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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

My 18yr old daughter married a 20 yr old loser. How can i get her to open her eyes and see that he is a cheater, alcoholic, lier, controller, low life?

Have you ever made a purchase then had one of your friends tell you what a mistake you made? Think about how felt at that time. Like most of us you defended your purchase and how the other person didn’t know what they were talking about.

That is exactly the position your daughter will take if you constantly tell her what a mistake she has made or what a bad choice she has made. She may realize she made a mistake; if so she may not be ready to admit that to you. Until she realizes she has made a mistake in her choice of a husband and is ready to admit that to you; you need to stand back and be ready to pick up the pieces when that time comes.

Until then be supportive of your daughter. Your daughter is an adult now and is going to make her own decisions. The good thing about being the parent of adult children is that we can be there to help minimize the fallout when they do make mistakes and to give advice. Giving an adult child unsolicited advice is just as hard now as it was when they were teenagers; the residence is still strong as they are still trying to make their own way in the world.

I know it is hard to stand back and let your child make mistakes, maybe the same mistakes you yourself have made, but it is something you have to do as long as it is not going to cause then real physical harm. Our jobs know as parents is to help them get back on track when that happens, then step back and let them go about their daily lives. I know I’m the father of a 33 year old Paramedic/Firefighter and while I’m very proud of what he does and the lives he has saved, I am always concerned for his safety.

Okay this will be very long so bare with me.

I am 16 a girl, I'm in both freshman and sophmore classes, they are mixed since I've had many absances, health, skipping, injury and I've fallen behind ALOT. I feel as if I'm hopeless I need help, I want to do better in school. I want to graduate, I need to graduate, I don't want to dissapoint my parents. I know I am...and I'm sick of it I need to grow up and do the right thing but not sure how to start.

So basically I'm failing all my classes, I have alot of homework to do, but I've missed so much I don't get any of it. Should I stay after school? I really don't want to, but dammit! I think I have to.

That covers one of my issues. Another is my family problems.

Ok, so I met this guy over myspace, we connected and all, he was 17 and turned 18. Now we've been together for 8 months, he visits me, he lives in Ciciro I live in Waukegan. There was a time when I'd sneak out to see him, he'd take his car and come out to see me, we'd never do anything sexual, until like the 12th time we were together our hormones got the best of us and well, I ended up giving myself to him. -.- He was my first. I do actually regret it, I was caught a few times later sneaking out, my sisters my mother and father found out, but they didn't know I was with him. My mom did, since I told her myself and what had happen, I tell her everything. Well my sisters later found out, since he was an idiot and consulted a friend of his, about it online and them being the stalkers they are, well they found out everything. My oldest sister didn't say much, she did ask me and well, then she left it at that. My other sister however, threatened to tell my dad, which isn't good. My dad's a bit of an a-hole type of man, he always says he's gonna leave us, for every little chance he gets. :/

So no doubt he'd use this as a reason to, he'd also told my boyfriend that he had to wait for me to be 18, but then well that happened and ugh. I'm not sure what my dad will do, our relationship has already been fairly awkward and rocky, seems as if we argue for every little thing. So my sister didn't tell him after my mother gave her a firm talking to. So time went by my boyfriend and I had problems, we broke up 3 times and got back together, well I broke up with him these times, because of all the problems we were having. All this emotional shit, has got my stomach in a knot, and my emotions all swirled in a big whirlpool of confussion. I haven't a clue what to do, how I feel. I'm not sure if I even love him anymore. The distance, the problems, I'm so freaking confused.

I worry that he doesn't love me, he says he does, but sometimes I feel as if sex is the only thing keeping us together. But then other times I remember why I love him and shit like that, what's wrong with me?
Before I went out with him there was this other boy, a very close friend he was younger than me, is. He's 14, I don't know. We both liked each other alot, it was obvious plus he had told me and I had told him, we still do. But I don't know what to do. I feel torn apart. It's like I wanna say I love my current boyfriend but now I'm not to sure, and sometimes I think the only reason I stick with him, is since I gave him my virginity, but when he comes to visit me I do feel the love we have/had.? But we only see each other what, 2 or 5 times a month, we speak every night on the phone. But he ignores me often, too busy playing video games, or on the computer, watching t.v., then I don't know it bothers me. He says he loves me, I don't know. I say I love him, once again I don't know. Am I just stupid? What's wrong with me? This other boy, the 14 year old, he's still young and at a fickle age as am I...but I have strong feelings toward him too. My boyfriend and I, we always get real sexual, it's ok in the moment since I'm hot and heavy but afterwards I feel sad and don't know why. :( I'm pretty sure this isn't normal or good.

Ok, so a few days ago I asked my mom to get me the birth control pill, for more reasons than one. To have a ligther period since mine are very bad, and since him and I are active I'd feel better if I had it. She bugged out, but said ok. She then tells me she's going to tell my dad, he doesn't know a thing, he still thinks I'm a virgin. So I'm nervous and to be honest I'm a bit scared. I don't want to get my boyfriend into trouble, I have a feeling he's gonna try to do something because of the age difference. I'm a bad kid aren't I? :[ It feels as if I'm a huge dissapointment to my whole family, my sisters, my mom my dad. My mom was 14 when she got pregnant with my first sister and my dad was 21 when he got my mom pregnant. So I'm only guessing they don't want me to go down the hard path they've been through. I want to take it all back, but I know I can't. I feel like such a selfish stupid brat! And I hate myself alot right now.

I need to concintrate on school, sex to be honest I really don't think much of it, I want to please my boyfriend. I think that's why I always go along with it, I also don't want him to cheat on me...I'm guessing this is wrong, right?
What should I do? My sisters are dissapointed in me because of this, they both lost it when they were 18, and I at 15. It's horrible right? But I'm not the onlyone I know for a fact, but still I feel so guilty now, since they look down at me and all. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless.
Sometimes I feel the easiest option but most cowardly would be death. I haven't tried, I'm to much of a wuss, but I'm gettin there, I can feel it. All this stress is overwhealming.

Please don't tell me to go see my school counselor, that's not an option, or a real therapist, that's also not an option. No money and no time. School, is bumming me out, I'm sinking deeper and deeper, it's a feeling where I'm gasping for air and no one is around to throw me a floaty. What do I do?

Do I still love my boyfriend, was I ever even in love?
How can I make my family view me as normal again, instead of just one let down after another?
Is it ok to not want to have sex with my boyfriend eventhough we've been together for almost a year?
Will he leave me?
Should I even care?
Should I break up with him?
This other guy, my close friend, why do I feel so attracted to him?
It can't be love right?
He told me he loved me, I wanted to say it back but didn't, should I have?
Is it wrong that I sortah want to leave my current boyfriend and give this guy a chance?
How do I get back on track with school?
Should I talk to my teachers?
What do I tell them?
My dad?
Will he hate me?
I just...don't know what to honestly do, I'm at such a lost, so empty and all I can do is cry.
I feel as if I'm just a screw up and the world would be better off without me.

Well there you have it, please be honest and tell me what you think. 'Cause I have no clue what to do. Past expiriences if any, or such things amongst that would help. Thanks in advanced, I'm also sorry for all the questions and for any type'os I've missed.

It has been a long time since I have been in school and maybe my advice may not mean as much to you as advice from someone your own age. Possibly as an adult who does not know you my advice may be more meaning full than from an adult you know, this is something you have to decide.

From what you have written you have taken the biggest step; that is you realize you have made mistakes and need to take appropriate corrective action to reach an ultimate goal. The goal you have set is graduating from High School. This is an excellent goal to set for yourself.

The next step is to make a plan, one that you put to paper, showing how you are going to accomplish you goal. For this you are going to need some help; you are way behind in your schoolwork and you cannot tackle all classes at once. To try and do so is a plan that is planning to fail. I would suggest you start by going to your guidance counselor; explain to him/her that you have come to the realization of what you must do in order to graduate but need help to catch up with your studies. This help includes working with your teachers as a group to give you assignments that you can work on without being totally snowed under. This is where the putting the plan on paper comes in. Your plan is the successful completion of these assignments by the dates assigned. Your plan is a timeline for the completion of these assignments. I would include in this timeline waypoints between when you are to start an assignment and its completion for you to check in with the teacher(s) so that they may monitor your progress and see if extra help is needed to be given to you so that you successfully complete the assignment. You should also insert time to check in with your guidance councilor so that he/she can monitor your progress and insure you stay focused and do not become overwhelmed.

I m a retired salesman and used a very similar planning method to guide me through my career. Once I found this method of planning I became the top salesman in my division year in and year out. Planning is the key to success. The top sales people, the ones that would give motivational speeches, always closed with this saying: “There are two kinds of people in this world; those that fail to plan and those that plan to fail, which one are you.” You have to think about that statement to fully get its meaning, once you understand the statement you will never fail to plan or plan to fail.

I am asking you to see your school counselor only to facilitate between you and your teachers in getting you back on track for school. As for the other things going on in your life; there are people who are better qualified than I am to help you. The first are the counselors at Boys and Girl Town. They operate a 24/7 hotline you can call. They can refer you to professionals in your home town who can help you for little or no cost. The number is - 1-800-448-3000. Another hotline can call is the National Youth Crisis Hotline. They offer similar services as Boys and Girls Town but is more for girls suffering from abuse and other problems; their number is - 1-800-448-4663. Call Boys and Girls Town First, if they can’t offer any help try the National Youth Crisis Hotline.

what feels better for a girl? ultra ribbed condoms or her pleasure condoms?

and how good are the ectasy ones in general?

Best person to ask is the girl you are with at the time.

14/f

im not thinking bout having sex or anything with my bf but it would be nice if he kissed me properly once in a while...

like the other day he walked me home (which is odd cos he usually does but theres other people with us)and we stopped on the corner just before my house and chatted and all that. i took a few pics of us on my phone and we just messed around but he only ever kisses me when i kiss him first and he never properly kisses me if you know what i mean. it would be nice if he would lol i know he loves me its not like that. you can see it in his eyes when i say bye or watever/

thanks xx
btw he's 15

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Boys can be funny when it comes to girls. Some boys may be shy; some may not know how to kiss or may be embarrassed in how they kiss.

When I was your boyfriends age or a little older I had a girlfriend who got upset because I never touched her, with my hands. One night she finally asked me. I told her it was because my hands were always dirty. Not with dirt you couldn’t wash off but with ground in grime I could never get out and I was always afraid I would get her or her clothes dirty. You see I worked part time in a gas station as an auto mechanic an I had the ground in grime to prove it. She was a very bright young girl and she said to me; “its honest dirt and I will be able to wash off whatever rubs off on me”.

Nothing ever came of our relationship but she taught me something that night. Now looking back I realize how easily something that trivial got between me and a very nice girl. The problem with your boyfriend could be just as trivial. Does he wear braces? If he does maybe he thinks he will hurt you if he tries to kiss you. It could be that simple. Sometimes a girl has to take the lead with young guys’ especially young boys who are polite and considerate of your feelings. Those are ones who are going to be the most easily embarrassed by their own actions or as they see it short comings.

is there a way to get the law peoples (government)to let me not live with my parents,, because my house is like world war 3 and i cant take this anymore.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

I would really like to know what you mean by WW3 at home, how old you are and if you are being physically abused before answering your question. Being an Emancipated Minor, legal term for what you are asking for, is not all that you may think it is. To get what you want you need a Lawyer and you could end up in foster care. It depends on where you live.

If you are granted Emancipated Minor status you then have to pay for everything your parents have been paying for and would most likely pay for in the future, such as college. In short you would be trading whatever childhood you have for the not so much fun of living on your own and supporting yourself while trying to stay in school so that you can get the good jobs that provide a better life.

You might be better off going to your community family service office and asking for help. They may be able to tone down the war at home to a more livable level for you and any siblings you may have. Every problem has a solution; not all are easy to come by, some are harder than others to live with. In the end though finding a solution to a problem is better than throwing in the towel and running away from the problem.

I think I have a kidney stone and it hurts so much. Is there anything I can do at home to get rid of a kidney stone? I would like to get rid of it as soon as possible but I don't know any home remedies or home medications that I can take. I don't want to go to the doctor unless I absolutely have to. I've had kidney stones before. Is there ANYTHING I can do at home by myself so I don't have to go through so much lengthy pain on waiting for it to pass?

Wheter you have health Insurance or not you need to seek medical advice. Kidney stones are a serious thing. You can go to the nearest hospital Emergency room for treatment. With or without insurance they will treat you.

Better a painful cure than what awaits you if you wait to long and become toxic. Get to a doctor.

Okay, so I went to work 3 months ago, and they made me shave because I hadn't and it's work policy. After I finished shaving, I stupidly took some toilet paper(it was still in the dispenser, though some of toilet paper was sticking out), not knowing if it was used previously. It didn't look like it was used but I didn't pay close enough attention to know for sure. I got the shaving cream off my face, which there was more than one cut for the something to get into, with the toilet paper from the dispenser. If there was HIV infected cells on there, would I have a chance of getting an STD from it? I don't know how long it was setting there, of course. There's no sign of any other STDs. Should I have an STD test and an HIV/AIDS test done just in case?

HIV cells do not live long outside the body, so you should be fine.

i'm 17, please don't ramble on about if you think i'm too young for sex...i've been with my guy for over a year and i have that amazing connection with him. i feel like i'm ready to have sex with him but i always get doubts...i think i'm always going to get doubts though until i actually do it and get the "first time/painful" thing out of the way. the doubts have absolutely nothing to do with him or not trusting him...it takes me a lonngg time for me to even be close to trusting someone but he has my life in his hands and i know hes loyal. so are these doubts about like it hurting and pregnancy normal? i'm just scared i guess...i get ridiculously wet though so i should be okay right?

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Are you too young to be having sex? You are now at the age where only you know the answer to that question. Having sex for the first time is something that is going to be right at different time for every person. I agree with the other advisor to find a place that will be comfortable and can relax. For you the first time comes with enough concerns, you do not need the additional concerns of a parent or sibling walking in on you. If possible try to get a motel room.

Concerns about pregnancy are normal for any single woman. If you are planning on becoming sexually active you should talk to your doctor about birth control. Condom usage is a must; not just birth control but for disease prevention. Yes, you stated you trust your boyfriend and you have been going out with him for over a year. Still you do not know who his past partners where. Unfortunately in today’s world every time you have sex with someone you are also having sex with all their past partners. So condom usage is important. If you have never used one before practice putting one on with a Banana or Cucumber. I know it sounds silly; but practice makes perfect and in this case protects you which is most important.

3 months ago i had heartburn for about 2 weeks and i took gaviscon and i had no more heartburn. Now, I have heartburn again and my bf told me also that I have bad breath. I have no infection in my teeth or gums so I think it's something from the stomach.

I think it is better to go to the doctor!!

Can heartburn and bad breath be related?? Is it something serious or nothing to worry about? Is there someone who had the same problem?? Any help pls?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

The answer to your question is yes. Heartburn and bad breath can be related. Your thinking of going to the doctor is a good. Heartburn is something that needs to be treated as the causes can sometimes be serious. While I’m not aware of anyone dyeing from bad breath alone, the fact that you have bad breath could be symptomatic of a more serious problem. Make sure to tell your doctor if you have had any recent Oral Surgery or any other Surgeries.

You did not give your age; if you are under 18 make sure to take a parent or guardian with you to the doctor. While you may be old enough to seek confidential medical advice, many family doctors insist on having a parent or guardian available when examining a minor.

so i plan on going to new york for a few days in november! how much money should i be looking to save (minus plane tickets)and i already have a place to stay at my boyfriend's house)i would just need money for food, random spending, etc! thanks guys!

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

It depends on what you want to experience. I’m sure you boyfriend knows a good Deli where you can get a good New York Deli sandwich without going to the famous Deli’s unless you want to say you ate there. The hot dog carts are still a good value and everyone who visits New York City has to have one. Organized tours such as the Circle Line tour boats are expensive as well.

The nice thing about most of the tourist place is they are available on line including the eateries with menus and prices, in most cases. A little research will make for a much better vacation. Find the places of tours you want to take. Once you have all the prices, add them up and add ten percent just as a safety net. The go to the bank and get travelers checks. NYC is not a place to carry large amounts of cash, even when I lived in New York City I carried little cash.

Unless you expect to do an excessive amount of shopping you should be able to have a memorable visit and spend no more than $100 to $150 a day. Just a side note: New York City has many fine clothing stores that charge inflated prices for many of the same clothes you can purchase closer to home. The inflated prices are in part because of the high cost of doing business in New York City and impression of exclusiveness that comes with purchasing in New York City.

Enjoy your visit

There is this thing about my face I 've been getting lately that is been bothering because I swear it somehow makes me look unattractive.

Like I've never noticed I am yellow, like not Dark, tanned, red white, or pale , I am yellow is it healthy to be yellow? I mean is it normal?

and i have black spots next to my mouth, I use clean n clear but it doesn't help mmuch.

It's bothering me soo much,, any help ..

With just the little information you have given I would suggest you ask mom or dad to make an appointment with the family doctor for you. Yellowing of the skin can be caused by a number of different conditions. The most seriouse of these conditions are problems of the liver and Kidneys.

Only a doctor who has the proper test run can diagnose a problem. Nothing says your problem is serious, but you won;t know for sure until you see a doctor. We are not doctors and should not diagnose medical concerns.

I've been having these really bad headaches that lasts a week sometimes a week and a half at a time no matter what kind of pain meds I take what should I do?

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

It is obvious from what you have written that over the counter medications are not helping with your headaches. Headaches can be the result of a myriad of causes; among them would be fatigue, dehydration and allergies or it could be none of the above. Your headaches could be the result of high blood pressure, low blood pressure. It may be as simple as needing reading glasses or some other things that only a doctor can diagnose.

Advice website like this one are not designed to answer medical questions. To the best of my knowledge no one on this website is a medical doctor, therefore none of us are qualified to make a medical diagnoses.

Since you did not give your age I am going to assume you still live at home with your parents. My advice to you is to tell your parents about your headache and let them take you to your family doctor. The most painful test the doctor will most likely run is a simple blood test. Any of the other tests that might be run are more scary than painful. The tests I am thinking of would only be run if the simpler tests proved negative or pointed to a needed for a more in depth test.

Most headaches are just that, headaches. If you are as young as I think you are the cause of the headaches may be the changes your body is going through and the hormonal changes that are taking place. This is something modern pharmacology can help with but is not available in over the counter medications. So go see your family doctor and let him or her get to the cause of your problem.

I've been dating this guy on and off for almost a year and I really like him but i'm nervous to kiss him but he wants to kiss me. I don't really want to makeout with him yet but I think he's ready to and if I kiss him like just a peck on the lips I don't want him to think that it's ok to makeout. What should I do???

You sound kind of young so my advise is to follow your feelings and wait until you are ready.

I'm so depressed.I can't bear it anymore. I've donea lot of research but it's not helping me.

What's other ways I can treat/better my depression without anti-depressants or therapy.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Whether you need medication or not to treat your depression is something only a Physician can diagnose. As someone who has and is suffering from depression I can attest to the fact that you cannot cure depression yourself. If you have tried medication and therapy without success then the problem is probably the wrong medication and a therapist you were not comfortable with.

I went through three therapists before I found one I was comfortable with. The first two wanted to work on the physical cause for my depression giving me instructions on Biofeedback. The third passed me off to a student of hers. As for medications; my family physician, because of Insurance problems, was prescribing for me. Once the Insurance problem was taken care of and I was able to see a Psychiatrist, I was then able to get the proper medication for clinical cause of my depression. With the proper medication and a therapist that I was comfortable with, who was also able to see the emotional causes of my depression, I was able to start on the road to recovery.

I have listed two Websites below that you might find useful in finding out more about the different kinds of depression. Most depression is what is called clinical depression: that being a hormonal or chemical imbalance in certain areas of the area of the brain. In general this is usually easily corrected with medication. Talk therapy is advised to help the patient realize what triggers the depressive episodes so the patient can recognize these symptoms and deal with them before they trigger a depressive episode. There may be other things that the therapist will need to help the patient with that will come out in therapy, if so the patient and the therapist will deal with them as they arise. This is all part of the healing process.

Please give therapy and if needed medication another chance. Depression is not an illness you can deal with by using over the counter medication. Interview therapists until you find one you are comfortable with. If you and your family doctor feel medication is required find a Psychiatrist to prescribe the prober medication. Why a Psychiatrist? They are the best doctors to deal with problems of depression and the medications to treat the problem. It does not mean you are crazy.

www.medicinenet.com/depression/article.htm
www.depression-screening.org/

guys why do you like boobs so much? i don't get it, they're just like fat sacs. i asked my boyfriend and he said they were "beautiful" hah but i think they're ugly...idk can anyone answer my question? lol

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Why do guys like women’s boobs? It is somewhat if a preconditioning, like snapping your Bra strap in class. No one told them to do it; no one showed them to do it. It is somewhat of a caveman instinct.

Your statement that you find boobs ugly surprises me some. If I read into your statement I would say you are most likely large breasted or very small breasted. Women with these types of breasts find themselves being stared at more than women with average size breasts. Whichever is the case for you it is understandable that you would be both self-conscious of your breasts and tired of being stared at all day.

My advice is for know be proud of what nature has given you. If you have overly large breast you can talk to your parents about breast reduction surgery. If you have overly small breast breast enlargement surgery should wait until you have finished your education especially if you are overly athletic. Young women who are athletes are late bloomers and when they hang up their spikes their breast and other womanly curves seem to catch up with their age.

Whichever is the case for you; be proud of what you have been given. You are uniquely you, there is no one on this planet quite like you, you are one of a kind and you should be proud of who you are. As for the boys; boys are going to be boys. Their caveman instincts come out with their hormone activities. Love them and leave them until you find the one who respects you for who you are not for your endowments alone.

16female

Am I too young to be giving my boyfriend a handjob or getting fingered? I mean we've been going out 2 months and we hooked up about a month before we went out...I feel almost scandalous when I do...I keep doubting my morals, there's a piece of me that wants to fight my hormones. Any personal experience or advice would help! Thank you!

As one of the older Columnist here you will find my advice to be somewhat different from what you may receive from others.

What you and your boyfriend are doing is called mutual masturbations. There is nothing wrong with this as it is a good safe way to relieve you sexual tension. Mutual masturbation will most likely be part of your sex life for the rest of your life. Just remember if either of you get any of your boyfriends ejaculates (semen) on your hands do not put your hands near or in your vagina until you have washed your hands.

As to your question: Are you old enough to be giving or receiving of this kind of intimacy? This is the type of question only you can answer. As a parent my answer should be and probably would be that you should wait until you are older. My advice is: That from what I have read, that you yourself wrote, is that you are not quite ready for this type of intimacy. You wrote “I feel almost scandalous when I do...I keep doubting my morals.” It is this statement that I base my opinion on. Why you feel this way is something only you can answer.

Give yourself more time to get comfortable with sexual intimacy. There is no rush here. Each us reaches are comfort points at different times. You will know when that time is when the time comes. When it does you will find sexual intimacy to be a beautiful thing.

14-f

seriously????? i thought this only happened on t.v.!!!!!!! i got REALLLLYYYY drunk one night at one of my best friends party, and there was this guy who i was talking to before i got drunk. then we started dancing. and then i got completely wasted. i saw him the next day at school and he told me that if i didnt do what i did last night again then he would send the tape to everyone. and im sure u know what was on the tape.... so what do i do, i dont want to have sex with him again but i reallllyyy dont want that tape out because i have no idea whats on it

I’m not going to lecture you on drinking at your young age. I think you have gotten a very good object lesson in the perils of drinking and why young people should not drink.

Now as to this young man with the tape. While what he is currently threatening you with is called Blackmail. What he supposedly did with you on the tape cannot and is not considered consensual as you were in no condition to consent. Therefore you were RAPED; call it date rape or anything else you want. If you were as drunk as you say then any sex that took place was none consensual and that is the definition of rape.

You should go to your parents and tell them what happened and let them decide the best course of action to take. From my point of view you have number of options:

1. Call his parents and explain what has happened and the blackmail attempt he is making.

2. Invite the boy over; explain to him that unless he gives up the tape you are going to charge him with rape. Explain to him that rape has a long statute of limitations and that if he brags about what happened, the tape goes to the police.

3. Call the Police and let them handle the matter. The boy has committed two felonies and deserves to be punished by the law or he will do it again and the next young lady may not be as lucky as you.

My suggestion is talk with your parents and go with option 3. Yes, your parents are not going to be happy about your drinking but I think their anger will be mitigated by the rape and the threat of the blackmail.

I really need a guy to lean on right now, short term or long term relationship would be good for me :(
But I will probably never find a guy for years because I'm 15 and pregnant, what kind of guy wants to date a girl thats having a kid?
Guys please answer. Be completely honest.

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

You do not say if you plan on keeping your baby or giving the baby up for adoption. If your plan is to keep the baby then my suggestion is: Concentrate on finishing High School with the best grades you can achieve. You are going to need all the Scholarship money you can get to go on to college an you need a College education if you wish to support your child in a proper manner.

For some reason women find it easier to take on the care and raising of another women’s child than it is for a man to take on the responsibility of raising another mans child. Your current thoughts about finding a guy to lean on now or in the foreseeable future are correct. You will need a good education to find a good job to support you and your child.

Is there male companionship in your future? Probably, but you need to put things in the proper perspective. The first priority has to be the baby who comes into the world totally dependent on you for everything. Hopefully your parents, the baby’s father and his parents will be there for you and the baby.

If you have not already done so I would suggest you see a Lawyer and get the legal paperwork do to make sure the baby’s father stands up to his responsibilities, do not trust his word on something this important.

So I REALLY REALLY would be grateful for some help on this before I go insane myself.

I am doing a research paper about the Vietnam era and my topic is how war drives people insane. It shouldn't be too hard to find sources to prove that, since people in the 60's were pretty insane and im sure it had something to do with the war and something to do with all those new drugs coming out. Well my teacher says i need to find pictures and songs, not books as sources. I have one picture, but i need other types of media other than books that prove people were crazy because of the war...and the hard part is they HAVE to be printed in the 60's to early 70's. They can be songs, pictures, movies, etc. just no books. and it seems easy enough, but i cant find ANYTHING!!!!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

I served in the Air Force during Vietnam and have very vivid memories of walking through San Francisco Airport in uniform. In fact the Airlines changed the requirement that for the military to fly at reduced fare we must fly in uniform, to one where it was optional and even requested that we did not wear our uniforms.

Some of the things I encountered when I returned where; as a veteran I was able to go to College on the GI Bill. I had to pull out of two classes because of protests on campus. Normally you would receive a failing mark. I received a passing grade because I was a returning veteran.

Before leaving for the Air Force I had been a member of my towns volunteer Fire Department. When I returned I notified the Chief I was home and asked to be put back on active status. No one other than the chief knew I was home. Shortly after I returned we had a house fire. Once the fire was out we of course had to put the house back on the engine. I climbed up on the bed of the engine and started to lay the house back in the bed when the driver/operator noticed me. At the top of his lungs he started screaming; “One of our boys is home, one of our boys is home”, over and over again. Next thing I knew every flood light we had was focused on me and everyone who was watching and every firefighter encircled the engine, applauding and welcoming me home.

I tell you this story to show you the disparity of the times. I could not get the education I wanted because of the unrest over the war on College Campuses and neither could I sneak quietly back home.

As for pictures of those times I would go to Life Magazines web site and search their archives. Back in the 60’s, 70’s & 80’s Life magazine was a wonderful picture magazine that I believe was a weekly magazine at the time

a guy asked me if i wanted to try smoking with him and i said sure because i like him a lot. and so we were walking to his brother's apartement and he started making out with me really randomly,,he was going a little too far and i told him to stop. he got really mad and started yelling and then he walked away. wht am i supposed to do, i dont want to ruin our friendship!!!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Good job saying NO to your friend.

You should not be friends with someone who will only be friends with you if you do something for them or give them something. That would include anything from doing their homework for them to being a sexual playmate. You were right to say no and he was wrong to get mad. If all he is interested in is what he can get from you sexually or any other way then there is no real friendship with him.

You have the right to set your sexual boundaries, if you like you can tell your boyfriend(s) just what those boundaries are. If all they are interested in is satisfying their own over active hormones (which is normal for teenage male) they will seek out easier pray. For those that stick around do not let them force you beyond them.

I am not going to say one must wait until they are married to have sex; the majority of us parents did not and it would be hypocritical to tell you to wait. What I am telling you is to wait until you are old enough and mature enough to accept and appreciate that while sex serves as a recreational activity it is also one that is shared best in a loving relationship. This is where maturity comes in.

Given your age, your question and the way you handled your boyfriend shows a great deal of maturity. Continue to use the maturity you have shown here and you will know when the time is right to take the next step. With the maturity I see her I also see a bright future for you.

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