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Hi Everyone!!

My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.

My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".

I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.

I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.

Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.

PHEW!!!

Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.

Brenda


Website: Help Me, Brenda!
E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com
Gender: Female
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Occupation: student
Age: 34
Member Since: April 9, 2006
Answers: 193
Last Update: October 6, 2006
Visitors: 11058

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I have a huge crush and he doesnt feel the same but I really want to be closer friends anyway. He doesnt like going places where he's the only guy so it has to be a group thing. What do you think we should do? I always thought of me having a holiday party and having a sevcret santa and "secretly" giving him me.He also loves the jets so I thought a couple of friends and I could go to the game. I really want something fun that can show him that i'm a fun, cute, sweet girl. Any suggestions? Movies, Jet Game, ANYTHING? Also tips on how to act when we're together so I'm not annoying but I'm cute... (link)
Hi

The most valuable piece of advice I can give you is to ALWAYS be yourself.

Some guys will like you, others unfortunately will not. There's nothing you should do above what you'd normally do, to "get a guy". As soon as you start acting like someone else, then the whole thing becomes fake.

If he doesn't like hanging around with your cool self, then maybe it's time to rethink things. Don't waste your time and energy on someone who isn't going to like you for you...trust me...been there done that many times.

Keep doing the things that you enjoy and before you know it a guy (maybe him) will notice you and want to spend more time with you.

Good luck, and stay true to you.

Brenda


ok. so homecoming is coming up. and my dress is teal. and up to my knees and a halter top. i just dont know what color of make up i should wear. i dont think teal would be good...tahts just to much and will most likely look terrible. so i guess im just asking for some ideas. im kinda tan. kind of olive-ish colored skin. brown eyes.


thankkkss (link)
Hi

I think nice neutral browns would look great. You have brown eyes and tan skin...so browns would blend beautifully.

Remember when it comes to makeup, less is more, and if you can master putting it on so it looks like it's not even there, then you are well on your way to looking glamourous.

Have a great time at your homecoming.

Brenda


i hate my self because i have hairy arms.. i never wear t-shirts even if it is 90degrees because i just hate it.. i hate my body .. what do i do ???????? (link)
Hi

PLEASE DON'T SHAVE YOUR ARMS!!!!!! I promise you, you will regret it.

I own my own body sugaring business. It's like waxing only better for your skin. I have several clients who get their arms sugared and it's wonderful for them.

I also have clients who have previously shaved, and now their arms are considerably worse. It's hard to believe, but if you start shaving your arms you will hate them even more than you do now.

If accepting your arms for what they are isn't possible right now, then I suggest finding a reputable salon that can help you. Don't do it yourself, and most of all.....PUT THE RAZOR AWAY!!

Good luck,

Brenda


PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!! I AM BEGGING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am an 18 year old teenager and have a problem. I wondered whether you could possibly offer me any advice
I think i MIGHT have suffered from neglect/emotional abuse in my past. I need some advice.

You see when I first started high school I lost two people of whom I was very close to.one of these was my Grandmother who practically raised me.She was the one who took me places, taught me, supported me and basically looked after me. I used to see her almost every day.I can never remember my real mother doing any of this. However I never noticed the lack of support by my parents…..until she died.

I started to refuse to go to school on-and-off for my first two years in high school because of this...i did not want to move on and lapsed into serious depression and somedays i couldn't find the will-power to get up. I'd just lie in bed all day i felt so depressed. But my parents never helped me.they must have seen how depressed I was and yet they did nothing. Isn't this neglect. They knew I had depression and yet they did nothing.

Then i refused to go to school altoghether at the end of this second year as i could no longer cope any more. I ended up having 5 meagre hours of home tuition per week for the last three years which should have ben spent in school. my parents didn't get me any professional help or anything. Isn't this abuse/neglect.

I ended up failing almost all my GCSEs. the thing is i don't know anything about anything. i haven't been out of the house or seen people for about three years. But my parents won't teach me things such as how to use a bus, how to open a bank account, buy a phone or anything. it's as if they don't care. my mum NEVER offers me any sort or support or advice on anything.

So basically
I refused to go to school for my first two school years

I then refused to go altogether

I ended up having 5 measly hours of tuition per week for the last three years that I should have been in school

I then failed almost all my GCSEs

But throughout all this nobody helped me
I will have to go on a very low level of course at college.However I am worried that i am not going to get the support i need at home and might lapse into depression again as a consequnce and be too depressed to get up in the mornings. Because my parents sort of expect me to raise myself!Is this OK or is this neglect. My mum’s also still not particularly nice to me.

I think I need to tell the college about this lack of support. But i don't want to get my parents in trouble. MY mum is dying of ca.ncer and i couldn't live with myself if she died in prison. But i need help. Do you class what i've just described as abuse? Also thre have been many times when my mother has been emotionally abusive towards me. She can say such thoughtless things she makes me cry. then tells me to 'shut up' or says 'you're always moaning'.

I want to tell the college so that I can get the emotional support I need and also so that they can understand one of the reasons I felt I couldn't cope with school and therefore couldn't cope. I

am 18 years old now, Can i tell the college without getting my parents in trouble with the police? Or in trouble with social services? Can i tell the college without getting my parentts into trouble???? I NEED a definate answer. please help me[:(]
Who would the college contact if I were to tell them about the neglect? I DO NOT want to get my parents into trouble. Can I safetly tell the college (now that I'm 18) about the neglect without getting my parents into trouble with social services or the police??????????? PLEASE CAN SOMEBODY GIVE ME ANY ANSWERS!!!!! I AM RUNNING OUT OF TIME AND NEED ADVICE DESPERATELY.[:'(][:'(][:'(][:'(][:'(][:'(]
I LIVE IN ENGLAND
(link)
Hi

Sounds like you've had a pretty rough start to life. What you're parent's did or didn't do does sound a little bit like neglect, but it's VERY doubtful that they would wind up in trouble with the law.

Have you talked to your parents about it? Do they know how you truly feel?

You're 18 now....it's time that YOU took over your life and do what needs to be done. I think it's great that you are going to college, and I think it would be a great idea to give them your history. Because you are an adult there's nothing that social services or the police can do without you initiating it.

You're old enough now that you can get yourself professional help if that's what you choose to do. I think you are going down a path right now that is about to fork in the road. One way will keep you in the rut that you are in right now, and the other one is a whole new life full of challenges and exciting new beginnings. Take it and run with it.

Take control, live your life, and don't be afraid to get help if you need it.

Good luck,

Brenda


Okay, I've had my period for about a year or a little bit longer and it's still irregular. How long does it take for it to come regulary?

And are there any ways to get the cramps and backaches to go away without taking Advil or Midol or such? Is exercising (like running, pilates) helpful or harmful because I do those every other day (link)
Hi

Many things can determine how regularly your period comes every month. When I was obese (and I'm not saying you are), I could go months without getting my period. Stress can also affect your cycle. If it is a great concern for you talk to your doctor about some options.

I used to have really bad pain and other horrible PMS symptoms. My doctor suggested going back on the birth control pill. It has really helped. Not only is my period very regular, but it keeps PMS symptoms at a minimum.

Exercise can be beneficial to symptoms, but so can a good heating pad, or midol. The way I look at it...if popping a couple of midol can help get you through a sometimes very painful time...use it!!

Take care,

Brenda


ok so a few years ago my dad used to do cocaine i did not know this until a little over a year ago although now looking back i see the signs like we lost our house his job everything and he was very moody and other stuff.the way i found out was not good my mom was in a fight with me and she was all like you think your dads a saint well hes not he did cocaine she was yelling so i started to cry and say you are lyeing but i knew it was true.i asked my dad he said it was true and he doesnt do it anymore i believe him now i live with him and everything is good we NEVER talk about it but now i am worried because he didnt tell his gf who now lives with us and i think that is wrong but i dont want to ask him the only reason i know he didnt is cuase my sis asked him.my dad gets realy ashamed if it is mentioned so ya but i am also worried because he is acting strange and we just moved back to where his dealer is and i know he is stressedso he may be thinking about it
wat do i do?

~nikki~ (link)
Hi

Drug addiction is so nasty....it literally takes over your life. It's wonderful that your dad was able to rehabilitate himself.

I think that you should tell your dad that you are worried about him, and you'd like to talk. If he knows that you're worried he may be able to ease your fears. He could be under stress for many things, and hopefully he's not considering using again.

I don't think it's your place to inform your dad's girlfriend about his addiction, but I do think you could tell your dad that you feel she has a right to know. He's probably embarrased, and is scared that if she knows she may leave him. If she does then that's not the person for him...but again, this is for him to decide.

Keeping an addiction under control is up to your dad (or any user), but having supportive family to help you through it can be key.

Just be there for him. Open communication is paramount in ANY relationship.

Take care, and good luck.

Brenda


My brother and I were very close ,I always knew everything about me and vicea versa but since we move to Holland (he came fisrt than us) we grew apart...to my surprise he told us that he was gone married some church girl in june ....I talked to him and I notice that he was not ready to get married yet so I told him he should wait,
He told me that he still sleeps with another girl (my ex best friend)and he was to dump this girl 1 monthg before he get married and that he would not tell a word to this girl about his marriage...I didn't agree...I even tried to talk him out of his idea but he didn't listen ..

He married last month.....

Today I got a phone call from my brother telling me that he wants to divorce and that he thinks he is madly in love with another girl(my ex best friend)The point is that his wife went trough his stuff seeking found out about the other girl,She called her and told her to leave my brother alone because he was married....
His wife even went back to her parents and the other girl don't even want to see him again..

I know my brother was wrong and he agree
My point is that his wife knew he wasn't one woman man and still she agreed to marry him ..she told him that she will pray for things to change after they marry eachother ..Now she went telling lies about my brother to the whole familie .....Half of the family don't even talk to him anymore....

Concerning the other girl (ex best friend)she really didn't know he was gone marry....At first
she was kinda having a sex affair with my brother because her mother don't like poor people (only people with high class and good education ,that isa why I am not her friend anymore)Than she broke up with her bf to be with my brother and they felt really in love with eachother but than my brother didn't tell her about the marriage
SHe got really mad and told him: that she was using him all this time and that she didn't love him a bit and that she never broke up with her bf
She told him that he deserve to be burried alive and that she hopes that he never will be happy..
Than she called me and told me what my brother did to her (we talked to eachother about 2 years ago)I told her that I don't know what to say ..

My brother cried a lot I did't
have any words to tell him that everything will be alright
I know he was very wrong but I can't see him like this after all he is my brother and one off
my best friend
What can I say to him to take some of the pain away??..what can I do? (link)
Hi

You sound like a very caring sister...your brother is lucky to have you.

I hope I don't come across as being too harsh when I say this, but what your brother is going through right now are the consequences to the actions that he chose to take.

Life decisions can be very hard to deal with, but that's exactly what they are....our decisions. No one forced him to marry a woman he didn't love. The fact that his wife knew he wasn't a one woman man when she married him still gives him no right to do what he did.

I think your brother needs to do some soul searching and figure out exactly what he wants and needs in his own life. Until he figures it out, he shouldn't involve anyone else in his life romantically.

Unfortunately there's really nothing you can say to him to take his pain away. He needs to realize that he and only he dictates what happens in his life, and if he makes the wrong decisions, then he and only he will have to deal with them.

Just continue to be there for him. Letting him talk to you and tell you how he feels can really help him heal.

Take care,

Brenda


hey people :)
So both my mom and my sister have very big boobs, like Ds and my family is very skinny. My sister and I weigh 97 pounds. I am a 15 and my sister is 22. But the problem is my boobs are only As. I was talking to my sister and she said that she was the same way until senior year and then it just happened. So my question is, is it very likely that my boobs will be Cs or Ds by senior year because all the women in my family has had this happen to them?
thanks :) (link)
Hi

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but...... my mother, grandmother, sister, and aunt all have very large breasts. I do not. My sister and I joke around that the boob fairy visited her room twice and skipped mine.

My grandmother on my fathers side had very small breasts, but she was also a very small person. I am not a very small person, yet still seemed to get the small boob gene from her.

Heredity does play a factor in everything physically and emotionally, but it does not always go the way you think it should.

Embrace yourself for who you are. Acceptance and confidence is key. My sister has been through a breast reduction due to painful symptoms of having a large chest, so being smaller on top has its benefits as well.

Take care,

Brenda


Ok im a 15/f who lives with my grandmother. I have lived with my mom for 15 yrs. My mom's house is not amusing enough for me and has no one there for me so i moved to my grandmother's house were I was closer to friends and had more entertainment. Well this summer I have been going to my dads and that is making it where I dont wanna go back to my grandma's and by the way Im going I will run out of place's to live before I even move out on my own. How can I satisfy my home life? (link)
Hi

I hope when I say this you won't take it the wrong way...because I do mean well.

I think the problem with your living arrangements have more to do with what's going on inside you, than it does with who you're living with or where you are living.

Being a teenager is unsatisfying in most cases. In the back of your mind you're always considering your options of where you'd like to live. This happens because you have the options. Your mom, your dad, your grandma. I bet the majority of your friends have one home and one option and that's it! I bet they also make the best of it.

I think you need to become happy and satisfied within yourself, and stop looking for different living arrangements to achieve this. If you are having problems, whether it's with friends, or activities, no amount of moving is going to change that.

With that being said, there is nothing wrong with wanting to live with your father, and if that's an option, then give it a try. Just know that if you don't resolve whatever issues you are facing within yourself, then living with him isn't going to change anything.

You're 15...enjoy life, be happy, fill your life with positive things and people.

Take care,

Brenda


I don't know what is wrong with me. I've been getting really nervous when certain people talk to me. When this happens, I start shaking and come very close to crying. A few nights ago I started laughing, crying, and screaming at the same time. I have an idea of why, but I can't seem to pinpoint an exact, rock-solid reason. Also, I sometimes find objects in my hands that I don't remember picking up or even seeing. I've been told by cloes friends of conversations that I can't remember happening, and e-mails I don't remember sending. Does anybody know what could be wrong? (link)
Hi

I'm not going to pretend to be a doctor and diagnose you, but I have done a lot of research on disociation.....which can be in the form of MPD.

Google it on the web, and see if anything rings true...sounds to me like you may have some form of it, but the only person that can tell you for sure is a psychiatrist. Please see one. They can help you alot...even if it turns out you don't have a disorder...then at least you would know.

Good luck and take care.

Brenda


ok so my mom is an alcoholic and shes gotton 2 DUI's and she's gotton in a drinking and driving accident and shes gone to rehab and goes to alot of AA meetings but she still drinks aout oncce or twice a week and the only peoeple in my house is my mom and my little sister and me, since my dad died of cancer a few years ago. and since im the oldest i have responsibilty for the family since my mom cant really take care of me and my sister. i really want to talk to her and try to live a normal life but i dont know how. i just need advice on what your opinion would be on waht i should do. (link)
Hi

Although I can't possibly know what you must be going through, I just wanted to add something to the advice you've gotten so far.

You mother's addiction to alcohol has absolutely nothing to do with you or your sister. I hope you never blame yourself for the way things are.

I have been through addiction, and it can pretty much take over your life. I'm sure your mom would love to clean up and be a better mother to you and your sister, but at this point she can't or won't. Again this has nothing to do with you.

I guess I just worry that you already have so much on your plate with taking care of yourself and your sister...and well...your mother too, that you will start to find yourself depressed, and really angry. You shouldn't have to deal with all of this on your own....being a teenager (I'm assuming you are) is hard enough.

It's important that you have an outlet..someone to talk to, even if that someone is on this site. You need help dealing with everything that you have to deal with.

As far as talking to your mom...you could definately sit her down and tell her how you feel, but just keep in mind that she is sick and as much as she may want to change she will have alot to overcome to do so. If it was easy, I'm sure she would have done so by now.

Just be there for her, tell her you want your sober mom back, and get in touch with someone from a support group that you could attend to share your story with other people that are going through what you are. Here is the website for alateen which helps kids in your situation.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

Good luck, and take care.

Brenda


Ook, I want to go to a tanning booth so bad! I know they arn't safe, and everyone tells me I'll get skin cancer, but so many people tan outside in the 100 degree weather and thats just as bad! Nothing in this world is 100% safe, and thats the chance you have to take. Should I go tanning? And how dark does it make you? And since this is my first time how long should I go in, and do I have to take off all my clothes off? (link)
Hi

Three summers ago I started tanning to look great for my wedding. I absolutely loved it!! I kept tanning even after my wedding for about another year.

I'm very pale, so I started at only four minutes, and gradually got up to 20 mins, three times a week. I started to notice these marks on my legs and couldn't figure out what they were. They were kinda reddish brown and different sizes. I went to my doctor to ask her what they could be and she said that was my HUGE RED FLAG!! Those marks were skin damage, and I had better stop laying in those beds. I of course never went back. I have had a couple of those spots dug out of my leg to have them tested, and thankfully I stopped in time. The spots on my legs will NEVER disappear...I have them for life...and they are not that pretty.

Now, I did some research and I found out that laying in tanning beds is actually more harmful to you than laying in the sun. Minimal sun exposure daily is actually good for you, and your body can benefit from it (keeping in mind that you should always wear sunblock).

So, it's really up to you...do you want to risk your health to look a little darker, or do you want to get a healthy dose of sun everyday and go from there?

Good luck.

Brenda


Okay. I am 14 and I'm a female. Also I'm adopted. I really hate where I ended up and i really don't like my adopted parents. I was 12 when i was adopted (about 3 years ago). They told me then I didn't have an option about being adopted, they told me i had to be or go back to foster care. Okay the point is I really hate being adopted to them. It has been ruining my life. Also i really hate being seen in public with them, even before adoption i didn't like her. She was my 4th grade teacher and they made me be adopted to her. She's about 54 and her husband is 60, and her dad is 95.I live with them all. None of them even understand me, and another problem is that their really old. they are really disgusting and i can't even stand being in the same room as them. And since i was adopted i've been an only child for the first time of my life and i hate that part the most. I'm really loney every day and no one to talk to. I know for fact i would be better off some where else. i really want to live with my mom again. Kyle and i was taken away from my mom and dad when i was 8 and i was in foster care. mom and dad divorced and kyle was moved to another home. i stayed in the same place for 4 years, i liked it there. Someday i wish it could be my mom and i together again, if that were so i would be really happy. Now i am the only person i have, no one else cares. not even my adopted parents, they don't even respect who i am or who i would like to be some day. When i lived with my real parents my dad abused kyle and i and my mom was good person, she the nicest person i ever knew. My brother Kyle is special ed. and i worry about how he is doing in foster care. i aslo worry about my mom, she's lonely like me... sometimes i wish i could win alot of money and live with my mom in a nice house. i know that i have only about 4 years till i move out, but thats alot of time when you're a teen and i don't want to put my life off because the law forced be to be adopted and depressed. But i'm not that bad off, i make all a's and do weel in school. i play soccer. it's really hard for me to make friends, and i don't know why, before i was adopted i had lots of them. also it's really hard for me to have a boyfriend, all the guys that end up liking me.. i turn away from them. it's really hard for me. it seems that i've been away from people so long( being an olny child in all) i don't know how to be me in front of people. and it makes me really nervous. i have really good friends at church and all. When i'm around them i do fine but when they're not there, i don't know how to act. i'm also affraid to tell people what's wrong. every time they ask i lie and say i'm doing fine just so they can go away. iam really, really not happy. i am also sorry about not writing this all in order, anyway please give me advice. I really need some, noone i know seems to care about how i feel. So please help.
love,
depression of adoption.
(link)
Hi

It's defintely a tough situation that you are in. The first thought that runs through my head, is how lucky you are that two people loved you enough to pick you and want to adopt you into their family.

Now, I know you don't see it that way. You see it as a forced family situation that you want no part of. That's really very sad for everyone involved.

Your background has laid the groundwork for unhappiness, and not wanting people to get close to you. You keep pushing people away because you want to hurt them before they can hurt you.

Someday you and your biological mother will be together again, but in the meantime do you not think it would make sense to try and make your current situation work to the best of your ability. It's your life and you get to dictate your emotions, and if you live your life miserably or not. You are only making your situation more unbearable by not accepting your adoptive parents.

Have you given them the chance to really get to know you? Have you given yourself the chance to really get to know them? I bet if you opened yourself up to the possiblity of knowing and even possibly loving them, you would notice a HUGE improvement in other aspects of your life (like friends).

As far as your brother is concerned, do you not get the opportunity to visit with him to see how he is doing? Even phone calls, or letters?? This is something you should ask your parent's about. Maybe they could help you to continue a relationship with your brother.

It's also a good idea to not keep your feeling and emotions bottled up inside. They will destroy you if you don't let them out. There must be someone in your life who you can talk to. A friend, a teacher, a coach, a parent, or a guidance counsellor.

You have the opportunity right now to change the course of your life. You could go down a dreary, depressing road, or you could turn it around and be happy, loved, and cherished. You just need to let it happen.

Your parents would not have adopted you if they didn't love you and want you to be a part of their lives. Always remember that.

Good luck, and take care.

Brenda


Hey! im 16/f and im looking into getting a tattoo on my lower back, but i herd that if you do when it comes time to have kids you cant get an epedural...
My question is...Is this true? Could getting a tattoo on my lower back realy effect on wether or not i can get an epedural when i have kids???
(link)
Hi

I work at a hospital and was actually discussing this with a nurse on the maternity floor not too long ago.

She told me that it is possible to still get an epidural with a tatoo on the lower back, but some doctors will not do it. There are risks with an epidural, and having a tatoo can greaten those risks. It's really up to the doctor.

An epidural consists of a needle being placed between the vertebrae into a space called an epidural space (in your spine). Medication is then placed into this space. A small catheter is then threaded through the needle into the space and the needle withdrawn. The catheter is left in place and taped so that it does not move.

Alot of doctors feel that the ink from the tatoo could possibly interfere with the epidural and cause risk.

When I had my daughter I had the epidural and I couldn't imagine giving birth without one (call me a baby :)....if it was me, I wouldn't want to risk it...there are alot of other places on the body where a tatoo looks awesome!!

Good luck,

Brenda


Okay, so I'm 18/f and I've never been technically diagnosed with depression, but lately I've lost the will to do like, anything. I had plans with my friends last night and didn't want to go - I went anyway and it was kinda fun, but I still didn't want to be there, and found myself drifting off into my own little world a lot.
The thing is, nothing in my life is really THAT bad right now. I have a few stresses going on, including financial and the all-too-popular body image thing, but still...
I hate feeling this way, especially when people around me have it so much worse. I don't feel that it's right, and I don't like it.
How do you get rid of this feeling?
I used to be able to control my emotions to the point that I just kinda mentally pushed a button and the bad feelings disappeared. I can't do it anymore, though.
I've tried freewriting (which I do a lot and have suddenly lost the want to do), I've tried going out with friends. Nothing seems to help, and I can't afford to feel this way. I work as a waitress and need to be friendly and caring in order to get good tips, and I don't want to smile at all right now.
So yeah...how do you shake this?
Pay attention to your spelling and grammar, please. I'll rate you down if it's wrong. (link)
Hi

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was in the eight grade....I'm now 34.

Throughout the years, I have tried to cope on my own with my feelings of despair and isolation. Through trial and error, I have come to realize that I can't do it without the aid of medication.

You mentioned that you have not been diagnosed by an MD, but I'm thinking it's time you did. Mental health is just as important as physical health (if not more). Make the appointment, take care of yourself, and it will get better.

You may be able to handle it without medication, but you may not. Depression is a chemical imbalance, and most times the "disorder" needs the aid of anti-depressants.

All the other advice you have received has been very valuable. It is important to talk to others, to get your feelings out in the open, but that may not be enough.

Good luck, take care.

Brenda


Dear Brenda,

I'm a girl I'm 15 years old. There has been this girl that was in my youth group (which I hated) and who went to my school. (She graduated this year) and like EVERYDAY in the hall at school she would wave and say Hi it was SO annying.

Shes a senior, geez, i wish she would leave me alone, no one really likes her htough, but i see why, she annoys people.

But I think she wont leaveme alone because I dont want to go to youth groupp.
But now it summer, and shes called me 3 times now, asking me if I wanted to go for coffee, and my answers have been NO, even my mother told her no, and I'm so frustrated, will she ever stop? and why do you think shes obsessving over me?

I mean I'm going to be a sophmore, and shes going to be graduated doesnt she have anyone else she can annoy? I dont want to be her friend either btw. Not in a mean way, but blah. (link)
Hi

In my opinion she REALLY wants to be your friend, which would be nice except for the fact that you don't want to be hers.

You've been good at telling her no to her invitations and phone calls, but maybe it's time to be a little more forceful.

You can do this without being mean...which is important, because aside from being an annoying pain in your ass, she's probably a nice person.

Don't accept her phone calls...and if you answer the phone when she calls, just tell her you're busy and you have to go...and then hang up. If she starts talking to you in school or wherever you may bump into her, just say "gotta run" and walk away.

Hopefully if you keep ending the conversation quickly she will eventually get the point, and if she doesn't you may have to say nicely that you are not interested in a friendship with her.

If you talk to her and take her phone calls, you are leading her into thinking you want to be her friend. Nip that in the bud.

Just remember that she too has feelings, and it's never a good idea to stomp on anyone. Be nice, forceful, and get your point across.

Take care, and good luck.

Brenda


okay i love my sister sooo much & we are extremly close, but 1 thing bothers me about her. she is almost 15 years old & i am 17, but everybody thinks she is older then me when they meet us! i do not look young for my age, but she has much bigger boobs then me (which is fine she's like a c or d & i am a b) & she's a little bigger then me in general. neither of us is ugly & i don't care that i happen to be smaller, but it just bothers me that everyone always thinks i am the younger one. what can i do to meither make them think i am the older sister or at leats stop it from bothering me?! (link)
Hi

I have a sister who is three years older than me, and nine times out of ten when people are guessing who is older they pick me.

When you are a little bit older, you will LOVE the fact that people think you're younger than your sister.

I understand how it bothers you, but just take it as a compliment and know that you're lucky enough to have the fountain of youth on your side.

Take care,

Brenda


im a single mom my daughter is one month old and im scared to death. Back in august my daughtes father proposed and i said yes. in sept i got pregnant and then her father told me he was going to fight for full custody of her. so i ran but now social services has required that i file for child support. and if i get it cant he reques visitation rights. what you need to know though is that he lied to me about everything hes a decade older then he told me he was he lied about his middle name and a lot of other stuff. i need advice i dont want him getting any rights to her what can ido (link)
Hi

I was a single mom for five years, and it was my choice to not collect child support from my daughter's biological father.

Can social services actually "make" you file for child support? I live in Canada, and it is the mothers choice whether she wants child support or not.

Now, if your daughters father is a fit parent, then he does have a right to see and know his child. If he is an unfit parent, then that is a different story.

It is highly unlikely that he would get full custody of her. He is likely just trying to scare you. As long as you are a good mother, chances are that won't happen.

Because none of us know your exact situation, and what he's truly like, we can only give you our opinions.

If it's that important to you to keep your child away from him, then I would suggest not collecting child support (if that's possible). If he wants visitation rights, then he can and will have to take you to court to get them. While you are there you can bring up any concerns you have about him as a parent.

Find a good lawyer. I'm not sure how the legal system works in your part of the world, but in Canada there is legal aid for people who can't afford their own lawyer.

Always remember, that your daughter is the most important thing through all of this, and you must put her needs before whatever ill feelings you have towards her father. If you just don't want him around because you don't like him anymore, then you are robbing your daughter of knowing her father...something she may resent you for later in life. If he's destructive and abusive, then you must protect her....for this you may need help.

If you want to tell me more about your situation, I could help you more...just dump a question in my inbox and I will do my best. I've been through both sides of the coin.

Good luck,

Brenda


It has recently come to my attention, that my cousin has been taking 5-10 tylenol a day. He has started acting really weird, and complains of his foot being numb. Is it possible that by taking 5-10 tylenol, he could be overdosing? If he is, what should i do? (link)
Hi

I think you need to find out why he is taking that many tylenol daily. Is he in physical pain, and needs them for relief, or is he mentally addicted to taking them?

I went through a time in my life where I was addicted to pain killers. At first I was taking them to help with chronic pain, but after a while, I was taking 20-30 a day because of the mental addiction. Thankfully I was able to get back to just taking them when I physically need them.

On the tylenol bottle, it says you are not to exceed 8 pills a day, and not for more than 5 days in a row.

Taking as many as he is daily can lead to irritation of the stomach lining, and if taken in excess for a long period of time, they can damage your liver.

I would suggest that you sit down and have a talk with him...find out what's going on in his life. Hopefully he will appreciate your concern. If he gets mad at you for interfering with his life, then you may need to involve an adult.

Good luck,

Brenda


i dont know what to say to my mother when she calls me a stupid lesbian, a worthless faggot, and other demeaning things. it doesnt hurt me like it used to (everyone knows my mom's a bitch, and that she's the epitome of insanity) but it makes me pretty mad. i really dont know what a can say back to her to get her to shut up and back off. bitch doesnt phaze her b/c people call her that everyday. i know i sound like i'm putting her down, but that's what she's always done to me since i was about 5 (i'm 16 now). anyway, i'd appreciate some suggestions on what i could do or say to make the situation better. i really cant take it anymore.

and please dont leave me an immature comment saying 'oh well why don't you just quit being bi' or somthing like that. it's just not that simple. (link)
Hi

I'm not going to pretend to know what it must feel like to be in your shoes, but I will try to help.

Being bisexual, homosexual, or anything that doesn't fit in the "norm" can be very hard for some people to accept. That part I don't understand. You are who you are, and you deserve to be loved and respected no matter what.

I get the feeling that you and your mother didn't exactly have a great relationship even before you told her your preference. It's really sad that she isn't more understanding of your life.

The way I would handle your situation is to not give in to her childish ways of name calling. When she calls you worthless, and stupid, the best thing to do would be walk away. This may seem hard to do, because naturally you want to stick up for yourself, but by walking away you are showing her that you will not tolerate her offensive behaviour towards you.

It sounds like you need to be the grown up in this situation. The bigger person would not let the name calling escalate into a full blown fight.

Hopefully one day your mom can accept you for who you are, but please know that if she doesn't, you have done nothing wrong. You need to live your life for you, and only you.

Good luck, and take care.

Brenda




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