Two weeks before starting our first year of college (at the same university), my boyfriend broke up with me when I brought up how we were leaving so soon and things seemed up in the air with us. I was very much in love with him; he was my first, we dated for a little over a year, we were always there for each other, and none of our friends ever saw the breakup coming. We hang out in the same group of friends, so by the time the news got around most people were already at school.
I visited my best friend that following weekend to get my mind off of it, but at the end of the night I ended up being left by myself in this guy's apartment where he raped me. I didn't tell her (I really didn't want to make her feel like a bad friend, she was drunk and thought I was already gone), and all my other friends were in college already so I didn't want to bother them with my problems, and my parents would freak out and probably make me stay at home, and plus it can't get any more sad; it was the day before my 18th birthday. I'm the kind of person who hates being felt sorry for, and I would rather put it at the back of my mind.
Anyway, back to my ex: we planned on remaining good friends, but after arriving here, we starting ignoring each other, he would do anything to avoid me, and vice versa. I avoided him because I didn't know how to deal with my situation, and I cared about him so I didn't want that hanging over his head too, I would rather him be able to have fun his first year of college without worrying about his ex and her sob story. I have no idea why he is ignoring me, but as winter break is approaching, our group of friends is set on hanging out, and I'm nervous about seeing him; when our mutual friends came up last month to visit he avoided seeing me and we had to take turns taking them out (mature, I know). If we talk, should I explain to him what happened? Would he not care? We're in a band together too so we're basically forced to interact, and I feel like what happened to me was relevant to the way things ended between us. But I know that's not something a guy wants to hear about an ex, which is why I didn't say anything in the first place. Help!
Dear Anonymous -
First off, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Though not exactly the same situation, I can empathize with where you are coming from with what happened.
In my honest opinion, since your ex-boyfriend hasn't been expressing interest in speaking with you and makes a great effort in trying to avoid any interaction with you, I wouldn't bother telling him. There's really no point and in my opinion, especially since it seems like he doesn't want to have anything to do with you. His reaction(s), or lack thereof, might end up making you feel worse.
As far as your friend goes, I would tell her what happened. She might feel bad initially, but what you're going through isn't easy and you're at a point where you need her the most. I'm sure she will understand.
I know that it's really hard to deal with what happened, and you feel as though you don't have anyone you can talk to about it without feeling like a burden, being afraid of being treated differently because of it, and feel like nobody will understand. I was in that situation, and what I found that helped me was to call the rape hotlines, join rape-victim forums, talk to a victim's advocate, seek counseling, or some other method that involves getting these feelings off your chest.
Hope this helps and I hope things work out for you. :)
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ok so i took a pregnancy test out of its wrapper (which it says to do immediately before use) and took the cap off and started to pee on it but it turns out i didnt really have to pee that much and only like a drop or two came out and i dont even know if any got on the test... so i put the cap back on.. nothing showed up on the screen or anything... than i used it a few hours later and it says negative... do you think this is accurate or should i get a new one?
Dear Anonymous -
I would get another one as a backup. Also, it's recommended to take it first thing in the morning since the pregnancy hormone is more concentrated in your urine during this time. This way, the results are more likely be accurate.
Hope this helps!
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How do i persude my parents to let me become scene/emo?I mean i've tried every way possible it seams but they wont have it!!!
Dear Anonymous -
I think your parents might interpret being scene/emo as a bad thing since behaviors like depression and cutting are associated with the trend. I'd talk with them and clarify that you are only interested in the fashion.
If that's not the case and your parents think scene/emo fashion is distasteful, try to compromise with them...maybe dressing up that way only to school or to the mall, but not during formal/family functions.
Hope this helps!
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So I haven't taken the SATs because i'm going to community college after high school, but eventually i think i might want to transfer. I was under the impression that if your transferring out of community college to a university, you don't need SAT scores? I just need some clarification, thanks.
17/f, high school senior
Dear 17/f,
It really depends on where the university will be located once you want to transfer. If I remember correctly, SATs are required for applying into out-of-state schools, ACTs are for in-state. To confirm though, I'd call your academic advisor just in case.
Hope this helps!
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Hey 14f i don't know if this is in the right category?
Okay, lately I haven't been feeling like myself. I've been worrying a lot lately and feeling sad. (i'm usually a worrier), but this week it's different every morning this week i had a nervous feeling in my stomach (plus the feelings from my period.) I don't know if its from my period or not? I've been less talkative to my friends and everything..I even walk away quickly in the hallway not even waiting for my bf. I feel so upset this week. I'm not the most popular girl in the school, and usually i don't care. Now i do, i wonder what the hell does my boyfriend see in me? I feel like i'm not skinny enough, even when i look like i'm fine. I remember(this was awhile agoo) I was having this horrible fight with my friends and every morning i made myself vomit because of all my nerves, i didnt really "make" myself i didn't stick my finger down my throat i just threw up.. and it made me look horrible and my friends were really worried about me and i was worried to. I stopped that i don't do that anymore but i'm worried i will. Am i just feeling this way because of my period? I think that's it but i really want to learn to not feel so sad for myself because yes a lot of people don' t like me, but i have A LOT of good friends that a lot of those "popular girls" don't have. A lot of people have things worse than me and i really need to bump up my self esteem? Can anyone help me with that? thanks for everyones help, i appreciate it :)
Hey 14/f,
I don't think what's going on is anything serious, considering your age and your period. It's common for a lot of teen girls (heck, I'm 23 and still get those feelings occasionally) to feel insecure, upset, and sad for no apparent reason. I think when these feelings start to get excessive, should you start considering outside help. I think it's great that you are acknowledging these behavioral problems and are aware that most of the negative thoughts are irrational. That shows that you have a good sense of awareness and aren't stuck in a false sense of reality.
A lot of times when I feel that way, I am at a point where I am evaluating yourself and everything associated with my life. I subconsciously began to question people I know and their loyalty to me, and start criticizing every aspect of myself wondering if I am who I want myself to be. Throughout this period, I, too, wanted time to myself.
I'm not going to assume you're going through the same thing, but some things that might help are writing in a journal to "purge" these feelings out (it works wonders for me...it keeps me in check about my feelings and helps me better understand a situation so I can handle it appropriately), making a list of your qualities, and/or spending one day strictly devoted to things you enjoy.
I hope this helps. :)
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I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for; what kind of advice I need. I don't even know if I need advice.
I'm 13/f, btw.
Last year (2005), during the summer, I met with a guy I knew over the internet. He'd told me that he was 14, and lived about 30 miles from my house. I met up with him, and well, it turned out he wasn't exactly what I expected. Things happened, that, well, weren't exactly supposed to happen. I personally just don't like the term "rape" but sure, lets use it. Since, no matter how much I hate the word, it's what happened.
I've done a pretty good job at hiding it from everyone. Luckily, I have heavy periods, and so I was on the pill at the time to make my bleeding lighter, so I didn't get pregnant. I was 12 at the time. Should I be hiding it from everyone? I've told three people so far. One of them, it was on accident, but she ignored it as if I had never said it. I've also told a good guy friend of mine, let's call him Anthony, but I don't think I can really trust him with the information. And I've also told my boyfriend, let's call him Andrew. He thinks I should tell someone, the poliece, or something. But I refuse to. It's just a weird feeling. I don't really want people to know, I don't really want people to do anything about it. But I don't know, should I tell more people? Like my mom, or the poliece? The guy, well, he told me that if I ever told anyone about it he'd track me down and kill me. And I know some people would think it stupid to listen to a threat like that, but I don't know. I really just don't know what to do. It's like it keeps coming back to haunt me. I was doing a good job at ignoring it, forgeting about it, but lately, it just hasnt been working.
Sorry it's so long.
anonymous -
Honestly, I think you should trust your own instinct and tell the police. Who knows what other girls he may be victimizing?
But one thing is for sure, you should try your best to provide as much proof and evidence as possible. Maybe print and submit an online conversation, if still in contact or if you have it on record on your computer. With that, you can possibly put the guy in jail.
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I currently can do a mile in a little over 10 minutes. how can i get this down to like 8 minutes or less for track??
please help
anonymous -
What I've found that helps a bit is to get those ankle weights. It is basically similar to a fanny pack for your ankles and you can insert a desired amount of weights in them. Jog on those and gradually increase the weights every week or every other week with an extra pound.
How this helps? You will be "tricking" your body into thinking that you have some extra weight to carry. Your legs will then work slowly get used to the added weight. During a track meet, take the weights off, and you will begin to run a lot faster.
Since your body got used to the weights, when you take them off, you will feel "lighter" and will then run a little faster.
Hope this helps.
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ok im in 8th grade and 13 years old...and ive had my eye on this girl since 5th grade...i gave her starbursts so she would get the point but she thought i was just being nice...shes falling out of a good relation ship thats dieing hard...and i was wondering...how long do you typically wait to ask out a girl, who's just getting out of a relationship...and she doesnt really care much for me annnnd to top it all off we dont go to the same school...but she's an amazing girl...13/m and i would prefer girls answering this Question
anonymous -
From a girl's point of view, Starbursts doesn't hint that your interested. It's a kind gesture, but we're not going to get the hidden meaning unless you make it obvious! :P
Since she just got out of a relationship, I'd give her a little time to figure out what she really wants, whether it's to stay single for awhile or scope out some new guys. But one thing I would suggest is that you always be there for her.
I know guys have heard horror stories about being in the "friend zone" but they're not all true. I've actually considered dating a couple of my guy friends because they were so understanding, considerate, and caring. So be there when she needs you, talk to her when you get the chance.
Once you see her begin to overcome her feelings for the relationship {i.e. hanging out with friends more, smiling/laughing more often, flirting with boys, etc), then I'd ask her out for a movie...maybe as a group date to limit the pressure.
Hope this helps.
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I have this male colleague that I consider as one of my closest friend in the office. Everything changed when our officemates started making some jokes that he was gay. I asked him straight out if he is and he swears to me he's not. Carrying on with our friendship, we went on a drinking spree with some friends. Tipsy, he started to get touchy-feely all over me and in a joking manner he was suggesting that we go home together in his house. Eversince then, he would praise my looks and point blank flirt with me in a casual manner? I wonder now if he's doin this to erase the rumor that he is gay or he's seriously flirting with me? Either way shall I continue to befriend him?
anonymous -
I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be friends with him.
I know that you will feel flattered with the attention, compliments, and whatnot, but to be on the safe side, I'd suggest that you should keep it friends. Some friendships that lead on into relationships can't be rekindled because of the love history the two friends once shared...
But if you're willing to date him, it's your call. As for the original question regarding friendship, keep the friendship for the time being.
Hope this helps.
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I am 25. She is 22. Together we have spent almost half a year together. However She has broken up with me after seeing a pornsite on my computer. My question is why has she now turned her back on me. Why has she cut off all means of comunication with me. I mean we were so close. I did everything for her. I held her when she cried. I gave her flowers when she least expected it. I did everything for her. Now she wont even look at me. I am so confused. I mean she wont even talk to me. I love this girl and would do anything to get her back. I am not much of a comunicator. How can I win her back when it seems hopeless. PLease help me.
anonymous -
Although it is most likely that she will not answer when you call her phone, I would suggest that you leave her a heartfelt voicemail, or better yet email or letter explaining the whole ordeal.
Explain to her that a porn site doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that you love looking at those girls more than you enjoy laying your eyes upon her beauty. Explain to her WHY you have a porn site there in the first place. Perhaps educating yourself on how to pleasure her, to make that special moment unforgettable and amazing for her because she really means THAT MUCH to you. Depending on how serious you two were together and depending on how intimate, I'd use that line...that is, if it really was your intention.
But you get all that out of the way, pour your heart out to her. Apologize if need be, and explain to her in words how much you really love her. Put your thoughts, feelings, and emotions into words. Words can do great things.
I hope this helps! Good luck!
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hi ...i have acne marks n i need help how can i hide them..actually i was reading one of your answers...it was abou the difference between foundation and concealer..and i was reading your answer...you said in the end that you can tell how to hide blemishes...i will really appreciate if you help me here..
anonymous -
Well, I need to know a little more information. I'm not sure if you're talking acne marks as in old dried out pimples that have left scars, or actual pimples. Anyhow, I'll try my best with the info that you've provided.
If it's acne scars your talking about, first off, I know that some have recommended vitamin e oil to fade the scars away. Of course, that will take quite a bit of time to notice a difference. Cocoa butter works for scars in general, but because of the oil content, I'm not sure if you should use it on your face.
Also, I've heard the aspririn mask works great wonders on reducing scars and pore size. What you do is get a couple of aspirin pills (tylenol or advil will NOT work, only aspirin) and add a few drops of water to make it into a paste. Add honey if desired to help it to stay on your face instead of flaking off. I've tried it myself, it didn't reduce it significantly for me, but you can try it and see if it works for you. Here is a link on it's reviews:
http://makeupalley.com/product/showreview.asp/ItemID=14129/Aspirin_Mask/Unlisted_Brand/Masks/
What I would suggest is to TREAT and DISGUISE those scars...until they go away completely at least. :)
So try a few of the tips above to treat the scars; not everyday though, I'd say every two days or so to treat. To hide it, some use concealer, but I wouldn't recommend it since it is supposed to be a shade LIGHTER than your skin tone...which would make it stand out, which is what you DON'T want.
What I do that I find effective is to wash your face with a good soap, pat dry, and begin applying FOUNDATION. First, choose a foundation that you particularly like, especially one that specifies dermatoligist recommended, or oil-free, etc. on the packaging (to prevent further pimples, and scars for that matter). I currently use Revlon Colorstay Foundation which has great staying power and I haven't broken out yet...look into joining makeupalley.com for reviews on numerous cosmetic products so you can research before you buy.
Another thing is that you MUST MUST MUST find the color of foundation that EXACTLY matches your skin tone so it blends in during application.
Then find a good foundation brush (or use your fingers) which is completely optional. I find that Sonia Kashuk's makeup brushes work great [available at Target].
Get a little foundation on your finger and dab the bit of foundation on your finger with the brush. Gently and lightly dab a little bit of foundation on the scars you want to cover and use a triangular cosmetic sponge to lightly pat the spot and lightly smudge AROUND the scar you're trying to hide. If you smudge the spot where the scar is located, the scar will still show.
After the foundation is fully blended to cover the scar, get a loose powder brush, dab into some loose powder, and lightly brush over the spot you just applied foundation. If the scar is still visible, repeat this step until it is hidden.
To prevent your face from having foundation splotches all over the place (which shouldn't be very obvious by the way), you use your triangular sponge, dab a little foundation onto the sponge and use all over your face in very LIGHT strokes so that your skin tone is even. Lightly brush with loose powder and you should be set!
Note: the reason for the loose powder is to "set" the foundation so that it will stay put all day! Just a simple trick of the trade!
I know that was a lot to read, so I'll summarize it for you:
Treatment options:
1. aspirin mask
2. vitamin e oil
Makeup essentials:
1. skin friendly foundation [must match skin tone]
2. loose powder
Optional tools:
1. triangular makeup sponges
2. foundation brush
3. loose powder brush
Total: should be less than $25
I really hope this helps. I've broken out a lot before, and even now I still have acne scars...I find this method works best for me, but explore the various options out there if you can. :) If anything, give me another holler if you have any more questions!
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i need some ideas as to where to go on dates. and dont say the movies.. thats where i always go & so does everyone else. it gets old & boring after a while. thanks a bunch =]
anonymous -
-bowling
-theme park
-snowboarding/skiing
-skating
-restaurant
-trip downtown
-museum
-car show
-concert
-walk in the park
-the zoo
-art exhibit
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Okay i've got a really bad confidence problem.
I feel ugly ALL the time and get jealous when i see pretty girls, i wish that was me.
But like.. im not the ugliest person ever but im not pretty either.
i really need a confidence boost im going on holiday soon with a mate who i totally have a crush on but im gonig to be so ashamed of my looks and body and im going to be totally embarrassed.
How can i get my confidence level up and feel beautiful?
anonymous -
For a quick confidence boost, treat yourself to a mini makeover before you leave for holiday. Browse magazines and look for a hairstyle you like, get a haircut, go to a makeup counter in a department store and get your makeup done for free (and ask for makeup tips during application), and go shopping for a few new outfits.
If you are on a budget, just improvise.
But most importantly, accept yourself for who you are. I know it's hard because I've been down that same road before, but nothing is more attractive than self-confidence.
A little note for reassurance, the guys that date girls solely on looks are usually assholes. The good guys will accept you for who you are, and on a plus side...guys like girls with some meat on them compared to skinny minny girls.
Send me a note in my inbox if you'd like to talk :)
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This is a question for the girls. I have to wear white pants tomorrow at school and just my luck i got my period today! And of course when i get my period i get paranoid about having leaks. My sister has tampax pearl tampons that are super and i dont think thats the size i need and i cant get ahold of her to ask. But my question is which is better to prevent leaks pads or tampons?If tampons which is best to use? If any of you use tampax pearl have u ever had any leaks? Thanks a bunch!!
anonymous -
Just a warning before I give you advice, since I'm assuming you're a teen, try to avoid the SUPER SIZE tampons. There's a warning on the instructions that come with the box of TSS syndrome which can be deadly. So just try to stick with the regulars :)
But my advice to prevent any sudden mishaps is to use both! Use a tampon (the Tampax Pearl is great) and stick a thin pad on your underwear so it doesn't bulk up. Make sure to have extras handy in your purse just in case you feel it coming down.
Hope this helps!
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I really want to get a chin implant and have the bridge of my nose shaved down a little bit but my mom is completely against it because she thinks I'm changing the way God made me. I've been really self-concious my whole life and I would think that my mom would want me to feel as good as I can about myself but she just won't budge, no matter what I tell her.
I really need advice. I know that I can get plastic surgery when I'm 18 without parental consent but I'd like to have my mom on my side with this. Is there anything I can say or do to get my mom to get over her fear of me getting cosmetic surgery?
anonymous -
Although I agree with your mother, I think there may be a way to not pursuade her into agreeing with you, but to help her understand why you want to commit to plastic surgery.
You need you sit down and have a civil conversation with her. Tell her flat out why you want to have the surgery done...whether it's to make you feel better about yourself (which in turn gives you confidence and can change your social life) and that's what's most important to you right now.
I'm sorry I can't offer much advice, but basically just try and have her see both sides of this situation. Another important thing is for YOU to see both sides...listen to what your mother has to say as well.
Hope this helps.
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sry if this is in the wrong category. ok, so my high school is having their blood drive tomorrow, and they were going over what you had fill out before giving. and there was some mention of sexual history. for those who donated before, do you have to tell about your sex life? i understand that its probably confendential, but i prefer not to give that out in my high school.
anonymous -
When you give out blood, the only sexual information they ask of you is to answer a yes or no question on whether or not you (if male) have had unprotected sex with another male, or if you had sex with a male who has had unprotected sex with another male. It doesn't ask about any other sexual history other than that.
Hope this helps.
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I've decided I want to be more in shape and eat healthier. I don't neccasarily need to loose weight, 5'4" - 135 lbs. But I just want to tone up and eat better. Can anyone suggest work out plans / healthy eating habits / or websites to give me this information? It is greatly appreciated, getting ready for summer/prom =]
Thanks
anonymous -
1. Do circut training at least three times a week. What you do is you combine cardio workouts (jogging, jumping jacks, jumping rope, running, etc.) with strength toning exercises (crunches, weights, etc.). Gradually work your way up if you're a novice from 30 minutes up to an hour for every suceeding week.
The cardio burns the calories, and doing toning exercises directly after the cardio focuses the calorie burning in the desired area. It's very effective.
2. Drink a lot of water. The recommended amount is 8 glasses a day. That is a lot to ask for, but try your best by drinking a glass before a meal, during a meal, and after a meal. It gives you the impression that your stomach is full, so you can tone down your appetite when you eat.
3. Believe it or not, eat more often once you begin to adapt this lifestyle, I'd say after three or four weeks. Why is because once your body begins getting used to your active lifestyle, your body will need more energy in order to keep up with you. Where does energy come from? Food.
4. As for websites, there are plenty out there. There aren't any I can recommend off the top of my head, but explore official websites like magazine sites of Self magazine, etc.
Hope this helps.
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Hi! I recently got out of the military. I want to start my schooling, but don't what to major in. I know a job in the medical field would give me great satisfaction. Of course there are so many jobs and specialties to choose from. I want to ultimately pursue a career as a dermatologist. Because the schooling is extensive, and standard for grades high, it can be intimidating. I considered a registered nursing degree. This is a popular profession nowadays and the programs are VERY competetive. I don't know what to do.
Thank you for your help!!!
Jillian
Jillian -
I have two suggestions that you may want to take into consideration: dentistry and pharmacy.
With these two career fields, it is not required of you to declare a major. You will only need to fulfill the pre-requisites like chemistry, organic chemistry, biology, english, the basics. After completing these, you are eligible to apply to dentistry/pharmacy school. If you are not accepted, you may want to declare a major; I hear that it is encouraged.
Both are very competitive also, but I know for sure that in pharmacy that you will almost be guaranteed a job not long after completing pharmacy school. The demand is high, and probably always will be with the ever-changing pharmaceutical industry.
And a bonus is that both of these careers pay exceptionally well!
Hope this helps!
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what is cardio excersice?
anonymous -
Cardio exercise is a form of exercise specialized to get your heart rate up in order to burn calories. A few cardio exercises include: jumping rope, jogging, running, jumping jacks, dancing, etc.
Hope this helps.
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I am confused. I really need someone I can talk to about things, but I don't know who to turn to. My friends are great, but I just can't talk to them. My parents are great too, but I can't talk to them either. I don't know what to do. I was considering going to the school guidance counselor, but I'm afraid to. I'm sort of afraid of guidance counselors in general anyway. I really want someone to talk to about some things that go on in my head, but I am afraid to, if that makes any sense. I'm also annoyingly specific and paranoid about who I talk to. It has to be a person person. As in, someone who I can see who can be in the same room as me. Online stuff has never worked for me. And...it has to be an adult...or at least someone older than me who I look up to.
I've never trusted people before and I don't know how to now. I suppose I could always try and talk to the guidance counselor or someone like that, but I am really scared of my guidance counselor. I'm not as afraid of the other ones, but since they are all guidance counselors, I can't help being afraid of them. I also don't want to get myself admitted to a hospital and would really prefer that they didn't tell my parents. It's not like I'm doing anything terrible; I mean, I'm alive, aren't I? But I think that if I said too much most people would freak out. I guess my mind is just a little mixed up sometimes and people can't handle that. But how can I figure out what's real and what's not and all that other confusing stuff without help? I need someone to talk to but I'm afraid that bad things will happen. What do I do?
anonymous -
I can understand that your paranoia envelops you in fear of being criticized. You need to find someone who is understanding, open-minded, and respectful to talk to. You can find a lot of people like that here on advicenators. The best part is, you're confidentiality depends on you.
If you'd like, I will personally volunteer to be someone to speak to. I don't judge people if I do not know them, I am very optimistic and understanding. I do not make assumptions nor do I jump to conclusions based on information given. I often ask for clarification and am online often. If you are interested, my email is mylinhthan@hotmail.com and my AOL IM screename is mylinh3o3 (I'd suggest you contact me via email considering that my AIM seems to crash a lot lately).
To make you feel a little more at ease, everyone has unusual thoughts, some probably more unusual than you may think. Nobody is perfect.
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