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the truth is, i'm not so sure what i'm looking for
I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for; what kind of advice I need. I don't even know if I need advice.
I'm 13/f, btw.
Last year (2005), during the summer, I met with a guy I knew over the internet. He'd told me that he was 14, and lived about 30 miles from my house. I met up with him, and well, it turned out he wasn't exactly what I expected. Things happened, that, well, weren't exactly supposed to happen. I personally just don't like the term "rape" but sure, lets use it. Since, no matter how much I hate the word, it's what happened.
I've done a pretty good job at hiding it from everyone. Luckily, I have heavy periods, and so I was on the pill at the time to make my bleeding lighter, so I didn't get pregnant. I was 12 at the time. Should I be hiding it from everyone? I've told three people so far. One of them, it was on accident, but she ignored it as if I had never said it. I've also told a good guy friend of mine, let's call him Anthony, but I don't think I can really trust him with the information. And I've also told my boyfriend, let's call him Andrew. He thinks I should tell someone, the poliece, or something. But I refuse to. It's just a weird feeling. I don't really want people to know, I don't really want people to do anything about it. But I don't know, should I tell more people? Like my mom, or the poliece? The guy, well, he told me that if I ever told anyone about it he'd track me down and kill me. And I know some people would think it stupid to listen to a threat like that, but I don't know. I really just don't know what to do. It's like it keeps coming back to haunt me. I was doing a good job at ignoring it, forgeting about it, but lately, it just hasnt been working.
Sorry it's so long.
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First of all, I am so very sorry that this happened to you, that you were raped. I hate that word too, but it is nothing for the woman who was a victim of rape to be ashamed of. The only one who should be ashamed is the loser who commited the crime. Rape is always a crime and never the woman's fault, no matter what. If you have not already talked to your parents or another trusted adult about this, please do it now. You are totally correct about telling the police, especially if this creep threatened you after he hurt you with more violence! The police are experienced in dealing with these exact circumstances and will be very helpful. I am glad that you told a few friends and did not keep it totally bottled up. However, I want you to tell a caring adult and the police as soon as you get off the computer. You are a very brave girl and did not deserve what happened to you. I will be thinking of you, and hoping that you will get some real help and support soon. Thank you for being truthful and brave. Now talk to someone...
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Unfortunately, you were caught up in the epidemic that is happening in chatrooms and instant messengers right now...adults trying to lure girls your age for sexual activities, and then hurting them. I am so sorry that this happened to you, and there are some things you should know.
He had no right to do what he did. It was not your fault, and he victimized you. You are now a rape survivor, and unfortunately...this will continue to pop up on you, emotionally, unless you get yourself some therapy, and deal with the situation as you see best.
If he was having conversations with you online, your archiving on the messenger you used may be proof. E-mails he sent have IP headers, which are consistently used as evidence in cases. If this happened online, the odds are that you have a trail of evidence. My best advice to you would be to use it to make sure he doesn't do this to another person.
If you do decide to, be honest and forthcoming about EVERYTHING to your parents. The truth is, you could not have known the outcome, and this is NOT your fault, no matter how much you think it is. Even if it's embarassing, tell them every detail, and don't hold anything back from them OR the police.
You deserve closure and healing. If you do decide to prosecute, please make sure that you're getting some sort of counseling as well. I work with sexual assault victims on a regular basis, and as adults many of them say that their greatest regret is that they didn't tell anyone. I hope that that never happens to you, and that you're able to be an emotionally healthy and functioning adult.
You are very brave for coming forward here. I hope that you find support in those you confide in.
Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help...
Marissa
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Hi sweetie
My heart went out to you when I read your "question".
If you read my bio then you will see that I too have been through what you have. It's a horrible thing to have to deal with at any age, but at 13 it's even worse.
When I was raped I went through the same thought process as you. Should I tell my parents...the police...what the heck should I do? I kept quiet for quite a while, because like you I was told by my offender that he would track me down and kill me or my family. Naturally this scares the heck out of you...but think this way. What is he gonna say..."go ahead and tell people" I don't think so...he knows what he did was a violent crime, and he doesn't want to get caught. I told my mom, and she got me into counselling, which did help. I never did go to the police, and at this point in my life I wonder if he's raped other women or girls.
I think the worst thing you can do is to keep it all inside. You need to talk to someone...even if that someone is me. Seriously think about telling your mother, and getting some counselling. Trust me...I'm 34 now and I still have trouble dealing with it. It does get better...stay strong, and know that I'm here for you!! Take care.
Brenda
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we just learned about sexual harrasment in health the past few days. :) & i understood why you dont want to, and havent reported it.
why you dont want to:
a. you may not want to interrupt your life as it is fine now.
b. you think the raper might come back and hurt you, likek you said.
c. the police, or whoever you tell, wont take you report seriously or wont handle it correctly.
d. youre embarrased.
& while those may seem like good reasons not to tell someone, you should. this wont just go away. it will always be somewhere in the back of your head. & this guy will do the same to other people. put him in his place. make yourself feel better. & i know if if had happened to me, i wouldnt have reported it. because truth, everyones scared for one reason or another. but sooner or later, & i reccomend sooner, get it out to someone who'll help.
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anonymous -
Honestly, I think you should trust your own instinct and tell the police. Who knows what other girls he may be victimizing?
But one thing is for sure, you should try your best to provide as much proof and evidence as possible. Maybe print and submit an online conversation, if still in contact or if you have it on record on your computer. With that, you can possibly put the guy in jail.
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Hi,
Obviously you are scared to tell someone partially because of the threat that the guy made, and because you feel like you did something wrong too.
Well I'm here to tell you that you didn't do anything wrong!
Tell the police.
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i would tell the police, my mom and whoever else i think should know because what he did was wrong, although you shouldn't have met him in the first place(this is the first thing that comes to everyone's mind). you also shouldn't be afraid of him because that's just a tough guy act he put on because if he didn't want you tell anyone he would have killed you after the process(not trying to be mean but it's the truth).just think about it he may be doing this to other girls every where so maybe you should just try and stop him before he really hurts someone. think about it.
just trying to help, thisisme xoxo
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really I would tell someone like.. My mom.. I would be scared to tell my mom and I would so be scared of the guy.. I mean he raped you and he could be in prison right now.. If you dont wont this to happen again then I would deffently tell my mom.. and who knows you could be helping out other 13 year girls who.. are talking to this man on the internet!! Or you could be saveing yourself.. aperently he has some way of tracking you down.. he said he would.. and he could do it at anytime and come back toi do it again!! PLEASE tell your mom!! Rape is SERIOUS!!
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Find a counsellor, or tell your parents. If you don't want to do any of those things, ask your boyfriend to do it, and then you'll be questioned a bit later when you're ready.
Although you are not keen on going to the police about the situation, you should think of it this way: what about the next girl this guy meets over the internet? I doubt you want to think about this, but it's a horrible situation that you shouldn't allow to happen again.
I'm sure your story could serve as a very good example why meeting people over the internet is a very dangerous task, you could consider letting people know the story so they can be safer.
Don't ignore it, you need help and you can't deal with it on your own. At least this way you'll be able to find some kind of closure.
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It's okay, long ones are the best. I did something bad like that except that he didn't rape me and he didn't tell me he would track me down and kill me! You need to tell the police, I am sorry, but you do. Rape is a serious matter and your boyfriend is absolutly right.
♥ Kendall
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Omg! im sooo sorry that happened to you!
You really dont know people over the internet,they may seem like a innocent sweet kid but when you meet them their a 50 year guys whos a dirtball.You should really tell somone about this,its kinda of hard since its been almost a year since its happened so unless you still talk to him (which im guessing is a no) you cant really press charges on him or find him if you have no contact anymore,but since he lives near you and you remember what he looks like they might be able to help you out in catching him.i would seriously tell your parents even though they most deffinately will get majorly pissed at you its the right thing to do.It must be a hard thing to hide being raped,it shouldnt be something you should hide,and most likely your not going to forget about it because it really tramatized (sp) your life.You should see a school concuelor(sp),threapist,or a psychologist to talk too about your problem your parents will probably send you to one when you tell them about it.You can also talk to a rape hotline around your area you can search that on google somewhere and its totally confidential.There are some sick sick people out their who hurt children and get away with it and its not right,im soo sorry that happened to you,NEVER talk to someone you dont know online again its not safe AT ALL.I hope you learned your lesson. Your sooo lucky nothing worse happened to you.Dont worry if they guy said "he would hunt you down and kill you" it wont happen,hes just trying to scare you.
♥ danielle
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Yes that is a creepy scary thing. Now think of it...the first person that should know is your mom or dad, sister, brother or even aunt, uncle or grand parent.
Okay and then I would tell the police...no offence but can u imagine many other girls going through the same thing because you didn't tell anyone. Well that's what I think!
Hope you tell your parents even if not the police.
Good lcuk with everything
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thats why you dont meet people over the internet.
If i was you id tell my mom. you dont have to tell the police right away, just tell your mom and she can handle it. it's been a long time since you waited to tell anyone, im not sure if the police would be able to do anything about it now, but if you want to get him in trouble its worth a shot for what he did.
♥
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This is the sort of situation that won't go away on its own. While you certainly can choose whether or not to pursue a legal action, it's not necessarily needed in order to recover. Telling people means that you can start to work through your emotions.
You might not like the word 'rape' because it's harsh, but rape IS harsh. It's an occurance which can leave deep scars on your emotions, and talking with a professional can definitely help. You should tell an adult that you trust to be discrete - then you know your experience won't be spread around, and you will also begin to be able to access support. A parent, aunt, teacher, etc is good to tell, but be aware that telling a professional means they have a duty to involve other services. Telling your parents is less exposing.
They should then help you find a counsellor that specializes in young people and sexual abuse. Just working through the situation will help you deal with it better, and move forward.
Also, I would point out that you may have contracted a sexually transmitted disease if no condom was used. It's important to get yourself checked out as soon as possible, because some STDs lead to infertility or severe illness.
I sincerely wish you the best.
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