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How can I convince him foreplay is a good thing?
Hi!
I just started dating this really great guy a few months back. He is 29, I'm 34. He was a virgin when we met, and lucky for me, he's not anymore. There first few times were pretty bad, but he's got the hang of it, thank goodness. He's very attentive, and loves to kiss. Which is a good thing, but once we are in bed, the kissing stops, and so does the touching. He just goes for straight sex then, and then we are done. There are times though, where he can actually go for 45 minutes (straight sex), and that's pretty amazing. But, what I'm trying to talk him into is to concentrate more on foreplay. I love sex with him, but it's pretty frustrating when he gets to have 3 or 4 orgasms, and I don't get any. He likes it when I perform oral sex on him, but he won't even go there with me. How can I get him to at least entertain the thought of trying it? How do I get him to engage in more foreplay?? How do I make him understand that women take longer than men, and that we can't do it right off the bat? The one good thing is he can maintain an erection for at least an hour, so there's a lot of sex, but I need more. Am I selfish???? He's loves trying new things, but just can't catch on. I love doggy style, and he can never "get it in". How can I help him with that??? Also, any ideas on how to get him to concentrate on the romance part of it? What kind of things can I do to interest him??????
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Great question...
Because you are his first sexual partner, he is taking ALL of his cues from you. It's time for you to take charge of your pleasure!
You may have to be very specific with him, and that's never easy when it comes to sex. However, if you take it from the perspective of "This is what pleases me, and I want you to be that person", or "I want you to learn what turns me on...", you may have better luck. Again, I cannot stress enough...the longer you let this particular arrangement go on without saying anything about your pleasure (and being STRONG about it!), the more he will think that this is how it should be.
You are NOT in any way selfish by wanting to pursue your pleasure with your partner...absolutely not! In fact, orgasm for orgasm seems very fair to me. Why wouldn't it be?
As far as doggie-style in particular, the mistake that many men make is that they bring their hips back too far, which brings them back outside...and then, it's hard to swing right back in. My best advice would be to have him take very shallow strokes. If that doesn't work, you may also have angle issues, depending on your height and body types. Experiment with pillows...either under his knees, or under yours. You may just not line up right, but that's an easy fix.
The romance part...that's a little more difficult. Again, this will come down to your setting your expectations from the relationship. Does romance = foreplay to you, or are you talking about your actual relationship? If you're looking for more intimacy during intercourse, I'd suggest perhaps moving his hand to your breast, or being bold in that matter. Hell, kiss him, he's not that far away. Let him know that it's not an endurance test, it's about intimate connection. If I'm understanding you correctly, you'd rather have 15 minutes of passionate sex than 45 minutes of detached sex, correct? Let him KNOW that. He's probably doing multiplication tables in his head, thinking that longer = better for you.
As women, we all know that foreplay is usually where we get off, and not during intercourse. TELL HIM. Help him to understand your anatomy, and what works for you. If you are bold and forward with him, you'll be doing both of you a HUGE favor for your sexual future.
It sounds like he wants to please you...it's time for you to take an active role in your pleasure. Good luck, and let me know how it goes!
Take care,
Marissa
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