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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

why do guys make such a big deal about popping cherries? I mean, it sounds almost like they are trying to get a collection of them or something? I certainly don't want to give mine to somebody who is just trying to collect trophies, so how do I tell if a guy wants me or my cherry?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

You are absolutely right in your thinking and your thoughts concerning boys your personal virginity.

I found the following website while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?” and “Dealing with Pressure”.

Amy boy who is pressuring you for sex, whether it is to take your virginity or for sex in general is doing so not out love but out of lust. Do not mistake one for the other, stick with your principles. Any boy who walks away because you won’t have sex with him is not someone you want in your life anyway for eventually he will leave you when things get to serious.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

I am starting birth control to regulate my period. I know that you get to know the exact day you start your period each month (by the color of the pill). But is it always 100% effective when it comes to your period or is it possible that you could start your period sooner or later?

This is a question that is probably best answered by your doctor. I suggest you call your doctor’s office and ask the question. They may answer it over the phone or request you schedule a visit so the doctor can examine you.

My gut feeling is that your cycle can have small changes even on the pill I still believe the doctor is the best person to answer this question so give the office a call.

18f.

this is quite embarassing but i'd really like some advice. sooo usually when i go to the bathroom, and you wipe with toilet paper particles will sometimes stay in your vagina, right? or is this just me? haha..

anyways i'm worried when i let a guy finger me or do anything sexual there will be toilet paper bits stuck in there, and oh my goshhh how embarassing would that be! how can i prevent this from not happening? i've heard people use wipes or something .. is this true? but everytime i THINK i'm going to become sexual i have to use these wipes or what?

and if so .. what type of wipe is it. what are they called, where can you get them and if my mom sees me buying these will she automatically think i'm becoming sexual?

anything will be helpful, thaaaanks!:)

I found this website which has many straight forward answers to your question and others.

http://www.wikihow.com/Category:Feminine-Hygiene

One thing they do not recommend is the use of any type of wipes. Look at "Deal with Menstrual odor".

One other thing: I do not think it is a good idea to hide things about your health, especially your reproductive health from your mother. Remember mom was once your age and has experienced everything, and I mean everything, you are experiencing. Mom is your best resource for information in navigating the many things you will be experiencing from this time forward.

As a man I can tell you boys have only one thing on their minds now. Mom having experienced this can best help you enjoy these times without feeling pressured. These years can be the best times of your life so let mom help you enjoy them.

im only 13... and i have had the same boyfriend for 2 years and about two months ago we had sex...unprotected... let me cut to the chase... i havent had me period since then and i took a pregnancy test and it was positive... how do i tell my parents? or my boyfriend? or ANYONE?
please help

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

Thirteen and pregnant; I'll skip the lectures; youâ��re going to get that and more from your parents. One thing you should do is look at the following website: http://www.ehow.com/how_2063628_deal-teenage-pregnancy.html. This site has a lot of the answers to many of the questions you are probably asking yourself or will give you questions and you should be asking yourself.

After reviewing this website and have your answers to the questions you should be asking yourself it is time to tell your parents. You should do this in the next day or two especially if termination of the pregnancy is something you want as you are already 2 months pregnant. I will not lecture you on what is right and what is wrong in this situation. The alternatives are:
â�¢ Keep the baby and raise it yourself
â�¢ Give the baby up for adoption
â�¢ Terminate the pregnancy.

The Law is on your side; no one can force you to do any of the above options, not even your parents. So decide what you want to do then sit down with mom and dad and as calmly as possible say: â��Mom, Dad Iâ��m 2 months pregnant and ______ is the father.â��

I wish I could tell you what their reaction is going to be. I know one reaction is they are going to be very disappointed in you and they will most likely blame your boyfriend. Try and stay calm, if you stay calm hopefully they will stay calm. Have your answer ready to the questions the website asked as many of these questions will be asked by your parents.

I have just been placed in the custody of the state and am now living in a residential facility. I just got out of a mental institution that is only 20 mins away from my sister. I am now about 2 hours away. She had the opportunity to see me before I left but chose not to! I don't understand what I did! She visited me on several occasions there and I offered to help her in any way I possibly could. Its not my fault that my mom and I don't get along and she knew that. Should I just move on and leave everyone behind to try to start a new life or do I ask her what is wrong?

Not fully knowing your situation it is hard to advice you what to do. The best advice I feel I can offer you is the advice I gave myself when I finally realized and was diagnosed with severe depression.

While in my initial treatment I realized that I had been depressed for a lot longer than I then knew. The episode that brought me to where I was was simply the culmination of depressive episodes that dated back many years. During treatment I came to realize I had hurt many people, not just my wife and son, but others as well. My therapist and I spoke at length about this but no clear cut answer as to how to make amends to those I had hurt was found. Then I started to talk with my brother in-law, a 20 year member of AA and a recovering alcoholic. Like an alcoholic I will always be in some form of recovery for my depression and will have to work at it daily to keep from falling back. It was when I realized this that I thought of the AA 12 step program.

The 12 step program is almost a life style that helps the recovering alcoholic stay in recovery. It also has steps that include what you are looking for. The program includes steps of who and how to apologize to and how to move on. I found the 12 step program on the web and adopted those steps that fit the situation I was in.

You are not going to be able to reunite with everyone in your family as the hurt or misdeed or whatever has happened runs to deep. I found out some members of my family were clueless as to the root cause of my depression and actually ended up apologizing to me for their ignorance in not coming to my aid. Those members of my family and I have become closer.

My suggestion to you is look at the 12 step program. See if you can adopt any or all of it as you work to recover from whatever caused the rift between you and your family and your hospitalization. Adoption of any of the steps as I see it can only help not hurt as you work to get better.

okay so me and my boyfriend are getting rele close 2 sex... and i'm a virgin.. i'm like scared i'm not rele good at intimate stuff i mean i blush juss kissing him i dunno why tho it always was like that. like is there anyway you like not be scared any tips or something? i mean should i even do it.. i think i'm ready.. i guess. please help me i don't kno where else 2 turn thx (=

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

I found the following website while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than fore the boy. Sex for a woman most always must have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.

The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Sex, especially your first time is a big deal. Sex can be and is wonderful when you are mature enough to engage in it. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.

As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is general apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.

Before you make your decision please review the following website.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

ok so theres this guy and he kinda sexual harasses me or w/e this is called. he grabbed my breasts and my butt like so many times nd he snaps my bra straps and all that kind of stuff! i don't kno who 2 tell and what 2 do? pleasee help me

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

I am going to assume this is happening at school. I am not aware of any school that does not have a zero Tolerance Police against Sexual Harassment. There are several things you should do:

1. Tell him to STOP. Stop means stop. If he continues it is sexual assault and a felony crime that can follow him the rest of his life regardless of his current age.

2. Inform your Parents of boy’s harassment. You have the right to walk the halls and grounds of your school without being groped. They can chose to file formal charges with the school or local law enforcement.

3. Have your parents ask that this boy be removed from school.

If this harassment is happening in the workplace you start by going to your supervisor and filing a complaint. If it continues you go to the Human Resources Manager and file a complaint. Sexual Harassment in the workplace is protected under Federal EEOC guidelines as well as State laws for Sexual assault due to the groping.

I know what I am suggesting sounds like extremely strong action to take on someone that may be a High School student. The problem is if he is not stopped now and is faced with the reality of his crimes, yes these are crimes. Not only will he continue to harass you but he will harass other girls and he will escalate his harassment to the point that date rape is a logical conclusion to his escalation.

Taking the appropriate action now does two things: It stops the harassment of you now and two sends a message to all other boys in school that this is wrong and will not be tolerated.

I got my financial aid package from Tufts today.

They're offering me about 37.5k for next year (out of an estimated 52k).

Problem is, that leaves about 15k for me to pay by myself.

I can't afford this and I dont' want to be knee-deep in loans by the time I get my Bachelors degree.

My question: is there any way of getting MORE financial aid or am I stuck with this?

You could be eligible for Pell Grants and other aid. You need to check with the financial Aid center at Tufts and search the Web as well. You should ask you parent to check with their Human Resource department to see if their employer offers any family education aid. Some large employers do have this type of assistance for their employees.

I hate the way my family treat me. They constantly rag on me for no reason. All i do is walk in the room and they will say something about me to hurt my feelings. For instance, my dad yelled at me for eating one time, telling me id get fat. (At the time i was 115 lbs.) I wouldnt even eat for days, and one meal..i would get yelled at. For a while, I used to starve myself because I was sick of getting yelled at and sneaking food at midnight. Now, i eat less and my dad will laugh and joke about how Im anorexic, which isnt true. My younger sister also calls me fat, when im only 125. (Im 16). She even calls me a dyke (not true) because ive never had a boyfriend. She, on the other hand, goes out and sleeps with every guy that says hello to her. My dad knows it, but he still laughs and calls me that too and tells me im never going to get a boyfriend. My dad thinks i should drop out of high school because my grades werent as good as last years. (Im still on honor roll.) I dont make straight A's like my sis, and Im not outgoing as my sis. And because of that, they call me a failure and doubt my intelligence. Im sick of them treating me like im nothing. They say they are "joking" but they know how much it hurts and continue to do it all the time. They enjoy seeing me down and thats why they keep bringing me down. I used to ask them to stop, but they dont listen. Now i just ignore them because i know words cannot kill me. But honestly, they are. I never thought words could be so powerful and have such an influence on me, but the consistancy of it has ruined my self esteem and has caused me to stop talking. Im starting to believe i am nothing, because thats how im always treated. Any advice? Dont tell me to talk to them or anyone. I have tried it so many times in the past, they ARENT going to listen.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Wow, that is a lot for a 16 year old to handle. If, and I use that word only because you also sound depressed and depression causes perception problems, everything you have written is true then you are being abused. Your sister teasing you is one thing, it falls under sibling rivalry. Your parents constantly teasing you and causing you to starve yourself and have low self-esteem can and most often will be looked at as child abuse, even at your age.

Teachers and guidance counselors are good sources of help to seek out as they are trained to step and contact those agency within the community that are charged with child welfare. They can see to it that the abuse stops, but the often do not have the ability to offer you the direct help to rebuild your self-esteem, get you the help you need with your possible depression and possible eating disorder.

There is an organization called RAINN; Rape, Abuse, National Network. They have a website: http://www.rainn.org/get-help that you can go to and find professional in your home town who are trained to help you get back that which you have lost and suffer from because of the abuse. They also offer a 24/7 hotline you can call to speak with one of their counselors. That number is: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). One other hotline and website I recommend is Boys town, they help both boys and girls. Their web address is http://www.boystown.org/national-hotline. There 24/7 hotline number is 1-800-448-3000.

There are people out there who will help you all you need to do is call and ask. Words do hurt and they are very powerful. It is words more than actions that start fights and have started wars, so it is understandable how hurt you are by just words. Actually I feel words are at times more hurtful than if someone actually hit me. So I know how you feel and ask that you do the following.
• Contact your schools guidance counselor: Show them the letter you wrote to us. They must by law step in and notify the appropriate government agencies if the feel that you are being abuse.
• Contact RAINN: Of the two hotlines I have given you I feel RAINN is the one best capable of helping you.
• Most of all stay in school, continue to get good grades and go on to college.

Things will get better with the right kind of help, but you have to take the first step and ask for help. You might also consider speaking with an Aunt, Uncle or Grandparent if you feel they might be able to help or intercede with your parents. There is nothing wrong with asking family members for help while following the bullet points I’ve given you.

Lets assume you are seventeen, and youve been going out with your boyfriend for a while, who has been your best friend for 4 years. And you know you are ready and its the right thing to lose your virginity to him. You are completely prepared and use protection (both condom and birth control.) Do you think although you're ready, seventeen is still too young to have sex?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

I found the following website while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than fore the boy. At 17 you are more emotionally mature than your partner is at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always must have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.

The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.

As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is general apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.

One more thing, you might want to talk with your mother about this as well. I know it is hard to believe but she was once your age and wrestled with the same problem you are now wrestling with.

Before you make your decision please review the following website.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html

It started almost three years ago. I went to the doctors for an itchy problem that was not going away. As it turned out, I had trich. The doctor stated someone has been messing around. I asked him that my husbands ex had it in 1993, was it possible it had stayed dormant before it infected me? He didn"t answer. Then last Oct, I had a pap smear, it came normal, with the HPV virus too. I was terrified! Since vfinding this oput, I've lost interest in sex. I"m too afraid of catching anything. Since Oct, we have had sex 5 times. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Before you confront your husband, check out this website; http://kidshealth.org/parent/infections/parasitic/trichomoniasis.html. While it is rare to so it is possible to pick up this infection off a toilet seat, according to information from this website.

In further research I found that this infection could lay dormant in either one of you for some time before either one of you showed symptoms. The fact that you have it also means your husband needs to see his doctor and be treated or it will pass back and forth between you each time you have unprotected sex.

After reading up on this you may want to give your husband the benefit of the doubt and go back to enjoying a good sex life with him.

My Boyfriend has had jock itch for about...5-6 days now. We of course have not had sex since it all started.

But i was just curious, is it contagious? And how long does it normally last. Its on the lower part of his penile shaft. He has a cream for it and hes been applying it and it looks like its getting smaller...but honestly im going a bit crazy lol.

Any info on this would be helpful!

The following website might help you better understand what jock itch is and how it is trated and prevented.

http://www.medicinenet.com/jock_itch/article.htm

17/f

I don't know why this happens to me. but me and this guy like each other. we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend yet but we definitely have potential. anyways, we hang out a few times. and we have fun a lot. A few times, we will even kiss and make out. Out of like the 20 times we hung out, we've gotten pretty frisky like 4 times. Here's my problem, when we do go pretty far.. I always get this sick feeling in my stomach. Like I have to throw up. You know how right before you throw up, you get that sour feeling in your mouth? and like a bunch of saliva in your mouth? That's how i feel when we make out a bunch and get really into it. I don't know why this happens?

Its like whenever it happens, I have to tell him to stop and I get a drink of water and try to calm myself down, but it doesn't really go away. I don't think it's because i'm nervous.. because I'm never nervous around guys. especially him. I always feel myself around him. Help!

Your body and your subconscious are telling you that you are not ready and are not comfortable with how far you have gone. It is a signal to stop what you are doing. when you are ready, really redy to go further your body and subconscious will stop sending you this signal.

i heard dr. pepper makes your vagina stink.? is that true?

No more, no less than anything else you may ingest. These tails are patently untrue.

I'm applying to be a bagger at a grocery store. I was wondering if most places require an interview for that kind of job? (I've heard that jobs like that don't even bother with it and just hire on the spot, but wasn't sure.) And if so, what kind of questions do you think they'll ask? Thanx.

A job interview is a way for the employer to find out a little about you. Even for an entry level position they want to know if you are reliable, will be on time for work and trust worthy. Each interviewer has different questions they will ask to try and elicit the answer they need to find out if you are the one they want to hire.

One of the strangest interviews I went on the interviewer did not ask a single question about my abilities in the area of the position offered. Instead we spent over an hour talking about my Air Force experience and some of the aircraft I worked on. He asked a lot of questions about how different things worked and what I did to repair different things. He asked some questions that I could not answer because what he asked about was still classified and even though I was no longer in the Air Force I felt it was wrong to discuss this with him and told him so. I left the interview thinking there was no way I would be offered the position not with the way the interview had gone. Shortly after I arrived home he called and offered me the job. I worked for him for two years and then was offered the job I truly wanted which was working for a National Manufacturer as a Field Representative. That was the start of a 30 year career I have absolutely enjoyed.

Moral of the story: Never judge a book by its cover and never be afraid of the interview. Dress nicely, wear a shirt and tie if they require it of their employees, be clean shaven if you’re a guy with a nice hair cut. If you are a girl, a little bit of makeup, not much, if you wear makeup, a nice skirt and blouse or slacks and blouse or sweater. Make sure your hair is fixed nicely. In general be on time, five minutes early is my definition of on time. No gum chewing, no slouching. Use a public speaking type language when answering questions. Remember even as a bagger you will be meeting their customers therefore you are the public image of the store. We older folks do not really appreciate the younger generations’ street slang. Street slang may be appropriate, it may even be civil, we just don’t understand it therefore it is inappropriate when speaking to us.

Good luck. I hope I have helped and I hope you get the job.

I have a school talent show coming up and i dont know what to do besides singing or dancing and everyone always does that i want to do something different so my school can recognize me!Help!

I'm not sure how to answer you as it has been many decades since I've been in High school.

The object here is to participate and make the talent show a success. Recognition of your talent or participation should be secondary if thought of at all. I think you know the old saying: "There is no "I" in the word Teamwork".

A talent show is teamwork. It is a group of people gathering together to entertain others. My advice to you is find something you do well that others might enjoy watching and do that.

Not the answer you were looking for but the best advice I can give you. Probably the same advice you got from your parents. Well I'm a parent too and it is the advice I would give my son, daughter or grandchildren.

A few years ago I got married to my darling husband. He's really a wonderful man but I wasn't ready for a baby then. Two of my best friends have BOTH just become pregnant and it makes me realize that I'd like to be pregnant now as well. I am ready to have my first baby but I don't know how to tell my husband now. When we got married he really wanted to have a baby right away and I told him how I didn't want that to happen so he was very disappointed.

I would find a nice quiet place, no phone, TV, Radio to have a comfortable talk with him. Maybe a walk in the park or a picnic spot you both like. Then you might say something to him like; honey I think I’m mature enough know and secure enough in our relationship that if you still want to and when you are ready I would like to start our family.

I would keep it just that simple. It is basically what I said to my wife and how I approached her when I was ready to settle down and start a family.

My breasts have been shrinking for quite some time. I have always been thin and they were never huge, but the have significantly decreased in size :(. They don't have the same shape.. they are a little saggier, because they are smaller now. I also don't get my period every month.. more like every other. Oh and I haven't lost weight. Even if I gain a little weight, they still shrink. What are some of the causes of this? Should I see a dr? 20 yrs old.

Thanks

I’m not a doctor; none of us on this website are so we cannot make any clinical diagnoses. You did not say if there has been any significant change in your diet or physical exercise habit both of which could affect the changes you have stated. I would suggest seeing a doctor; your GYN would be a good one to start.

I went to an interview last week and the person asked me how I prepared for it. I was caught off guard by this question and stumbled around for a very poor answer in the end. I didn't get the job and I feel like it's because I wasn't prepared for such an easy question. I just didn't know if I should say the truth about feeling overwhelmed and trying to pack my brain full of knowledge or what exactly. I probably overthought what my answer should be but I'm still not sure what is something good to say.

Well, I have another interview coming up with a different place on Monday and I'm really nervous about it. What is a good answer if they ask, "So, tell me how you prepared for this interview..."?! I don't want to sound like a nervour-wreck and I definately want to sound confident...but not OVERLY confident, if you know what I mean. Help me with this common interview question, please!

How do you prepare for an interview?

Generally you want to know what type of company are they? How well known are they in their market place or area of expertise? How are they to work for? If they are a marketing and distributing company, how do their customers feel about them? If you have access or know someone who has access to Dunn & Brad Streets financial ratings check out their standing to see how financially stable they are. If they are a publicly traded company you could try and get a copy of their prospectus and latest filing with the FEC. Much of the information can be found on the internet, some of the other information requires leg work on your part.

When asked this question I would respond; I did an internet review of your company to find out just where your market/area of expertise is. Some of the people you presently do business with are people I’ve done business with in the past so I called and asked them if they thought you were a stable company and one they enjoyed doing business with. I also spoke with some of your employees and asked them how they liked working here. Be prepared to say how you were able to speak with any employee.

Basically the interviewer was looking to see if this job was important enough to you for you to find out a little about them before you came for the interview. The interviewer was also looking to see how you prepare for a given task. Remember, looking for a job is a full time job right up to the time you are offered a position. The more time, effort and preparation you put into it, the better the outcome will be. Probably 90% of what the interviewer was looking for was how important this position was to you. The rest, providing you have the basic qualifications, can be taught to you.
I hope I’ve helped.

Im getting my hair dyed professionally and its going to cost me about $50. Assuming the hairdresser does a good job, how much should I tip? Thanks.

A good tip is usually 15 to 20 persent of total bill. Don't forget to tip the person who washes your hair if it is not the same person who cuts and colors your hair. This person should be given 10 to 15 persent of the coloring charge.

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