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I hate the way my family treat me. They constantly rag on me for no reason. All i do is walk in the room and they will say something about me to hurt my feelings. For instance, my dad yelled at me for eating one time, telling me id get fat. (At the time i was 115 lbs.) I wouldnt even eat for days, and one meal..i would get yelled at. For a while, I used to starve myself because I was sick of getting yelled at and sneaking food at midnight. Now, i eat less and my dad will laugh and joke about how Im anorexic, which isnt true. My younger sister also calls me fat, when im only 125. (Im 16). She even calls me a dyke (not true) because ive never had a boyfriend. She, on the other hand, goes out and sleeps with every guy that says hello to her. My dad knows it, but he still laughs and calls me that too and tells me im never going to get a boyfriend. My dad thinks i should drop out of high school because my grades werent as good as last years. (Im still on honor roll.) I dont make straight A's like my sis, and Im not outgoing as my sis. And because of that, they call me a failure and doubt my intelligence. Im sick of them treating me like im nothing. They say they are "joking" but they know how much it hurts and continue to do it all the time. They enjoy seeing me down and thats why they keep bringing me down. I used to ask them to stop, but they dont listen. Now i just ignore them because i know words cannot kill me. But honestly, they are. I never thought words could be so powerful and have such an influence on me, but the consistancy of it has ruined my self esteem and has caused me to stop talking. Im starting to believe i am nothing, because thats how im always treated. Any advice? Dont tell me to talk to them or anyone. I have tried it so many times in the past, they ARENT going to listen.
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Hun for you to be going through this is a tough situation indeed. Counseling might help but beyond that you need to have confidence in yourself. You may find it handy to escape the house once in a while and find a group you clique with. Escapism is extremely normal weather it be spirituality like myself, sports, music, or anything else. Do something productive and do not give one iota what they say. If they are joking truly then you need to make a joke back and roll with it. Be proud of yourself and who you are hun.
You can overcome it but it will take some work, but do you truly want the problem to go away i cant guarantee that's possible but the problem can be nullified, but you have to want it and want to fix what is damaged.
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dont eat 2 much or 2 little. also, talk 2 ur dad and sister about how ur feeling. aso, GET A BF!!!
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Okay, look, if you've decide inside yourself that nothing you can say can change your family (and you might even be totally right about that!) then the ONLY thing left to do, is change the way you react to them.
Sometimes people in our lives will be assholes. Sometimes the very closest people and people we love very much will be complete assholes when it comes to some topics.
Apparently, your family members are complete assholes when it comes to sex and your weight and a few other things to boot. Complete and totally wrong assholes. It is totally possible that you might not be able to change this. They might go their whole lives never understanding WHY their behaviour is destructive and unhelpful. When you get into that situation, you can either cut the person out of your life (rarely a good option, and not possible while you still live at home) or you can change yourself so that their asshole behaviour harms you as little as possible.
I know what I’m saying isn’t easy, it’s not a solution. Some problems don’t get solved. Some of them can only every be ‘dealt with as best as possible’. It’s very possible that you are in a situation where you can’t win. Their attacks won’t stop, and you can’t beat ‘em. So the only option left to you is to get stronger and insulate yourself against them.
Talking to a counsellor is a good idea. They can help be your support and keep you grounded in your ‘right’ ideas while you are surrounded by your family’s crazy-ass ‘wrong’ ideas. However, when it comes right down to it, the hard work will still be on your shoulders.
The hard work is learning to say respectful Nos. Not to argue, but to say a respectful and calm Nope.
“No Dad, I’m not dropping out of high school.”
“No Dad, I’m eating what I want to eat.”
“No Dad, you are wrong about my weight.”
“No sister. I’m not a dyke. No matter how many times you say it, it still won’t be true. ”
When you say NO, you aren't having a discussion with them, because completely stupid ideas like that you are gay, or that you should drop out of school are not WORTH discussing! This isn't advice to 'talk it out with them', my advice is to label the talk what it is by refusing to awknowledge it as anything but moronic. The way you do that is by saying NO.
Don’t argue! People will try to trip you up by making you argue about stupid, pointless ‘facts’ with them. Your family seems to think discussing stupid things is fun. So don’t get involved in their twisted notions of ‘fun’. When someone tries to draw you into ‘discussing’ their crazy ass ideas, just repeat yourself “Yeah, I know you think that. It’s not true.” Shrug your shoulders, walk away. DON'T tell them WHY it’s not true. DON'T present the evidence. Just say, calmly, respectfully “Nope.” Let them present all the stupid reasons they have and just keep saying “Nope.” until one of you is able to walk away.
Standing up for yourself in that small ways will make it easier for it to happen inside your own mind. When your brain starts to tell you that you are nothing, you will start to build the skills to say ‘Nope.’
That is your first small step in taking control of your own self esteem. Talking to a conselor would also be a good and important step, and a good person to support you when you start to say “No.” to your family’s silly insults.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Wow, that is a lot for a 16 year old to handle. If, and I use that word only because you also sound depressed and depression causes perception problems, everything you have written is true then you are being abused. Your sister teasing you is one thing, it falls under sibling rivalry. Your parents constantly teasing you and causing you to starve yourself and have low self-esteem can and most often will be looked at as child abuse, even at your age.
Teachers and guidance counselors are good sources of help to seek out as they are trained to step and contact those agency within the community that are charged with child welfare. They can see to it that the abuse stops, but the often do not have the ability to offer you the direct help to rebuild your self-esteem, get you the help you need with your possible depression and possible eating disorder.
There is an organization called RAINN; Rape, Abuse, National Network. They have a website: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) that you can go to and find professional in your home town who are trained to help you get back that which you have lost and suffer from because of the abuse. They also offer a 24/7 hotline you can call to speak with one of their counselors. That number is: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). One other hotline and website I recommend is Boys town, they help both boys and girls. Their web address is [Link](Mouse over link to see full location). There 24/7 hotline number is 1-800-448-3000.
There are people out there who will help you all you need to do is call and ask. Words do hurt and they are very powerful. It is words more than actions that start fights and have started wars, so it is understandable how hurt you are by just words. Actually I feel words are at times more hurtful than if someone actually hit me. So I know how you feel and ask that you do the following.
• Contact your schools guidance counselor: Show them the letter you wrote to us. They must by law step in and notify the appropriate government agencies if the feel that you are being abuse.
• Contact RAINN: Of the two hotlines I have given you I feel RAINN is the one best capable of helping you.
• Most of all stay in school, continue to get good grades and go on to college.
Things will get better with the right kind of help, but you have to take the first step and ask for help. You might also consider speaking with an Aunt, Uncle or Grandparent if you feel they might be able to help or intercede with your parents. There is nothing wrong with asking family members for help while following the bullet points I’ve given you.
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I know exactly how you feel, and what your talking about, and how that really hurts you so much and touches you no matter how many times it is said to you, you just never come to adapt or accept it, but it gets to you every single time, until you really start believing what is said. But imagine the worst, imagine being called a bitch or a whore, imagine hearing that from every single person you ever meet in your life, and the only people you don't wanna hear it from are your parents because you'd think they'd believe in you, but on the contrary they tell it to you every single day and in every fight or arguement or any simple thing you do. It makes you lose confidence and respect in yourself and your dignity, and makes you wanna go out there and shout out to people they are like this, and when they ask you why would you say that about yourself, you say, because thats what my parents tell me I am and make me believe that this is who i am.
If your capable of adapting to it, meaning that, you are capable of not making their words and what they say get to you, and you just ignore them, and when they tell you whatever, you just joke back with them and laugh and show them that you don't care, if you can do that, then go ahead and do it. And eventually they'll see that you don't take their words seriously and you don't really care about what they're saying, cause every parent has their own parenting skills, and obviously yours have some really bad ones, no offense, but in everyone's skills they think that they're doing whats best for you, and unfortunately, they're thinking the same with you, they wanna make you be perfect, have a healthy life, not to be overweight or underweight, and to have a boyfriend and get high scores in your studies, but the way they express that is low and hurting. But you can try to understand it in your own way, think that no matter what, your parents love you, although they don't express it in the right way.
If you can't accept it, there is pretty much nothing to do about it, because your parents are not your friends, you can't fight back or stop talking to them or treat them bad, because they are your parents and your the kid, and no matter what, you can't change that, so you might as well accept it. You can try talking to them less, don't sit with them much, just say hi and bye, whats up, hang out on your own, in your room, focus on your studies, use the excuse that you have so much studies so as not to sit with them. Have your own life and space, hang out with your friends, join some activity you like, pick a sport, maybe join something online. Just have something to fill up your time. And as long as you do get good grades and prove them wrong, they'll have less to critisize about you.
And about your sister, they spoiled her with all their good comments and encouragement they give her, and if she sides with you, then she'd be against them, and they'd start crisizing her too, and she probably doesn't want that. And you know, it runs in so many families, that one kid is treated bad and picked on most of the time, and its usually the youngest. But the thing is,what these parents don't know, is that one day, when they grow up and they're sick and can barely move, this kid who they've been so bad to, is the one whose gonna sit there and be with them and nurse them, and this kid is gonna do this with all his heart and love. But they don't know that. And all the other kids they had and spoiled will barely ask about them. So to your family, your a favourite, at one point of life, maybe not now, maybe not today, but somewhere there.
Hope i helped, if you need anything else, or if you'd like to talk more, please be free to contact me. Best of luck :D
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It's horrible that they feel they can treat you like this. They may think that it's a joke but I don't think they see how painful it is for you. I would let little comments blow over since it was in a joking matter, but now my best friend makes rude comments all the time that really do hurt my feelings and she doesn't even realize. You have to establish with them that they CANNOT treat you this way and that it DOES hurt you. You need to some how acknowledge that. Next time they make a comment, having an outburt might benefit you. Don't start an argument, but let your true feelings show. If you want to yell or cry, go ahead. Show them exactly what it does to you.
If you want a more passive way, write them a letter that they can read at a private time.
If that doesn't work, go to your guidance conselor. They can arrange a meeting with you and your dad and sister and be a mediator. If your dad sees how serious you are to get this to stop and talks to another adult, he'll listen.
The only one who can control your self-esteem is you. You are good enough, smart enough, and beautiful enough. If your family preys on your insecurities, obviously they have some of their own they feel badly about. Don't hold it against them and try your best to work this out, because otherwise you will end up resenting them.
Good luck,
-Abby
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I have to ask you talk to them. Communication is a powerfiul and very useful thing. First don't be confrontational, thet'll take it as an attack and immidiately start defending instead of explaining, and ask them why they feel like you aren't worth anything and cut you down all the time. If they still won't listen talk to your pastor at your church or your best friend or her mom.
If you are happy with your weight don't listen to them, just say that if you don't eat you'll get sick and that's worse than having a little fat.
Last, don't ever give up hope! Nothing can last forever!
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I no exactly how you feel about your self esteem i used to have real low esteem too but i saw a phsyciatrist and she helped me get back on track. If that doesn't help, then you should tell your family about how seriouse this is, how you want to see someone for help, and how it's bothering you. They will probably see how bad your feeling and cut out on the teasing.
~good luck~
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aww! there really is nothing you can do for them to stop treating you this way unless you do talk to them and make them realize how much it hurts you! they need to understand that they are ruining you inside. if you really cant talk to them about it some ways of dealing with your problems are: talking to a friend or counseler, keeping a diary of your feelings, listening to music, drawing, etc. try to keep your mind off it and live your life the way you normally would, as if their words mean nothing. you know that you aren't unintelligent and you know that you aren't fat .. so don't let them make you believe that you are!! good luck!!
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