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How to I get my life back together and on track?:(
Okay this will be very long so bare with me.
I am 16 a girl, I'm in both freshman and sophmore classes, they are mixed since I've had many absances, health, skipping, injury and I've fallen behind ALOT. I feel as if I'm hopeless I need help, I want to do better in school. I want to graduate, I need to graduate, I don't want to dissapoint my parents. I know I am...and I'm sick of it I need to grow up and do the right thing but not sure how to start.
So basically I'm failing all my classes, I have alot of homework to do, but I've missed so much I don't get any of it. Should I stay after school? I really don't want to, but dammit! I think I have to.
That covers one of my issues. Another is my family problems.
Ok, so I met this guy over myspace, we connected and all, he was 17 and turned 18. Now we've been together for 8 months, he visits me, he lives in Ciciro I live in Waukegan. There was a time when I'd sneak out to see him, he'd take his car and come out to see me, we'd never do anything sexual, until like the 12th time we were together our hormones got the best of us and well, I ended up giving myself to him. -.- He was my first. I do actually regret it, I was caught a few times later sneaking out, my sisters my mother and father found out, but they didn't know I was with him. My mom did, since I told her myself and what had happen, I tell her everything. Well my sisters later found out, since he was an idiot and consulted a friend of his, about it online and them being the stalkers they are, well they found out everything. My oldest sister didn't say much, she did ask me and well, then she left it at that. My other sister however, threatened to tell my dad, which isn't good. My dad's a bit of an a-hole type of man, he always says he's gonna leave us, for every little chance he gets. :/
So no doubt he'd use this as a reason to, he'd also told my boyfriend that he had to wait for me to be 18, but then well that happened and ugh. I'm not sure what my dad will do, our relationship has already been fairly awkward and rocky, seems as if we argue for every little thing. So my sister didn't tell him after my mother gave her a firm talking to. So time went by my boyfriend and I had problems, we broke up 3 times and got back together, well I broke up with him these times, because of all the problems we were having. All this emotional shit, has got my stomach in a knot, and my emotions all swirled in a big whirlpool of confussion. I haven't a clue what to do, how I feel. I'm not sure if I even love him anymore. The distance, the problems, I'm so freaking confused.
I worry that he doesn't love me, he says he does, but sometimes I feel as if sex is the only thing keeping us together. But then other times I remember why I love him and shit like that, what's wrong with me?
Before I went out with him there was this other boy, a very close friend he was younger than me, is. He's 14, I don't know. We both liked each other alot, it was obvious plus he had told me and I had told him, we still do. But I don't know what to do. I feel torn apart. It's like I wanna say I love my current boyfriend but now I'm not to sure, and sometimes I think the only reason I stick with him, is since I gave him my virginity, but when he comes to visit me I do feel the love we have/had.? But we only see each other what, 2 or 5 times a month, we speak every night on the phone. But he ignores me often, too busy playing video games, or on the computer, watching t.v., then I don't know it bothers me. He says he loves me, I don't know. I say I love him, once again I don't know. Am I just stupid? What's wrong with me? This other boy, the 14 year old, he's still young and at a fickle age as am I...but I have strong feelings toward him too. My boyfriend and I, we always get real sexual, it's ok in the moment since I'm hot and heavy but afterwards I feel sad and don't know why. :( I'm pretty sure this isn't normal or good.
Ok, so a few days ago I asked my mom to get me the birth control pill, for more reasons than one. To have a ligther period since mine are very bad, and since him and I are active I'd feel better if I had it. She bugged out, but said ok. She then tells me she's going to tell my dad, he doesn't know a thing, he still thinks I'm a virgin. So I'm nervous and to be honest I'm a bit scared. I don't want to get my boyfriend into trouble, I have a feeling he's gonna try to do something because of the age difference. I'm a bad kid aren't I? :[ It feels as if I'm a huge dissapointment to my whole family, my sisters, my mom my dad. My mom was 14 when she got pregnant with my first sister and my dad was 21 when he got my mom pregnant. So I'm only guessing they don't want me to go down the hard path they've been through. I want to take it all back, but I know I can't. I feel like such a selfish stupid brat! And I hate myself alot right now.
I need to concintrate on school, sex to be honest I really don't think much of it, I want to please my boyfriend. I think that's why I always go along with it, I also don't want him to cheat on me...I'm guessing this is wrong, right?
What should I do? My sisters are dissapointed in me because of this, they both lost it when they were 18, and I at 15. It's horrible right? But I'm not the onlyone I know for a fact, but still I feel so guilty now, since they look down at me and all. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless.
Sometimes I feel the easiest option but most cowardly would be death. I haven't tried, I'm to much of a wuss, but I'm gettin there, I can feel it. All this stress is overwhealming.
Please don't tell me to go see my school counselor, that's not an option, or a real therapist, that's also not an option. No money and no time. School, is bumming me out, I'm sinking deeper and deeper, it's a feeling where I'm gasping for air and no one is around to throw me a floaty. What do I do?
Do I still love my boyfriend, was I ever even in love?
How can I make my family view me as normal again, instead of just one let down after another?
Is it ok to not want to have sex with my boyfriend eventhough we've been together for almost a year?
Will he leave me?
Should I even care?
Should I break up with him?
This other guy, my close friend, why do I feel so attracted to him?
It can't be love right?
He told me he loved me, I wanted to say it back but didn't, should I have?
Is it wrong that I sortah want to leave my current boyfriend and give this guy a chance?
How do I get back on track with school?
Should I talk to my teachers?
What do I tell them?
My dad?
Will he hate me?
I just...don't know what to honestly do, I'm at such a lost, so empty and all I can do is cry.
I feel as if I'm just a screw up and the world would be better off without me.
Well there you have it, please be honest and tell me what you think. 'Cause I have no clue what to do. Past expiriences if any, or such things amongst that would help. Thanks in advanced, I'm also sorry for all the questions and for any type'os I've missed.
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Ok, first I have to admit I didn't read your whole post. I got to the end of the birth control paragraph and figured I had enough to deal with, so I'd better get started.
You are NOT a bad person. One thing that is really bothering you is your relationship with your dad, and that's affecting everything else in your life. You are not supposed to have to worry that your father is going to leave you, and though it doesn't feel like it, all of these things are his short comings and not yours.
About school. Yes, you have to stay after. Try not to worry too much about all of the make-up stuff because if you look at the whole pile it will seem overwhelming. Do everything you have due today, and then spend the rest of the weekend working on projects and papers you have due in the future; you don't have to finish them, just get them started. On Monday, pick two teachers and have an honest talk with them, and continue with at least one teacher a day until you have met with them all. Tell them that you feel overwhelmed, and ask for their help. They will let you know what is most important, and most likely, they will make you breathe a sigh of relief. Ask them to help you make a plan to get caught up. This is what your teachers are there for, and if they are not willing to help you, or somehow make you feel worse, go to their boss and talk to him or her. I think you will be surprised to see how much help is available if you just ask and make a sincere effort.
One of the things that has been holding you to this older guy is the fact you lost your virginity with him. It's like you will feel like you have wasted it if it doesn't work with him. Your relationship won't get better, only worse, so maybe you should get out now. You don't feel good about yourself after sex with him, so the best thing to do is to not see him. It's not like you can go back now and tell him you don't want to have sex because he will have a bad reaction, and you know if he really cared for you the sex wouldn't matter. He expects it from you, and worse, he brags about it to his friends. It will make you feel really good about yourself if you just stopped calling him and answering his calls and left him to wonder about why. Or, if you think that's rude, just tell him you're trying to concentrate on your life right now. If he starts to talk badly about you to his friends, you can defend yourself by saying he's just mad because you dumped him.
I don't have any answers about the 14 year old, but one thing I can tell you is just because you have had sex doesn't mean you have to continue. It is likely he's a virgin, and you don't want to put him in the position of feeling like you do now. I think the main reason you keep thinking about him isn't so much him, but that you are missing the simplicity of the relationship you had with him. Sex adds a whole bunch of crap to a relationship, and wasn't it so nice when you didn't have all of it? Why don't you make the decision to not have a boyfriend until you have at least talked to all of your teachers, and gotten well on your way to making things up at school.
The birth control pill is probably a good idea, but just because you're on it doesn't mean you have to have sex. You should think of the pill as a back up plan because you should use a condom. I wonder if the older guy hasn't always used a condom which made you think about the pill, and if that's the case than you don't need me to tell you that he's a selfish jerk; you know that already, which is one of the reasons why you're uncomfortable about having sex with him. He has already let you down by talking about your sex life on the internet-don't wait around for him to make things worse.
You are not a brat, or any of the other things you call yourself. Please stop putting yourself down. You sound like a really good person who really cares about other people. I hope you will be able to see that.
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from the sound of things you REALLY shouldn't have a boyfriend right now. The drama with your current one is making it even harder for you to focus on what you seem to really want--self-improvement.
Stay after school and ask the teachers for help, get tutoring from one of your smarter friends if they're able to do it. You have to MAKE time if it's possible at all, even if it means breaking things off with your boyfriend. if he does love you he'll understand. The same goes for your friend. He'll understand you can't be with him because you're too overwhelmed right now, because he loves you.
It sounds like your boyfriend is just staying with you for sex right now. And you may realize that, which is what is making you feel so bad.
There's only one chance to get through high school. You're determined so you can do it. You just have to force yourself to do the work, take the time to understand the work..
Suicide isn't an option, ever. I felt that way before, and I was so happy that I didn't, because I'm so happy right now. "The night is darkest before the dawn." It took a long, long time to get to this point, 3 years for me, and there were lots of falls back into darkness along the way, but I'm better now.
Talk to your parents, even if they yell don't yell back. Stay calm and mature, tell them how you feel, right down to the point you feel that your relationship with your dad is off, and you don't WANT it to be that way. You don't want to be a disappointment to them but you don't know how to go about that. Tell them everything you told us. Your dad may still not understand, but your mother seems like she would.
This song is my favorite "uplifting" one. It's from a Christian band, but doesn't ever mention god so if you're not religious it shouldn't offend you. I doubt it's your kind of music even, but the lyrics are really really great... When everything feels like it's too much, I listen to this on repeat.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I'm really not that great at advice, but I've felt lost before so I tried. I had to. If you want, always feel free to ask me a question about something I've said or something. My internet connection is a joke, but I'll make answering you and being with you my top priority. Being lost sucks. It happens to lots of people, and lots of people, including myself, get through it.
You're not terrible. They shouldn't be looking down on you. The fact that you want to change is proof enough of that. Truly terrible people wouldn't give a d-mn.
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It has been a long time since I have been in school and maybe my advice may not mean as much to you as advice from someone your own age. Possibly as an adult who does not know you my advice may be more meaning full than from an adult you know, this is something you have to decide.
From what you have written you have taken the biggest step; that is you realize you have made mistakes and need to take appropriate corrective action to reach an ultimate goal. The goal you have set is graduating from High School. This is an excellent goal to set for yourself.
The next step is to make a plan, one that you put to paper, showing how you are going to accomplish you goal. For this you are going to need some help; you are way behind in your schoolwork and you cannot tackle all classes at once. To try and do so is a plan that is planning to fail. I would suggest you start by going to your guidance counselor; explain to him/her that you have come to the realization of what you must do in order to graduate but need help to catch up with your studies. This help includes working with your teachers as a group to give you assignments that you can work on without being totally snowed under. This is where the putting the plan on paper comes in. Your plan is the successful completion of these assignments by the dates assigned. Your plan is a timeline for the completion of these assignments. I would include in this timeline waypoints between when you are to start an assignment and its completion for you to check in with the teacher(s) so that they may monitor your progress and see if extra help is needed to be given to you so that you successfully complete the assignment. You should also insert time to check in with your guidance councilor so that he/she can monitor your progress and insure you stay focused and do not become overwhelmed.
I m a retired salesman and used a very similar planning method to guide me through my career. Once I found this method of planning I became the top salesman in my division year in and year out. Planning is the key to success. The top sales people, the ones that would give motivational speeches, always closed with this saying: “There are two kinds of people in this world; those that fail to plan and those that plan to fail, which one are you.” You have to think about that statement to fully get its meaning, once you understand the statement you will never fail to plan or plan to fail.
I am asking you to see your school counselor only to facilitate between you and your teachers in getting you back on track for school. As for the other things going on in your life; there are people who are better qualified than I am to help you. The first are the counselors at Boys and Girl Town. They operate a 24/7 hotline you can call. They can refer you to professionals in your home town who can help you for little or no cost. The number is - 1-800-448-3000. Another hotline can call is the National Youth Crisis Hotline. They offer similar services as Boys and Girls Town but is more for girls suffering from abuse and other problems; their number is - 1-800-448-4663. Call Boys and Girls Town First, if they can’t offer any help try the National Youth Crisis Hotline.
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