My name is Marissa, and I am a sex advisor/educator. It is my life mission to help people to understand sex, pleasure, and relationships...as well as to help those who have been victims of sexual assault find their way back to sexual pleasure and positivity.
I have worked in this field for quite some time, and am a researcher as well. Please let me know if you have any questions, and I would be happy to dig in and help you find your pleasure! :)
Member Since: April 18, 2006
Answers: 32
Last Update: June 3, 2006
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karenR
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how do u have sex>>??? and what is a handjob?? (link)
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Wow, those are some pretty general questions. I have no idea if you're male or female, how old you are, what your experience is...I cannot tell you how to have sex if I don't have that information. I'm sorry, I'd like to be able to help.
As far as a handjob goes. Basically, it's manual stimulation of the genitalia, and when the term "handjob" is used, it usually means that it's performed on male genitalia. Usually, the partner performing the handjob will lubricate either their hands or the penis, and will stroke up and down the shaft until ejaculation.
I hope that helps, let me know if I can clarify anything else for you.
Take care,
Marissa
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Ok so heres the problem, me and my boyfriend have had sex and I dont think my hymen broke. I know it didnt because even though we have had sex many times sometimes he goes to far and hits it and it hurts but it wont brake. Now I just dont let him go all the way in because it hurts and theres not point since it wont brake. So what can I do! I heard theres an operation to get rid of it but I am 16 and I dont want my mom to know. Please Help (link)
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The truth is, it could be your hymen, or it could be your cervix. Having a hymen that is unable to be broken by penile penetration is very rare. The truth could be that you could have a shorter vaginal canal (they're only 3-5 inches to start with), or he could have a particularly long penis. Bumping the cervix is relatively common, and changing angles (putting a pillow under your lower back or bottom during sex) may get you a little bit more penetration, as there is another inch or so of vaginal canal to either side of the cervix.
If it IS your hymen, however, it may need to be surgically removed for pleasurable penetration. My advice would be to have your mom take you for a normal pap smear, and you can ask your doctor from there. Gynecologists don't make a practice of talking to parents about teen's pap smears (unless there's something major that will need treatment, such as an infection or disease), so your conversation should be kept confidential. Even if it is true that it is your hymen, and you can't have the surgery because you can't tell your parents about it, at least you KNOW...and you can work with it from there.
Take care, and good luck -
Marissa
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im 15/f and me and my best guy friend went to a party n both got a little drunk among other things. anyway we ended up having sex and since then i've found out im pregnant and i know its his and i told him about it. hes basically demanding i keep it but see i dont want to b/c its going to destroy my body, reputation,i know i wont be able to keep my gpa above a 4.0, and my mom will kill me. so should i just go behind his back or what?
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Well, this is a bit more than just an "oopsy", isn't it?
Though I don't agree with the pro-life, "life from conception" mentality, having an abortion is not a casual decision.
I had an abortion when I was 16. The father did not want anything to do with the pregnancy, and when I told my mother, she thought that abortion was the best choice. Since I was 16, I figured she knew better. I truly think I did the right thing. I was not financially, emotionally, or socially stable enough to have had a child. I'm 29 now, and I still have no children, mostly because my husband and I still feel that we're not ready.
Telling your parents is important no matter WHAT the decision you make is. If you decide to have an abortion, you want the support network. I was amazed by how caring my mom was in this situation.
If you want to have this baby, think about the fact that this will be a financial responsibility mostly to your PARENTS at your age...not you. Most of the time, childbirth of a dependent child isn't even covered by insurance...so, is the father going to pay for the many thousands of dollars in labor and delivery fees?
The bottom line? It is YOUR body, and you make the decisions. No matter what, get some parental guidance...this effects all of you.
Good luck...though our situations differ with how the "fathers" feel, I know exactly what you're going through.
Marissa
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well to really understand whats the problem is there are somethings your gonna need to know and i think it maybe confusing so just try to understand and i will also give you a ~5~
well i think my best frind is a lesb. but the thing is i think i am too and i think she likes me and i think i do too but i really dont kno i mean we both have had boyfriends and well i dont kno can you become a les. like awile after? but i think she was always one cuz wen i would spen the night at her house we would look at movies but like Not another teen movie and stuff like that, that shows naked girls and stuff and once when she was at my house we were waching a nother movie like that and even my causin who is a boy asked me if she was a les. and i said no but the other day when i went to her house she was rubing my leg and playing aound and i was too and at 1st it was kinda wird but then i got usto it and was ok i really dont kno whats going on but now like im haveing dreams about me and her toganther like both of us marryed (with other men) and us have somthing on the side i dont kno what to do cuz i think i like her too but the thing is what if shes just like really frindy i mean i kno her for a wile and what if when i talk to her about it she get creepd out i really dont kno what to do is this all in my head or am i really a les. i really dont wanna be but than again i think i like her i dont kno what to do how can i find out if shes really one and if i am one too please help thanks
will give you a ~5~ (link)
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It sounds to me like normal sexuality experimentation at this point. Almost all women have some sort of same-sex encounter at some point during their teens or early twenties...some even later. Feeling this way doesn't make you weird, or a lesbian, or even bi.
You're too young for labels. Don't feel the need to call yourself anything in regards to your sexuality...there's no reason to. However, if you realize that you are solely attracted to women at some point, again, there is nothing wrong with you.
As far as your friend...she's probably feeling the same things you are. Sitting her down and talking about it seems awkward to me. I'd think just letting things progress as they may would be a more comfortable option.
Take care,
Marissa
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Hi,
I realise that this question is a controversial one for a website which caters 90% to teens, but I could use the perspective of a "sexpert" so here goes.
Until recently, I was in a somewhat uncertain relationship with a man more than 20 years my senior(I am 22/f). The relationship was never that good-I never got from him the sense of comfort and security I would have liked. The sex was on the other hand electric, and we had one particular taste in common-we both liked BDSM. Indeed, what had initially drawn us together was a discussion of Mary Gaitskill, the author whose short story "Secretary" was made into a film of the same name, starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. While our sexual roles varied , he was mostly the dom while I was mostly the sub. That wasn't a problem, as long as it was kept in the bedroom, which it wasn't always- he had a nasty habit of allowing a domineering and even sadistic way of talking colour his everyday conversations. As he once said "whips and masks are just the trappings of Sadomasochism".
My "problem" is now that I cannot envisage being turned on by any other kind of sex, or even any other partner(when I masturbate, he is the only male partner I think about-I sometimes fantasise about women-still within the framework of bdsm).
My question to you is whether, in your experience,S and M is ever part of a healthy relationship or whether its presence in the bedroom always indicates trouble in other areas of life. In other words, is there such a thing as true compmentarlization? Thank you.
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Thank you for the question.
In my experience, there have been many instances of S&M being a very healthy sexual exploration in a relationship. Some people live in "the lifestyle" very happily for their entire adult lives, and are able to have "vanilla" lives to the outside world.
Yes, I have seem true compartmentalization of these tendencies. There is nothing wrong with your want to continue this type of sexual pleasure, either. Just because your relationship ended doesn't mean that you shouldn't pursue what turns you on. Masturbating to those roleplays is perfectly normal.
However, for some people, what turns them on ebbs and flows, depending on their phase or time in life. What turns you on now may not turn you on a year from now. However, you are a young, single female...why not explore these feelings? I am not an advocate of casual sex, but finding out where your true pleasure and passion lies is not a one-time/one-relationship deal. Explore, experiment, read up on S&M lifestyle ("Come Hither" is a great read!), and see if it IS just a phase. If not, then you know what to pursue in your future sexual relationships.
Also, know that going back to "vanilla" sex with someone you find that you truly love is also common in the lifestyle. You have your options wide open to you...don't feel trapped by what turns you on!
If you need any resources or guidance, please feel free to send me a mail. Good luck in your pursuit of pleasure! :)
Marissa
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Why do i feel like i need sex??? im 13/f and im 5'1 and 200 pounds. what is wrong with me?? (link)
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What's wrong with you? Feeling like you want or need sex during the biggest spike in hormones of your life...that's pretty normal. Don't feel like there's anything wrong with you!
I see that you put your height and weight in your question. Did you think that they are somehow related? I don't see how they would be...you are quite normal in your feelings, and my advice would be to allow yourself to feel them. I would not say ACT on those feelings, but they are a normal part of your teen experience.
I hope that helps, and if you have any other specific issues, please let me know.
Take care,
Marissa
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Hi!
I just started dating this really great guy a few months back. He is 29, I'm 34. He was a virgin when we met, and lucky for me, he's not anymore. There first few times were pretty bad, but he's got the hang of it, thank goodness. He's very attentive, and loves to kiss. Which is a good thing, but once we are in bed, the kissing stops, and so does the touching. He just goes for straight sex then, and then we are done. There are times though, where he can actually go for 45 minutes (straight sex), and that's pretty amazing. But, what I'm trying to talk him into is to concentrate more on foreplay. I love sex with him, but it's pretty frustrating when he gets to have 3 or 4 orgasms, and I don't get any. He likes it when I perform oral sex on him, but he won't even go there with me. How can I get him to at least entertain the thought of trying it? How do I get him to engage in more foreplay?? How do I make him understand that women take longer than men, and that we can't do it right off the bat? The one good thing is he can maintain an erection for at least an hour, so there's a lot of sex, but I need more. Am I selfish???? He's loves trying new things, but just can't catch on. I love doggy style, and he can never "get it in". How can I help him with that??? Also, any ideas on how to get him to concentrate on the romance part of it? What kind of things can I do to interest him?????? (link)
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Great question...
Because you are his first sexual partner, he is taking ALL of his cues from you. It's time for you to take charge of your pleasure!
You may have to be very specific with him, and that's never easy when it comes to sex. However, if you take it from the perspective of "This is what pleases me, and I want you to be that person", or "I want you to learn what turns me on...", you may have better luck. Again, I cannot stress enough...the longer you let this particular arrangement go on without saying anything about your pleasure (and being STRONG about it!), the more he will think that this is how it should be.
You are NOT in any way selfish by wanting to pursue your pleasure with your partner...absolutely not! In fact, orgasm for orgasm seems very fair to me. Why wouldn't it be?
As far as doggie-style in particular, the mistake that many men make is that they bring their hips back too far, which brings them back outside...and then, it's hard to swing right back in. My best advice would be to have him take very shallow strokes. If that doesn't work, you may also have angle issues, depending on your height and body types. Experiment with pillows...either under his knees, or under yours. You may just not line up right, but that's an easy fix.
The romance part...that's a little more difficult. Again, this will come down to your setting your expectations from the relationship. Does romance = foreplay to you, or are you talking about your actual relationship? If you're looking for more intimacy during intercourse, I'd suggest perhaps moving his hand to your breast, or being bold in that matter. Hell, kiss him, he's not that far away. Let him know that it's not an endurance test, it's about intimate connection. If I'm understanding you correctly, you'd rather have 15 minutes of passionate sex than 45 minutes of detached sex, correct? Let him KNOW that. He's probably doing multiplication tables in his head, thinking that longer = better for you.
As women, we all know that foreplay is usually where we get off, and not during intercourse. TELL HIM. Help him to understand your anatomy, and what works for you. If you are bold and forward with him, you'll be doing both of you a HUGE favor for your sexual future.
It sounds like he wants to please you...it's time for you to take an active role in your pleasure. Good luck, and let me know how it goes!
Take care,
Marissa
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im sorry if this is in the wrong category but..
14/f
im going to get a physical soon ..and i shave down there so would it be awkward if he notices it, like would he say anything? (link)
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Shaving is quite normal nowadays, and it doesn't tend to shock doctors anymore. When that fad started, I bet they were pretty confused...
Seriously, don't sweat it. They're there to make sure that you're healthy, not to check out your body parts in a judgemental way.
Hope the physical goes well!
Marissa
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throughout the day, i have i guess discharge from my vagina. and it gets hard..in my underwear and looks weird. what is it? it's sometimes yellowish, sometimes white. (link)
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The truth is, some discharge is normal, and it will "crust" in your underwear sometimes. The color is really what makes the difference.
White and yellowish (light yellow) are pretty normal. Dark yellow, green, or strange, non-smooth consistencies could be signs of an illness or STD/STI. I do not know if you're sexually active, so if you have the concern about an STD/STI with your discharge...get yourself tested anyway. Sometimes, they have no symptoms that you can see.
Good luck, and let me know if there's anything else I can help you with. Thanks for the question!
Marissa
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Hi. I'm not sure if this question should go under this topic or not. But anyways, I'm 13/f and never been kissed. (yeah, I know yall are laughing) I heard that usually on your first kiss that you end up kissing the guys nose/face/ect. anyone have any tips so that won't happen to me? Cause that would be really embarresing. (sorry its such a dumb question) (link)
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This is SO not a dumb question! You care enough to want it to be a pleasant experience, and that's a good attitude to have. :)
I have found that it's all in how you tilt your head. If the other person tilts to the left on their "approach", tilt yours right. it seems easier to be at different angles, so you don't bump noses. Also, keeping your eyes open until you connect is ok, unless you end up staring at each other from three inches away...that's never cute. :P
It's up to you from there, but think about how you want it to stop, too. I wouldn't jerk away, as if anything wrong has happened, but maybe leaning back and looking into their eyes is a good place to figure out where to go from there.
I hope that helps, and I'm sure it will be magical!
Take care,
Marissa
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how do you know when a girl cums? like is it similar to when guys cum? i'm not trying to be pornographic or anything, but i really wanna know, thanks :-] (link)
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Good question, at least you want to know what pleasure looks like...
If a woman experiences an orgasm, the following things MAY happen. I say MAY, because every woman is different.
She may:
- Flush in her cheeks and chest. (turn red)
- Her nipples may get very erect.
- She will most likely experience spasms that seem like they are coming from her vulva, but they're really the clench and release of the pelvic floor. This is the "physical" way to tell if a woman has had an orgasm.
- Noises are a good indicator, as well as facial expression.
Again, every woman is different, but those are some immediate signs. I hope that helps!
Take care,
Marissa
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Do girls masturbate, because it seems like1 out of every 15 do. So if I was wondering if girls get grossed out by guys and or girls masturbating. I feel like asking my gf if she ever has [out of curiosity] but idk how...or is that too personal?
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Well, here's the deal...most women do, but they talk about it less.
As far as asking her...it depends on where your relationship is. How long have you been together? Are you in any sort of sexual relationship? If you started dating her a week ago, and you've just kissed a few times, now is probably NOT the right time. Let your history guide your future...in other words, you'll know when the time is right to ask.
Good luck, and yeah...we do it, too. :P
Marissa
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Me and my boy friend had sex. We have done it many times with and with out a condom. The first time we (I) did it, i did not bleed or feel any pain. But after about 2 or 3 months of us having sex, one time i was bleeding. So we decied to stop fooling around for a while. so we did, for a week and a half then we had sex again and blood, now its not like a massive amount its like when you have a little cut and wipe it its a little pink. we had sex 3 different times in about a week and there was blood. Now though we have been fooling around and i dont have that problem any more. i cant tell my mom, because she thinks im waiting till marrige. (link)
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Everyone is on ya, girl, and they're right.
You need to use safer sex barriers EVERY TIME you have sex. Not only will it help to prevent pregnancy and STI/STDs, but condoms create less friction, especially when used in conjunction with lubrication...which could cause your bleeding.
Speaking of...are you using lubrication? Perhaps a water-based or silicone lubricant will stop some of the pain and bleeding, if it's because of friction.
The odds are, you have an open cut or wound in your vaginal tissue. This is not only uncomfortable, but it leaves you even MORE susceptible to getting an STI or STD. The need for protection is even greater than before! Oh, and um...it hurts, too! Ouch!
Of course, the best suggestion is to go and see a gynecologist. It may not be a tear, it may be any number of things. If you refuse to do that, at least take two weeks off from sex, let yourself heal, and then use a water-based or silicone lubricant so that you don't cause any more tears in your sensitive vaginal tissue. If there is still bleeding, then it is even MORE imperative that you see a health practitioner.
I am not advocating sex for you right now. However, I'm no dummy...you'll do it anyhow. Just take some time to let yourself heal, and then if you're bound and determined to do it again, use condoms and lubricant.
Good luck, and PLEASE be safe -
Marissa
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i m 25 years old. when ever i think or watch about any thing related to sex there some liquid start to flow from my vegina. i mostly feels wetness through the wholeday. i just wanna ask that i m sinle not a married one, does it can be harmfull form me or not......otherwise please give me some advise to avoid these situations.......please please im really worried. u must tell me (link)
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This is absolutely normal. It's your body's natural lubrication getting you ready for sexual activity.
Ever heard the term "Getting the juices flowing"? That's what this is. :)
Nothing harmful about your lubrication. No need to stop it or avoid the situations where your lubrication flows. It's your body's way of letting you know, "Hey, I'm ready to be sexual now".
Take a load off of your mind, there's no reason to worry. It's quite normal and natural. If you have any other questions about the stages of arousal, or anything related to your body and sensuality/sexuality, please let me know...it's what I do for a living. :)
Take care,
Marissa
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Me and my boyfriend has sex for the first time yesterday and a few things went wrong.. It was both our first times so we wern't exactly sure what to expect, when he first pushed inside me I experienced a bit of of pain which felt like pressure which I expect is normal as it would have been stretching me out? But then when we tried to get into a rhythmic motion there was no "good feeling" it felt like I was being prodded for a while but eventually just felt.. nothing really.. perhaps we didn't give it long enough for a 'good feeling' to kick in or could nerves/anxieties have played a part? we were in missionary position so we switched so I was on top but again it made no difference, alot of times he kept falling out of me which he was embarassed about because he claims his penis is smaller then average size. But also another thing that was worrying was his penis kept hitting something inside me, as he pushed past/against it it felt like he was pushing against an eardrum? My first thought was cervix but he reckons he was pushing past it from the side, should I be worried about this or could it be possible he was hitting something such as my gspot from the wrong angle? Also I can't see how this could be my hymen as I would have broken that ages ago when I started using tampons.
Would really appreciate any feedback, we are both 17 and feel we need some clarification on what went wrong, thankyou in advance for your time. (link)
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It should be all flowers and sunshine, shouldn't it? Books and movies make it look so easy...
The first time you rode a bike, I'm guessing you fell a few times, right? This is like any other learned skill...it takes time and practice to get right.
As far as falling out, he's probably bringing his hips back too far, thinking that he'll hit you deeper only to pull himself out. That, again, is an experience thing. His size wouldn't have anything to do with that, it's just knowing how far to go back in the pulling before the thrusting. No biggie, he can learn that, and it's not his anatomy. :)
As far as what he was hitting...the vaginal canal is only 3-5 inches long, depending on the woman. If you're particularly short or small for your age, it's very possible that he was bumping your cervix. Yep, you're probably right, your hymen would most likely be long gone, and his thrusting would have broken through that, rather than him bumping against something. It sounds, from his description, like your cervix. There's still vaginal canal to either side of the cervix, so try different angles (maybe a pillow under your lower back or behind?) to experiment with how to make that feel better, if it's bothering either of you.
While it is true that the vaginal canal may slightly lengthen during arousal, it's not going to be a whole lot, so don't depend on that to get you through. Change up positions, control your angle, and be able to have a good time with it. Take a deep breath, and realize that this is for FUN! Be safe, be careful, and I hope you find your pleasure. :)
Marissa
P.S. The G-Spot is not a mass that your boyfriend would probably be able to feel with his penis. If you were to experiment with your fingers, it's roughly two inches in, on the side of your vaginal canal closest to your belly button. The tissue there will feel kind of spongy. That's your female prostate, or G-Spot. Just wanted you to know. ;)
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When did Captain Jack (The guy from DDR) die and how did he die? I will rate 5 stars for proper answers. Thank you. (link)
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Looks like Captain Jack died October 21st, 2005 of complications from a stroke. Apparently, though he lessened his partying after suffering a stroke in 2002, he died at a party. What a fitting way for Captain Jack to go.
I hope that helps.
Marissa
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13/f - but many say that my mind and my body are very mature for my age.
My boyfriend happens to be alot older than me, 17 actually. He's still a virgin, but he has done some sexual things with past girlfriends. We've been together for about 10 months. I was raped last year, while we were going out during the summer, but I didnt let him know until around late January, because I was afraid he'd think I was a whore and break up with me.
Andrew (my boyfriend) was very caring about it, he didnt think I was a whore, and he assured me it wasnt my fault. It made me feel alot more comfortable with him, and ever since then I've been very open with him about everything.
I've actually been so comfortable with him that I've agreed to have "phone sex" with him, along with a few sexual activities - minus intercourse. Only it seems to have taken up all of our time together. Sex just seems like the only thing there is to talk about, even when we're not on the phone and we're just walking together around the park. I've told him about this, and we've both tried to not bring up the subject for 24 hours, but it's really hard - for both of us. And so far we havent been able to do it. It's gone so far that we both seem to "expect" at least one orgasm every day, and I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with that. I dont want our relationship to be all about sex, even though I know we both have strong emotional feelings for each other.
Andrew thinks that we're ready to go to the next level. Intercourse. But there's a few problems - I know I'm too young for it, and I'm just not so sure that it would help our already sex-obsessed minds. He's told me that if I'm not ready, it's fine, that if I have the slightest problem with it, we dont have to do it. I've told him that I'm fine with it, but I keep getting these bad feelings whenever I think about it.
I apologize it's so long, but I just want to know what I should do. I know I should probabaly tell him I'm not ready, but I also get a bad feeling whenever I think about telling him. (link)
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You are so eloquent and well-versed for 13...no wonder there's such confusion, you sound so adult! Never apologize for a long question, having more information helps all the more. :)
I gather that your gut feeling on this, all outside influences aside, is that you're too young to have intercourse, but sexual experimentation is ok and natural. I would agree with you on that point, for many reasons.
You are a rape survivor. That takes an emotional toll on a person that far surpasses the here and now. Intercourse can be a "trigger", which means you can flash back to the trauma you experienced last summer. These triggers can cause severe emotional distress, and I would hate for you to go through that. If you have not received any therapy for what happened to you, I would suggest you do so before you decide to take that step. Not everyone triggers because of intercourse, but damaging your emotional state is a very real possibility.
Because you've left a "maybe" on the table for your boyfriend regarding sex, it's going to be all he thinks about. If you go with your gut and say "No, I'm not ready"...that should be all he needs to stop obsessing about it, if he truly cares about your relationship. If he knows that it's not going to happen, why think about it ALL THE TIME? Fooling around, phone sex, all of these things are normal and ok. There's nothing wrong with mutual masturbation, and orgasming once a day is fine. It's when thinking about sex hampers your ability to do your daily tasks that there tends to be a problem. Do you see your friends? Do you just hang out with your boyfriend and watch a movie? These are things that you SHOULD be doing, and being so focused on sex that you aren't having a social life outside of your boyfriend could be a sign that you need a little more separation from the sexual side of your relationship.
Does that make sense? I tend to get a little long-winded, and I don't want to take you away from the main message. You are precious, and worth more than you'll ever know. Treat your body that way, and make sure that the sexual decisions you make are ones that you will be comfortable and happy with down the road, not just in the here and now. Also, treat yourself carefully...if you have not worked through the grief from the trauma you received by being raped last year, it could come back on you. Triggers are absolutely horrid things, and I'd hate for someone so sweet to have to take a hit like that.
Good luck to you, and please keep me posted. If there's any further help that I can be, let me know!
Take care,
Marissa
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I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for; what kind of advice I need. I don't even know if I need advice.
I'm 13/f, btw.
Last year (2005), during the summer, I met with a guy I knew over the internet. He'd told me that he was 14, and lived about 30 miles from my house. I met up with him, and well, it turned out he wasn't exactly what I expected. Things happened, that, well, weren't exactly supposed to happen. I personally just don't like the term "rape" but sure, lets use it. Since, no matter how much I hate the word, it's what happened.
I've done a pretty good job at hiding it from everyone. Luckily, I have heavy periods, and so I was on the pill at the time to make my bleeding lighter, so I didn't get pregnant. I was 12 at the time. Should I be hiding it from everyone? I've told three people so far. One of them, it was on accident, but she ignored it as if I had never said it. I've also told a good guy friend of mine, let's call him Anthony, but I don't think I can really trust him with the information. And I've also told my boyfriend, let's call him Andrew. He thinks I should tell someone, the poliece, or something. But I refuse to. It's just a weird feeling. I don't really want people to know, I don't really want people to do anything about it. But I don't know, should I tell more people? Like my mom, or the poliece? The guy, well, he told me that if I ever told anyone about it he'd track me down and kill me. And I know some people would think it stupid to listen to a threat like that, but I don't know. I really just don't know what to do. It's like it keeps coming back to haunt me. I was doing a good job at ignoring it, forgeting about it, but lately, it just hasnt been working.
Sorry it's so long. (link)
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Unfortunately, you were caught up in the epidemic that is happening in chatrooms and instant messengers right now...adults trying to lure girls your age for sexual activities, and then hurting them. I am so sorry that this happened to you, and there are some things you should know.
He had no right to do what he did. It was not your fault, and he victimized you. You are now a rape survivor, and unfortunately...this will continue to pop up on you, emotionally, unless you get yourself some therapy, and deal with the situation as you see best.
If he was having conversations with you online, your archiving on the messenger you used may be proof. E-mails he sent have IP headers, which are consistently used as evidence in cases. If this happened online, the odds are that you have a trail of evidence. My best advice to you would be to use it to make sure he doesn't do this to another person.
If you do decide to, be honest and forthcoming about EVERYTHING to your parents. The truth is, you could not have known the outcome, and this is NOT your fault, no matter how much you think it is. Even if it's embarassing, tell them every detail, and don't hold anything back from them OR the police.
You deserve closure and healing. If you do decide to prosecute, please make sure that you're getting some sort of counseling as well. I work with sexual assault victims on a regular basis, and as adults many of them say that their greatest regret is that they didn't tell anyone. I hope that that never happens to you, and that you're able to be an emotionally healthy and functioning adult.
You are very brave for coming forward here. I hope that you find support in those you confide in.
Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help...
Marissa
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I love to masturbate, but i can only do it when i'm watching ppl make out or something like that. I want to be able to do it without watching something like that.. is that possible? And if so how? (link)
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Another great question.
Everyone is stimulated in different manners. For some, it's audio-stimulation, or what we hear. For others, they can rely on imagination alone. For some, it's visual-stimulation, which is where you seem to fall.
Why do you feel the need to change how you are stimulated? Do you feel guilty, or ashamed that this is how you choose to have your pleasure? Please know that it's completely normal to be visually-stimulated, and it really shouldn't be anything that you need to change about yourself.
Find your outlets where you can, and know that once you're 18, there's a whole world of visual stimulation out there for you to enjoy. No matter what works for you, if it's consentual, and it's not hurting anyone, it's normal.
I hope that helps, and please let me know if I can be of any further help to you. Thanks for asking!
Continue your pursuit of pleasure,
Marissa
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Does anyone know any websites where i can learn more about sex, basically the whole thing from tips to actually doing it and the consequences.
thanks♥ (link)
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I would avoid doing a google search, as anyone and their cat can put up inaccurate sexual health information. Stick with the sites that are known.
www.gUrl.com is a great one.
Also, www.goaskalice.com is great.
Good luck, and if you have any specific questions, I'm always around to help! :)
Marissa
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