good...he agreed with me. you dont have to do anything sexual to show someone you love them...think of it this way, your parents and grandparents love you and they would never want oral from you would they?? yeah it might be said that you have to love yourself first but thats another thing that doesnt always apply. i can see where the internal conflict could change things but what made you change your mind...was it something more than just the kiss on the first date?? its ok to cry, just do what makes you happy. YOU DONT HAVE TO MOVE AT HIS PACE!! tell him to wait for you and not do more. i think you should talk it through with someone. let me know if i can be of any help!! <3
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okay you should stick with your morals and sit him down and tell them what they are...you shouldn't dump him because of them either. tell him your not ready for anything sexual and he should back away if he cares
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